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ENTERTAINING 

jECDOTES. 


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mmmmmmmmnummmmmm 


Tlie  Phonograph. 


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The  Phonograph  in  Operation,  p.  103. 


(ENTERTAINING 


ANECDOTES 


FROM  EVERY  AVAILABLE  SOURCK 


"  That  reminds  me  of  a  story. " 


EDITED  BY 


J.  B.  McCLURE, 


COMPILER  OF  "MOODY'S  ANECDOTES,"  "MOODY'S  CHILD  STORIES,"  3Sss 


CHICAGO: 
PUBLISHED  BY  RHODES  &  McCLURE; 


1880. 


■l_l  0  0 


Santa  Barbara,  C^li:   •■     ^ 


m- 


Entered  accordinK  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  18V8,  by 

J.  B.  McClure  <fc  R.  S.  Rhodes, 

In  the  Office  of  the  Librarian  of  Congress,  at  Washington,  D.  C. 


^   o?/^^ 


Electrotyped  and  Printed  by 
Ottawat  &  Company. 


Donahue  &  IIenneberrt, 
Binders. 


A  good  story  always  entertains  and  enlightens,  and  when 
personal,  reveals  in  a  striking  manner  the  essential  elements  in 
character.  To  say  that  Geo.  Washington  was  truthful  is  well; 
but  to  narrate  the  story  of  "the  hatchet"  seals  the  fact  with  the  .. 
signet  of  immortality.  The  appropriate  anecdote  pleasingly 
imparts  zest  and  interest  to  all  conversation,  and  adds  invari- 
ably to  conversational  ease  and  power.  In  this  volume  the 
compiler  has  aimed  to  present  a  great  and  wholesome  variety 
of  fresh,  interesting  and  instructive  anecdotes,  adapted  for  the 
general  reader,  and  also  applicable  for  illustrations.  They  have 
been  written  and  selected  with  much  care,  and  will  be  found  in 
every  instance,  pleasing  and  entertaining.  Classifications  have 
been  made  for  the  reader's  convenience,  and  "Falling  Leaves" 
are  added  at  the  close  of  the  volume  to  give  variety.  Ac- 
knowledging his  indebtedness  to  the  press  and  friends,  the 
compiler  respectfully  dedicates  the  volume  to  the  public. 

J.  B.  McCLURE, 

Chicago,  111- 


Abducted   by  an  Orang-Ou- 

tang,      ...        -  134 
A  Bottle   of   Whiskey    that 
went  Through  the  Mexi- 
can War,        -        -        -      77 
A  Brick  Story,          -        -  15 

A  California  Mining  Story,   -  228 
A  Canary  Which  Sings  "A 

Life  on  the  Ocean  Wave, "  1 46 
A  Cat's  Gratitude,  -  -  173 
A  Child-Queen,  -  -  -  180 
A  Close  Fight  with  a  Pan- 
ther, -  ...  132 
A  Cold  Water  Horse,  -  -  154 
A  Cunning  Sparrow,  -  162 
A  Deer  that  Went  Over  Nia- 
gara Falls,  -  .  -  146 
A  Disgusted  Widow,  -  25 
A  Diver's  Adventure  with  a 

Devil  Fish,     -        -        -133 
A     Dog's     Appreciation    of 

Money,        ...  155 
A  Dog  that  Knew  his  own 

Property,        ...  151 

A  Duck  Battle,   .      -        -  130 

A  Fortunate  Presentiment,   -  215 

A  Generous  Sparrow,         -  170 
A  Horse  found  Swimming  in 

the  Ocean,      -        -        -  122 

-A  Horse  with  a  Snake-eye,  170 


A  Hunter's  "Bear  Story,"  -  148 
A  Light  in  the  Window,  -  199 
A  Mouse  Charmed  by  a  Ser- 
pent, -  -  .  .  159 
A  Musical  Mountain  in  Ne- 
vada, ...  225 
An  Affectionate  Goose,  -  143 
An  Alaska  Romance  -  -  185 
An  Arab's  Love  for  His  Horse,  147 
Anchoring  a  Horse,  -  -  61 
Anecdote    of    Chief    Justice 

Chase's  Parents  -        -  70 

Anecdote  of  Gen.  Jackson,  20 
Anecdote  of  Geo. Washington 

and  Tbos.  Jefferson,        -  66 

Anecdote  of  Horace  Greeley,  113 

Anecdote  of  Prof.  Henry,    -  36 
An  Erring  Mother's  Love  for 

HerCliild,      -        -        -  198 
An  Incident  in  Prof.  Swing's 

Early  Life,  -        -        -  109 
An  Incident  in  Dr.  Hodge's 

Recitation  Room,       -  119 
An  Ingenious  Mother,            -  202 
An  Owl  Imprisoned  by  Mar- 
tins,    -        -        -        -  122 
An  Exciting  Railroad  Story,  37 
Ant-Wars  'in  South    Africa,  145 
A  Nurse  who  Sacrificed  Her 
Own    Life  to  Save  Five 
Children,        -        -        -  186 
A  Parrot  Tricks  a  Cat,       •  158 


a    Physician  Pops  the  Ques- 
tion by  a  Queer  Prescrip- 
tion        -        -        -        -     181 
A  Professor's  Love    -        -        182 
A  Remarkable  Horse    -        -    155 
A   Remarkable    Incident    in 
Connection  with   Bishop 
Lee's  Death,        -        -        238 
A  Remarkable  Story,     -        -     164 
A    Remarkable    Stoiy   of   a 

Hunter,  -,  -  -  185 
Artists'  Superstitions,  -  -  237 
A  Scared  Conductor  -        -  61 

A  Self-Denymg  Cat,  -  -  151 
A  Snalie  Battle,  -  -  136 
A  Strange  Story,  -  -  -  216 
A  Thrilling  Adventure  with  a 
Bear  and  Indians  in  the 
Black  Hills,  -  -  -  123 
A   Tiger    Frightened    by    a 

Mouse,  -  -  -  -  168 
A  very  Polite  Horse,        -  152 

A  Widower  and  a  Widow,        183 


Bird  Charity;  A  Little  Wren 
Adopts  Four  Orphan  Rob- 
ins,         ....  154 
Bird  Love,          -        -        -  200 
Bishop  Hutton's    Gratitude,  95 
Boyish  Trick,  -        -        -  73 


Canine  Sagacity,  -        -  -     150 
Catfish  Stories,   as  Told   by 

Sambo  et  al.,     -        -  45 

Choosing  a  Wife  by  Proxy,  -     195 

Col.  Horry,       -        .        .  gg 

Colorado  Distances,       -  -       52 

Curiosities  of  Etiquette,     -  224 


D 

Daniel  Webster  Lind  his  Ten- 

•      ant,       -        -        -        -  39 
Daniel     Webster     and     the 

Farmer,           -        -        -  46 

Daniel  Webster's  Fish  Story,  17 
Death   Struggle    Between   a 

Sea  Lion  and  Sturgeon,  -  125 

"Deko,"          -         -        -  153 

Dickens'  Illustrations,           -  101 

Didn't  Find  Richmond,      -  56 

Dog  Drowning  a  Cat,    -        -  163 

"Dot  Mexico  Through,"   -  48 
Dr.  Breckenridge  on  the  Ad- 

/vent  Question,        -        -  117 
Dr.    Franklin    Turning    the 

Grindstone.          -        -  92 
Dr.  Rice  on  Matrimony,        -  117 
Duke  of  Wellington's  Cool- 
ness,   -        -        -        -  68 
Dying  Words,       -        -        -  227 


Elder  Seely's  Experience   in 

a  Colored  Church,        -        116 
Excuse  for  Second  Marriage,      38 


Facetious  Letter  from  Horace 

Greeley.       -        -        -  75 

Falling  Leaves,     -        -        -  239 
Fanny  Fern's  Story  of  Gail 

Hamilton's  Three  Kittens,  93 

Fishes  Fighting  a  Whale,  -  171 

Florence  Nightingale,  -        -  94 


Gen.  Lee  and  the  Newspapers,      77 
Gen.  Stark  and  "  His  Molly,"      79 


Giving  Her  Census,  -  -  32 
Governor    Seymour  and  the 

Baptist  Deacon         -        -  118 

Governor  Stewart's  Gratitude,  76 
Grace  Greenwood's  Story  of 

Queen  Victoria's  Discipline,  94 

H 

* 
Haydn  and   His  "  Creation  " 

—Thrilling  Scene  -  -  100 
Henry  M.  Stanley's  Romance,  196 
He  Wanted  a  Better  Dog,  47 

His  Melons,  -        -        -        -      51 
How  a  Dog  Adapted  Him- 
self to  Circumstances,  125 
How  a  Dog  Won  a  Wager 

Under  Difficulties,  -  156 
How  a  Half  Guinea  made  Dr. 

Clarke's  Commentaries,  96 
How  a  Madman  Recovered,  -  221 
How  an  Emperor  Found  his 

Wife,         -'       -        -  184 

How  a  Widowed  Clergyman 

Married,  -  -  -  194 
How  Bamum  Became  a  Tee- 
totaller, -  -  .  75 
How  Dan  Hung  his  Scythe,  -  85 
How  Great  Men  Escaped,  218 
How    One    Apache     Indian 

Stampeded  400  Cattle,    -     138 
Hwv    PhU.    Sheridan    Diso- 
beyed Orders,     -        -  105 
How  She  Felt  at  the  Bottom 

of  the  River,  -        -    228 

3ow       Lincoln      Dispatched 

Business,   -        -        -  120 

How  Spurgeon  got  a  Hat,  83 
How  the  Klephant  got  out  of 

Difficulties,  -  -  -  160 
How  the  Swallows  come  Home,  180 


How  Two  Goats  got  out  of  a 

Dilemma,        ...     159 

How  Young  Ulysses  Loaded 

the  Wagon,         -        -         87 


Incident  in  Mrs.  Partington's 

Early  Life,      -        -        -  102 

Incident  of  the  Revolution,  84 

Injustice  Illustrated,           -  72 

Insurance  on  the  Tiber,         -  18 


Jenny  Lind's  "Best  Compli- 
ment,"       -        -        -  110 

Jenny  Lind's  Hat-full  of  Pearls,  91 

Judgment  Invited  on  the  Evi- 
dence,          ...  37 

Juvenile  Generosity,      -        -  19 


Love  Stronger  than  Law  and 

Death,       -        -        -  193 

Luther  on  Pilate's  Stair  Case,       99 

M 

Malapropos,  -        -        -      34 

Marc  Antony's  Oration  over 

Csesar,         .        -        .  59 

Mark  Twain's  Amusing  Se- 
quels   to    several  Anec- 
dotes,     -        -        -        -      40 
Mark    Twain's    Great    Frog 

Story,  -  .     -        -        139 

Mark  Twain's  Watch,  -  -  29 
Mary  Anderson's  Dream,'  -  222 
Miss      Flcshman's      Terrific 

Fight  with  a  Rattlesnake,     123 
Miss     Thurston's     Pleading 

Pigeon,        -        -        -        101 


Moody  and  Rejmolds,    -        -      86 

Moody  Getting  out  of  a  Tight 

Place,-        -        -        -  79 

Moody's  Remarkable  Anec- 
dote of  a  Defaulter,        -     108 

Mrs.  Lieut.  Helms'  Story  of 
the  Fort  Dearborn  (Chi- 
cago) Massacre,      -        -      80 

N 

Napoleon  and  Dugazon,     -  89 
Narrow     Escape     of     Gen. 

Washington,  -        -  85 

No  use  Fighting  against  Fate,  52 

o 

Ole  Bull,  Camille   Urso  and 

MissTopp,     -        -        -      97 


Parrot  Story,  -  -  -  166 
Poverty,   Beauty,  Riches  and 

Royalty,          -        -        -  194 

President  White        -        -  118 

Prof.  Alexander,  -  -  -  107 
Prof.    Henry  and    President 

Lincoln,          -        -        -  69 

Q 

Queen  Victoria's  Love  for 
Prince  Albert;  Their  Mar- 
riage,     -        -        -        -    188 

R 

Rev.  Dr.  Lyman  Beecher,  -  67 
Rev.  John  Brown,  of  Had- 
dington, -  -  .  9S 
Riches  from  the  Skies,  -  -  235 
Robin  Stories,  -  -  -  167 
Rosa  Bonheur  and  the  Joum- 

alifit,       -        ...  90 


Sagacity  of  a  Horse  that  Es- 
caped from    the    Custar 

Massacre,     -        -         -  121 

Saved    by   Feigning    Death,  128 

Selecting  a  Wife  in  the  Cars,  211 

She  Meant  Business,      -        -  57 

Singular  Phenomenon,       -  217 

Solving  the  Problem,     -        -  65 

Suicide  of  a  Dog,       -        -  173 
Surrender    of  Vincennes    to 

Col.  Clark,         -        -  111 

Swallow  Love,       ...  144 


Taking  Advantage  of  Misfor- 
tune,      -        -        -        -  221 
Tantalizing  Swallows,        -  171 
Terrible  Encounter  with  Two 

Vipers  in  a  Dark  Room,  137 
The  Bankruptcy  Question,  -  54 
The  Better  Dog  of  the  Two,  148 
The  Clown's  Acting  Misun- 
derstood, -  -  -  234 
The  Dying  Monkey,  -  126 
The  Editor's  Snake  Story,  -  26 
The  Fire  Escape  Man's  Dog 

"Bill,"       -        -        -  157 
The  First  Iron  Sword,           -  236 
The  Great  Economist,  Thom- 
as Guy,            -        -        -  70 
The  HoiTors  of  Boston  Water,  55 
"  The  Heart  Never  Forgets,"  179 
The  Largest  Snake  in  Amer- 
ica,     -        -        -        -  131 
The  News  Boy,  The  Scientist; 
Anecdotes  of  Thomas  A. 
Edison,           -        -        -  103 
The  Old  War  Elephant,     -  20 
The  Pet  Serpent,           -        -  127 
The  Phantom  Whistle,       -  220 


'Ihc  r'lioiiojrrapli  in  Georgia, 
The  i'riest  and  the  Lawyers, 
The  Sectarian  Dog, 
The  Swamp  Angel,    - 
The  Toddygraph, 
The  Trained  Horse  "  Porter," 
The  True  Story  of  Mary's  Lit- 
tle Lamb, 
The  Value  of  a  Half  Guinea, 
"  To  Have  and  to  Hold,"  - 
Too  Much  for  Gen.  Washing- 
ton,        -        .        .        . 
Trained  Dog,   -  - 
Treasure  Trove,     -        -        - 
Two  Remarkable  Answers  to 
Prayers,  .        .        . 

Two  Snakes  Killing  a  Pi.ac- 
coon,  -        -        -        - 


47 

Two  Yards  Jaconet,  or  a  Hus- 

21 

band;      James      Ciordon 

161 

Bennett's  Love  Story,     - 

203 

226 
23 

u 

164 

Uncle  Sile's  Gospel  Honi,     - 

48 

71 

w 

96 

Webster  and  Calhoun, 

72 

187 

Wesley  and  Nelson  in  Corn- 

wall,      -        .        -        - 

95 

106 

What  Dying   People  See, 

229 

172 

AVhirasicalities  of  Insanity, 

219 

223 

Whitfield  and  the  Little  Boy, 

99 

William  III.,      - 

69 

115 

Wonderful  Instinct  of  a  Dog, 

Horse  and  Cat, 

169 

144 

Wonderful  Sagacity, 

158 

OI-ASSIFIOATION. 


PAGE. 


Amttsing  Stohies, 15 

Personal  Stories, 65 

Animal  Stories,      - 121 

Love  Stories,      .---•-----  179 

Mabvelous  Stories,       -•       •       "       "       "       "       "  215 

'Fallxng  Leaves,         ..---•••-  239 


The  Phonograph, 

The  Phonograph  in  operation,    ■ 

Aquarium, 

Home  of  the  Trout, 

The  Hunter, 

Thomas  Alva  Edison,      - 

Fort  Dearborn,  Chicago, 

Col.  George  Rogers  Clark, 

Sir  Edwin  Landseer, 

On  Guard,    - 

The  Trained  Dog, 

The  Lassie,  -  -  * 

The  Mandarin,  or  Bridal  Duck, 

Falling  Leaves, 


4 

4 

r4 

19 

47 

65 
81 

121 

153 

173 
179 
201 
239 


Entertaining  Anecdotes. 


AMUSING. 


A  Brick  Story. 

A   well-known  citizen   living   not   many  blocks  from  Union 
Square  in  New  York  city,  relates  an  incident  in  this  wise : 

One  bright  morning  in  the  month  of  November,  some  years 
ago,  I  was  preparing  to  go  down-town,  when  the  servant  inform- 
ed me  that  a  man  was  waiting  to  see  me.  "Tell  him  I'll  be  down 
in  a  moment,"  said  I.  On  going  to  the  door  a  man  of  tall  stat- 
ure and  robust  appearance,  calling  me  by  name,  requested  assist- 
■  ance,  saying  that  he  had  a  large  family,  a  wife  in  deUcate  health, 
and  no  means  to  procure  food  for  them.  "You  appear  to  be 
strong  and  healthy;  why  don't  you  work?"  asked  I.  "Simply, 
sir,  for  the  reason  that  I  cannot  procure  work. " 

Not  having  any  work  to  give  him,  I  thought  I  would  test  the 
sincerity  of  his  intentions.  "If  I  would  give  you  work,  what  pay 
do  you  want?"  "Anything,  sir,  you  choose  to  give  me,  so  long 
as  I  can  obtain  means  for  my  suffering  family."  "Very  well," 
said  I,  "I  will  give  you  twenty-five  cents  an  hour  if  you  will  carry 
a  brick  on  your  arm  around  the  block  for  five  hours  without  stop- 
ping." "Thank  you,  sir;  I  will  do  it."  After  hunting  awhile  I 
found  a  brick,  placed  it  on  the  man's  arm,  started  him  on  his 
walk,  and  then  went  down-town  to  my  business. 

Not  having  the  least  faith  in  the  man's  promise,  I  thought  but 
little  more  of  it,  yet  as  I  knew  I  should  be  back  within  five  hours 


i6  ENTERTAINING  Amusing. 

I  determined  to  see  if  he  performed  his  work.  My  business  kept 
me  away  rather  later  than  I  expected,  so  I  had  to  forego  my  usua] 
walk  home,  and  took  a  Fourth  avenue  car  to  be  back  within  the 
five  hours. 

As  I  approached  the  corner  of  the  street  where  I  reside  I 
found  a  great  crowd  of  persons  gathered — two  fire-engines,  a 
hose-cart,  and  a  hook-and-ladder-truck.  Upon  inquiring  where 
the  fire  was,  I  was  informed  that  it  was  a  false  alarm,  and  that 
what  brought  the  people  together  and  occasioned  the  agitation 
was  the  spectacle  of  a  tall  man  carrying  a  brick  on  his  arm  around 
the  block  for  nearly  five  hours.  The  neighbors  were  looking  at 
him  from  the  windows  and  doors  as  he  passed  along ;  some  thought 
he  was  crazy,  but  when  spoken  to  his  answer  was :  "  Don't  stop 
me :  it's  all  right. "  As  he  interfered  with  no  one,  he  was  allowed 
to  walk  on  undisturbed.  "Where  is  the  man  now?"  I  asked. 
"  There,  you  can  see  him  at  the  other  end  of  the  block,  walking 
with  his  head  down, "  was  the  answer. 

He  was  just  about  turning  the  corner,  and  I  waited  till  he  had 
performed  the  circuit,  then  taking  him  quietly  by  the  arm,  I 
marched  him  to  my  house,  followed  by  a  lot  of  boys.  In  the 
meantime,  the  firemen,  engines,  and  hose-cart  rattled  off.  The 
man  was  thoroughly  tired  out  when'*I  took  him  into  my  hall  and 
seated  him  on  a  chair,  while  my  servant  went  for  a  little  wine 
and  something  to  eat.  I  paid  him  forthwith  a  dollar  and  a  half. 
He  informed  me  that,  while  making  one  of  his  turns,  a  lady 
came  out  of  a  house  and  inquired  why  he  was  carrying:  that 
brick,  and  on  his  giving  her  the  reasons  he  received  a  dollar. 
The  object  soon  became  known,  for  as  he  passed  the  houses, 
small  sums  were  given  to  him  by  different  persons,  and  he  was 
well  satisfied  with  his  day's  work.  "But,"  said  he,  "what  shall  I 
do  to-morrow?"  "Why,"  I  replied,  "go  early  in  the  morning  to 
the  houses  from  which  you  received  the  money,  and  ask  for 
work,  and  no  doubt  you  will  find  some  one  who  will  put  you  in 
the  way  of  getting  it,  then  report  to  me. "  The  following  after- 
noon he  informed  that  he  had  been  sent  to  a  German,  who  kept 
a  pork  establishment  in  Third  avenue,  and  who  wanted  a   clerk 


Amusing,  AJSIECDOTES.  17 

to  keep  his  books.  He  was  to  get  $5  a  week  if  his  work  proved 
satisfactory,  and  his  duties  began  on  the  following  day.  Before 
leaving  me,  he  asked  me  for  the  brick  which  had  brought  him  such ' 
good  luck,  and  I  gave  it  to  him.  Within  the  year  I  ascertained 
that  the  man  had  been  transferred  to  a  larger  establishment  of 
the  same  kind,  with  a  salary  of  $1000. 

Three  or  four  years  after  this  I  was  riding  in  a  street-car,  when 
a  well-dressed  man  accosted  me  with  a  smile,  and  asked  me  if  I 
knew  him.  Seeing  me  hesitate,  he  said :  "Don't  you  recollect 
the  man  who  carried  the  brick?" 

He  then  informed  me  that  he  was  doing  a  prosperous  business 
on  his  own  account,  had  laid  up  money,  and  expected  soon  to 
build  himself  a  house  up-town. 

"What  became  of  the  brick?"  I  inquired. 

"That  brick,  sir,  has  always  occupied  a  place  on  our  mantle- 
piece,  and  we  value  it  as  the  most  precious  of  our  little  possessions. 
It  has  made  our  fortune. " 


Daniel  Webster's  Fish  Story. 

Webster  liked  to  commune  with  plain  people,  living  in  out-of- 
the-way  places,  whom  he  encountered.  On  one  of  his  fishing 
excursions  he  went  to  make  trial  of  a  certain  brook,  and  drove 
to  the  house  of  a  Mr.  Baker,  whom  he  knew  by  name,  and  asked 
permission  of  the  old  man  to  fasten  his  horse  for  an  hour  or  two. 
This  was  readily  granted,  and  as  he  was  preparing  his  rod  and 
line,  the  following  conversation  occurred:  Webster — "I  have 
heard  that  there  was  very  good  fishing  in  this  brook,  Mr.  Baker. " 
Baker — "Well  a  good  many  folks  have  been  here,  and  taken  a 
good  many  trout  out  sometimes. "  Webster — "We  must  try  and 
see  what  we  can  do  this  morning.  Where  do  they  usually  iDegin 
to  fish?"  Baker — "O  I'll  show  you. "  The  old  man  accompa- 
nied Mr.  Webster  to  the  brook,  and  pointed  out  the  spot.  It 
was  where  the  brook  was  thickly  overhung  with  alders,  and 
the  ground  was  very  miry.  Mr.  Webster  sank  into  the  mud 
half-way  up  his  leg.     Webster— "Rather  miry  here,   Mr.  Baker." 


1 8  ENTERTAINING  Amusing. 

Baker — "Yes,  I  know  it,  and  that's  the  worst  on't. "  After  throw- 
ing several  times  and  catching  his  hook  in  the  alders :  Webster — 
"These  alders  are  rather  in  the  way,  Mr.  Baker."  Baker — "Yes, 
T  know  it.  That's  the  worst  on't. "  The  mosquitoes  now  began 
to  bite  most  annoyingly.  One  hand  was  busy  all  the  time  slap- 
ping them  off  the  face  and  the  other  hand.  Webster — "These 
mosquitoes  are  pretty  thick  and  very  hungry,  Mr.  Baker. "  Ba- 
ker— "Yes,  I  know  it.  That's  the  worst  on't."  Now  the  heat 
in  the  low  ground,  without  a  breath  of  air,  had  become  intense. 
Mr.  W.  wiped  his  forehead  and  rested  a  moment.  Webster — 
"It  is  very  hot  down  in  these  bushes,  Mr.  Baker."  Baker — 
"Yes,  I  know  it.  That's  the  worst  on't.  Mr.  Webster  resumed 
his  fishing,  and  after  an  hour's  struggle  with  the  heat,  the  bushes, 
the  mire  and  the  mosquitoes:  Webster — "There  seems  to  be  no 
fish  here,  Mr.  Baker."  Baker — "  Yes,  I  know  it.  Thats  the 
worst  otit."  There  was  no  resisting  this.  Mr.  Webster  put  up 
his  rod  and  departed;  but  he  laughed  all  the  way  home  at  the 
"worst  on't,"  and  always  took  pleasure  in  recaUing  the  occur- 
rence to  mind. 


Insurance  on  the  Tiber. 

"Marcus  Caelius,"  Cicero  said  to  his  legal  friend,  meeting  him 
one  morning  on  the  other  side  of  a  screen  under  the  Capitol, 
"I  wish  you  would  get  out  the  necessary  papers  some  time  to- 
day, and  bring  suit  for  me  against  the  Yellow  Tiber  Fire  &  Ma- 
rine Insurance  Company  for  the  amount  of  its  policies  on  my 
villa  at  Tusculum  and  my  town  house. 

M.  Cselius  looked  up  in  amazement. 

"Why,"  he  exclaimed,  "when  did  they  burn  down?  And  what 
was  it?     Accident?     Mob?     Some  of  Clodius' people?" 

"No,"  Cicero  said,  "they  are  intact  as  yet,  and,  in  fact,  I 
haven't  insured  them  yet,  but  I  am  going  to  do  so  to-morrow, 
and  I  want  to  bring  suit  against  the  Company  now,  so  tliat  if  they 
ever  should  happen  to  burn,  I  won't  have  quite  so  long  to  wait 
for  the  money." 


The   Home  o'   tlie  Trout. 


Amusing.  ANECDOTES.  19 

Caslius  saw  that  the  orator's  head  was  level,  and  brought  suit 
that  afternoon.  Eleven  years  afterwards  the  villa  at  Tusculum 
and  the  town  house  were  both  destroyed  by  fire.  The  suit  had 
by  that  time  been  in  five  different  courts,  and  had  been  confirmed, 
and  reversed,  and  remanded  and  refferred  to  the  master  to  take 
proof,  and  stricken  from  the  docket,' and  amended,  and  rebutted, 
and  sur-rebutted,  and  impleaded,  and  rejoindered,  and  filed,  and 
quashed,  and  continued,  until  nobody  knew  what  it  was  about, 
and  Cicero  was  notified  three  weeks  after  the  fire  that  he  would 
have  to  prove  willful  and  long-continued  absence  and  neglect,  as 
he  could  not  get  a  decree  simply  on  the  grounds  of  incompati- 
bility of  temperament.  And  when  he  went  to  the  Secretary  of 
the  Company,  that  official  told  him  the  Company  didn't  know 
anything  about  the  fire,  and  had  no  time  to  attend  to  such  things. 
The  Company's  business,  the  Secretary  said,  was  to  insure  houses, 
not  to  run  around  to  fires,  asking  about  the  insurance.  If  he 
wanted  any  information  on  those  points,  he  would  have  to  ask 
the  firemen  or  the  newspaper  reporters. 

The  more  a  man  reads  in  these  old  histories,  the  more  he  is 
convinced  that  the  insurance  business  in  the  days  of  the  Prastors 
was  a  great  deal  more  like  it  is  to-day. " 


Juvenile  Generosity, 

I'm  glad  to  say  that  our  child,  remarked  an  indulgent  father,  is 
a  generous  little  body.  The  other  day  her  grandfather  gave  her 
a  cent  to  buy  herself  some  candy.  As  she  was  going  out,  she 
discovered  a  little  beggar  boy  on  the  front  steps.  She  stopped, 
and  looked  first  at  him  and  then  at  her  cent;  then  looked  down 
on  the  ground,  apparently  lost  in  thought.  Finally,  wath  the 
sweetest  smile  on  her  beautiful  face,  she  stepped  up  to  the  for- 
lorn child,  and,  laying  her  hand  on  his  shoulder,  said,  in  a  gentle 
tone,  "Here,  little  boy,  take  this  cent,  and  go  and  buy  yourself 
a  suit  of  clothes  and  some  dinner. 


20  ENTERTAINING  Amusing. 

Anecdote  of  General  Jackson. 

The  following  anecdote  is  told  of  General  Jackson,  at  the  time 
when,  as  military  commander  in  Florida,  during  the  administra- 
tion of  President  Monroe,  he  had  tried,  at  a  drum-head  court 
martial,  sentenced,  and  hung  two  Englishmen,  who  had  incited,  it 
was  said,  an  insurrection  among  the  Indians.  President  Monroe 
feared  that  Great  Britain  would  make  trouble  about  this,  and 
summoned  his  bold  Brigadier  to  this  city,  where  he  was  arraigned 
at  a  meeting  of  the  Cabinet.  John  Quincy  Adams,  then  Secre- 
tary of  State,  who  had  instructed  Jackson  to  govern  with  a  firm 
hand  in  Florida,  defended  him,  and  read  a  long  argument  in 
which  he  quoted  international  law  as  expounded  by  Grotius, 
Vattel,  and  Puffendorf  Jackson  listened  in  sullen  silence,  but 
that  evening,  when  asked  at  a  dinner  party  whether  he  was  not 
comforted  by  Mr.  Adams'  citation  of  authorities,  he  exclaimed : 
"What  do  I  care  about  those  old  musty  chaps?  Blast  Grotius, 
blast  Vattel,  and  blast  the  Pufifen-chap.  This  is  a  fight  between 
Joe  Monroe  and  me,  and  I  propose  to  fight  it  out. "  Old  Hick- 
ory cared  little  about  arguments  and  authorities,  and  he  believed 
that  "To  the  victors  belong  the  spoils." 


The  Old  War  Elephant. 

In  the  autumn  of  1876  I  was  living  in  the  interior  of  Bengal, 
and  I  went  to  spend  Christmas  with  my  friend  Maj.  Daly.  The 
Major's  bungalow  was  on  the  banks  of  the  Ganges,  near  Cawn- 
pore.  He  had  lived  there  a  good  many  years,  being  Chief  of 
the  Quarmaster's  Department  at  that  station,  and  had  a  great 
many  natives,  elephants,  bullocks  carts  and  soldiers  under  his 
command. 

On  the  morning  after  my  arrival,  after  a  cup  of  early  tea  (often 
taken  before  daylight  in  India),  I  sat  smoking  with  my  friend  in 
the  veranda  of  his  bungalow,  looking  out  upon  the  windings  of 
the  sacred  river.     And,   directly,    I  asked  the  Major  about  his 


Amusing.  ANECDOTES.  »x 

children  (a  boy  and  a  girl),  whom  I  had  not  yet  seen,  and  begged 
to  know  when  I  should  see  them. 

"  Soupramany  has  taken   them   out  fishing, "  said  their  father. 

"Why,  isn't  Soupramany  your  great  war  elephant?"  I  cried. 

"  Exactly  so.     You  cannot  have  forgotten  Soupramany! 

''  Of  course  not.  I  was  here  you  know,  when  he  had  that  fight 
with  the  elephant  who  went  mad  while  loading  a  transport  with 
bags  of  rice  down  yonder.  I  saw  the  mad  elephant  when  he 
suddenly  began  to  fling  the  rice  into  the  river.  His  '  mahout ' 
tried  to  stop  him,  and  he  killed  the  mahout.  The  native  sailors 
ran  away  to  hide  themselves,  and  the  mad  elephant,  trumpeting 
charged  into  this  enclosure.  Old  Soupramany  was  here  and  so 
were  Jim  and  Bessie.  When  he  saw  the  mad  animal  he  threw 
himself  between  him  and  the  children.  The  little  ones  and  their 
nurses  had  just  time  to  get  into  the  house  when  the  fight  com- 
menced." 

"Yes,"  said  the  Major,  Old  Soup  was  one  hundred  years  old. 
He  had  been  trained  to  war,  and  to  fight  with  the  rhinoceros,  but 
he  was  too  old  to  hunt  then. " 

"And  yet, "  said  I,  becoming  animated  by  the  recollections  of 
that  day,  what  a  gallant  fight  it  was.  Do  you  remember  how  we 
all  stood  on  this  porch  and  watched  it,  not  daring  to  fire  a  shot 
lest  we  should  hit  old  Soupramany?  Do  you  remember,  too, 
his  look  when  he  drew  off,  after  fighting  an  hour  and  a  half,  leav- 
ing his  adversary  dying  in  the  dust,  and  walked  straight  to  the 
'corral,'  shaking  his  great  ears,  which  had  been  badly  torn,  with 
his  head  bruised,  and  a  great  piece  broken  from  one  of  his 
tusks?" 

"Yes,  indeed,"  said  the  Major.  "Well,  since  then  he  is  more 
devoted  to  my  little  ones  than  ever.  He  takes  them  out  whole 
days,  and  I  am  perfectly  content  to  have  them  under  his  charge. 
I  don't  like  trusting  Christian  children  to  the  care  of  natives; 
but  with  old  Soup  I  know  they  can  come  to  no  harm." 

"What!  you  trust  children  under  lo  years  of  age  to  Soup, 
without  ^ny  other  protection?" 


2  2  ENTERTAINING  Amusing. 

"I  do,"  replied  the  Major.  "Come  along  with  me,  if  you^ 
doubt,  and  we  will  surprise  them  at  their  fishing." 

I  followed  Maj.  Daly,  and  after  walking  half  a  mile  along  the 
wooded  banks  of  the  river,  we  came  upon  the  little  group.  The 
two  children — Jim,  the  elder,  being  about  lo — both  sat  still  and 
silent,  for  a  wonder,  each  holding  a  rod,  with  hne,  cork,  hook, 
and  bait,  anxiously  watching  the  gay  corks  bobbing  in  the  water. 
Beside  them  stood  Old  Soup,  with  an  extremely  large  bamboo 
rod  in  his  trunk,  with  line,  hook,  bait,  and  cork,  like  the  chil- 
dren's. I  need  not  say  I  took  small  notice  of  the  children,  but 
turned  all  my  attention  to  their  big  companion.  I  had  not 
watched  him  long  before  he  had  a  bite,  for,  as  the  religion  of  the 
Hindoos  forbids  them  to  take  life,  the  river  swarms  with  fishes. 

The  old  fellow  did  not  stir;  his  little  e)'es  watched  his  line 
eagerly;  he  was  no  novice  in  "the  gentle  craft."  He  was  wait- 
ing till  it  was  time  to  draw  in  his  prize.  » 

At  the  end  of  his  line  as  he  drew  it  up,  was  dangling  one  of 
those  golden  tench  so  abundant  in  the  Ganges. 

When  Soupramany  perceived  what  a  fine  fish  he  had  caught, 
he  uttered  one  of  those  long,  low,  gurgling  notes  of  satisfaction 
by  which  an  elephant  expresses  joy;  and  he  waited  patiently,  ex- 
pecting Jim  to  take  his  prize  off  the  hook  and  put  on  some  more 
bait  for  him.  But  Jim,  the  little  rascal,  sometimes  liked  to 
plague  Old  Soup.  He  nodded  at  us,  as  much  as  to  say,  "  Look 
out  and  you'll  see  fun  now!"  Then  he  took  off  the  fish,  which 
he  threw  into  a  water-jar  placed  there  for  the  purpose,  and  went 
back  to  his  place  without  putting  any  bait  on  Old  Soup's  hooL 
The  intelligent  animal  did  not  attempt  to  throw  his  line  into  the 
water.  He  tried  to  move  Jim  by  low,  pleading  cries.  It  was 
curious  to  see  what  tender  tones  he  seemed  to  try  to  give  his 
voice. 

Seeing  that  Jim  paid  no  attention  to  his  calls,  but  sat  and 
laughed  as  handled  his  own  line.  Old  Soup  went  up  to  him, 
and  with  his  trunk  tried  to  turn  his  head  in  the  direction  of  the 
bait-box.  At  last,  when  he  found  that  all  he  could  do  would 
not  induce  his  willful  friend  to   help   him,    he  turned  round  as 


Amusing.  ANECDOTES.  23 

if  struck  by  a  sudden  thought,  and,  snatching  up  in  his  trunk 
the  box  that  held  the  bait,  came  and  laid  it  down  at  the  Major's 
feet;  then  picking  up  his  rod,  he  held  it  out  to  his  master. 

"What  do  you  want  me  to  do  with  this,  QJd  Soup?"  said  the 
Major. 

The  creature  lifted  one  great  foot  after  the  other,  and  again 
began  to  utter  his  plaintive  cry.  Out  of  mischief,  I  took  Jimmy's 
part,  and  picking  up  the  bait-box,  pretended  to  run  with  it  The 
elephant  was  not  going  to  be  teased  by  me.  He  dipped  his 
trunk  into  the  Ganges,  and  in  an  instant  squirted  a  stream  of 
water  over  me  with  all  the  force  and  precision  of  a  fire-engine, 
to  the  immense  amusement  of  the  children. 

The  Major  at  once  made  Soup  a  sign  to  stop,  and  to  make 
my  peace  with  the  fine  old  fellow,  I  baited  his  hook  myself. 
Quivering  with  joy,  as  a  baby  does,  when  it  gets  hold  at  last  of 
A  a  plaything  some  one  has  taken  from  it,  Old  Soupramany  hardly 
paused  to  thank  me  by  a  soft  note  of  joy  for  baiting  his  line  for 
him,  before  he  went  back  to  his  place,  and  was  again  watching 
his  cork  as  it  trembled  on  the  ripples  of  the  River. 

C 


The  Toddygraph. 

''Officer  Warlow  bring  up  Moses  in  the  buUrushes,"  said  Jus- 
tice Bixby. 

The  officer  brought  up  a  seed-cucumbery-looking  individual, 
and  placed  him  at  the  railing. 

"The  officer  found  you  last  night,"  said  the  Judge,  "lying  in 
the  bullrushes  round  the  Union  Square  fountain,  dead  drunk. 
What  have  you  to  say?" 

"Well,  Judge,  I'll  tell  you  how  it  was,"  said  the  prisoner,  "I'm 
an  inventer." 

"  Of  what?  "  asked  his  Honor. 

"Of the  toddygraph." 

"What's  that?" 

"  Why,  you  wind  a  cylinder  with  tinfoil,"  said  the  prisoner, 


24  ENTERTAINING  Amusing. 

"and  drop  into  a  liquor-saloon  and  take  a  drink.  You  have  the 
cylinder  under  your  coat,  and  when  the  barkeeper  ain't  looking, 
you  breathe  on  the  tinfoil ;  when  you  get  out  you  turn  a  crank 
and  repeat  the  drink  as  often  as  you  please." 

'"A  very  dangerous  invention,"  said  his  Honor. 

"By  no  means,"  said  the  prisoner,  "for  it  ruins  the  landlord's 
business.     One  drink  will  last  a  week." 

"Yes,"  said  his  Honor,  "but  it  kills  the  imbiber." 

"  But  if  there  were  no  landlords  there  would  be  no  imbibers,  * 
said  the  prisoner. 

"That  may  be  so:  but  what  has  all  this  to  do  with  your  being 
found  drunk  in  a  public  park?" 

"I'll  tell  you.  Last  night  I  was  testing  a  new  machine,  and 
I  think — I  won't  be  positive — but  I  think  I  turned  the  crank 
just  once  too  often." 

"Very  well,"  said  his  Honor,  "I  will  send  you  up  for  ten 
days.  As  you  tarry  in  classic  Blackwell,  I  advise  you  to  turn 
your  inventive  genius  to  something  more  useful.  Invent  a  din- 
nergraph,  for  instance,  so  that  a  poor  man  can  repeat  a  square 
meal  often.  Millions  yet  unborn  will  bless  you,  and  your  name 
will  go  down  to  posterity  along  with  Peter  Cooper  and  Florence 
Nightingale." 

The  Priest  and  the  Lawyers. 

The  boys  up  on  the  Northwestern  Railroad  were  telling  us 
about  an  old  Catholic  priest  who  lived  until  quite  recently  out 
at  Boone,  and  was,  in  his  way,  decidedly  and  characteristically 
original.  It  seems  that  on  a  certain  occasion,  some  or  many 
years  ago,  we  don't  remember  which,  he  became  a  party,  or  a 
witness,  in  some  law  suits,  and,  as  is  the  legal  custom,  was 
soundly  berated  and  abused  by  the  learned  counsel  on  the  other 
side,  for  having  the  temerity  to  have  any*:hing  whatever  to  do 
with  a  case  at  law,  of  any  kind.  The  result  was  that  a  very  bit- 
ter feeling  grew  up  between  the  old  prelate  and  the  two  young 
lawyers,  and  time  did  not  appear  to  soften  this  feeling  at  all. 
But  one  day  the  old  man  fell  very  ill.     He  was  very  old,  and  his 


EAXi 


Amusing.  ANECDOTES.  25 

sickness  sat  so  .icavily  upon  him  that  he  feared  he  would  never 
arise  from  the  bed  upon  which  he  had  lain  down.  So  when  he 
thought  his  last  hour  was  approaching,  he  sent  for  these  two  law- 
yers,  and  they  obeyed  the  summons  and  came  into  his  presence. 
With  great  difficulty  he  accosted  them  and  begged  them  to  stand 
one  on  either  side  of  his  bed,  and  remain  there  until  he  passed 
away.  Deeply  affected,  the  two  lawyers  did  as  he  desired,  and 
when  they  were  standing  on  each  side  of  him,  with  solemn  faces, 
one  of  them,  in  low,  earnest  tones,  told  the  old  man  how  glad 
they  were  that  in  his  dying  hour  he  should  forgive  them,  and  feel 
no  bitterness  towards  them,  for  any  innocent  or  even  excessive 
display  of  professional  zeal. 

The  old  priest  slowly  opened  his  eyes.  "It  is  not  that,"  he 
said,  and  the  two  young  men  bent  forward  eagerly  to  listen. 

"It  isn't  that,"  gasped  the  old  priest.  "It  isn't  that.  But  I 
feel  that  I  am  a  dying  man.  And  I  want  to  die  like  my  dear 
Master." 

The  words  came  slowly  and  very  painfully,  and  the  young 
barristers  held  their  breath  while  they  leaned  forward  to  catch 
the  next  sentence.     The  old  man  turned  his  eyes  upon  them : 

"Between — two — thieves." 

Two  crestfallen  young  men  tiptoed  silently  towards  the  door. 
Two  blank  looking  faces  stared  at  each  other  out  on  the  side- 
walk, and  two  rising  young  barristers  didn't  know  whether  to 
laugh  or  get  angry.  But  the  old  priest  didn't  die.  There  was 
enough  good  humor  in  his  old  heart  to  conquer  a  dozen  diseases, 
and  send  even  death  away  smiling,  and  we  believe  the  old  man 
is  still  alive  and  living  in  Fort  Madison. 


A  Disgusted  Widow. 

Capt.  W has  just  returned  from  the  Warm  Springs.     The 

Captain  is  a  widower.  At  the  Springs  was  a  widow  who  rather 
set  her  cap  for  the  Captain.  The  girls  told  him  to  look  out,  and 
the  Captain  replied,  well,  he  was  ready. 

Sitting  out  in  the  portico  one  evening,  the  cool  breeze  fanning 


s6  ENTERTAINING  Amusing. 

like  a  ten-cent  palm-leaf,  and  thinking  of  his  daughters  far  away 
at  school,  the  widow  moved  up  close  by  and  opened  conver- 
sation. * 

"  I  hear.  Captain,  you  have  grown-up  daughters. " 

"Yes,  madam,  I  have." 

"How  I  should  like  to  see  their  pictures." 

"I  will  show  you  a  picture  of  my  eldest  daughter,"  said  the 
Captain,  handing  her  one. 

"Oh,  such  a  sweet  face,"  said  the  widow;  "and  such  a  fine 
eye!     Isn't  she  called  like  you,  Captain?" 

"  I  don't  know,  madam,  that  she  is. " 

"  It  is  a  wonder  to  me,  Capt.  W ,  you  do  not  get  married. " 

"Well,  ma'am,  I  never  think  of  it;  for  the  woman  I'd  have 
might  not  have  me,  and  then,  you  know,  vice-versa. " 

"Yes,  but  what  kind  of  a  lady  would  suit  you?"  and  the  widow 
looked  her  sweetest. 

It  was  right  here  the  Captain's  wonderful  nerve  never  forsook 
him;  but,  setting  his  eye  steadily  at  the  widow's,  he  hardened 
his  heart,  and  replied:  "Madam,  she  must  be  95  years  old  to  a 
second,  and  worth  $200,000. " 

"  It  is  getting  so  chilly  out  here  I  must  go  for  my  shawl, "  said 
the  widow;  and  she  looked  frigid  zones  at  the  Captain  as  she 
brushed  him  by  with  a  toss  of  her  head. 


The   Editor's  Snake  Story. 

The  Ohio  Editors  visited  the  Zoological  Garden  one  day  in 
Philadelphia.  The  brown  bears,  the  moment  they  saw  them, 
plunged  into  the  water  and  never  came  out  till  the  editors  left. 
The  chimpanzees  appeared  pleased,  and  frisked  about  and  ex- 
tended their  hands  numerous  times  in  token  of  hearty  welcome. 
The  editors  didn't  like  their  familiarity,  and  withdrew  to  the 
snakes.  There  was  one  man  in  the  party  who  eyed  the  boa- 
constrictor  and  other  large  reptiles  that  are  wont  to  arouse  the 
wonder  of  spectators  with  such  indifference  that  he  attracted  the 
attention  of  all  who  saw  him.     But  among  the   other  editors  a 


Amusing.  ANECDOTES.  27 

whisper  went  round  that  he  was  the  man  who  had  the  recent  ex- 
perience with  a  large  snake  in  Ohio.  Some  had  not  heard  of 
the  affair,  and  after  they  got  out  in  the  shade  and  seated  them- 
selves on  benches  near  the  sea-lions,  by  dint  of  a  good  deal  of 
urging  he  was  prevailed  on  to  relate  the  story,  as  follows : 

"About  a  month  ago,  feeling  the  need  of  relaxation,  and  know- 
ing I  had  an  able  substitute  in  my  partner  and  business  man- 
ager, I  took  a  brief  vacation  from  my  editorial  duties,  and  went 
down  to  visit  my  brother  on  his  farm  on  the  Sciota.  The  farm- 
house stands  on  a  sloping  piece  of  ground;  below  them  flows  the 
Sciota  River,  clear  and  cool,  and  above  them  the  ground  ascends 
to  a  gentle  knoll.  It  is  very  rocky  in  that  region,  and  rattle- 
snakes, blacksnakes  of  the  racer  species,  and  copperheads  are 
said  to  be  thicker  here  than  in  any  other  part  of  Ohio.  I  had 
never  seen  any  myself,  and  50  went  there  thinking  little  or  noth- 
ing about  them.  My  brother's  wife  is  a  great  woman  for  rais- 
ing chickens.  At  the  Ohio  State  Fair,  last  year,  her  chickens 
took  the  first  and  second  prize  for  choice  of  breed  and  for   large 

size.     When  I  got  down  to  the  farm  I  found  Mrs.  in  great 

distress.  All  her  large  chickens  had  disappeared  but  two  or 
three,  and  nobody  could  tell  what  became  of  them.  Varmints 
were  not  plenty  about  there,  so  the  blame  could  not  lay  on  foxes. 
Neither  could  it  be  put  on  persons,  for  all  the  folks  about  there 
were  honest  farmers  and  belonged  to  the  church.  One  day  I 
was  up  on  the  hill-side,  seated  in  the  shade,  as  we  are  now, 
reading.     Presently,  I  happened  to  look  up,  and  saw,  not  twenty 

yards   from  me,  one  of  Mrs. 's  large  shanghai  roosters.     It 

was  almost  as  large  as  a  turkey,  and  I  remember,  as  I  watched 
him  strutting  around,  I  wondered  whether  it  wasn't  his  great  size 
that  had  kept  him  from  going  with  the  rest.  I  resumed  my  read- 
ing again,  but  in  less  than  a  minute  I  heard  a  flutter  of  wings 
and  looked  up.  The  rooster  was  nowhere  to  be  seen.  The 
ground  vvas  clear  for  an  area  of  half  a  mile.  I  got  up,  and  no- 
ticed a  short  distance  away,  near  where  I  had  last  seen  the 
rooster,  what  I  took  to  be  feathers  in  the  hollow  of  a  black 
stump.     I  went  to  the  spot.     They  were  feathers.     The  stump, 


28  ENTERTAINING  Amusing. 

as  I  came  closer,  seemed  to  recede  a  short  way  into  the  group, 
and  the  feathers  with  it. 

Here  the  editor  paused;  and  swept  the  perspiration  from  his 
brow  with  a  red  handkerchief,  while  the  crowd,  with  horror  de- 
picted on  their  faces  as  plainly  as  these  words  are  printed  on 
paper,  drew  their  seats  up  closer  and  pushed  their  heads  nearer. 

"Gentlemen,"  said  the  editor,  carefully  placing  his  handker- 
chief in  his  breast-pocket,  "if  I  live  to  be  900  years  old  I  shall 
never  forget  the  cold  sensation  that  seemed  to  creep  through 
my  blood,  when  I  saw  that  stump  had  two  gUttering  eyes  and  a 
white  ring  around  its  neck.  It  was  a  racer,  and  I  saw  the  tail  of 
the  rooster  sticking  out  of  its  yawning  mouth.  I  got  down  to 
tlie  house  and  my  legs  seemed  like  limber  pipe -stems  as  I  went. 
Half  an  hour  later  my  brother,  myself  and  three  or  four  of  the 
neighbors  returned  to  the  scene  with  ropes  and  a  log-chain.  We 
knew  it  would  only  be  a  waste  of  powder  and  lead  to  try  to 
shoot  the  snake,  so  we  got  above  him  and  rolled  stones  down 
the  hill  till  he  drew  his  head  into  the  ground.  Then  we  quickly 
laid  the  log-chain  around  the  hole  in  a  sort  of  draw-loop.  To 
the  other  end  of  the  chain  we  attached  the  rope.  Then  we  got 
down  the  hill  with  the  end  of  the  rope  and  waited.  We  did  not 
have  long  to  wait.  In  less  than  thirty  minutes  he  came  out. 
We  waited  till  his  neck  protruded  for  about  half  a  foot,  and  then 
we  jerked  the  rope.  The  next  moment  we  had  him  fast.  Three 
of  us  pulled  the  rope,  while  the  other  two  got  handspikes.  Yard 
after  yard  we  drew  out,  till  we  had  him  tail  and  all.  His  body 
seemed  a  foot  in  diameter  and  his  length — "  Here  the  crowd 
with  one  accord  thrust  their  heads  so  close  that  the  narrator  was 
obliged  >.  .  move  back  a  little  for  more  room.  " — his  length  was 
thirteen  feet  and  six  or  eight — let  me  see;  I  made  a  note  of  it;" 
and  he  fumbled  for  his  note-book,  but  the  crowd  said  never 
mind;  they'd  take  his  word  for  it.  "I've  left  it  in  my  other 
coat-pocket,"  he  said.  "But  never  mind.  It  was  either  thir- 
teen feet  six  or  thirteen  feet  eight  inches;  my  impression  is  that 
it  was  thirteen  feet  eight,  but  I  want  to  be  correct,  and  we'll  give 
'Veracity  the  benefit  of  the  doubt  and  say  thirteen  six.     We  killed 


Amusing.  ANECDOTES.  29 

him  with  handspikes,  and  afterward  cut  him  open.  In  his  body 
we  found  the  rooster  he  had  last  swallowed,  and  every  one  of 
the  other  chickens  that  had  so  mysteriously  disappeared.  There 
were  nine,  all  told,  and  every  one  living. " 

"Living!"   ejaculated  the  crowd  in  chorus. 

"Living,"  said  the  editor  calmly.  "Before  I  returned  from 
my  vacation  I  had  the  satisfaction  of  seeing  three  as  fine  broods 
of  chickens  as  I  ever  expect  to  see  anywhere  hatched  by  three 
of  these  same  hens  that  had  been  so  long  imprisoned  in  that 
snake's  body. 

The  party  said  no  more,  but  sat  in  deep  silence  for  about  one 
minute,  when  somebody  suggested  that  they  be  going,  and  they 
arose  and  repaired  thoughtfully  to  the  place  where  they  keep 
the  polar  bears. 


Mark  Twain's  W^atch. 

My  beautiful  new  watch  had  run  eighteen  months  without 
losing  or  gaining,  and  without  breaking  any  part  of  its  machinery, 
or  stopping.  I  had  come  to  believe  it  infallible  in  its  judgments 
about  the  time  of  day,  and  to  consider  its  constitution  and 
its  anatomy  imperishable.  But  at  last,  one  night,  I  let  it  run 
down.  I  grieved  about  it  as  if  it  were  a  recognized  messenger 
and  forerunner  of  calamity.  But  by-and-by  I  cheered  up,  set 
the  watch  by  guess,  and  commanded  my  bodings  and  supersti- 
tions to  depart.  Next  day  I  stepped  into  the  chief  jeweler's  to 
set  it  by  the  exact  time,  and  the  head  of  the  estabhshment  took 
it  out  of  my  hand  and  proceeded  to  set  it  for  me.  Then  he  said, 
"  She  is  four  minutes  slow — regulator  wants  pushing  up."  I  tried 
to  stop  him — tried  to  make  him  understand  that  the  watch  kept 
perfect  time.  But  no;  all  this  human  cabbage  could  see  was 
that  the  watch  was  four  minutes  slow,  and  the  regulator  must  be 
pushed  up  a  little;  and  so,  while  I  danced  around  him  in  an- 
guish, and  implored  him  to  let  the  watch  alone,  he  calmly  and 
cruelly  did  the  shameful  deed.  My  watch  began  to  gain.  It 
gained  faster  and  faster  day  by  day.  Within  the  week  it  sickened 


30  ENTERTAINING  Amusing. 

to  a  raging  fever,  and  its  pulse  went  up  to  a  hundred  and  fifty 
in  the  shade.  At  the  end  of  two  months  it  had  left  all  the  time- 
pieces of  the  town  far  in  the  rear,  and  was  a  fraction  over  thirteen 
days  ahead  of  the  almanac.  It  was  away  into  November  en- 
joying the  snow,  while  the  October  leaves  were  still  turning.  It 
hurried  up  house  rent,  bills  payable,  and  such  things,  in  such  a 
ruinous  way  that  I  could  not  abide  it.  I  took  it  to  the  watch- 
maker to  be  regulated.  He  asked  me  if  I  had  ever  had  it  re- 
paired. I  said  no,  it  had  never  needed  any  repairing.  He 
looked  a  look  of  vicious  happiness  and  eagerly  pried  the  watch 
open,  and  then  put  a  small  dice  box  into  his  eye  and  peered 
into  its  machinery.  He  said  it  wanted  cleaning  and  oiling,  be- 
sides regulating — come  in  a  week.  After  being  cleaned,  and 
oiled,  and  regulated,  my  watch  slowed  down  to  that  degree  that 
it  ticked  Uke  a  toling  bell.  I  began  to  be  left  by  trains;  I  failed 
all  appointments;  I  got  to  missing  my  dinner;  my  watch  strung 
out  three  days'  grace  to  four  and  let  me  go  to  protest;  I  grad- 
ually drifted  back  into  yesterday,  then  day  before,  then  into  last 
week,  and  by  and-by  the  comprehension  came  upon  me  that  all 
solitary  and  alone  I  was  lingering  along  in  week  before  last,  and 
the  world  was  out  of  sight.  I  seemed  to  detect  in  myself  a  sort 
of  sneaking  fellow  feeling  for  the  mummy  in  the  museum,  and  a 
desire  to  swap  news  with  him.  I  went  to  a  watchmaker  again. — 
He  took  the  watch  all  to  pieces  while  I  waited,  and  then  said 
the  barrel  was  "swelled."  He  said  he  could  reduce  it  in  three 
days.  After  this  the  watch  avtraged  well,  but  nothing  more. 
For  half  a  day  it  would  go  -ike  the  very  mischief,  and  keep  up 
such  a  barking  and  wheeziiig  and  whooping  and  sneezing  and 
snorting,  that  I  could  not  hear  myself  think  for  the  disturbance; 
and  as  long  as  it  held  out  there  was  not  a  watch  in  the  land  that 
stood  any  chance  against  it.  But  the  rest  of  the  day  it  would 
keep  on  slowing  down  and  fooling  along  until  all  the  clocks  it  had  ■ 
left  behind  caught  up  again.  So  at  last,  at  the  end  of  twenty- 
four  hours,  it  would  trot  up  to  the  judges'  stand  all  right  and  just 
in  time.  It  would  show  a  fair  and  square  average,  and  no  man 
could  say  it  had  done  more  or  less  than  its  duty.     But  a  correct 


Amusing.  ANECDOTES,  32 

average  is  only  a  mild  virtue  in  a  watch  and  I  took  this  instru- 
ment to  another  watchmaker.  He  said  the  kingbolt  was  broken. 
I  said  I  was  glad  it  was  nothing  more  serious.  To  tell  the  plain 
truth,  I  had  no  idea  what  the  kingbolt  was,  but  I  did  not  choose 
to  appear  ignorant  to  a  stranger.  He  repaired  the  kingbolt,  but 
what  the  watch  gained  in  one  way  it  lost  in  another.  It  would 
run  awhile  and  then  stop  awhile,  and  then  run  awhile  again,  and 
so  on,  using  its  own  discretion  about  the  intervals.  And  every 
time  it  went  off  it  kicked  back  like  a  musket.  I  padded  my  breast 
for  a  few  days,  but  finally  took  the  watch  to  another  watchmaker. 
He  picked  it  all  to  pieces,  and  turned  the  ruin  over  and  over 
under  his  glass;  and  then  he  said  there  seemed  to  be  something 
the  matter  with  the  hair-trigger.  He  fixed  it  and  then  gave  it  a 
fresh  start.  It  did  well  now,  except  that  always  at  ten  minutes  to 
ten  the  hands  would  shut  together  like  a  pair  of  scissors,  and 
from  that  time  forth  they  would  travel  together.  The  oldest  man 
in  the  world  could  not  make  out  the  time  of  day  by  such  a 
watch,  and  so  I  went  again  to  have  the  thing  repaired.  This 
person  said  that  the  crystal  had  got  bent,  and  that  the  main- 
spring was  not  straight.  He  also  remarked  that  part  of  the  works 
needed  half-soling.  He  made  these  things  all  right,  and  then 
my  timepiece  performed  unexceptionably,  save  that  now  and 
then  she  would  reel  off  the  next  twenty-four  hours  in  six  or  seven 
minutes,  and  then  stop  with  a  bang.  I  went  with  a  heavy  heart 
to  one  more  watchmaker,  and  looked  on  while  he  took  her  to 
pieces.  Then  I  prepared  to  cross-question  him  rigidly,  for  this 
thing  was  getting  serious.  The  watch  had  cost  two  hundred 
dollars  originally,  and  I  seemed  to  have  paid  out  two  or  three 
thousand  for  repairs.  VvHiile  I  waited  and  looked  on  I  presently 
recognized  in  this  watchmaker  an  old  acquaintance — a  steamboat 
engineer  of  other  days,  and  not  a  good  engineer  either.  He  ex- 
amined all  the  parts  carefully,  just  as  the  other  watchmakers  had 
done,  and  then  delivered  his  verdict  with  the  same  confidence  of 
manner. 

He  said — 

"She  makes  too  much  steam — you  want  to  hang  the  monkey- 


32  ENTERTAINING  Amusing. 

wrench  on  the  safety-valve ! " 

I  floored  him  on  the  spot. 

My  uncle  William  (now  deceased,  alas !)  used  to  say  that  a 
good  horse  was  a  good  horse  until  he  had  run  away  once,  and 
that  a  good  watch  was  a  good  watch  until  the  repairers  got  a 
chance  at  it. 


Giving  Her  Census. 

When  the  census-taker  rapped  at  the  door  of  a  certain  cottage 
on  Crawford  street  the  other  day,  and  wondered  if  the  woman 
would  set  the  dog  on  him  or  douse  him  with  dish  water,  a  great 
disappointment  awaited  him.  She  opened  the  door  softly,  snuffed 
the  air  to  see  if  he  smelled  of  lightning-rods,  and  then  threw  it 
-open  for  him  to  enter. 

"Madam,  I  am  making  a  canvass  of  the  city,"  he  began. 

"Ah!  sit  down,"  she  replied,  and  as  he  began  opening  his  book 
she  continued: 

"There  are  five  of  us  in  the  family,  and  we  paid  one  hundred 
down  on  this  place.  My  husband's  name  is  Peter,  his  age  is  forty- 
two,  and  he  came  from  a  mean  family.  His  father  was  always 
having  law-suits  about  dogs,  and  his  mother  was  the  greatest  gos- 
sip in  Elmira.     Have  you  got  that  down?" 

He  nodded  assent,  and  she  continued : 

"My  name  is  Alvinah  Sarah,  and  I  was  born  in ." 

"I  do  not  care  to  know  where  you  was  born,  madam,"  he  in- 
terrupted. 

"Well,  I  care!"  she  exclaimed;  "it  makes  a  great  deal  of  differ- 
ence whether  I  was  born  in  Africa  or  Boston,  and  I  want  it  put 
down.  As  I  was  saying,  I  was  born  in  Boston  in  1838.  Put 
down  that  I  came  of  a  good  family. " 

"Madam,  you  don't  understand;  you " 

"Don't  I  understand  that  I  came  of  a  good  family?  I'd  like 
to  know  of  a  Boston  family  which  carried  their  noses  higher  than 
the  Roger ses !  Put  down  that  my  father  was  in  the  Mexican 
war." 


Amusing.  ANECDOTES.  33 

"You  have  three  children,  madam!" 

"I  haven't  any  such  thing,  sir!  Put  down  that  my  mother 
was  killed  by  an  explosion  in  a  quarry.    Her  father  were " 

"How  many  children  have  you,  madam?" 

"Have  you  got  mother  down?" 

"No,  madam.     You  see  I  am  taking  the  census  of  the  city." 

"Well,"  she  said,  giving  him  a  dangerous  look,  "I  had  the 
typhoid  fever,  at  the  age  of  15,  and  for  weeks  and  weeks  I  hung 
on  the  age  of  the  grave.  I  bore  up  as  well  as  I  was  able, 
and " 

"Five  in  the  family — how  many  children?"  he  suddenly  asked. 

"Put  down  that  I  bore  up,"  she  commanded.  "And  that  one 
night  when  the  watchers  were  asleep  I  crept  out  of  bed  and  took 
a  drink  of " 

"This  is  foreign  to  the  subject,  madam.  How  old  are  your 
children?" 

"Haven't  yiu  put  down  that  I  hung  on  the  edge  of  the 
grave?" 

"No,  Madam." 

"Aren't  you  going  to?" 

"No,  madam.  You  see,  I  am  simply  taking  the  census  of 
Detroit.     I  desire  to  ascertain " 

"You  can't  ascertain  it  here,  sir!"  she  snapped.  "If  my  sick- 
ness, which  cost  over  $200,  isn't  good  enough  to  go  in  the  book, 
then  you  d©n't  get  a  line  here!" 

Let  me  ask  you " 

"No  use  asking  for  any  of  our  photographs,  sir!  If  you  get 
'em  anywhere  and  put  our  pictures  in  that  book,  we'll  make  it 
hot  for  you !     Good  day,  sir, — good  day ! " 

He  stood  on  the  step,  sighing,  and  she  -  called  through  the 
door: 

"My  grandfather  was  also  bitten  to  death  by  an  alligator,  but 
I  won't  give  you  any  of  the  particulars!     You  want  to  walk!" 

He  passed  on,  sorrowfully  wondering  if  the  next  woman's 
mother  was  blown  off  a  bridge  or  carried  down  the  river  on  a 
hay-stack. 


34  ENTERTAINING  Amusing. 

Malapropos. 

Charles  Dickens  once  wrote  to  a  friend:  "I  have  distinguished 
myself  in  two  respects  lately.  I  took  a  young  lady  unknown  down 
to  dinner,  and  talked  to  her  about  the  Bishop  of  Durham's 
nepotism  in  the  matter  of  Mr.  Cheese.  I  found  she  was  Mrs. 
Cheese.  And  expatiated  to  the  member  for  Marylebone,  Lord 
Fermoy — generally  conceiving  him  to  be  an  Irish  member — on 
the  contemptible  character  of  the  Marylebone  constituency  and 
Marylebone  representatives."  Two  such  mishaps  in  one  even- 
ing were  enough  to  reduce  the  most  brilliant  talker  to  the  con- 
dition of  the  three  "insides"  of  the  London-bound  coach,  who 
beguiled  the  tedium  of  the  journey  from  Southampton  by  dis- 
cussing the  demerits  of  William  Cobbett,  until  one  of  the  party 
went  so  far  as  to  assert  that  the  object  of  their  denunciations 
was  a  domestic  tyrant,  given  to  beating  his  wife;  when,  much  to 
his  dismay,  the  solitary  lady  passenger,  who  had  hitherto  sat  a 
silent  listener,  remarked:  "Pardon  me,  sir;  a  kinder  husband 
and  father  never  breathed;  and  I  ought  to  know,  for  I  am  Wil- 
liam Cobbett's  wife!" 

Mr.  Giles,  of  Virginia,  and  Judge  Duval,  of  Maryland,  mem- 
bers of  Congress  .during  Washington's  Administration,  boarded 
at  the  house  of  a  Mrs.  Gibbon,  whose  daughters  were  well  on 
in  years,  and  remarkable  for  talkativeness.  When  Jefferson  be- 
came President,  Duval  was  Comptroller  of  the  Treasury,  and 
Giles  a  Senator.  Meeting  one  day  in  Washington,  they  fell  to 
chatting  over  old  times,  and  the  Senator  asked  the  Comptroller 
if  he  knew  what  had  become  of  "that  cackhng  old  maid,  Jenny 
Gibbon."  "She  is  Mrs.  Duval,  sir,  was  the  unexpected  reply. — 
Giles  did  not  attempt  to  mend  matters,  as  a  certain  Mr.  Tuber- 
ville  unwisely  did.  This  unhappy  blunderer  resembled  the  Irish 
gentleman  who  complained  that  he  could  not  open  his  mouth 
without  putting  his  foot  into  it.  Happening  to  observe  to  a  fel- 
low-guest at  Dunraven  Castle  that  the  lady  who  had  sat  at  his 
right  hand  at  dinner  was  the  ugliest  woman  he  had  ever  beheld^ 
the  person  addressed  expressed  his  regret  that  he  should  think  liis 
wife  so  ill-looking.     "I  have  made  a  mistake,"  said  the  horrified 


Amusing.  ANECDOTES.  35 

Tuberville ;  "I  meant  the  lady  who  sat  on  my  left."  "Well,  sir, 
she  is  my  sister, "  was  the  response  to  the  well-intentioned  fib, 
bringing  from  the  desperate  connoisseur  of  beauty  and  frank 
avowal:  "It  can't  be  helped,  sir,  then;  for,  if  what  you  say  be 
true,  I  confess  I  never  saw  such  an  ugly  family  in  the  course  of 
my  life ! " 

An  honest  expression  of  opinion,  perhaps  not  so  easily  forgiven 
by  the  individual  concerned,  was  that  wrung  from  Mark  Twain, 
who,  standing  right  before  a  young  lady  in  a  Parisian  public  gar- 
den, cried  out  to  his  friend:  "Dan,  just  look  at  this  girl;  how 
beautiful  she  is!"  to  be  rebuked  by  "this  girl"  saying  in  excellent 
English:  "I  thank  you  more  for  the  evident  sincerity  of  the  com- 
pliment, sir,  than  for  the  extraordinary  publicity  you  have  given 
it!"  Mark  took  a  walk,  but  did  not  feel  just  comfortable  for 
some  time  afterwards. 

After  doing  his  office  for  a  young  couple,  a  clergyman  was  in- 
veigled into  proposing  the  health  of  bride  and  bridegroom  at  the 
wedding  breakfast.  He  wound  up  a  neat  little  speech  by  express- 
ing the  hope  that  result  of  the  union  of  the  happy  pair  might 
prove  strictly  analogous  to  that  of  the  bride's  honored  parents. 
The  groom  looked  angry,  the  bride  went  into  hysterics,  the 
bridesmaids  blushed  and  became  interested  in  the  pattern  of  the 
carpet,  the  master  of  the  house  blew  his  nose  with  extraordinary 
violence,  and  the  speaker  sat  down  wondering  at  the  effect  he 
had  created;  till  his  better-informed  neighbor  whispered  that  the 
lady  was  not  the  daughter  of  the  host  and  hostess,  but  a  niece 
who  came  to  live  with  them  when  her  mother  and  father  were 
divorced. 

When  a  note  was  handed  to  Dr.  Fletcher  in  his  pulpit  intima- 
ting that  the  presence  of  a  medical  gentleman,  supposed  to  be  in 
the  church,  was  urgently  required  elsewhere,  the  preacher  read 
the  letter  out,  and,  as  the  Doctor  was  making  for  the  door, 
fervently  ejaculated,  "May  the  Lord  have  mercy  on  his  patient!" 

An  unpleasant  way  of  putting  the  thing  was  innocently  adopted 
by  the  New  York  car-driver,  who,  blissfully  ignorant  that  his 
interlocutor  was  Mr.  Beecher,  replied  to  that  gentleman's  query 


36  ENTER!  AINING  Amusing. 

whether  he  did  not  think  it  possible  to  dispense  with  running  the 
cars  all  day  on  Sunday:  "Yes,  sir,  I  do;  but  there's  no  hope  for 
it  so  long  as  they  keep  that  Beecher  theatre  open  in  Brooklyn; 
the  cars  have  to  run  to  accommodate  that. " 


An  Anecdote  of  Prof.  Henry. 

"I  met  him,"  writes  a  Boston  friend,  "but  once  at  Montreal.-^ 
I  noticed  that  this  fine  looking  man,  when  he  arrived  at  the  hotel 
in  Montreal,  was  placed  at  the  head  of  our  table,  but  did  not 
know  who  he  was.  He  came  home  by  the  same  route,  and  at 
the  same  time  with  us,  and  was  very  kind  and  courteous  to  my 
traveling  companions,  as  well  as  myself.  What  I  remember  more 
distinctly  than  anything  else  was  a  'happening*  at  Rouse's  Point 
while  we  were  waiting  for  the  steamer.  The  Professor  was  talk- 
ative and  communicative  in  his  quiet  way,  and  was  full  of  inci- 
dents of  travel  and  adventure.  Soon  the  steamer  appeared  in 
sight,  and  while  she  was  approaching  us  the  Professor  sat  upon 
the  wharf  looking  dreamily  at  her.  Presently  he  aroused  himself 
and  said :  '  I  see  a  peculiar  sparkle  of  the  waves  near  the  side  of 
the  steamer,  where  the  sun  shines  upon  her'  (it  was  almost  sun- 
set.) 'I  wonder  what  the  cause  of  it  is?  I  have  seen  phospho- 
rescent light  before,  but  never  exactly  like  this.  And  see !  there 
it  is  also  upon  the  other,  the  darker  side  of  the  steamer.  Well, 
certainly  that  is  very  curious.'  We  looked,  and  indeed  it  seemed 
remarkable.  First  upon  the  bright  side  of  the  steamer,  and  then 
upon  the  dark  side,  would  appear  those  curious  flashes  of  light, 
and  disappear  almost  instantly.  They  seemed  to  come  at  reg- 
ular intervals,  and  it  was  beautiful  as  well  as  strange.  Our  reve- 
ries were  rudely  disturbed,  however,  by  one  of  the  customs  in- 
spectors approaching. 

"  'Looking  at  them  flashes?* 

"  'Yes,'  said-  the  Professor.     'I  wonder  what  they  are?* 
"  *0h,  them's  hot  ashes  they  are  throwing  out  of  the  ash-pits.' 
"The  Professor  was  nonplussed  for  a  moment.     Then   saying 
quietly,  '  Well,  well,  live  and  learn — live  and  learn,'   he   lapsed 
into  silence." 


Amusing.  ANECDOTES.  37 

Judgment  Invited  on  the   Evidence. 

Hugo  Richards  tells  a  laughable  story  of  two  friends  who  were 
attacked  by  Indians  in  Arizona.  They  were  both  on  mulebaclc 
and  the  Indians  right  at  their  heels  letting  the  arrows  fly  past 
them  as  thick  as  a  swarm  of  grasshoppers  in  Kansas.  One  of 
the  mules  could  outrun  the  other,  and  its  rider  became  alarmed* 
for  the  safety  of  his  friend,  who  was  spurring,  whipping  and  yell- 
ing at  the  animal  to  urge  it  along,  but  it  could  not  keep  up.  The- 
foremost  man  looked  back,  saw  the  peril  of  his  friend,  and,  in  a» 
frenzy  bordering  on  despair,  sang  out : 

"Joe,  why  don't  you  come  along?" 

Joe,  whose  legs  and  hands  were  flying  in  the  air  like  the  arms- 
of  a  runaway  windmill  in  a  storm,  could  not  let  the  opportunity 
pass,  and  a's  an  arrow  flitted  by  his  ear,  which,  if  possible,  in- 
creased his  exertions,  he  exclaimed,  "Do  I  act  like  a  man  that 
was  throwing  off  ?" 


An  Exciting  Railroad  Story. 

There  were  four  of  us  in  one  of  the  cars  on  the  Lyons  Rails- 
road.  Four  smokers — a  fact  which  had  naturally  a  tendency  to 
bring  us  into  sympathetic  relations.  I  forgot  exactly  how  we 
fell  into  conversation,  but  at  any  rate,  by  the  time  we  had  got  to 
Villeneuve  the  conversation  was  general  on  the  subject  of  rail- 
road accidents.  We  had  all  told  stories  of  more  or  less  interest^ 
garnished  with  the  greatest  amount  of  danger  possible,  when  the : 
only  one  among  us  who  had  not  yet  furnished  a  budget  of  ad- 
venture said: 

"All  that,  gentlemen,  is  undoubtedly  extremely  interesting,  but 
will  you  allow  me  to  say  that  the  whole  of  the  singular  accidents- 
of  which  you  have  spoken  are  as  nothing  compared  to  a  railroad 
catastrophe  which  happened  some  years  ago  in  England,  and  at 
which  I  was  unwillingly  present ! " 

Very  naturally,  this  beginning  awakened  our  interest,  and  we 
entreated  him  to  go  on.  "Willingly,  gentlemen,"  said  our  travel- 
ing companion.    "As  I  said  before,  it  was  in  England,  about  five 


38  ENTERTAINING  Amusing. 

years  ago.  I  had  taken  the  Bristol  train  at  six  o'clock  in  the 
aiiorning — a  morning  that  I  shall  never  forget — for  a  little  village 
some  twenty  miles  off.  We  had  been  going  along  very  smoothly, 
when,  from  the  railroad  carriage  in  which  I  was  placed — the  first 
•on  the  train — the  no^se  of  a  violent  quarrel  reached  me.  I  looked 
out  of  the  window.  The  noise  came  from  the  locomotive,  where 
a  fight  had  begun  between  the  engineer  and  the  fireman.  I 
learned  later  the  cause  of  the  dispute,  which,  I  might  as  well  say 
=now,  arose  from  jealousy  of  some  woman.  It  had  long  burned 
in  their  hearts,  and  now  that  the  explosion  had  come  it  was 
violent. 

"I  was,  as  I  said,  gentlemen,  at  the  window  looking  out,  when 
the  noise  was  redoubled.  The  struggle  was  becoming  furious. 
The  two  men  were  fighting  like  wild  beasts.  You  shudder,  gen- 
tlemen. Ah!  I  shudder  still  when  I  saw — what  I  shall  never 
cease  to  see.  The  two  men  writhed  out  of  the  engine  in  their 
agony  and  rolled  off.  The  train  was  going  at  the  rate  of  twenty 
miles  an  hour.  Left  to  itself  the  engine  went  faster  and  faster. 
The  fields,  the  trees,  the  houses  disappeared  in  a  way  that  made 
my  head  swim.  We  passed  a  station.  We  scarcely  had  time  to 
see  it.  Another  one  was  passed,  a  third,  a  fourth.  Cries  of  hor- 
ror were  heard  from  the  different  coaches.  We  felt  that  we  were 
lost.  Already  I  could  see  the  little  depot  at  the  end  of  the  route ; 
nothing  could  save  us  from  being  dashed  to  pieces.  I  resigned 
myself  to  fate  and  shut  my  eyes. " 

"  Fontainebleau !  Fontainebleau!"  broke  in  the  voice  of  the 
conductor,  interrupting  the  story  of  our  companion.     "Sorry, 

gentlemen,  but  I  get  out  here. " 

And,  bowing  politely,  he  disappeared.     None  of  us  ever  heard 

the  end  of  that  story. 


Excuse  for  Second  Marriage. 

A  neero  minister  who  married  rather  sooner  after  the  death  of 
Ms  wife  than  some  of  the  sisters  thought  proper  and  becoming, 
excused  himself  as  follows:  "My  dear  brederen  and  sisters,  my 
grief  was   greater  dan   I   could  bear.     I  turned  ebery  way  for 


Amusing.  ANECDOTES.  39 

-peace  and  comfort,  but  none  came.  I  sarched  de  scripturs  from 
^Ginisee  to  Rebelation,  and  found  plenty  promises  to  de  widder, 
but  nary  one  to  de  widderer.  So  I  took  it  dat  de  good  Lord 
■dindn't  waste  sympathy  on  a  man  when  it  was  in  his  power  to 
comfort  hisself;  and  habin  a  fuss-rate  chance  to  marry  in  de 
Lord,  I  did  so,  and  would  do  so  again.  Besides,  brederen,  I 
■consider  dat  poor  Patsey  was  juss  as  dead  as  she  would 
€ver  be." 

Daniel  Webster  and  his  Tenant. 

When  Webster  was  practicing  law  in  Portsmouth,  N.  H.,  early 
in  the  legal  career  which  was  to  become  so  brilliant,  he  purchased 
a  small  farm  near  the  White  Movntains,  with  its  buildings.  He 
left  the  tenant  who  was  living  there  at  the  time  he  acquired 
the  legal  title  to  "the  farm,"  in  possession.  After  his  removal 
to  Boston,  he  heard  nothing  of  his  White  Mountain  estate 
for  several  years.  One  summer,  as  he  journeyed  north  with 
his  wife  in  quest  of  recreation,  he  resolved  to  turn  aside  from 
the  traveled  road  and  ascertain  the  true  condition  of  his  property. 
He  found  a  very  miserable  hut  upon  it,  occupied  by  an  aged 
woman  as  the  only  tenant  of  his  farm.  He  asked  for  a  glass  of 
water,  which  she  readily  served  in  a  tin  dipper.  He  then  began 
to  make  inquiries  about  her  prosperity,  and  the  present  condi- 
tion of  things  around  her.  She  said  that  she  did  not  own  the 
farm,  but  that  it  belonged  to  a  lawyer  down  in  Boston  by  the 
name  of  Webster. 

"Does  he  often  come  to  see  you,  my  good  woman?"  said  Mr. 
'Webster. 

"No,"  replied  she;  "he  has  never  been  near  his  land  since  I 
lived  here. " 

"Well,"  said  he,  "what  rent  does  he  make  you  pay  for  the  oc- 
■cupancy  of  his  farm?" 

"Rent?"  she  exclaimed,  "I  don't  pay  him  any  rent.  It  is  bad 
^enough  living  here  without  paying  anything  for  it;  and  if  he 
•don't  fix  up  the  house,  I  don't  mean  to  stay  here  freezing  to 
•death  much  longer!" 


40  ENTERTAINING  Amusing.. 

"Well,  madam,"  returned  the  kind-hearted  proprietor,  "it  is 
a  pretty  hard  case,  I  confess.  If  you  will  accept  this  bill,  [$5} 
toward  your  holding  on  for  another  year,  I  will  speak  to  Mr. 
Webster  when  I  next  see  him,  and  perhaps  he  will  do  something 
more  for  you. " 

So  he  took  final  leave  of  his  valuable  farm  and  his  interesting 
tenant. 


Mark  Twain's  Amusing  Sequels  to  Several  Anecdotes. 

All  my  hfe,  from  boyhood  up,  I  have  had  the  habit  of  reading 
a  certain  set  of  anecdotes  written  in  the  quaint  vein  of  the- 
World's  ingenious  Fabulist,  for  the  lesson  they  taught  me  and 
the  pleasure  they  gave  me.  They  lay  always  convenient  to  my 
hand,  and  whenever  I  thought  meanly  of  my  kind  I  turned  to- 
them,  and  they  banished  that  sentiment;  whenever  I  felt  myself 
to  be  selfish,  sordid,  and  ignoble,  I  turned  to  them,  and  they 
told  me  what  to  do  to  win  back  my  self-respect.  Many  times. 
I  wished  that  the  charming  anecdotes  had  not  stopped  with 
their  happy  climaxes,  but  had  continued  the  pleasing  history 
of  the  several  benefactors  and  beneficiaries.  This  wish  rose- 
in  my  breast  so  persistently  that  at  last  I  determined  to  sat 
isfy  it  by  seeking  out  the  sequels  of  those  anecdotes  myself.  So- 
I  set  about  it,  and  after  great  labor  and  tedious  research  accom- 
plished my  task.  I  will  lay  the  result  before  you,  giving  you  each 
anecdote  in  its  turn,  and  following  it  with  its  sequel  as  I  gathered 
it  through  my  investigations. 

The  Grateful  Poodle. — One  day  a  benevolent  physician 
(who  had  read  the  books),  having  found  a  stray  poodle  suffering 
from  a  broken  leg,  conveyed  the  poor  creature  home,  and,  after 
setting  and  bandaging  the  injured  limb,  gave  the  little  out-cast 
his  liberty  again,  and  thought  no  more  about  the  matter.  But 
how  great  was  his  surprise,  upon  opening  his  door  one  mornings 
some  days  later,  to  find  the  grateful  poodle  patiently  waiting 
there,  and  in  its  company  another  stray  dog,  one  of  whose  legs, 
by  some  accident,  had  been  broken.    The  kind  physician  at  once 


Amusing.  ANECDOTES.  4« 

relieved  the  distressed  animal,  nor  did  he  forget  to  admire  the 
inscrutable  goodness  and  mercy  of  God,  who  had  been  willing  t© 
use  so  humble  an  instrument  as  the  poor  outcast  poodle  for  the 
inculcating  of,  etc.,  etc.,  etc. 

Seqiiel. — The  next  morning  the  benevolent  physician  found  the 
two  dogs,  beaming  with  gratitude,  waiting  at  his  door,  and  with 
them  two  other  dogs, — cripples.  The  cripples  were  speedily 
healed,  and  the  four  went  their  way,  leaving  the  benevolent  phy- 
sician more  overcome  by  pious  wonder  than  ever.  The  day 
passed,  the  morning  came.  There  at  the  door  sat  now  the  four 
reconstructed  dogs,  and  with  them  four  others  requiring  _recon- 
struction.  This  day  also  passed,  and  another  morning  came.; 
and  now  sixteen  dogs,  eight  of  them  newly  crippled,  occupied  the 
sidewalk  and  the  people  were  going  around.  By  noon  the  broken 
legs  were  all  set,  but  the  pious  wonder  in  the  good  physician's 
breast  was  beginning  to  get  mixed  with  involuntary  profanity. 
The  sun  rose  once  more,  and  exhibited  thirty-two  dogs,  sixteen 
of  them  with  broken  legs,  occupying  the  sidewalk  and  half  of  the 
street;  the  human  spectators  took  up  the  rest  of  the  room.  The 
cries  of  the  wounded,  the  songs  of  the  healed  brutes,  and  the 
comments  of  the  on-looking  citizens  made  great  and  inspiring 
cheer,  but  trafic  was  interrupted  in  that  street.  The  good  physi- 
cian hired  a  couple  of  assistant  surgeons  and  got  through  his 
benevolent  work  before  dark,  first  taking  the  precaution  to  cancel 
his  church  membership,  so  that  he  might  express  himself  with 
the  latitude  which  the  case  required. 

But  some  things  have  their  limits.  When  once  more  the  morn- 
ing dawned,  and  the  good  physician  looked  out  upon  a  massed  and 
far-reaching  multitude  of  clamorous  and  beseeching  dogs,  he  said, 
"I  might  as  well  acknowledge  it,  I  have  been  fooled  by  the  books.; 
they  only  tell  the  pretty  part  of  the  story,  and  then  stop.  Fetch 
me  the  shot-gun;  this  thing  has  gone    along  far  enough." 

He  issued  forth  with  his  weapon,  and  chanced  to  step  upon  the 
tail  of  the  original  poodle,  who  promptly  bit  him  in  the  leg.  Now 
the  great  and  good  work  which  this  poodle  had  been  engaged  in 
had  engendered  in  him  such  a  mighty  and  augmenting  enthu- 


42  ENTERTAINING  Amusing. 

siasm  as  to  turn  his  weak  head  at  last  and  drive  him  mad.  A 
month  later,  when  the  benevolent  physician  lay  in  the  death 
throes  of  hydrophobia,  he  called  his  weeping  friends  about  him, 
and  said: 

"Beware  of  the  books,  They  tell  but  half  of  the  story. 
Whenever  a  poor  wretch  asks  you  for  help,  and  you  feel  a  doubt 
as  to  what  result  may  follow  from  your  benevolence,  give  yourself 
the  benefit  of  the  doubt  and  kill  the  appHcant. " 

And  so  saying,  he  turned  his  face  to  the  wall  and-gave  up  the 
ghost. 

The  Grateful  Husband. — One  day  a  lady  was  driving 
through  the  principal  street  of  a  great  city  with  her  little  boy, 
when  the  horses  took  fright  and  dashed  madly  away,  hurling  the 
eoachman  from  his  box  and  leaving  the  occupants  of  the  car- 
riage paralyzed  with  terror.  But  a  brave  youth  who  was  driving 
a  grocery  wagon  threw  himself  before  the  plunging  animals,  and 
succeeded  in  arresting  their  flight  at  the  peril  of  his  own.*  The 
grateful  lady  took  his  number,  and  upon  arriving  at  her  home 
related  the  heroic  act  to  her  husband  (who  had  read  the  books), 
who  hstened  with  streaming  eyes  to  the  moving  recital,  and  who, 
after  returning  thanks,  in  conjunction  with  his  restored  loved  ones, 
to  Him  who  suffereth  not  even  a  sparrow  to  fall  to  the  ground  un- 
noticed, sent  for  the  brave  young  person,  and,  placing  a  check 
for  $500  in  his  hand,  said:  "Take  this  as  a  reward  for  your  no- 
ble a4t,  William  Ferguson,  and,  if  ever  you  shall  need  a  friend, 
remember  that  Thompson  McSpadden   has   a   grateful   heart. " 

Let  us  learn  from  this  that  a  good  deed  cannot  fail  to  benefit 
the  doer,  however  humble  he  may  be. 

Sequel. — William  Ferguson  called  the  next  week  and  asked 
•  Mr.  McSpadden,  to  use  his  influence  to  get  him  a  higher  em- 
ployment, he  feeling  capable  of  better  things  than  driving  a  gro- 
cer's wagon,  Mr.  McSpadden  got  him  an  under-clerkship  at  a 
good  salary. 

Presently  WiUiam  Ferguson's  mother  fell  sick,  and  William — 
well,  to  cut  the  story  short,  Mr.  McSpadden  consented  to  take 
her  into  his  house.     Before  long  she  yearned  for  the  society  of 

•This  is  probably  a  misprint. — M.   T. 


Amusing.  ANECDOTES.  4j 

her  younger  children :  so  Mary  and  Julia  were  admitted  also, 
and  little  Jimmy,  their  brother.  Jimmy  had  a  pocket-knife,  and 
he  wandered  into  the  drawing-room  with  it  one  day,  alone,  and 
reduced  $10,000  worth  of  furniture  to  an  indeterminable  value 
in  rather  less  than  three  quarters  of  an  hour.  A  day  or  two 
later  he  fell  down-stairs  and  broke  his  neck,  and  seventeen  of 
his  family's  relatives  came  to  the  house  to  attend  the  funeraL 
This  made  them  Acquainted,  and  they  kept  the  kitchen  occupied 
after  that,  and  likewise  kept  the  McSpaddens  busy  hunting  up  sit- 
uations of  various  sorts  for  them,  and  hunting  up  more  when  they 
wore  these  out.  The  old  woman  drank  a  good  deal  and  swore  a 
good  deal ;  but  the  grateful  McSpaddens  knew  'it  was  their  duty 
to  reform  her,  considering  what  her  son  had  done  for  them,  so  they 
clave  nobly  to  their  generous  task.  William  came  often  and 
got  decreasing  sums  of  money,  and  asked  for  higher  and  more 
lucrative  employments, — which  the  grateful  McSpadden  more  or 
less  promptly  procured  for  him.  McSpadden  consented  also, 
after  some  demur,  to  fit  Wilham  for  college;  but  when  the  first 
vacation  came,  and  the  hero  requested  to  be  sent  to  Europe  for 
his  health,  the  persecuted  McSpadden  rose  against  the  tyrant 
and  revolted.  He  plainly  and  squarely  refused.  William  Fer- 
guson's mother  was  so  astounded  that  she  let  her  gin-bottle  drop 
and  her  profane  lips  refused  to  do  their  office.  Whe  she  recov- 
ered, she  said  in  a  half-gasp,  "Is  this  your  gratitude?  Where 
would  your  wife  and  boy  be  now  but  for  my  son?" 

WilHam  said,  "Is  this  your  gratitude!  Did  I  save  your  wife's 
life  or  not?     Tell  me  that!" 

Seven  relations  swarmed  in  from  the  kitchen  and  each  said, 
"And  this  is  his  gratitude!" 

William's  sisters  stared,  bewildered,  and  said,    "And  this  is  his 

grat "  but  were  interrupted  by  their  mother,  who  burst  into 

tears  and  exclaimed,    "To  think  that  my  sainted   little   Jimmy 
threw  away  his  life  in  the  service  of  such  a  reptile!" 

Then  the  pluck  of  the  revolutionary  McSpadden  rose  to  the 
occasion,  and  he  replied  with  fervor,  "Out  of  my  house,  the 
whole  beggarly  tribe  of  you !     I  was  beguiled  by  the  books,   biL*" 


44  ENTERTAINING  Amusing. 

shall  never  be  beguiled  again, — once  is  sufificient  for  me."  And 
turning  to  William,  he  shouted,  "Yes  you  did  save  my  wife's 
life,  and  the  next  man  that  does  it  shall  die  in  his  tracks!" 

Not  being  a  clergyman,  I  place  my  text  at  the  end  of  my  ser- 
mon instead  of  at  the  beginning.  Here  it  is,  from  Mr.  Noah 
Brooks'  Recollections  of  President  Lincoln. 

"J.  H.  Hackett,  in  his  part  of  Falstaff,  was  an  actor  who  gave 
Mr  Lincoln  great  delight.  With  his  usual  desire  to  signify  to 
others  his  sense  of  obligation,  Mr.  Lincoln  wrote  a  genial  little 
note  to  the  actor,  expressing  his  pleasure  at  witnessing  his  per- 
formance. Mr.  Hackett,  in  reply,  sent  a  book  of  some  sort; 
perhaps  it  was  one  of  his  own  authorship.  He  also  wrote  sev- 
eral notes  to  the  President.  One  night,  quite  late,  when  the  epi- 
sode had  passed  out  of  my  mind,  I  went  to  the  White  House  in 
answer  to  a  message.  Passing  into  the  President's  office,  I  no- 
ticed, to  my  surprise,  Hackett  sitting  in  the  anteroom  as  if  wait- 
ing for  an  audience.  The  President  asked  me  if  any  one  was 
outside.  On  being  told,  he  said,  half  sadly,  '  Oh,  I  can't  see  him, 
I  can't  see  him :  I  was  in  hopes  he  had  gone  away.'  Then  he 
added,  'Now  this  just  illustrates  the  difficulty  of  having  pleas- 
ant friends  and  acquaintances  in  this  place.  You  know  how  I 
liked  Hackett  as  an  actor  and  how  I  wrote  to  tell  him  so.  He 
sent  me  that  book  and  there  I  thought  the  matter  would  end. 
He  is  a  master  of  his  place  in  the  profession,  I  suppose,  and  well 
fixed  in  it;  but  just  because  we  had  a  little  friendly  correspon- 
dence, such  as  any  two  men  might  have,  he  wants  something. 
What  do  you  suppose  he  wants?  I  could  not  guess,  and  Mr.  Lin- 
coln added.   'Well,  he  wants  to  be  Consul  to  London.   Oh,  dear !'" 

I  will  observe,  in  conclusion,  that  the  William  Ferguson  inci- 
dent occurred,  and  within  my  personal  knowledge,  though  I  have 
changed  the  nature  of  the  details  to  keep  William  from  recogni- 
zing himself  in  it. 

All  the  readers  of  this  article  have  in  some  sweet  and  gushing 
hour  of  their  lives  played  the  role  of  Magnanimous-Incident 
hero.  I  wish  I  knew  how  many  there  are  among  them  who  are 
willing  to  talk  about  that  episode,  and  like  to  be  reminded  of 
the  consequences  that  flowed  from  it 


Amusing.  ANECDOTES.  45 

Catfish  Stories,  as  told  by  Sambo,  Et.  Al. 

A  negro  does  not  like  to  be  excelled  in  the  telling  of  a  story, 
as  the  following  shows :  Two  of  them  were  seated  on  the  lee 
side  of  a  stack  of  skids,  down  on  the  Levee  at  Memphis,  sun- 
ning themselves  and  taknig  a  noonday  rest,  when  a  couple  of 
small  boys  came  along  with  fishing-poles  slung  over  their  shoul- 
ders, and  each  one  carrying  an  oyster-can  filled  with  bait. 

"Wish  I  was  goin'  fishin'  to-day,"  remarked  Sambo,  one  of  the 
darkies 

"Wat  you  want  to  fish  heah  fur:  Can't  ketch  nuthin'  anyhow. 
Jes  ought  to  go  down  'bout  de  mouf  of  de  Red  Riber,  ef  yer 
ketch  fish.  Tell  you,  I'se  seen  bigger  fish  hauled  out  der  river 
down  dar  an'  at  Orleans  dan  you  eber  saw,  chile!" 

"Not  much.  I'se  saw  a  catfish  dat  weighed  nigh  onto  500 
pounds  hauled  out  at  Memfis,  an'  I  help  ketch  him,  too. " 

"No!  how's  dat?" 

"O  you'd  say  it  was  a  confounded  lie  if  I  should  tell  it;  but 
I'll  tell  ye  anyhow.  I  was  runnin'  on  de  Susie  Silber  at  de  time, 
an'  we'd  beared  lots  'bout  big  catfish  bein'  in  de  riber  dat  yeah. 
One  day  while  we's  layin  at  de  wharf  at  Memfis,  'nuther  fellah 
an'  me  thought  we'd  try  fer  some  ob  de  tings.  So  we  got  hold 
one  dese  big  whale-hooks  'bout  a  foot  long,  an'  baited  it  wid  a 
side  er  bacon  we  hooked  from  de  hole " 

Hold  on,  dar  now,  ole  fellar,  you's  lyin'.  Can't  palm  dat  off 
on  me,"  interrupted  his  companion. 

"Yas,  sah,  dat's  de  truf,  suah's  I'm  a  livin',  niggah.  We  tied 
de  Une  to  de  gang-plank  to  keep  'em  from  runnin'  off  wid  de 
hook  an'  line;  but  might  as  well  tied  it  roun'  a  straw,  for  a  big 
whale  of  a  catfish  jus'  took  de  hook,  line,  gang-plank  an  all,  an' 
'way  he  went." 

"Run  off  wid  de  gang,plank,"  said  the  second  darkey;  "'shaw, 
dat's  nuffin'!  I  saw  one  dem  cats  run  off  wid  a  whole  boat  onet, 
an'  I'se  on  de  boat  at  de  time. " 

"Now,  niggah,  jes  look  yah,  dafs  too   much  for  me;  how  he 

do  it?" 
4 


46  ENTERTAINING  Amusing- 

We  throwed  de  anchor  one  rainy  night;  one  dem  big  catfisb 
jus'  swallowed  de  anchor  an'  off  he  darted  for  New  Orleans. " 

"No!" 

"Yes,  he  did  fur  fac',  I  swar  he  did.  'Twas  when  I'se  on  de 
old  Natchez,  and  you  kin  eat  me  ef  we  wasn't  goin  down  de 
riber  fas'  we  could  nex'  mornin',  an'  de  anchor  still  overboard. 
When  we  went  to  haul  her  in,  blame  me  if  der  was  any  anchor 
der, — doggoned  catfish  jus'  eat  it  up." 

A  third  darkey  joined  the  party  in  time  to  hear  the  second  story. 

"You  fellahs  don't  know  nuffin'  'bout  catfish,"  said  he;  "why, 
I  knows  a  catfish  dot  got  away  wid  foah  great  big  barges  at  one 
time. " 

"  De  mischief  yer  say, "  and  Yes,  yeah  do, "  from  the  other  two^ 

"Yes,  sah ! "  

Daniel  "Webster  and  the  Farmer. 

Webster  was  out  one  day  on  the  marshes  near  Marshfield,  bu- 
sily shooting  birds.  It  was  a  hot  afternoon  in  August.  The 
farmers  were  getting  their  salt  hay  on  the  marshes : 

He  came,  in  the  course  of  his  rambles,  to  the  Green-Harbor 
River,  which  he  wished  to  cross.  He  beckoned  to  one  of  the 
men  on  the  opposite  bank  to  take  him  over  in  his  boat,  which 
lay  moored  in  sight.  The  man  at  once  left  Ms  work,  came  over, 
and  paddled  Mr.  Webster  across  the  stream.  He  declined  the 
payment  offered  him,  but  lingered  a  moment,  with  Yankee  cu- 
riosity, to  question  the  stranger.  He  surmised  who  Mr.  Webster 
was,  and  with  some  hesitation,  remarked: 

"This  is  Daniel  Webster,  I  beheve." 

"That  is  my  name,"  replied  the  sportsman. 

"Well,  now,"  said  the  farmer,  "I  am  told  you  can  make  from 
$3  to  $5  a  day,  pleading  cases  up  in  Boston. " 

Mr.  Webster  replied  that  he  was  sometimes  so  fortunate  as  to 
receive  that  amount  for  his  services. 

"Well,  now,"  returned  the  rustic,  "it  seems  tome,  I  declare,  if> 
I  could  get  as  much  in  the  city  pleadin'  law-cases,  I  would  not  be 
a-wadin'  over  these  marshes  this  hot  weather,  shootin'  little  birds.. 


Amusing.  ANECDOTES.  47 

He  Wanted  a  Better  Dog. 

A  "digger"  from  California,  eulogizing  the  climate,  says: — 
"There's  a  mountain  there — the  Sawyer  Navady,  they  call  it--- 
with  a  valley  on  each  side  of  it — the  one  hot,  and  t'other  cold. 
Well?  Get  on  the  top  of  that  mountain  with  a  double-barreled 
gun,  and  you  can,  without  movin',  kill  either  Summer  or  Winter 
game,  just  as  you  will, "  "What!  have  you  ever  tried  it?" — 
"Tried!  often — and  should  have  done  pretty  well  but  for  one 
thing."  "Well,  what  was  that?"  "I  wanted  a  dog  that  would 
stand  both  climates.  The  last  dog  I  had  froze  off  his  tail  while 
pintin'  on  the  Summer  side.  He  didn't  get  entirely  out  of  the 
Winter  side,  you  see." 


The  Phonograph  in  Georgia. 

"Unc.  Remus,"  asked  a  tall,  awkward  looking  negro,  who 
was  one  of  a  trowd  surrounding  the  old  man  in  front  of  James' 
Bank,  "Wat's  dis  'ere  wa't  dey  calls  de  fongraf — dis  'ere  inst'u- 
ment  wa't  kin  holler  'roun'  like  little  chillum  in  de  back  yard?" 
"I  ain't  seed  um, "  said  Uncle  Remus,  feeling  in  his  pocket  for  a 
fresh  chew  of  tobacco,  "I  ain't  seed  um,  but  I  hear  talk  un  um. 
Miss  Sally  wuz  a  readin'  in  de  papers  las'  Chuesday,  an'  she  say 
dat  it's  a  mighty  big  whatyoumaycallem. "  "A  mighty  big 
which,"  asked  one  of  the  crowd.  "A  mighty  big  whatshisname, " 
answered  Uncle  Remus.  "I  wuzzent  up  dar  close  to  whar  Miss 
Sa'ah  was  reedin'  but  I  kinder  geddered  in  dat  it  wuz  one  er  dese 
'ere  whatshisnamzes  w'at  holler  into  one  year  an'  it  comes  out  at 
de  odder.  Hit's  mighty  funny  unto  me  how  dese  folks  kin  go 
an'  prognosticate  dere  eckoes  intu  one  er  deze  yer  i'on  boxes, 
an'  dar  hit'll  stay  ontwell  de  man  comes  'long  an'  turns  de  han- 
dle an'  lets  de  fuss  come  pilin'  out.  Bimeby  dey'll  git  ter  ma- 
kin'  shore-nuff  people,  an'  den  dere'll  be  a  racket  'roun  here. — 
Dey  tells  me  dat  it  goes  off  like  one  er  dese  'ere  torpedoes. " — 
"You  hear  dat,  don't  you?"  said  one  or  two  of  the  younger  ne- 
groes. "Dat's  w'at  dey  tells  me, "  continued  Uncle  Remus. — 
"Dat's  w'at  dey  sez.     Hit's  one  er  dese  yer  kinder  w'atsi#names 


48  ENTERTAINING  Amusing. 

dat  sasses  back  when  you  hollers  at  it."  "Wat  dey  fix  um  up 
far  den?"  asked  one  of  the  practical  negroes.  "Dat's  wat  I 
want  er  know,"  said  Uncle  Remus,  contemplatively.  "But  dat's 
wat  Miss  Sally  was  reedin'  in  de  paper.  All  you  gotter  do  is 
holler  at  de  box,  an'  dar's  no  remarks.  Dey  goes  in,  an'  dar 
dey  are  tooken,  an'  dar  dey  hangs  on  twell  you  shakes  de  box, 
an'  den  dey  drops  out  des  er  dese  yere  fishes  wat  you  git  from 
Savannah,  an'  you  ain't  got  time  fer  ter  look  at  dere  gills  nee- 
der?" 


"Dot  Mexico  Through." 

Two  Germans  met  in  San  Francisco  recently.    After  affection- 
ate greeting,  the  following  dialogue  ensued: 
"Fen  you  said  you  hef  arrived?" 
"Yesterday. " 

"You  came  dot  horn  around?" 
"No." 

"Oh!  I  see,  you  come  dot  Islhmus  across?"" 
"No." 

"Den  you  hef  not  arrived." 
"Oh,  yes!   I  hef  arrived.      I  come  dot  Mexico  through." 


Uncle  Sile's  Gospel  Horn. 

Early  in  the  summer  of  1869,  Ralf  Elmore  erected  a  log  cabin 
upon  the  south  fork  of  Clear  Creek,  about  a  mile  above  the  pres- 
ent mining  village  of  Georgetown,  in  Clear  Creek  County,  Col- 
orado. He  was  a  young  man  of  liberal  education,  a  book-read- 
er, and  an  atheist.  Upon  a  shelf  that  ranged  over  the  fire- 
place of  his  cabin  might  be  seen  a  few  smoky  volumes,  consist- 
ing of  Bible,  Volney's  "Ruins,"  Payne's  "Age  of  Reason,"  and 
a  part  of  the  works  of  Rosseau  and  Voltaire.  He  was  a  calm, 
unexcitable,  good-natured  fellow,  and  nothing  seemed  to  delight 
him  so  much  as  a  controversy  with  one  of  those  Gospel  her- 
alds that  were  often  met  with  in  those  days  upon  the  border,  cal- 
ling it  to  repentance  and  a  remembrance  of  the  Sabbath  day. — 


Amusing.  ANECDOTES.  49 

Perhaps  the  most  noted  of  them  was  Silas  G.  Clark,  or  "Uncle 
Sile, "  as  he  was  familiarly  called.  These  Gospel  pioneers  were 
often  camp-meeting  converts  from  among  the  hunters  of  Mis- 
souri, Kentucky,  and  lUinois,  who  had  crossed  the  Great  Amer- 
ican Desert  with  Hawkins'  long  flint-lock  rifle  upon  their  shoulders 
in  pursuit  of  adventure  associated  with  missionary  labors;  and 
having  provided  themselves  with  a  hymn-book  and  Bible,  tin  horn 
and  a  venerable  pony,  meek  with  years  and  lowly  in  flesh,  they 
would  sally  forth  among  the  mining-camps  of  the  border,  hewing 
away  the  roughness  of  the  pioneer,  that  he  might  be  prepared  for 
the  coming  of  a  more  educated  ministry. 

Uncle  Sile  was  always  a  welcome  guest  at  our  cabin,  and  on 
one  occasion  as  we  were  preparing  for  him  its  evening  hospital- 
ity, Elmore  came  in,  being  on  his  way  home  from  Denver :  he 
had  hardly  become  seated  when  "Uncle  Sile"  turning  upon  his 
seat  towards  him,  threw  his  head  downward  so  as  to  bring  his 
gaze  to  bear  from  over  the  top  of  his  spectacles,  and  after  eye- 
ing him  for  a  time,  he  observed:  "Young  man,  do  you  believe 
in  the  soundings  of  the  Gospel-horn?"  Elmore  paused  for  a 
moment  to  make  a  survey  of  the  source  from  which  this  unex- 
pected question  came,  and  then  led  off  with  a  reply  that  soon 
led  to  a  warm  Biblical  discussion.  Uncle  Sile  would  occasion- 
ally get  a  little  confused,  when  he  would  stop  short,  give  a  toot 
upon  his  horn,  the  Gospel  soundings  of  which  would  seem  to 
rouse  him  up,  when  he  would  start  off  anew,  with  seemingly 
more  clear  and  vigorous  ideas.  Presently  Elmore  began  to 
weave  around  him  the  net-work  of  his  atheistical  doctrines,  and 
at  length,  having  crowded  the  old  man  into  a  tight  place.  Uncle 
Sile  began  to  cough  and  breathe  heavily,  occasionally  wiping 
the  perspiration  from  his  brow  with  his  coat-sleeve,  when,  in  the 
midst  of  a  sentence,  he  paused  and  became  silent.  Turning  to 
look  upon  him,  we  discovered  that  a  cloud  of  wrath  had  settled 
upon  his  brow,  which  was  fast  spreading  downward  over  the  fea- 
tures of  his  face,  and  as  it  culminated  upon  his  quivering  lip  he 
sprang  to  his  feet,  and,  bringing  his  fists  together,  he  exclaimed : 
"You  ungodly   heathen,   1  ken   lick  more  Gospel  into  you  than 


50  ENTERTAINING  Amusing. 

you  desarve,  an'  I'll  do  it. ! "  Thereupon  uncle  Sile  began  to 
throw  his  buckskins,  when  Elmore  made  for  the  outlet  of  the 
cabin,  and  we  saw  him  no  more  that  night.  The  old  man  paced 
up  and  down  the  room  for  a  time,  occasionally  going  to  the  door 
and  throwing  upon  the  stillness  of  the  night  a  blast  of  triumph 
from  his  horn,  when  at  length  he  observed:  "I  know'd  wen 
I  got  rite  up  I  could  make  that  ongodly  heathen  take  water 
mity  quick.  Yer  see,  capun,"  bringing  his  fist  down  upon  the 
table,  "the  Gospel  will  win  every  time  if  yer  will  only  give  her  a 
a  fair  show. " 

The  horn  of  the  old  man  has  long  since  ceased  to  sound  its 
Gospel-calls  along  the  rocky  windings  of  Clear  Creek  Valley, 
and  on  the  mountain  side ;  among  the  silver  firs,  the  miners  dug 
his  grave,  and  carved  his  name  upon  the  moaning  pine.  Here 
is  the  exordium  of  a  sermon  delivered  by  him  to  a  gathering 
of  miners  one  Sunday  morning: 

"My  beloved  brethren,  the  sarmin  that  I  shell  talk  on  is  about 
this,  'Remember  the  Sabbeth  day  an'  keep  it  holy.'  Now,  my 
friends,  it  were  las'  Saterday  nite  a  week  ago,  when  Ike  Miller 
santered  over  to  my  cajpin,  an'  sez  he,  'Uncle  Sile,  s'pose  we 
take  a  hunt  ter  nite  fur  that  bob-tail  wildcat  that's  hangen  'round 
arter  my  last  chicken.'  An'  sez  I,  'Agreed.'  I  were  always 
mighty  fond  o'  coon-huntin'  down  in  the  Ohio  bottoms,  an'  so 
we  tuck  doun  on  Clare  Creek,  an'  arter  santerin'  round  thro'  the 
timber  and  shien  keerfully  along  up  the  north  fork  an'  the  moon 
had  got  smartly  up,  an'  nary  cat  out,  we  kinder  leaned  towards 
hum,  when  Ike's  dog  opened  on  Spring  Branch  with  his  nateral 
yelp,  an'  when  we  got  thar  the  cat  had  tuk  a  fur  tree,  an'  Ike  hed 
chopt  his  foot  rite  smartly  the  day  afore,  helpen'  Joe  Chappy 
thro  a  shingle  tree.  An'  so,  my  beloved  hearers,  it  kinder  fell 
on  me  to  go  up  arter  the  varmint,  an'  when  I  got  up  to  war  the 
critter  sot,  an'  war  about  to  grab  him  by  the  stump  an'  slat  him 
doun,  I  seed  by  the  shinin'  of  his  eyes  that  he  had  an  onusal 
long  tail.  An'  just  then  thar  was  a  Gospel  feelin'  come  over  me 
rite  smartly,  an'  sez  I,  'Ike,  'bout  what  time  mout  it  be?'  an' 
says  he,   'Why  Uncle  Sile,  I  reckon  it's  clus  on  to   mornin,'  an' 


Amusing.  ANECDOTES.  51 

sez  I,  'If  that's  so,  it's  the  Sabbeth  day,  an'  this  here  varmint 
may  go.'  An'  so  I  clum  down  agin,  an'  now,  my  beloved  hear- 
ers, that's  what  the  gospel  sez — 'Remember  the  Sabbeth  day 
and  keep  it  holy.'  " 

Here  Uncle  Sile  gave  a  toot  upon  his  horn,  took  a  drink  from 
a  tin  cup,  and  then  launched  forth  into  his  discourse. 


His   Melons. 


A  policeman  discovered  a  negro  and  a  big  watermelon  in  close 
company  in  an  alley,  and  refusing  the  tempting  slice  held  out 
to  him,  he  said : 

"You  stole  that  melon  on  the  market!" 

"Dars  whar'  yer  off  de  tow-path,  boss — way  off  one  side,"  was 
the  calm  reply. 

"Did  you  buy  it?  Come  along  and  point  out  the  man  you 
bought  it  from. " 

"No,  I  didn't  buy  de  melon,  boss — I  traded  fur  it." 

"What  did  you  trade.  " 

"Now,  boss,  what's  de  use?  Heah  lis,  heah  am  de  melon, 
an'  we  am  jes'  eatin'  each  odder  up  like  a  tornady. " 

"Wliat  did  you  trade?"  persisted  the  officer. 

"Wall,  if  I  mus'  tell,  den  I  mus'.  I  traded  a  mule  an'  a  wag- 
in'  fur  dis  melon. " 

"I  don't  believe  it." 

"I  spected  you  wouldn't,  boss,  kase  you  doan'  reahze  like  I 
do  how  cheap  mules  an'  wagins  hez  become,  an'  how  de  price 
of  melons  hez  scooted  up. " 

"You'll  have  to  come  along,"  said  the  officer. 

"  Now,   boss ! " 

The  officer  stepped  forward  and  discovered  two  more  melons 
behind  a  box.  He  turned  for  an  explanation,  and  the  negro 
said: 

"De  man  frew  in  dese  odder  two  melons  kase  I  frew  in  a 
halter  'long  wid  de  mule !  De  price  of  halters  am  way  down, 
boss." 


52  ENTERTAINING  Amusing. 

Colorado  Distances. 

A  Denver  correspondent  writes:  "All  accustomed  and  habit 
ual  notions  of  distance  brought  hither  from  the  East  are  worse 
than  useless  in  this  rare  and  transparent  atmosphere.  From  the 
windows  of  Denver  the  Rocky  Mountains  look  not  more  than 
five  miles  distant,  and  an  eastern  tourist,  lately  arrived,  remarked 
to  his  friends  the  other  evening  that  he  believed  he  could  walk 
out  to  the  mountains  the  next  morning  and  return  before  break- 
fast. He  was  permitted  to  depart,  as  he  had  announced,  and 
after  an  hour  or  two  a  carriage  was  dispatched  to  overtake  and 
bring  him  in.  The  exhausted  pedestrian  was  found  partially  un- 
dressed on  the  edge  of  one  of  the  little  irrigating  ditches,  two 
or  three  feet  wide,  which  intersect  the  field  in  every  direction, 
and  when  asked  what  he  intended  to  do,  he  answered  that  he 
"proposed  to  swim  that  river."  "Why  don't  you  jump  across?" 
"How  do  I  know  but  it's  half  a  mile  wide?"  answered  the  tired 
and  disgusted  traveler,  who  will  not  soon  repeat  his  experiment 
of  walking  twenty  miles  before  breakfast. 


No  Use  Fighting  Against  Fate. 

A  boy,  about  13  years  old,  was  Saturday  forenoon  dragging  a 
big,  sneakish-looking  cur  along  High  street  to  find  an  owner  for 
the  canine.  Ringing  a  door-bell  he  said  to  the  housemaid  who 
answered  it: 

"  I've  brought  your  dog  home. " 

"My  dog!"  she  exclaimed,  as  she  looked  down  upon  the  em- 
barrassed dog. 

"Yes;  you  gimme  two  shiUings  and  I'll  tie  him  up  in  the  back 
yard." 

"I'll  give  you  a  broom-sticking  if  you  don't  leave!"  she 
screamed,  as  she  grabbed  for  him. 

He  dragged  the  dog  across  the  street  to  where  a  girl  was  scrub- 
bing the  front  steps,  and,  bringing  a  smile  to  his  face,  he  said : 

"Your   feller  in  Chicago  sent  you  this  dorg  by  express  to  put 


Aviusing.  ANECDOTES.  53 

in  your  Christmas  stocking.    The  charges  are  fifty  cents.    Where 
shall  I  tie  him  up?" 

"Git  out  with  ye — I'm  no  geeenhorn!"  she  said,  as  she  raised 
the  brush  to  hit  him. 

The  boy  pulled  on  the  rope  with  both  hands  and  got  the  reluc- 
tant dog  half  a  block  farther,  when  he  met  a  boy  carrying  home 
ten  pounds  of  buckwheat  flour.     He  blocked  the  way  and  said : 

"Bub,  yer  father  told  me  to  bring  this  dorg  up  to  you  and  col- 
thirty  cents. " 

"I  hain't  got  no  farther,"  answered  the  lad. 

"Who  said  you  had — I  was  only  fooling.  Say,  bub,  this  'ere 
is  the  beautifulest  dorg  you  ever  sot  eyes  on.  He  kin  sing, 
dance,  clean  off  the  snow  from  the  walk,  and  bring  in  rabbits 
from  the  country.     I'll  take  a  quarter  for  him," 

"  I  hain't  got  no  money, "  replied  the  boy. 

"I'll  trade  him  for  a  knife." 

"I  hain't  got  no  knife." 

"Any  old  skates?" 

"No,"  answered  the  boy  with  the  flour,  as  he  dodged  around 
the  dog  and  hurried  on. 

The  other  looked  down  on  the  canine  with  mingled  sadness 
and  indignation.  The  dog  braced  back  at  an  acute  angle,  his 
eyes  shut,  and  his  tail  lying  on  the  walk,  waiting  for  the  boy  to 
say: 

"Oh  you  dog!  I  kept  you  hid  away  for  a  week,  and  I've 
nauled  you  all  over  town,  and  you  ain't  even  a  three-cent  dog. 
I've  fit  fate  for  more'n  a  month  to  get  some  chink  for  Christmas, 
and  here  I  am,  dead  broke  and  no  assets  but  you,  you  old  sole 
leather  colored  skulk  !     I've  got  desperate. " 

He  slackened  on  the  rope  to  administer  a  kick,  and  the  dog 
made  a  jump  and  gained  his  liberty.  He  ran  off  around  the 
corner,  and  the  boy  leaned  against  a  tree-box  and  mused : 

"There's  only  one  plan  left.  I'll  take  paregoric  enough  to 
make  me  sleep  from  Monday  night  to  Wednesday  morning,  and 
I  won't  know  nothin'  'bout  Christmas  nor  nothin'  ! " 


54  ENTERTAINING  Amusing. 

The  Bankruptcy  Question. 

"Boggs, "  said  Mrs.  B.  suddenly,  looking  up  from  the  paper 
she  was  reading,  "why  don't  you  go  into  bankruptcy  and  have 
some  style  about  you?" 

"Go  into  bankruptcy?"  repeated  Boggs,   what  for?" 

"Because  it  is  the  fashion,"  replied  Mrs.  B.  "Everybody  who 
is  any  body  goes  into  Bankruptcy  now-a-days.  Our  neighbors 
are  all  getting  the  start  of  us.  Here's  Soggs,  who  lives  across 
the  street,  he  is  in  the  list  to-day.  Now  we  have  lived  in  this 
town  a  good  deal  longer  than  Soggs  has.  Why  couldn't  you 
have  got  your  name  in  the  papers  as  well  as  he?" 

"I  don't  want  my  name  in  the  papers  in  that  way,"  said 
Boggs. 

"That's  the  way;  always  behind  everybody  else.  We  never 
could  hold  our  own  along  with  our  neighbors. " 

"But  we  couldn't  hold  our  own  if  I  went  into  bankruptcy," 
persisted  Boggs. 

"Nonsense,"  cried  Mrs.  B.  "  Don't  the  Squiggses,  who 
went  into  bankruptcy  last  summer,  live  just  as  well,  if  not  a  little 
better  than  before?     Now,  Boggs,  do  oblige  me  by  buying  a  file." 

"Buying  a  file?     What  for?" 

"So  that  you  can  file  your  petition.  Do  it  this  very  day  and 
it  will  be  in  the  morning  papers.  Then  your  wife  and  children 
can  hold  their  heads  up  with  the  best  of  'em.  Somehow  I  feel 
that  we  are  under  a  sort  of  cloud  now.  People  look  at  us  as 
much  as  to  say:  'There's  something  the  matter  with  the 
Boggses. "  *  *  * 

Then  you  won't  become  a  bankrupt  to  maintain  our  social 
position?" 

"No!  I  won't,"  said  Boggs,  bluntly." 

"Then  I  give  you  due  notice  that  I  shall  receive  or  make  no 
more  calls.  I  shall  give  up  our  pew  in  church  and  take  the 
children  out  of  school.  I  shall  close  up  the  house,  give  out  that 
we  have  gone  into  the  country,  and  we  will  all  live  in  the  kitch- 
en. If  we  can't  do  like  the  rest  of  folks  and  be  somebody, 
there  is  no  use  trying  to  live. " 


Amusing.  ANECDOTES.  55 

The  Horrors  of  Boston  Water. 

Prof.  Reinsch  of  Boston  having  carefully  tested  the  water  used 
by  the  Bostonians,  announced  that  the  microscope  revealed  the 
existence  of  fourteen  distinct  animals  in  Boston  water,  belong- 
ing to  the  following  order:  Rhizopoda,  lobeza,  dinobryina,  per- 
iclinia,  rotiferae,  entomostraca,  cladocera,  and  malacostraca. 

Soon  alter,  at  a  confessional  experience  meeting  of  professed 
Boston  drunkards,  the  following  confessions  were  made:  "Yes," 
said  the  first  speaker,  who  clung  tottering  to  the  back  of  his  seat, 
"  I  could  have  reformed  but  for  the  diabolical  Rhizopoda  in  the 
water  of  Boston.  Every  swallow  I  took  sent  hundreds  of  these 
Rhizopodas  into  my  system.  They  reveled  in  my  entrails. — 
They  permeated  to  every  nook  and  cranny  of  my  being.  They 
made  my  life  a  torment  and  drove  me  again  to  rum. " 

"It  was  the  Lobeza  that  ruined  me,"  said  another  red-nosed, 
ragged  object.  "Vainly  I  tried  to  reform.  Vainly  I  essayed 
cold  water.  With  myriads  of  Lobeza  in  every  drop  pouring  in 
hordes  through  the  diaphragm  and  rioting  in  my  duodenum,  des- 
troying appetite  and  consuming  all  the  tissues,  could  I  avoid 
the  temporary  relief  afforded  by  rum?  I  could  not,  and  here 
I  am!" 

A  strong  taint  of  bucket-shop  gin  pervaded  the  air  as  the  next 
speaker  opened  his  mouth,  while  delirium  glared  in  his  eye. — 
"The  Devils  of  Dinobryina  are  in  me  even  now.  I  feel  them  in 
every  nerve  like  consuming  fire.  Gin,  gin,  give  me  gin ! "  and 
he  rushed  howling  from  the  room. 

"Five  years  ago,"  said  the  fourth  speaker,  "I  swore  never  to 
touch  another  drop  of  liquor.  That  very  day,  for  the  first  time, 
I  swallowed  a  glass  of  Boston  Water.  A  Rotiferoe  lay  there  in 
ambush.  I  swallowed  him.  Neither  by  day  nor  by  night  has 
that  Rotiferae  within  me  ceased  his  rotations.  Sometimes  he  is 
in  my  head;  sometimes  in  my  heels.  Whisky  alone  will  quiet 
his  rotations  and  my  misery. " 

"If  the  prohibitionists,"  said  the  next  party,  "can  prohibit 
Periclinia  and  Entomostracas,  let  'em  try  it  on  me.  I  am  their 
victim. " 


56  ENTERTAINING  Amusing. 

"And  I  have  the  Cladoceras, "  said  another.  "What  avails 
total  abstinence  and  cold  water  when  every  draught  brings  a 
new  army  of  such  monsters  to  devastate  one's  innards?" 

The  last  man  said:  "Mine  is  the  Malacostraca,  from  the  Bos- 
ton water.  Dislodge  him  I  cannot.  Gin  and  bitters  only  will 
quiet  him.  I  have  to  choose  between  the  agony  of  the  Mala- 
costracas  devouring  me  and  drunkenness. " 

Then  they  all  went  off  together  to  a  forlorn  looking  saloon,  and 
as  they  huddled  at  the  bar  were  heard  calling,  one  after  another, 
"I  want  something  for  my  Rhizopodaz"  "Give  us  an  anti-Lo- 
beza  cocktail!"  "Some  Periclinia  antidote  from  the  jug  in  the 
-coner  there!"  "Rotiferce  curative  bitters!"  "Make  me  an  En- 
tomostraca  punch  exterminator!"  "Gim-me  some  o'  that  brandy 
to  knock  the  spots  out  o'  them  Cladoceras!"  "Quick,  bar-keep- 
er, some  gin !  The  Malacostracas  inside  o'  me  are  bitin'  like 
thunder!" 


Didn't  Find  Richmond. 

A  dozen  or  more  idlers  around  the  Central  Market,  New  York, 
were  taking  a  deep  interest  in  a  war  map  published  in  a  New 
York  daily  paper,  when  Brother  Gardner,  the  old  colored  man, 
pushed  his  way  into  the  throng  and  closely  studied  the  map  for 
a  minute  or  two. 

"Whai-*  bouts  on  ^is  map  is  ole  Virginny?"  he  suddenly  called 
out. 

"It  isn't   on  there  at  all,"  answered  one  of  the  crowd. 

"Whar"  bouts  on  dis  map  is  Richmond!"  continued  Gardner, 
running  his  finger  over  the  paper  in  a  wild  way. 

How  do  you  expect  to  find  Richmond  on  this  map  of  Eu- 
rope?" asked  a  bystander. 

"Hov/  do  I  'spect?  Why  sah,  what  has  de  map  of  Europe  to 
do  widout  Richmond?  Wasn't  dar  more  fightin'  aroun'  Rich- 
mond den  you  could  scare  up  in  all  Europe  in  ten  years?  Have 
dey  gone  an'  ignored  dat  fact?  Have  dey  got  out  a  map  an'^ 
left  dat  town  out    in  de  cold?     Somebody  find  de  town  for  me, 


Amusing.  ANECDOTES.  57 

an'  I'll  show  you  de  exact  spot  where  I  was  hit  in  de  chin  by  a 
cannon  ball,  an'  wounded  all  to  pieces. 

"Go  away — this  is  a  war  map  of  Turkey  and  Russia." 

"Widout  any  Richmond  on  it?" 

"No,  sir — Richmond  isn't  here." 

"Den  I  am  gwine  right  away — gwine  to  git  right  out'n  dis 
crowd,  in  a  hurry !  After  all  us  folks  fought  an'  bled,  an'  died 
down  dar,  an'  left  our  bones  to  bleech  in  de  sun,  it's  a  perfeck 
insult,  sah,  to  come  aroun'  heah  wid  a  new  wah-map  showin'  de 
Black  Sea  as  big  as  a  meetin-house,  an'  leavin  Richmond  clar  off 
de  fair-grounds  entirely !  Come  away  from  dat  fraud,  you  cull'd 
folks." 


She  Meant   Business. 

There  is  no  reason  why  the  inventor  ot  a  remedy  to  "cure  the 
worst  case  of  catarrh  inside  of  five  minutes''  shouldn't  feel  it  his 
duty  to  place  a  bottle  of  the  same  in  every  person's  hand — 
"price  twenty-five  cents;  no  cure,  no  pay."  Therefore,  the 
long-legged  chap  who  pulled  a  door-bell  violently  on  John  R. 
Street  had  none  of  that  timidity  in  his  bearing  which  character- 
izes rag-buyers,  lightning-rod  men,  and  solicitors  for  the  fire  suff- 
erers. He  had  a  good  thing,  and  he  knew  it,  and  he  wanted 
other  folks  to  know  it.  When  the  door  opened  and  a  hard- 
featured  woman  about  forty  years  of  age  confronted  him,  he 
pleasantly  went  to  business,  and  asked: 

"Madam,  is   your  husband  ever  troubled  with  the  catarrh?" 

"Can  a  man  who  has  been  dead  seven  years  be  troubled  with 
the  catarrh?"  she  grimly  replied. 

"But  the  children  are  liable  to  be  attacked  at  any  hour  this 
season, "  he  remarked. 

"Whose  children?" 

"Yours,  madam." 

"I  Never  had  any,  sir!  What  brought  you  here  any  how? — 
Why  do  you  come  asking  those  questions?" 

"Madam,  I  have   compounded    a  remedy  for  the  catarrh.     It 


S8  ENTERTAINING  Amusing. 

is  a  good  thing.  I'll  warrant  it  to  knock  any  case  of  catarrh  sky- 
high  in  less  than  five  minutes. " 

"Well,  sir,  what's  all  this  to  me." 

"Why  madam — why — "  he  stammered. 

"Do  I  look  as  if  I  needed  any  catarrh  remedies?"  she  deman- 
ded, as  she  stepped  out  on  the  platform. 

"Madam,  I  would  not  for  the  world  have  you  think  that  I 
thought  you  had  the  catarrh,  but  I  suppose  the  fair  and  lovely 
can  be  attacked,  as  well  as  the  strong  and  brave. " 

"And  what  have  I  to  do  with  all  that  rigmarole?  Who  are 
you,  sir,  and  what  do  you  want?" 

"Madam, "he  whispered,  backing  down  one  step,  "I  have 
compounded  a  remedy  for  the  catarrh. " 

"Whose  catarrh?" 

"Madam,  I  am  selling  my  catarrh — " 

"Where  is  your  catarrh — where  is  it?"  she  interrupted. 

He  got  down  a  second  step,  and  softly  began : 

"  Madam,  I  have  a  sure  cure  for  the  catarrh,  and  I  am  selling 
lots  of  it." 

"Well,  what  do  I  care!  Must  you  ring  my  door  bell  to  tell 
me  that  you  are  selling  lots  of  catarrh  medicine?" 

He  got  down  on  the  walk,  clear  off  the  steps,  and  he  tried 
hard  to  look  beautiful  around  the  mouth  as  he  explained : 

"Madam,  didn't  I  ask  you  if  your  husband  was  ever  troubled 
with  catarrh?" 

"Yes,  sir,  and  didn't  I  reply  that  he  was  dead?  Do  you  want 
to  see  his  grave,  sir?" 

"No,  madam,  I  do  not,  I'm  sorry  he's  dead,  but  my  catarrh 
remedy  can't  help  him  any.     Good-by,  madam. " 

"Here,  sir,  hold  a  minute!"  she  called,  "what  was  your  busi- 
ness with  me?" 

"  Why,  I  have  a  remedy  for  the  catarrh. " 

"  So  you  said  before. " 

"I  asked  you  if  you  didn't  want  to  purchase,  and — " 

"You  are  a  falsifier,  sir,  you  never  asked  me  to  purchase! 

"Do — you — want — a — bottle?"  he  slowly  asked. 


Amusing.  ANECDOTES.  59 

"Yes,  sir:  give  me  two  of  them:  here's  your  money !  Next 
time  you  want  to  sell  your  catarrh  remedy,  don't  begin  to  talk 
around  about  the  discovery  of  America.  Here  youv'e  bothered 
me  fifteen  minutes,  and  put  all  my  work  behind,  and  it's  good 
for  you  I  didn't  bring  the  broom  to  the  door ! " 

He  retreated  backward  through  the  gate,  his  left  eye  squint- 
ing up  and  his  mouth  open.  He  shut  the  gate,  leaned  over  it 
and  looked  long  at  the  front  door.     By-and-by  he  said : 

"Well,  well!     You  can  never  tell  where  to  find  'em." 


Marc  Antony's   Oration  Over   Caesar. 

Friends,  Romans,  countrymen!     Lend  me  your  ears! 

I  will  return  them  next  Saturday.     I  come 

To  bury  Csesar,  because  the  times  are  hard. 

And  his  folks  can't  afford  to  hire  an  undertaker. 

The  evil  that  men  do  lives  after  them 

In  the  shape  of  progeny,  who  reap 

The  benefit  of  their  life  insurance. 

So  let  it  be  with  the  deceased. 

Brutus  hath  told  you  Ci^sar  was  ambitious. 

What  does  Brutus  know  about  it? 

It  is  none  of  his  funeral.     Would  that  it  werel 

Here  under  leave  of  you  I  come  to 

Make  a  speech  at  Caesar's  funeral. 

He  was  my  friend,  faithful  and  just  to  me; 

He  loaned  me  $5  once  when  I  was  in  a  pinch, 

And  signed  my  petition  for  a  post-office. 

But  Brutus  says  he  was  ambitious. 

Brutus  should  wipe  off  his  chin. 

C^sar  hath   brought  many  captives  home  to  Rome 

Who  broke  rock  on  the  streets  until  their  ransoms 

Did  the  general   coffers  fill. 

When  that  the  poor  hath  cried,   Cfesar   hath   wept, 

Because  it  did't  cost  anything,   and 

Made  him   solid  with  the  masses. 


€o  ENTERTAINING     .  Amusing. 

Ambition  should  be  made  of  sterner  stuflf, 

Yet  Brutus  says  he  was  ambitious. 

Brutus  is  a  liar,  and  I  can  prove  it. 

You  all  did  see  that  on  the  Lupercal 

I  thrice  presented  him  a  kingly  crown 

Which  he  did  thrice  refuse,  because  it  did  not  fit  him  quite. 

Was  that  ambition?     Yet  Brutus  says  he  was  ambitious. 

Brutus  is  not  only  the  biggest  liar  in  the  country, 

But  he  is  a  horse-thief  of  the  deepest  dye. 

If  you  have  tears,  prepare  to  shed  them  now. 

You  all  do  know  this  ulster. 

I  remember  the  first  time  ever  Csesar  put  it  on. 

It  was  on  a  summer's  evening  in  his  tent. 

With  the   thermometer   registering  90°  in  the   shade; 

But  it  was  an  ulster  to  be  proud  of, 

And  cost  him  |7  at  Marcaius  Swartzmeyer's, 

Corner  of  Broad  and  Ferry  streets,  sign  of  the  red  flag. 

Old   Swartz   wanted  ;^40  for  it, 

But   finally   came  down  to  $7,  because  it  was  Caesar  1 

Was  this  ambitious  ?     If  Brutus  says  it  was 

He  is  a  greater  liar  than  old  Satan ! 

Look!  in  this  place  ran  Cassius'  dagger  through: 

Through  the  son  of  a  gun  of  a  Brutus  stabbed. 

And  when  he  plucked  his  cursed  steel  away, 

Marc  Antony,  how  the  blood  of  Cassar  followed  itl 

I  come  not,  friends,  to  steal  away  your  hearts. 

I  am  no  thief  as  Brutus  is. 

Brutus  has  the  monopoly  in  all  that  business, 

And  if  he  had  his  deserts  he  would  be 

In  the  penitentiary,  and  don't  you  forget  it. 

Kind  friends,  sweet  friends,  I  do  not  wish  to  stir  you  up 

To  such  a  sudden  flood  of  mutiny. 

And  as  it  loo^ks  like  rain, 

The  pall-bearers  will  please  place  the  coflSn  in  the  hearse, 

And  we  will  proceed  to  bury  Caesar, 

Not  to  praise  him. 


Amusing.  ANECDOTES.  6i 

A  Scared  Conductor. 
Sweet  are  the  uses  of  retributive  justice.  In  passing  through 
a  train  on  the  New  York  Central  Railroad  to  collect  tickets,  the 
conductor  encountered,  east  of  Utica,  a  colored  man  who  had 
neither  ticket  nor  medium  of  exchange,  and,  after  a  desultory 
discussion,  stopped  the  cars  and  kicked  him  off  the  platform. — 
A  few  weeks  afterward,  the  conductor  took  a  chair  in  a  barber- 
shop in  Albany,  under  the  ministration  of  a  colored  man.  The 
barber  covered  his  customer's  face  with  lather,  whipped  out  a 
glittering  razor,  and,  while  he  was  improving  its  edge  by  means 
of  a  strop  that  dangled  from  the  wall,  remarked  to  the  gentle- 
man in  the  chair:  "Say,  boss,  you  doesen't  know  me,  does 
you?"  Does  you  remember  de  fellah  you  lambed  from  your 
train  up  at  Tribes  Hill?"  Dat  was  a  bad  thing  for  you  to  do, 
sail,  an'  I  remembers  it  well."  Right  here  the  conductor  bound- 
ed from  his  chair  and  danced  around  the  room  with  the  lather 
dripping  from  his  chin  and  his  hair  standing  on  end.  He  was 
finally  induced  to  resume  his  seat,  on  the  barber's  pledging  him- 
self to  do  no  mischief,  but  he  did  not  enjoy  the  shave,  and 
breathed  more  freely  when  he  was  outside  of  the  shop. 


Anchoring  a  Horse. 

They  tell  a  good  story  of  an  old  mariner  who  keeps  a  little  ho- 
tel down  here  (writes  a  correspondent  from  Coney  Island,  New 
York's  celebrated  seaside  resort).  His  wife  was  very  anxious  to 
have  a  horse,  an  animal  in  which  the  old  gentleman  took  but 
little  stock,  and  the  old  lady  finally  won  her  point,  and  got  her 
horse. 

The  steed  was  of  an  erratic  and  playful  disposition,  and  used, 
on  the  least  provocation,  to  tear  madly  along  the  beach,  and  suc- 
ceded  in  spilling  the  old  lady  out  several  times.  At  last  the 
Captain,  who  had  never  driven  the  beast,  volunteered  to  break 
him  of  his  vicious  habit;  so,  getting  another  old  salt  to  assist 
him,  he  procured  a  kedge  anchor  with  a  stout  line  attached. 

Fastening  the  end  of  the  line  ground  the  axle,  and  putting 
the  anchor  in  the  wagon,  the  fiery  untamed  was  hitched  up,  and 


62  ENTERTAINING  Amusing. 

the  two  old  gents  started  out  for  a  drive  along  the  shore.  Soon 
the  vivacious  charger  espied  something  which  gave  him  an  ex- 
cuse to  run  away,  and  immediately  dashed  off  with  frightful 
velocity. 

The  Captain  dropped  the  reins,  and  summoned  all  hands  to 
"let  go  the  anchor."  The  anchor  was  let  go,  and  caught  firmly 
in  the  sand.  The  unsuspecting  quadruped  pranced  joyously 
along  until  he  got  to  the  end  of  the  rope,  and  then  he  paused — 
paused  so  suddenly  that  the  wagon  was  demolished,  and  the  two 
old  gentlemen  shot  up  into  the  air,  like  a  couple  of  sky-rockets, 
coming  down  in  a  fearfully-dilapidated  condition. 


—  There  is  a  boy  in  Dublin  so  bright,  that  his  mother  looks 
at  him  through  smoked  glass. 

—  Wilson,  the  celebrated  vocalist,  was  upset  one  day  in  his 
carriage.  A  scotch  paper  relating  the  accident,  said,  "We  are 
happy  to  say,  that  he  was  able  to  appear  the  following  evening 
in  three  pieces. " 

—  A  man  seing  a  child  playing  with  a  chisel,  informed  its 
mother  that  her  son  had  the  chisel.  "Mercy  on  me,"  said  the 
woman,  "I  knew  something  was  the  matter,  for  the  child  has 
been  ailing  for  some  time.  " 

—  An  old  woman  unable  to  read,  on  receiving  a  letter  from 
an  absent  son,  asked  a  friend  to  read  it  to  her.  It  read,  "Dear 
mother. "  Upon  the  reader  making  a  stop  to  find  out  what  fol- 
lowed, as  the  writing  was  rather  bad,  the  old  lady  exclaimed, 
"  Oh,  it's  from  poor  Jerry,  he  always  stuttered.  " 

—  "John,  did  you  take  the  note  to  Mr.  Jones!"  "Yes,  but  I 
don't  think  he  can  read  it."  "Why  so,  John?"  "Because  he  is 
blind,  sir.  While  I  wur  in  the  room,  he  axed  me  twice  where 
my  hat  was,  and  it  wur  on  my  head  all  the  time. " 

—  A  Frenchman  showed  a  sword,  which  he  said  was  the  one 
Balaam  had.  A  spectator  said  "Balaam,  had  no  sword,  only 
wished  for  one.     "Vel,  zis  is  ze  sword  he  wished  for." 


Amusing.  ANECDOTES.  6j 

—  During  the  debate  in  the  Federal  Congress,  on  the  estab- 
lishment of  an  army,  a  member  offered  a  resolution  that  it  should 
never  exceed  three  thousand  men,  whereupon  Washington 
moved  an  amendment,  that  no  enemy  should  ever  invade  the 
Country  with  over  two  thousand  men. 

—  A  young  lady  being  asked  where  her  native  place  was,  re- 
pHed,  "  I  have  none,  I  am  the  daughter  of  a  Methodist  preacher. " 

—  "It's  a  great  comfort  to  be  left  alone,"  said  an  Irish  lover, 
"especially  when  your  sweet  heart  is  wid you." 

—  A  Scotch  minister  said  he  had  preached  two  and  a  half 
hours  the  previous  day.  A  man  asked  him  whether  he  was  not 
tired  to  death.  "Aw,  na, "  said  he.  "I  was  as  fresh  as  a  rose, 
but  it  would  ha  done  your  heart  good  to  see  how  tired  the  con- 
gregation was. " 

—  A  mother  down  east  was  so  kind  that  she  gave  her  child 
chloroform,  before  she  whipped  it. " 

—  "Father,  havn't  you  had  another  wife?  The  Bible  says  you 
married  Anno  Domini  1835." 

—  Two  Irishmen  took  refuge  under  the  bed  clothes  from  the 
mosquitoes.  At  last  one  of  them  ventured  to  peep  out,  and  see- 
ing a  firefly,  said  to  his  companion,  "Mickey,  it's  no  use,  here's- 
one  of  the  craythers  searching  for  us  wid  a  lajitern. " 

—  "Are  you  the  mate  of  this  ship?"  said  a  passenger  to  the- 
cook.  "No,  sir,  I  am  the  man  that  cooks  the  mate,"  said  the- 
Irishman. 

—  "Are  these  pure  canaries,"  said  a  young  lady.  "Yes,, 
ma'am,"  said  the  dealer,  "I  raised  them  ere  birds  from  canary. 
seed. " 

—  "Do  you  like  cod-fish  balls,  Mr.  Stubb?"  "I  do'nt  know^ 
Miss,  I  never  attend  any. " 

—  A  tourist  was  found  at  Mt.  Vernon  weeping  over  the  sup'- 
posed  tomb  of  Washington,  but  which  turned  out  to  be  the  ice 
house. 


«4  ENTERTAINING  Amusing. 

—  Upon  reading  the  Declaration  of  Independence,  in  an  east- 
ern- town,  by  a  citizen,  a  countryman  being  present  made  this 
comment:  "Oh,  he  read  it  well  enough,  but  I'm  blamed  if  I 
believe  he  ever  wrote  it. " 

—  "Do  you  think  raw  oysters  are  healthy?"  asked  a  lady  of 
her  physician.     "Yes,  he   replied,  "I   never  knew  one  to  com- 

,  plain." 

—  The  Chinese  think  dancing  a  useless  fatigue.  When  Com. 
Anson  gave  a  ball  at  Canton,  a  Chinaman,  observing  the  dan- 
cing, said:     "Why  don't  you  let  your  servants  do  this  for  you?" 

—  A  car  conductor  said  to  a  lady  from  the  country.  Miss, 
your  fare."  "I  want  none  of  your  impertinence,"  was  the  re- 
sponse. 

—  Verdict  of  a  jury.  "We  find  the  man  who  stole  the  horse 
*not  guilty. " 

—  Pat  having  blistered  his  fingers  in  trying  on  a  new  pair  of 
boots,  exclaimed,  "I  shall  never  get  them  on  at  all,  until  I 
wear  them  a  day  or  two." 

—  A  man  suddenly  made  rich  bought  an  expensive  carpet- 
He  said  to  a  visitor:  "There,  sir,  is  one  of  the  best  carpets  Mr. 
Brussels  ever  made. " 

—  A  little  Scotch  peasant  girl  arriving  at  the  turnpike  gate,  on 
the  outskirts  of  Glasgow,  asked,  "Is  this  Glasgow?"  On  be- 
ing answered  affirmatively,  she  said:  "Is  Peggy  in?"  Somewhat 
like  Dickens,  who,  on  his  landing  in  America,  asked  the  first  man 
he  met,  if  he  could  tell  him  where  Bryant  lived. 

—  A  clergyman  who  bought  his  sermon  ready  written,  but 
supposed  that  fact  unknown,  preached  at  a  distant  church,  and 
ibelieving  his  sermon  popular,  asked  the  sexton  how  it  was  liked : 

"Very  much,  we  always  did  like  that  sermon, "  was  his  response, 

—  A  robust  countryman  hid  as  a  doctor  approached,  saying: 
"^It  is  so  long  since  I  have  been  sick,  that  I  am  ashamed  to  look 
ra  physician  in  the  face. " 


ANECDOTES.  65 


PERSONAL. 


Solving  The  Problem. 

During  a  critical  period  of  the  war,  two  gentlemen  were  con- 
sulting with  Mr.  Lincoln  on  an  important  matter  which  required 
a  prompt  decision.  Observing  that  other  persons  were  waiting 
one  of  them  remarked  that  his  work  seemed  to  be  endless,  for 
as  soon  as  one  matter  was  adjusted  another  arose,  and  that 
many  matters  must  be  brought  before  him  which  it  would  be  im- 
possible for  any  man  to  settle.  "That  reminds  me  of  a  man 
out  West,"  said  Mr.  Lincoln.  "He  lived  away  out  West,  where 
he  had  no  neighbors,  and  worked  his  farm  himself.  One  day  some 
friends  visited  him  and  walked  out  to  look  at  the  place.  The 
host  pointed  out  the  use  of  this  and  that  lot,  and  in  one  which 
he  said  he  was  going  to  plow,  the  visitors  observed  an  immense 
tree  which  had  been  cut  down  recently.  They  asked  him  what 
he  was  going  to  do  with  that  big  tree.  'Well,'  said  he,  that 
tree  has  caused  me  considerable  perplexity.  I  couldn't  make  up 
my  mind  just  what  to  do  about  it.  It  is  so  green  that  I  can't 
burn  it;  it  would  take  ten  pair  of  oxen  to  drag  it  off,  and  I 
have  only  one  pair";  and  if  I  take  the  time  necessary  to  dig  a 
hole  to  bury  it  in  it  will  make  me  late  with  my  plowing.  This 
morning,  however,  I  solved  the  problem.  I  determined  just  t© 
plow  around  it.'  " 


66  ENTERTAINING  Personal. 

Anecdote  of  Geo.  Washington  and  Thos.  Jefferson. 

The"  following  extract  is  from  a  letter  written  by  the  noted 
publicist,  Francis  Lieber,  a  short  time  before  his  death,  and  was 
directed  to  his  friend,  Gen.  James  A.  Garfield.  It  was  dated  at 
New  York,  and,  after  the  formal  introduction,  it  proceeded  as 
follows : 

An  incident  of  more  than  usual  interest  occured  to-day,  just 
after  the  class  in  Constitutional  Law  was  dismissed,  at  the  Uni- 
versity. I  had  been  lecturing  upon  the  advantages  of  the  bi-ca- 
meral system,  had  dismissed  the  class,  and  was  about  to  leave 
the  room,  when  a  young  man,  who  I  knew  had  taken  instruction 
under  Laboulaye,  in  Paris,  approached  me,  and  said  that  what  I 
had  urged  in  regard  to  the  bi-cameral  system  reminded  him  of  a 
story  which  he  had  heard  Laboulaye  relate.  I  was  interested,  of 
course,  and  as  the  class  gathered  around,  he  proceeded  with  the 
following : 

Laboulaye  said,  in  one  of  his  lectures,  that  Jefferson,  who 
had  beome  so  completely  imbued  with  French  ideas  as  even  to 
admire  the  unicameral  system  of  legislation,  one  day  visited 
Washington  at  Mt.  Vernon,  and,  in  the  course  of  the  conversa- 
tion that  ensued,  the  comparative  excellence  of  the  two  sys- 
tems came  up  for  consideration.  After  considerable  had  been 
said  upon  both  sides,  finally,  at  the  tea-table,  Washington  turn- 
ing sharply  to  Jefferson,  said : 

"You,  sir,  have  just  demonstrated  the  superior  excellence  of 
the  bi-cameral  system,  by  your  own  hand. " 

"I!     How  is  that?"   said  Jefferson,  not  a  little  surprised. 

"You  have  poured  your  tea  from  your  cup  out  into  the  saucer 
to  cool.  We  want  the  bi-cameral  system  to  cool  things.  A 
measure  originates  in  one  House,  and  in  heat  is  passed.  The 
other  House  will  serve  as  a  wonderful  cooler;  and,  by  the  time 
it  is  debated  and  modified  by  various  amendments  there,  it  is 
much  more  likely  to  become  an  equitable  law.  No,  we  can't 
get  along  without  the  saucer  in  our  system. " 

Jefferson,   of  course,  saw  that  a  point  had  been  made  against 


Personal  ANECDOTES.  Sf 

his  argument;  but  whether  he  was  frank    enough  to  say  so,  the.- 
story-teller  did  not  relate. 


Rev.  Dr.  Lyman   Beecher. 

The  doctor  once  engaged  to  preach,  by  way  of  exchange,  for- 
a  country  minister,  and  the  Sabbath  proved  to  be  excessively 
cold  and  stormy.  It  was  mid-winter,  and  the  snow  was  piled  in 
heaps  all  along  the  roads,  so  as  to  make  the  passage  very  diffi- 
cult. Still  the  doctor  urged  his  horse  through  the  drifts,  till  he 
reached  the  church,  put  his  horse  into  a  shed,  and  went  in. 
As  yet,  there  was  no  person  in  the  house,  and  after  looking 
about,  he  took  his  seat  in  the  pulpit.  Soon  the  door  opened, 
and  a  single  individual  walked  up  the  aisle,  looked  about,  and . 
took  a  seat. 

The  hour  came  for  commencing  service,  but  there  were  no  • 
more  hearers.  Whether  to  preach  to  such  an  audience  or  not., 
was  only  a  momentary  question  with  Lyman  Beecher.  He  felt: 
that  he  had  a  duty  to  perform,  and  that  he  had  no  right  to  refuse 
to  do  it,  because  one  man  only  could  reap  benefit;  and  accord- 
ingly he  went  through  all  the  services,  praying,  singing,  preach- 
ing, and  benediction,  with  one  hearer.  And  when  all  was  over, 
he  hastened  down  from  the  desk  to  speak  to  the  "congregation," 
but  he  had  departed. 

So  rare  a   circumstance  was,  of  course,  occasionally  referred 
lO,  but  twenty  years  after,  a  very  delightful  discovery  came  to 
light  in  connection  with    this  service.     The  good  doctor   was 
traveling  somewhere  in  Ohio,  and  on  alighting  from  the  stage  in 
a  pleasant  village,  a  gentleman  stepped  up  to  him  and  familiar- 
ly called  him  by  his  name.     "I  do  not  remember  yon,"  said  Dr. 
B.     "I    suppose   not,"   said  the  stranger,   "but   we  spent   two 
hours  together  in  a  house,  alone,  once,  in  a  storm."     "I  do  not 
recall  it,  sir,"  added  the  old    minister;  "pray,  where  was  it?" — 
"Do  you  remember  preaching  twenty  years  ago,  in  such  a  place,. 
to  a  single  person?"     "Yes,  yes,  "said  the  doctor,  grasping  his - 
hand,  "I  do  indeed;  and  if  you  are  the  man,  I  have  been  wish- 


68  ENTERTAINING  Personal 

ing  to  see  you  ever  since."  "I  am  the  man,  sir;  and  that  ser- 
mon saved  my  soul,  made  a  minister  of  me,  and  yonder  is  my 
church!     The  converts  of  that  sermon  are  all  over  Ohio!" 

So  striking  a  result  made  no  little  impression  on  the  doctor's 
mind.  He  learned  that  the  man  was  at  the  time  a  lawyer,  who 
was  in  the  town  on  business,  and  tired  of  a  Sunday  morning  at 
a  country  hotel,  went  despite  of  the  storm,  to  church,  and  heard 
that  sermon.  The  doctor  added,  "I  think  that  was  about  as 
satisfactory  an  audience  as  I  ever  had." 


Duke  of  W^ellington's  Coolness. 

Once,  when  in  a  fog  in  the  morning,  as  he  was  pursuing  the 
French,  he  found  a  division  of  his  men,  under  Sir  William  Ers- 
kine,  much  exposed  in  advance,  and  nearly  separated  from  the 
rest  of  the  army,  and  the  French  in  a  village  within  a  mile  of 
where  he  was  standing.  He  could  see  nothing;  but  on  some 
prisoners  being  brought  in,  and  being  asked  what  French  divis- 
ion and  how  many  men  were  in  the  village,  they,  to  the  dismay 
•of  every  one  except  Wellington,  said  that  the  whole  French  ar- 
my were  there.  All  he  said  was,  quite  coolly,  "Oh,  they  are 
all  there,  are  they?  Well,  we  must  mind  a  little  what  we  are 
about,  then."  Another  time,  soon  after  the  battle  of  Fuentes 
d'Onore,  and  when  we  were  waiting  in  our  position  near  them 
to  risk  an  attack,  to  protect  the  siege  of  Almeyda,  one  morning 
suddenly  and  early  Lord  Almeyer  came  in  to  him,  whilst  he  was 
shaving,  to  tell  him  the  French  were  all  off,  and  the  last  cavalry 
mounting  to  be  gone;  the  consequence  of  which  movement 
relieved  them  entirely,  gave  him  Almeyda,  and  preserved  Portu- 
gal. He  only  took  the  razor  off  for  a  moment,  and  said,  "Ay,  I 
thought  they  meant  to  be  off;  very  well. "  And  then  another 
shave,  just  as  before,  and  not  another  word  till  he  was  dressed. 
I  find,  however,  it  is  said  he  magnifies  the  French  now  and  then: 
sees  double  as  to  the  number  of  blue  uniforms,  and  cannot  see 
all  the  scarlet;  but  I  believe  most  men  in  his  situation  do  this 
more  or  less. 


Personal  ANECDOTES.  69 

Prof.  Henry  and  President  Lincoln. 

One  day  early  in  the  War  a  loyalist  went  with  much  mystery 
to  Mr.  Lincoln,  to  whom  he  desired  to  communicate  informa- 
tion of  great  importance.  He  looked  suspiciously  at  an  elderly 
and  grave  gentleman  who  was  seated  with  the  President.  "O, 
you  needn't  mind  him,"  said  Mr.  Lincoln,  "he  is  my  friend,  and 
I  can  trust  him."  The  man  went  on  to  say  that  he  had  observed 
a  light  displayed  on  the  tower  of  the  Smithsonian  Institution 
every  night,  at  regular  intervals,  a  mysterious  light,  with  myste- 
rious motions,  like  a  signal  light.  "And,"  he  added  in  a  sugges- 
tive whisper,  "they  do  say  that  some  of  them  Professors  over 
there  are  Secesh,  and  maybe  they  are  communicating  with  the 
rebels. "  The  President,  with  a  comical  smile  turned  to  his  com- 
panion and  said,  "What  have  you  to  say  to  that,  Prof  Henry?" 
The  Professor,  who  had  sat  uneasily  during  the  first  part  of  the 
interview,  burst  into  a  hearty  laugh.  The  mysterious  light  was 
in  the  lantern  of  an  observer,  whose  business  it  was  to  look  alter 
the  meteorological  apparatus  hy  night. 


William  III. 
There  is  a  pleasant  little  anecdote  about  the  Hero  of  the 
Boyne — the  hard,  stern  warrior,  with  his  eagle  eye  and  nose — 
that  belongs  to  Kensington  Palace,  which  we  relate  in  Leigh 
Hunt's  words.  "A  tap  was  heard  one  day,  at  his  closet  door, 
while  his  secretary  was  in  attendance.  'Who  is  there?'  said  the 
King.  'Lord  Buck,'  answered  the  little  voice  of  a  child  of  four 
years  of  age.  It  was  Lord  Buckhurst,  the  son  of  His  Majest/s 
Lord  High  Chamberlain,  the  Earl  of  Dorset.  'And  what  does 
Lord  Buck  want?'  returned  William,  opening  the  door.  'You 
to  be  a  horse  to  my  coach,' rejoined  the  little  magnate;  'I've 
wanted  you  a  long  time.'  WiUiam  smiled  upon  his  httle  friend 
with  an  amiableness  which  the  secretary  had  never  before 
thought  his  countenance  capable  of  expressing,  and,  taking  the 
string  of  the  toy  in  his  hand,  dragged  it  up  and  down  the  long 
gallery  till  his  playfellow  was  satisfied.  How  one  likes  the  story! 
It  opens  a   window  in   William's  harrassed  breast,  which  shows 


70  ENTERTAINING  Personal. 

there  were  genial,    loving,  and  fatherly  affections  there.     It  is  a 
pity  he  had  not  a  little  boy  of  his  own  to  play  with. 


The  Great  Economist,  Thomas  Guy. 

This  man  was  so  complete  an  exemplar  of  economy,  that  the 
celebrated  Vulture  Hopkins  once  called  upon  him  to  learn  a  les- 
son in  the  art  of  saving.  On  being  introduced  into  the  parlor,. 
Guy,  not  knowing  his  visitor,  lighted  a  candle;  but  when  Hop- 
kins said,  "Sir,  I  always  thought  myself  perfect  in  the  art  of 
getting  and  husbanding  money,  but  being  told  that  you  far  ex- 
ceeded me,  I  have  taken  the  liberty  of  waiting  upon  you  to  be 
satisfied  on  this  subject."  "If  this  is  all  your  business,"  replied 
Guy,  "we  can  as  well  talk  it  over  in  the  dark  as  in  the  light,"  at 
the  same  time  carefully  putting  out  his  farthing  candle  with  the 
the  extinguisher.  This  was  evidence  enough  to  Hopkins,  who  ac- 
knowledged Guy  to  be  his  master,  and  took  his  leave. 


Anecdote  of  Chief  Justice  Chase's  Parents. 

The  late  Chief  Justice  Chase's  mother  once  bore  her  part  in  a 
little  comedy  which  was  almost  Shakspearean.  With  her  hus- 
band she  was  visiting  two  of  his  brothers,  who  Avere  also  married. 
The  three  gentlemen,  sitting  and  talking  together,  made  some 
playful  wagers  on  the  subjects  of  their  wives'  tempers,  and  agreed 
to  test  them.  So,  walking  into  the  room  where  the  three  ladies 
were  seated  at  the  fireside  making  caps,  which  at  that  time  were 
very  fashionable,  the  trial  began.  The  first  brother,  after  some 
slighting  remarks  concerning  caps  in  general,  and  his  wife's  handi- 
work in  particular,  commanded  her  to  throw  it  in  the  fire. 
Naturally  the  indignant  lady  paid  small  attention  to  the  order. 
The  next  brother's  attempt  met  with  the  same  result;  but  no 
sooner  did  the  Chief  Justice's  father  command  his  wife  to  toss 
her  cap  into  the  fire,  than  the  cap  went  into  the  flames,  and  that 
in  the  most  prompt,  sweet  and  serene  manner.  It  may,  perhaps, 
be  unnecessary  to  add  that  of  the  three  husbands  he  was  the 
one  most  thoroughly  well  managed. 


Personal  ANECDOTES.  y. 

The  True  Story  of  Mary's  Little  Lamb. 

^  Among  the  visitors  one  day,  at  aunt  Tabitha's  bee,  in  the  Old 
South  Church,  in  Boston,  was  the  real  Mary,  who,  when  a  little 
girl,  had  the  pet  lamb  for  her  own,  and  of  which  it  was  writ- 
ten: 

"  Mary  had  a  little  lamb, 

It's  fleece  was  white  as  snow  ; 
And  every  where  that  Mary  went, 

The  lamb  was  sure  to  go." 
She  was  very  willing  to  tell  the  story;  suppose  we  listen  with 
the  rest.  Little  Mary's  name  was  Mary  Sawyer,  and  she  lived 
in  Sterling,  Mass.  She  is  now  Mrs.  Tyler,  of  Somerville,  a  vig- 
orous  lady,  over  seventy  years  old.  One  morning  she  went  out 
to  the  barn  and  found  two  Httle  lambs,  which  had  been  born  in 
the  night.  One  was  so  weak  and  small  that  her  father  said  it 
was  of  no  use  to  try  to  raise  it.  Mary's  tender  heart  pitied  the 
tiny  creature,  and  she  begged  her  father  to  let  her  try  to  save  it. 
He  gave  it  to  her  care,  promising  that  if  it  lived  it  should  be  her 
lamb.  Mary  took  it  into  the  house,  wrapped  it  up,  laid  it  in  a 
warm  place,  and  fed  it  carefully  with  milk.  All  day  she  watched 
it,  and  all  night  too.  In  the  morning  how  glad  she  was  to  hear 
her  father  say  that  the  lamb  would  live ! 

It  was  no  wonder  that  the  pet  lamb  loved  its  small  mistress, 
and  wanted  to  go  ^everywhere  with  her.  The  day  that  it  went  to 
school  and  was  turned  out,  it  happened  that  a  young  man  was 
there  who  saw  the  whole,  and  wrote  out  the  story  in  the  verses 
which  the  children  know  so  well.  The  lamb  lived  and  thrived, 
and  had  lambs  of  its  own :  it  ran  in  the  fields  with  the  cattle,  till 
one  day  a  cow  with  sharp  horns,  while  playing,  tossed  it  into 
the  air,  and  it  fell  bleeding  at  the  feet  of  Mary,  who  happened  to 
be  in  the  field.  With  deep  grief  she  watched  its  life  go  out.— 
From  the  lamb's  wool  a  quantity  of  yarn  had  been  spun,  and 
Mrs.  Tyler  brought  some  of  it  to  aunt  Tabitha's  bee,  and  sold  it 
at  twenty-five  cents  for  each  piece,  so  that  Mary's  little  lamb 
earned  sixty  dollars  towards  paying  for  the  Old  South  Church 
in  Boston.     This  is  the  true  story  of  Mary's  little  lamb. 


72  ENTERTAINING  Personal. 

Injustice  Illustrated. 

One  of  the  Moorish  kings  of  Spain  wished  to  build  a  pavilion 
on  a  field  near  his  garden,  and  offered  to  purchase  it  of  the  wo- 
man to  whom  it  belonged,  but  she  would  not  consent  to  part 
with  the  inheritance  of  her  fathers.  The  field,  however,  was 
seized,  and  the  building  erected.  The  poor  woman  complained 
to  a  cadi,  who  promised  to  do  all  in  his  power  to  serve  her.  One 
day,  while  the  king  was  in  the  field,  the  cadi  came  with  an  emp- 
ty sack,  and  asked  permission  to  fill  it  with  the  earth  upon  which 
he  was  treading.  He  obtained  leave,  and  when  the  sack  was 
filled,  requested  the  king  to  complete  his  kindness  by  assisting 
him  to  load  his  ass  with  it.  The  monarch  laughed,  and  tried  to 
lift  it,  but  soon  let  it  fall,  complaining  of  its  enormous  weight. 
"It  is,  however,"  said  the  cadi,  "only  a  small  part  of  the  ground 
which  thou  hast  wrested  from  one  of  thy  subjeets;  how  then  wilt 
thou  bear  the  weight  of  the  whole  field,  when  thou  shalt  appear 
before  the  Great  Judge  laden  with  this  iniquity?"  The  King 
thanked  him  for  his  reproof,  and  not  only  restored  the  field  to 
its  owner,  but  gave  her  the  building  which  he  had  erected,  and 
all  the  wealth  it  contained. 


Webster  and  Calhoun.  » 

Peter  Harvey  says :  When  Mr.  Webster  was  about  to  deliver 
his  7th  of  March  speech,  (1850)  he  invited  me  to  come  on  to 
Washington  to  hear  it.  He  intended  to  make  it  a  great  effort, 
the  crowning  address  of  his  later  pubhc  life ;  and,  as  he  knew 
beforehand  that  his  actions  and  motives  would  be  misconstrued, 
and  that  the  speech  would  bring  down  upon  him  condemnation 
from  many  quarters,  he  was  resolved  that  he  would  make  use  of 
all  his  powers  to  render  it  worthy  of  his  really  high  motives  and 
his  fame.  Early  on  the  morning  of  the  7th,  I  was  sitting  with 
him  in  his  house,  when  the  sergeant-at-arms  of  the  Senate  came 
in.     He   told   Mr.    Webster   that  already  not  only  the  Senate- 


Personal  ANECDOTES.  '  73 

chamber  itself,  but  all  the  approaches  to  it,  were  crowded  by 
an  eager  multitude. — A  great  speech  from  Mr.  AVebster  was  a 
national  event.  Mr.  Webster  looked  at  me,  and,  in  a  sad  voice, 
spoke  of  this  as  being  one  of  the  last  times  he  should  ever  address 
Hstening  masses  on  the  floor  of  the  Senate,  and  of  the  rapidly- 
approaching  close  of  his  pubhc  life.  Recovering  his  spirits  again 
in  a  moment,  he  turned  to  the  Sergeant-at-Arms  and  said: 

"However  crowded  the  Senate-chamber  is,  I  want  you  to  be 
sure  and  save  two  good  seats, — one  for  Mrs.  Webster,  and  the 
other  for  my  old  friend  Harvey  here,  who  has  come  all  the  way 
from  Boston  to  hear  my  speech. " 

The  Sergeant-at-Arms  promised  that  he  would  do  so.  On  going 
to  the  Senate-chamber  at  the  proper  time,  I  found  an  excellent 
seat  reserved  for  me,  near  and  a  httle  in  front  of  the  spot  where 
Mr.  Webster  would  stand  when  he  made  his  speech.  While  he 
was  speaking,  an  affecting  incident  occurred,  which  illustrated 
the  warmth  of  feeling  between  Mr.  Calhoun  and  himself.  It  ap- 
peared that,  several  days  before,  Mr.  Webster  had  paid  a  visit  to 
Mr.  Calhoun  in  his  sick-room  at  the  Old  Capitol  Building.  The 
venerable  South  Carolina  Senator  was  very  ill,  and  it  was 
thought  that  he  would  never  be  able  to  appear  in  his  seat  again. 
The  conversation  turning  upon  the  speech  that  Mr.  Webster 
was  about  to  make,  the  sick  statesman  expressed  an  earnest 
wish  to  hear  it. 

Mr.  Webster  rephed  that  he  hoped  he  would  be  able  to  get  to 
the  Senate,  as  he  himself  was  anxious  that  Mr.  Calhoun  should 
be  present.  Mr.  Calhoun  shook  his  head  sadly,  and  said  that 
he  feared  he  was  on  his  death-bed ;  and  Mr.  Webster  parted 
from  him  fully  impressed  with  the  belief  that  the  venerable  in- 
valid must  soon  pass  away.  .  ^ 

Mr.  Webster  had  not  been  speaking  long  on  this  occasion, 
when  I  saw  a  tall,  gaunt  figure,  wrapped  in  a  long  black  cloak, 
with  deep,  cavernous  black  eyes,  and  a  thick  mass  of  snow-white 
hair  brushed  back  from  the  large  brow  and  falling  to  the  should- 
ers, advance  with  slow  and  feeble  steps  through  the  lobby  be- 
hind the  Vice-President's   chair,    and  then,  aided  by  one  of  the 


74  ^  ENTERTAINING  Personal. 

Senators,  approach  and  sink  into  a  chair  on  the  opposite  side  of 
the  chamber.  I  looked  at  Mr.  Webster,  and  observed  that  as 
he  spoke  his  face  was  turned  the  other  way,  so  that  he  had  not 
seen  the  almost  ghostly  figure  come  in.  He  went  on  speaking 
in  his  deep  and  sonorous  tones;  and  at  last  came  to  a  passage 
wherein  he  alluded  to  something  Mr.  Calhoun  had  once  said  in 
debate,  "as  the  utterance  of  the  distinguished  and  venerable 
Senator  from  South  Carolina,  who,  I  deeply  regret,  is  prevented 
by  serious  illness  from  being  in  his  seat  to-day.  At  this  I 
glanced  forward  to  the  tall,  gaunt  figure  across  the  chamber.  He 
was  moving  restlessly  in  his  chair;  his  head  and  body  were  bent 
eagerly  forward,  and  he  made  an  effort  as  if  trying  to  rise  and 
interrupt  the  orator.  But  the  effort  seemed  to  be  too  much 
for  him,  for  he  sank  back  in  his  chair,  evidently  exhausted.  The 
noble  current  of  Websterian  eloquence  flowed  majestically  on, 
all  unconscious  of  the  intended  interruption.  Presently  the 
speaker  once  more  had  occasion  to  refer  to  some  statement  of 
Mr.  Calhoun;  and  again  he  alluded  to  him  as  the  "eminent  Sen- 
ator from  South  Carolina,  whom  we  all  regret  so  much  to  miss, 
from  such  a  cause,  from  his  seat  to-day." 

The  figure  grew  restless;  the  hands  nervously  grasped  both 
arms  of  his  chair;  the  black  eyes  glared  and  shone  in  their  ea- 
gerness; and  now,  half-rising  from  his  seat,  and  unable  any 
longer  to  bear  the  thought  that  Mr.  Webster  should  remain  un- 
conscious of  his  presence,  he  exclaimed,  in  a  feeble  and  hollow 
voice,  which  yet  was  heard  throughout  the  chamber  : 

"The  Senator  from  South  Carolina  is  in  his  seat!" 

Mr.  Webster  turned  towards  him  with  something  like  a  start, 
and  when  he  saw  that  his  friend  had  actually  risen  from  the  bed 
of  death,  and  had^ndeed  dared  death  itself  to  creep  to  the  Cap- 
itol and  hear  his  speech,  he  for  a  moment  betrayed  visible  signs 
of  deep  emotion.  Then,  acknowledging  this  touching  compli- 
ment by  a  low  bow  and  a  smile  of  profound  satisfaction,  he 
went  on  with  his  speech. 

A  few  days  more,  and  Calhoun  lay  dead,  in  state,  within  those 
very  walls. 


Personal  ANECDOTES.  75 

How  Barnum  Became  a  Teetotaler. 

Mr.  P.  T.  Barnum  told  a  reporter  of  a  Buffalo  paper  in  these 
words,  how  he  came  to  be  a  teetotaler:  "One  evening,  in  1847, 
I  went  to  Saratoga  with  a  party  of  friends,  and,  without  noticing 
what  I  was  coming  to,  suddenly  found  myself  talking  thick. — 
I  knew  that  I  was  boozy.  The  next  morning  I  said  I  never 
should  drink  another  drop  of  liquor,  and  I  never  have.  I  did 
not,  at  the  time  stop  drinking  champagne;  I  did  not  then  con- 
sider that  drinking.  I  became  from  that  day  very  much  inter- 
ested in  the  cause  of  temperance,  and  was  instrumental  in 
getting  the  Rev.  Dr.  E.  H.  Chapin  to  lecture  on  the  subject  at 
Bridgeport.  To  my  surprise,  the  chief  target  of  his  eloquence 
was  moderate  drinkers  and  champagne-suppers.-  It  changed  my 
views  considerably,  and  the  next  morning  I  took  Dr.  Chapin 
into  my  wine-cellar,  and  told  him  to  look  at  the  efifect  of  his  ar- 
guments. I  had  knocked  the  heads  off  all  my  champagne  bottles. 
He  was  astonished,  and  said  he  thought  I  was  a  teetotaler. 
*I  am,'  replied." 


Facetious  Letter  from  Horace  Greely. 

This  letter  was  written  by  Mr.  Greely  to  the  President  of  a 
Horse  Fair,  in  Northern  Ohio,  in  response  to  an  urgent  invita- 
tion from  that  gentleman  to  be  present  at  the  great  show :  The 
idea  that  he  should  be  called  upon  to  address  a  few  country 
sporting-men  at  a  rural  horse-race  could  only  strike  him  as  a 
fit  subject  for  a  joke,  which  he  immediately  proceeded  to  crack: 
New  York,  March  5,  1864. — Dear  Sir: — Your  note  to 
hand.  I  am  sorry  to  reply  that  my  engagements  are  such  that  I 
shall  not  be  able  to  comply  with  your  request  to  address  your 
Horse  Fair  next  summer.  I  am  a  very  busy  man.  I  would 
refer  you  to  Abe  Lincoln, — a  man  who,  I  think,  would  draw 
well,  and  who  has  plenty  of  time  to  attend  to  such  matters. — 
Yours,  truly,  Horace  Greely. 


76  ENTERTAINING  FersonaH 

Governor  Stewart's  Gratitude. 

When  Doniphan's  expedition  was  organized  to  go  through  New 
Mexico  and  co-operate  with  the  main  United  States  Army  in 
1847,  Robert  M.  Stewart  was  a  member  of  a  company  raised 
in  Buchanan  County.  Four  days  out  his  gun  was  accidentally 
discharged,  the  contents  entering  one  of  his  legs,  shattering  a 
bone  and  disabling  him.  One  of  the  Company,  William  Grover, 
was  detailed  to  remain  with  Stewart.  Grover  watched  over  his 
friend  with  the  care  of  a  brother,  and  Stewart,  not  then  dream- 
ing of  his  future  distinction,  said,  "Bill,  old  fellow,  I'll  pay  you 
back  some  day.     The  time  will  come. " 

Ten  years  later,  Bill  Grover,  the  friend  of  Stewart,  was  arres- 
ted as  a  participant  in  a  political  crime,  tried,  convicted,  and 
sentenced  to  the  Penitentiary  for  ten  years.  Not  long  after  his 
conviction,  Stewart  was  nominated  for  Governor.  He  saw  his- 
friend  just  before  he  was  incarcerated,  and  said,  "Bill,  the  first 
thing  I  do  after  I  am  inaugurated  will  be  to  pardon  you  out. — 
And  I'm  sure  to  be  elected." 

"Bob  was  elected  and  inaugurated.  True  to  his  word  and  the 
native  instincts  of  gratitude,  he  went  to  the  Penitentiary  and  in- 
quired for  Bill  Grover.  He  was  not  there.  He  was  one  of  a 
detail  called  out  to  dig  a  well  in  Jefferson  City,  and  was  then 
engaged  in  that  work. 

Off  the  Governor  posted  to  the  well  in  which  Grover  was  at 
work.  On  reaching  the  place,  he  leaned  over  the  well  and 
cried  out : 

"Bill,  are  you  there?" 

"Who's  that?"  asked  a  voice  from  the  subterranean  depths- 
below. 

"It's  me.  Bob  Stewart!  Come  out  o'  there,  confound  you! — 
I've  pardoned  you." 

In  a  few  minutes  Grover  was  hauled  up  out  of  the  well. — 
Then  was  exhibited  the  curious  spectacle  of  the  Governor  of  a. 
great  state  walking  through  the  streets  of  the  Capital,  arm-in- 
arm with    a  striped-suit  convict.     He  took  his  old  friend  up  to- 


Personal.  ANECDOTES.  77 

a  clothing  store,  rigged  him  out  in  a  new  suit,  and  made  him  a 
guest  at  the  Governor's  mansion,    afterward  providing  for  him 

a  start  in  business. 


General  Lee   and  the  Newspapers. 

"We  made  a  great  mistake,"  said  Gen.  Lee  to  Mr.  Hill,  "in 
the  beginning  of  our  struggle,  and  I  fear,  in  spite  of  all  we  can 
do,  it  will  prove  to  be  a  fatal  mistake." 

"What  mistake  is  that,  General. " 

"Why,  sir,  in  the  beginning  we  appointed  all  our  worst  gen- 
erals to  command  the  armies,  and  all  our  best  generals  to  edit 
newspapers.  As  you  know  I  have  planned  some  campaigns, 
and  quite  a  number  of  battles.  I  have  given  the  work  all  the 
care  and  thought  I  could,  and  sometimes,  when  my  plans  were 
completed,  as  far  as  I  could  see,  they  seemed  to  be  perfect. — 
But  when  I  have  fought  them  through,  I  have  discovered  defects 
in  advance.  When  it  was  all  over,  I  found,  by  reading  a  news- 
paper, that  these  best  editor-generals  saw  all  the  defects  plainly 
from  the  start.  Unfortunately,  they  did  not  communicate  their 
knowledge  to  me  until  it  was  too  late. "  Then,  after  a  pause,, 
he  added:  "I  have  no  ambition  but  to  serve  the  Confederacy;. 
I  do  all  I  can  to  win  our  independence.  I  am  willing  to  serve  in 
any  capacity  to  which  the  authorities  may  assign  me.  I  have 
done  the  best  I  could  in  the  field,  but  I  am  willing  to  yield  my 
place  to  these  best  generals,  and  I  will  do  my  best  for  the  cause 
editing  a  newspaper. " 


A   Bottle   of  Whiskey   that   Went   Through   the 

Mexican    W^ar 

In  the  spring  of  1861,  while  on  an  inspection  tour  to  Norfolk, 
a  friend  there  insisted  that  Gen.  R.  E.  Lee  should  take  two 
bottles  of  very  fine  old  "London  Dock"  brandy,  remarking  that 
he  would  be  certain  to  need  it,  and  would  find  it  very  dificult  to 
obtain  so  good  an  article.     Gen.  declined  the  offer,  saying  that 


78  ENTERTAINING  Personal. 

he  was  sure  he  would  not  need  it.  "As  a  proof  that  I  will  not," 
he  said,  "I  may  tell  you  that  just  as  I  was  starting  to  the  Mex- 
ican war,  a  lady  in  Virghiia  prevailed  on  me  to  take  a  bottle 
of  fine  old  whiskey,  which  she  thought  I  could  not  get  on 
without.  I  carried  that  bottle  all  through  the  war  without 
having  had  the  slightest  occasion  to  use  it,  and  on  my 'return 
home  I  sent  it  back  to  my  good  friend,  that  she  might  be  con- 
vinced that  I  could  get  on  without  liquor."  Upon  another 
occasion  Gen.  Lee  proposed  to  "treat"  some  of  his  officers, 
remarking,  "I  have  just  received  a  demijohn  which  I  know  is  of 
the  best. "  The  demijohn,  tightly  covered,  was  produced,  drink- 
ing vessels  were  brought  out,  and  all  gathered  around  in  eager 
expectancy,  when  the  general  filled  the  glass  and  cups  to  the 
brim — not  with  old  "Cognac,"  or  "Bourbon," — but  with  fresh 
butter7nilk,  which  a  kind  lady,  knowing  his  taste  had  sent  him. 


Boyish  Trick. 

While  Webster  and  his  brother  were  living  at  home,  they 
on  one  occasion  made  a  journey  to  the  upper  part  of  Vermont 
to  visit  their  Uncle  Benjamin.  On  the  way  they  overtook  a 
teamster  with  a  heavy  load,  whose  horses  had  stopped  and  refused 
to  go  further  when  the  team  was  half  way  up  a  steep  hill.  The 
horses  and  wagon  were  so  situated  across  the  road  that  it  was 
impossible  for  the  brothers  to  pass  in  their  chaise.  After  some 
time  spent  by  the  teamster  in  trying  to  start  his  horses,  he  left 
them  and  went  in  search  of  help.  Daniel  said  to  Ezekiel — 
"Come,  we  can  start  this  team.  You  put  your  shoulder  to  the 
hind  wheel,  and  I  will  mount  the  near  horse. " 

This  was  no  sooner  said  than  done.  Ezekiel  put  his  sturdy 
shoulder  to  the  wheel;  Daniel  mounted  the  horse,  whipped  and 
shouted  at  him.  The  horses  pulled  together,  and  away  the> 
went;  a-nd  the  load  was  soon  drawn  to  the  top  of  the  hill. — 
When  the  man  returned  he  found  the  horses  quietly  restinf,  ty 
the  roadside  at  the  summit,  and  the  Websters  out  of  sight. 


Personal.  ANECDOTES.  79 

Moody  Getting  out  of  a  Tight  Place. 

Mr.  Moody's  biographer,  W.  H.  Daniels.  D.  D.,  tells  the  fol- 
lowing interesting  story  concerning  the  early  hfe  of  the  great 
Evangelist:  "Once  when  he  was  creeping  under  a  heavy  fence, 
it  fell  down  upon  him  and  caught  him,  so  that  he  could  not  get 
away.  He  struggled  till  he  was  quite  exhausted,  and  then  began 
to  cry  for  help;  but  he  was  far  from  any  house,  and  no  one 
heard  him.  At  last  he  got  safely  out;  and  this  was  the  account  he 
gave  of  the  escape : 

"I  tried  and  tried,  and  I  couldn't  lift  them  awful  heavy  rails: 
Then  I  hollered  for  help,  but  nobody  came ;  and  then  I  began 
to  think  I  should  have  to  die  away  up  there  on  the  mountain  all 
alone.  But  I  happened  to  think  that,  maybe,  God  would  help 
me,  and  so  I  asked  Him.  And  after  that  I  could  lift  up  the  rails, 
just  as  easy!" 

Gen.  Stark  and  "His  Molly." 

A  gentleman  from  Manchester,  N.  H.,  gives  us  the  true  ac- 
count of  Gen.  Stark  on  that  memorable  occasion  when  he 
used  the  expression  so  often  quoted,  "You  see  the  red  coats! 
They  are  ours !  or  Molly  Stark  sleeps  a  widow  to-night. "  The 
The  true  story  is  as  follows : 

As  midday  approached,  the  Americans  were  massed  to 
receive  orders,  the  locality  being  a  large  field,  the  entrance  to 
which  was  by  sliding  bars  and  tall  posts  pecuhar  to  the  vicinity. 
Stark  leaped  to  the  the  topmost  rail,  steadied  himself  by  the 
tall  post,    and  harrangued  his  troops.  *  *  "Now,  my 

men,  yonder  are  the  hessians;  they  were  bought  for  S^'j  10 
pence  a  man.  Are  you  worth  more?  Prove  it.  To-night  the 
American  flag  floats  over  yonder  hill,  or  Molly  Stark  sleeps  a 
widow."  Although  the  fact  of  his  jumping  on  a  rail  fence, 
rather  than  delivering  the  speech  from  his  horse's  back,  seems 
less  General-like  to  the  Martial  reader,  yet  it  was  like  the  man, 
and  the  story  as  told  here  came  from  one  who  heard  it  from  the 
lips  of  a  survivor  of  the  battle. 


8o  ENTERTAINING  Personal 

Mr  .   Lieut.  Helm's   Story  of  the    Fort  Dearborn 
(Chicago)  Massacre. 

"Mrs.  Helm,  in  giving  an  account  of  the  battle,  or  massacre, 
at  Fort  Dearborn,  says:  the  horses  pranced  and  bounded,  and 
could  hardly  be  restrained,  as  the  balls  whistled  around  them. — 
She  drew  off  to  one  side  and  gazed  upon  Lieut.  Helm,  her  hus- 
band, who  was  yet  unharmed.  She  says:  "I  felt  that  my  hour 
was  come  and  endeavored  to  forget  those  I  loved,  and  prepare 
myself  for  my  approaching  fate.  While  I  was  thus  engaged, 
the  surgeon.  Dr.  V.  came  up;  he  was  badly  wounded.  His 
horse  had  been  shot  nnder  him,  and  he  had  received  a  ball  in 
his  leg.  Every  muscle  of  his  countenance  was  quivering  with 
the  agony  of  terror.  He  said  to  me,  "Do  you  think  they  will 
take  our  lives?  I  am  badly  wounded,  but  I  think  not  mortally. 
Perhaps  we  might  purchase  our  lives  by  promising  them  a  large 
reward.      Do  you  think  there  is  any  chance?" 

"  '  Dr.  V.,'  said  I,  '  do  not  let  us  waste  the  few  moments  that 
yet  remain  to  us  in  such  vain  hopes.  Our  fate  is  inevitable. 
In  a  few  moments  we  must  appear  before  the  bar  of  God.  Let 
us  endeavor  to  make  what  preparation  is  yet  in  our  power.' — 
'Oh!  I  cannot  die!"  exclaimed  he!  '  I  am  not  fit  to  die — if  I 
had  but  a  short  time  to  prepare — death  is  awful!'  I  pointed 
to  ensign  Ronan,  who,  though  mortally  wounded,  and  nearly 
down,  was  still  fighting  with  desperation  upon  one  knee. 

"  '  Look  at    that  man,'  said  I,    'at  least  he  dies  like  a  soldier!' 

"  '  Yes,'  replied  the  unfortunate  man,  with  a  convulsive  gas]), 
'but  he  has  no  terrors  of  the  future — he  is  an  unbeliever!" 

"At  this  momont  a  young  Indian  raised  his  tomahawk  at 
me.  By  springing  aside  I  avoided  the  blow  which  was  aimed 
at  my  skull,  but  which  alighted  on  my  shoulder.  I  seized  him 
around  the  neck,  and  while  exerting  my  utmost  efforts  to  get 
possession  of  his  scalping  knife,  which  hung  in  a  scabbard  over 
his  breast,  J  was  dragged  from  his  grasp  by  another  and  older 
Indian. 

"The  lattPT   bore    me,    struggling  and  resisting,   towards   the 


Fort  Dearborn,  Chicago. 


Personal.  ANECDOTES.  8i 

lake.  Notwithstanding  the  rapidity  with  which  I  was  hurried 
along,  I  recognized,  as  I  passed  them,  the  lifeless  remains  of 
the  unfortunate  surgeon.  Some  murderous  tomahawk  had 
stretched  him  upon  the  very  spot  where  I  had  last  seen  him. 

"I  was  immediately  plunged  into  the  water  and  held  there 
with  a  forcible  hand,  notwithstanding  my  resistance.  I  soon 
perceived,  however,  that  the  object  of  my  captor  was  not  to 
drown  me,  as  he  held  me  firmly  in  such  a  position  as  to  place 
my  head  above  the  water.  This  reassured  me,  and  regarding 
him  attentively,  I  soon  recognized,  in  spite  of  the  paint  with 
which  he  was  disguised.   The  Black  Partridge. 

"When  the  firing  had  somewhat  subsided,  my  preserver  bore 
me  from  the  water  and  conducted  me  up  the  sand-banks.  It 
was  a  burning  August  morning,  and  walking  through  the 
sand  in  my  drenched  condition,  was  inexpressibly  painful  and 
fatiguing.  I  stopped  and  took  off  my  shoes  to  free  them  from 
the  sand,  with  which  they  were  nearly  filled,  when  a  squaw 
seized  and  carried  them  off,  and  I  was  obliged  to  proceed 
without  them.  When  we  had  gained  the  prairie,  I  was  met 
by  my  father,  who  told  me  that  my  husband  was  safe,  and  but 
slightly  wounded.  They  led  me  gently  back  toward  the  Chica- 
go river,  along  the  southern  bank  of  which  was  the  Pottawota- 
mie  encampment.  At  one  time  I  was  placed  upon  a  horse 
without  a  saddle,  but  soon  finding  the  motion  insupportable, 
I  sprang  off.  Supported  partly  by  my  kind  conductor,  and 
partly  by  another  Indian,  Pee-sol-om,  who  held  dangling  in 
his  hand  the  scalp  of  Capt.  Wells,  I  dragged  my  fainting  steps 
to  one  of  the  wigwams. 

"The  wife  of  Wau-bee  nee-mah,  a  chief  from  the  Illinois 
river,  was  standing  near,  and  seeing  my  exhausted  condition, 
she  seized  a  kettle,  dipped  up  some  water  from  a  little  stream 
that  flowed  near,  threw  into  it  some  maple  sugar,  and  stirring 
it  up  with  her  hand,  gave  it  to  me  to  drink.  This  act  of  kind- 
ness, in  the  midst  of  so  many  atrocities,  touched  me  most 
sensibly,  but  my  attention  was  soon  diverted  to  another  object. 
The  fort  had  become  a  scene  of  plunder  to  such   as  remained 


82  ENTERTAINING  Personal 

after  the  troops  marched  out.  The  cattle  had  been  shot  down 
as  they  ran  at  large  and  lay  dead  or  dying  around. 

"  As  the  noise  of  the  firing  grew  gradually  less,  and  the 
stragglers  from  the  victorious  party  dropped  in,  I  received 
confirmation  of  what  my  father  had  hurriedly  communicated 
in  our  rencDnter  on  the  lake  shore;  namely,  that  the  whites 
had  surrendered  after  the  loss  of  about  two-thirds  their  num- 
ber. They  had  stipulated  for  the  preservation  of  their  lives, 
and  those  of  the  remaining  women  and  children,  and  for  their 
delivery  at  some  of  the  British  posts,  unless  ransomed  by 
traders  in  the  Indian  country.  It  appears  that  the  wounded 
prisoners  were  not  considered  as  included  in  the  stipulation, 
and  a  horrible  scene  occurred  on  their  being  brought  into 
Camp. 

"An  old  squaw,  infuriated  by  the  loss  of  friends,  or  excited 
by  the  sanguinary  scenes  around  her,  seemed  possessed  by  a 
demoniac  ferocity.  She  seized  a  stable  fork  and  assaulted  one 
miserable  victim  who  lay  groaning  and  writhing  in  the  agony 
of  his  wounds,  aggravated  by  the  scorching  beams  of  the  sun. 
With  a  delicacy  of  feeling  scarcely  to  have  been  expeeted 
under  such  circumstances,  Wau-bee-nee-jnah  stretched  a  mat 
across  two  poles  between  me  and  this  dreadful  scene.  I  was 
thus  spared,  in  some  degree,  a  view  of  its  horrors,  although  I 
could   not  entirely  close   my  ears   to   the    cries  of  the  sufferer. 

The  following  night  five  more  of  the  prisoners  were  toma- 
hawked. " 

But  why  dwell  upon  this  painful  subject?  Why  describe 
the  butchery  of  the  children,  twelve  of  whom,  placed  together 
on  one  baggage-wagon,  fell  beneath  the  merciless  tomahawk 
of  one  young  savage?  This  atrocious  act  was  committed  after 
the  whites,  twenty-seven  in  number,  had  surrendered.  When 
Capt.  Wells  beheld  it  he  exclaimed;  "Is  that  their  game?  Then 
I  will  kill  too!"  So  saying,  he  turned  his  horse's  liead  and 
started  for  the  Indian  camp  near  the  Fort,  where  had  been  left 
their  squaws  and  children. 

Several   Indians   pursued    him,  firing  at   him  as  he  galloped 


Personal.  ANECDOTES.  Z^ 

along.  He  laid  himself  flat  on  the  neck  of  his  horse,  loading 
and  firing  in  that  position;  at  lengrh  the  balls  of  his  pursuers 
took  effect,  killing  his  horse  and  severely  wounding  himself. — 
At  this  moment  he  was  met  by  Winnemeg  and  Wau-ban-see, 
who  endeavored  to  save  him  from  the  savages  who  had  now 
overtaken  him;  but  as  they  supported  him  along,  after  having 
disengaged  him  .from  his  horse,  he  received  his  death-blow 
from  one  of  the  party,  {Pee-sol-ojn,)  who  stabbed  him  in  the 
back  ********* 

Lieut.  Helm  was  wounded  in  the  action  and  taken  prisoner; 
and  afterwards  taken  by  some  friendly  Indians  to  the  Au  Sable, 
and  from  thence  to  St.  Louis,  and  liberated  from  captivity 
through  the  agency  of  Thomas  Forsyth.  Mrs.  Helm  received 
a  slight  wound  in  the  ankle;  had  her  horse  shot  from  under  her; 
and,  after  passing  through  the  agonizing  scenes  described,  went 
with  the  family  of  Mr.  Kinzie  to  Detroit. 


How  Spurgeon  Got  a   Hat. 

About  five  thousand  butchers  and  their  female  relatives  were 
present  at  an  entertainment  given  to  them  by  the  butchers' 
trade  committee  in  London,  recently,  in  the  Metropolitan  tab- 
ernacle, Newington.  The  Rev.  C.  H.  Spurgeon  addressed  the 
assembly,  and  in  the  course  of  a  characteristic  speech  said  that 
when  he  was  a  very  youg  man  of  sixteen,  he  was  minister  of 
a  chapel.  Rather  young  to  begin;  yet  he  had  a  fine  large 
house,  His  salary  was  jQaS  ^  year,  not  "all  found,"  but  yon 
found  yourself.  He  had  to  find  himself  a  good  suit  of  black,  go 
about  like  a  gentleman  with  nothing  in  his  pocket — yet  he  never 
wanted,  for  he  was  God's  servant.  The  other  day  he  was  down 
in  that  village  where  he  preached,  and  was  told  that  the  biggest 
"screw"  who  ever  lived  had  recently  died.  This  man  came 
down  from  up  stairs  to.  die,  in  order  that  no  one  should  earn 
sixpence  by  removing  him.  He  directed  he  should  be  buried 
in  his  own  garden  to  save  expense,  and  was  never  known  to 
give  anything  away  in  his  life.     He  (Mr.  Spurgeon)  interrupted 


84  ENTERTAINING  Personal. 

his  informant,  and  told  him  that  this  man  on  one  occasion  gave 
him  money.  He  wanted  a  new  hat  to  look  decent  in  on  Sun- 
days. In  the  country,  if  one  did  not  wear  a  respectable  hat  his 
reputation  was  at  stake;  but  he  never  wore  a  tall  hat  now,  for 
his  reputation  was  established — and  he  could  wear  any  hat  he 
liked.  Well,  upon  this  occasion  he  wanted  to  buy  a  respectable 
hat,  and  where  the  money  was  to  come  from  he  did  not  know. — 
One  day  this  "screw"  of  a  man  squeezed  into  his  hands  three 
half-crowns,  and  accordinly  the  hat  was  bought.  On  the  follow- 
ing Sunday  this  monster  of  covetousness  said  to  him,  "I  am 
afraid  of  your  being  covetous,  but  the  Lord  told  me  to  give  you 
half-a-sovereign,  and  I  stopped  half-a-crown  out  of  it.  Pray  take 
the  other  half-crown.  I  cannot  sleep  at  night  without  you  have 
it."  He  (Mr.  Spurgeon^  took  the  half-crown  to  ease  the  man's 
conscience,  and  God,  who  knew  he  wanted  the  hat,  made  that 
old  gentleman  "fork  out  that  ten  shillings." 


Incident  of  the  Revolution. 

The  history  of  Enfield,  Conn.,  issued  by  the  town  Centennial 
Committee,  brought  a  letter  from  Mayor  J.  J.  R.  Pease,  of 
Janesville,  Wis.,  who  relates,  in  the  words  of  his  grandfather, 
the  incident  at  the  old  First  Church,  New  Haven,  which  followed 
the  reception  of  the  news  of  the  fight  at  Lexington,  at  the  begin- 
ning of  the  Revolution : 

"On  the  Sunday  after  that  fight  a  message  to  Captain  Thomas 
Abbe,  giving  an  account  of  it,  was  brought  to  him  while  he  was 
at  Church.  Captain  Abbe  was  the  best  known  'man-of-war'  in 
the  town :  he  had  seen  service  in  the  old  French  war,  and  withal 
was  an  accomplished  player  on  the  drum.  He  left  the  church 
very  quietly,  went  to  his  house  not  far  away,  and  forthwith  re- 
turned as  far  as  the  steps  or  entrance  to  the  church,  and 
commenced  playing  on  his  drum,  and  played  on  till  the  people 
came  out  of  church,  leaving  the  parson  alone.  Captain  Abbe 
then  told  the  people  of  the  fight  at  Lexington,  made  them  a  rou- 
sing 'war  speech,'  closing  with  the  announcement  that  he  should 


Personal.  ANECDOTES.  85 

march  to  Boston  the  next  day,  and  invited  all  who  had  a  mind 
to  march  with  him  to  fall  into  line  as  he  stepped  off.  He  then 
began  to  play  upon  the  drum  and  march  around  the  church  until 
one  hundred  and  forty-seven  men  had  volunteered  to  go  with 
him. 


How    Dan   Hung  his   Scythe. 

During  one  of  the  college  vacations,  Webster  and  his  brother 
returned  to  their  father's,  in  Salsbury.  Thinking  he  had  a  right 
to  some  return  for  the  money  he  had  expended  on  their  educa- 
tion, the  father  put  schythes  into  their  hands,  and  ordered  them 
to  mow.  Daniel  mdde  a  few  sweeps,  and  then  resting  on  his 
scythe,  wiped  the  sweat  ,rom  his  brow.  His  father  said,  "What's 
the  matter,  Dan?"  "My  scythe  don't  hang  right,  sir,"  he 
answered.  His  father  fixed  it,  and  Dan  went  to  work  again, 
but  with  no  better  success.  Something  was  the  matter  with  the 
scythe,  and  it  was  not  long  before  it  wanted  fixing  again,  and 
the  father  said  in  a  pet:  "Well,  hang  it  to  suit  yourself."  Daniel 
with  great  composure,  hung  it  in  the  next  tree,  and  retired. 


Narrow  Escape  of  General  V/ashington. 

Major  Ferguson,  who  commanded  a  riiie  corps  in  advance 
of  the  hussars  under  Kniphausen,  during  some  skirmishing  a  day 
or  two  previous  to  the  battle  of  Brandywine,  was  the  hero  of  a 
very  singular  incident,  which  he  thus  relates  in  a  letter  to  a 
friend.  It  illustrates,  in  a  most  forcible  manner,  the  overruling 
hand  of  Providence  in  directing  the  operations  of  a  man's  mind, 
in  moments  when  he  is  least  of  all  aware  of  it. 

"We  had  not  lain  long,  when  a  rebel  officer,  remarkable  by  a 
hussar  dress,  pressed  towards  our  army,  within  a  hundred  yards 
of  my  right  fiank,  but  not  perceiving  us.  He  was  followed  by 
another,  dressed  in  dark  green  and  blue,  mounted  on  a  bay 
horse,  with  a  remarkably  high  cocked  hat.  I  ordered  three  good 
shots  to  steal  near  to  them;  but  the  idea  disgusting  me,  I  recalled 


86  ENTERTAINING  Personal. 

the  order.  The  hussar,  in  returning,  made  a  circuit,  but  the 
other  passed  within  a  hundred  yards  of  us,  upon  which  I  ad- 
vanced from  the  wood  towards  him.  Upon  my  calling,  he  stop- 
ped; but  after  looking  at  me,  he  proceeded.  I  again  drew  his 
attention,  and  made  signs  to  him  to  stop,  leveling  my  piece  at 
him;  but  he  slowly  cantered  away.  As  I  was  within  that  dis- 
tance at  which,  in  the  quickest  liring,  I  could  have  lodged  half  a 
dozen  balls  in  or  about  him,  before  he  was  out  of  my  reach,  I 
had  only  to  determine;  but  it  was  not  pleasant  to  fire  at  the  back 
of  an  unoffending  individual,  who  was  acquitting  himself  very 
coolly  of  his  duty;  so  I  let  him  alone. 

"The  day  after,  I  had  been  telling  this  story  to  some  wounded 
officers  who  lay  in  the  same  room  with  me,  when  one  of  the  sur- 
geons, who  had  been  dressing  the  wounded  rebel  officers,  came 
in,  and  told  us,  that  they  had  been  informing  him  that  General 
Washington  was  all  the  morning  with  the  light  troops,  and  only 
attended  by  a  French  officer  in  a  huzzar  dress,  he  himself  dressed 
and  mounted  in  every  point  as  above  described.  I  am  not  sor- 
ry that  I  did  not  know  at  the  time  who  it  was. " 


Moody  and  Reynolds. 

The  first  meeting  that  I  ever  saw  Mr.  Moody  at,  says  Mr.  Reyn- 
nolds,  was  in  an  old  shanty  abandoned  by  a  saloon  keeper.  Mr. 
Moody  had  got  the  place  to  hold  a  meeting  in  at  night.  I  went 
there  a  little  late;  and  the  first  thing  I  saw  was  a  man  standing 
up,  with  a  few  tallow  candles  around  him,  holding  a  negro  boy, 
'and  trying  to  read  to  him  the  story  of  the  Prodigal  Son;  and  a 
great  many  of  the  words  he  could  not  make  out  and  had  to  skip. 
I  thought  if  the  Lord  can  ever  use  such  an  instrument  as  that 
for  His  honor  and  glory,  it  will  astonish  me.  After  that  meeting 
was  over  Mr.  Moody  said  to  me,  Reynolds,  I  have  got  only  one 
talent:  I  have  no  education,  but  love  the  Lord  Jesus  Christ, 
and  I  want  to  do  something  for  him;  and  I  want  you  to  pray 
for  me.  I  have  never  ceased  from  that  day  to  this,  morning  and 
evening,  to  pray  for  that  devoted  christian  soldier. 


Personal  ANECDOTES.  87 

I  have  watched  him  since  then,  have  had  counsel  with  him, 
and  I  know  him  thoroughly;  and  for  consistent  walk  and  conver- 
sation, I  have  never  met  a  man  to  equal  him.  He  astounds  me 
when  I  look  back  and  see  what  Mr.  Moody  was  thirteen  years 
ago,  and  then  what  he  is  under  God  to-day,  shaking  Scot- 
land to  its  very  centre,  and  reaching  now  over  into  Ireland. — 
The  last  time  I  heard  him,  his  injunction  was,  "pray  for  me  eve- 
ry day;    pray  now  that  God  will  keep  me  humble!" 


How  Young  Ulysses  Loaded  the   \Vagon. 

General  Grant's  biographer  tells  the  following  anecdote  about 
young  Ulysses,  who  at  the  time,  was  only  twelve  years  old! — 
"One  cloudy  April  morning  when  rain  was  threatened,  Ulysses 
went  as  usual  for  his  load.  After  a  long  trip,  he  came  back  with 
his  logs,  and  as  Jesse — his  father — and  the  hired  man  were  un- 
loading them,  he  remarked:  "Father,  it's  hardly  worth  while  for 
me  to  go  again  to-day;  none  of  the  hewers  are  in  the  woods. — 
There  is  only  one  load  left;  if  I  get  that  now  there  will  be  none 
for  me  to  haul  in  the  morning. " 

"Where  are  the  hewers?" 

"At  home,  I  suppose."  They  haven't  been  in  the  woods  this 
morning. " 

"Who  loaded  these  logs?" 

"Dave  and  me. " 

"What  do  you  mean  by  telling  me  such  a  story?"  asked  the 
clearheaded,  indignant  father." 

"It  is  the  truth;  I  loaded  the  logs  with  no  help  but  Dave's." 

It  was  the  truth.  For  this  hauling,  the  body  of  the  wagon 
had  been  removed,  and  the  logs  were  carried  upon  the  axles. — 
It  was  a  hard  job  for  several  men  to  load.  They  would  take 
the  wheels  off  on  one  side,  let  the  axles  down  to  the  ground, 
lift  on  the  squared  logs  with  handspikes,  then  pry  the  axles  up 
with  levers,  and  put  the  wheels  on  again.  That  a  mere  boy 
could  do  this  alone  was  incredible;  and  Jesse  inquired : — 


88  ENTERTAINING  Personal. 

"How  in  the  world  did  you  load  the  wagon?" 

"Well,  father,  you  know  that  sugar-tree  we  saw  yesterday, 
which  is  half  fallen,  and  lies  slanting,  with  the  top  caught  in 
another  tree.  I  hitched  Dave  to  the  logs  and  drew  them  up  on 
that;  then  backed  the  wagon  up  to  it,  and  hitched  Dave  to  them 
again,  and  one  at  a  time,  snaked  them  forward  upon  the 
axles. " 

The  ingenious  lad  had  used  the  trunk  of  the  fallen  tree  as  an 
inclined  plane,  and  after  hauling  the  logs  upon  it,  so  that  they 
nearly  balanced,  had  drawn  them  endwise  upon  his  wagon  un- 
derneath with  little  difficulty.  The  feat  made  him  quite  celebra- 
ted in  the  neighborhood. 


Colonel    Horry. 

A  ludicrous  story  is  told  of  Colonel  Horry,  who  was  once  or- 
dered to  await  the  approach  of  a  British  detachment  in  ambus- 
cade; a  service  he  performed  with  such  skill,  that  he  had  them 
completely  within  his  power,  when  from  a  dreadful  impediment  in 
his  speech,  by  which  he  was  afflicted,  he  could  not  articulate  the 
word  "fire."  In  vain  he  made  the  attempt — it  was  fi,  fi,  fi,  fi — 
but  he  could  get  no  further.  At  length,  irritated  to  almost 
madness,  he    exclaimed,  "Shoot — blast  you — shoot — you   know 

very  well  what  I  would  say! — Shoot — sho-ot and  be 

bl — asted  to  you." 

At  Quimby,  Col.   Baxter,  a  gallant  soldier,  possessed  of  great 
coolness,  and  still  greater  simplicity  of  character,   calling  out : — 
"I   am  a  wounded  man,  Col.    Horry."     Horry  replied; 
"Think  no  more  of  it,  Baxter,  but  stand  to  your  post." 
"But  I  can't  stand.  Colonel.     I  am  wounded  a  second  time." 
"Then  lie  down,  Baxter,  but  quit  not  your  post." 
"Colonel,"  cried  the  wounded  man,  "they  have  shot  me  again, 
and  if  I  remain   any  longer  here,  I   shall  be  shot  to  pieces," — 
"Be  it   so,  Baxter,    but  stir   not. "     He   obeyed  the  order  and 
actually  received    the   fourth    wound    before    the     engagement 
ended. 


Personal  ANECDOTES.  89 

Napoleon  and  Dugazon. 

Dugazon  was  the  scenic  artist  of  the  principal  theatre  in  Paris. 
On  hearing  that  Napoleon  was  interested  in  such  a  work  as  his, 
he  conceived  the  bold  idea  of  gaining  a  private  audience  and 
getting  the  Emperor's  opinion  of  some  scenic  effects  he  was  cog- 
itating. The  Emperor  was  fond  of  strolling  about  alone  in  the 
park  at  Mahnaison.  At  such  times  no  one  dared  to  disturb  his 
reveries.  Dugazon  dressed  himself  as  a  simple  cure  or  village 
priest,  got  into  the  park  on  the  strength  of  his  garb  and  threw 
himself  in  the  way  of  the  Emperor,  who  saluted  him  in  deference 
to  his  faith,  and  opened  a  conversation. 

The  scenic  artist  repeated  his  visit  frequently,  and  branching 
off  from  religious  topics,  gradually  interested  Napoleon  in  secu- 
lar ones,  and  as  extremes  meet,  from  holy  church  he  went  to  the 
play-house.  At  length  he  unfolded  who  he  was.  So  far  from 
being  offended,  the  great  General  made  it  a  point  of  invariably 
giving  audience  to  the  scenic  artist,  and  suggested  the  working 
of  what  is  now  called  the  "transformation  scene,"  The  inter- 
views were  never  broken  in  upon,  for  the  reason  that  Dugazon 
always  wore  the  garb  of  a  priest,  and  the  Emperor  was  supposed 
to  be  engaged  in  his  religious  devotions,  instead  of  plotting  and 
planning  the  effects  of  gold  and  silver  foil,  or  revolving  coryphees 
and  opening  birds  and  flowers. 

Napoleon  was  partial  also  to  private  theatricals,  and  the  Bona- 
parte family  used  to  cast  pieces,  sharing  the  parts  between  them. 
It  was  not  in  accord  with  the  dignity  of  an  Emperor  to  act,  but 
he  would  be  present  at  the  entertainments. 

Lucien,  his  brother,  was  playing  one  evening  in  the  palace  at 
Neuilly,  the  role  of  Zamore,  in  "Alzire. "  Napoleon  strongly 
reprimanded  him  for  appearing  in  costume  not  historically  cor- 
rect Napoleon  said  in  a  severe  tone  to  Lucien:  "When  I  am 
striving  to  build  up  a  taste  for  good  manners  and  decency,  the 
members  of  my  family,  at  least,  should  throw  no  obstacle  in  the 
way  of  my  projects." 


90  ENTERTAINING  PersonaL 

Rosa  Bonheur  and  the  Journalist. 

"Rosa  Bonheur's  workshop  is  far  away  from  the  breweries  of 
Mont  Breda,  or  the  chestnuts  of  the  Luxembourg.  You  must 
take  the  Lyons  Hue;  get  out  at  Fontainebleau,  and  ask  the  first 
individual  you  meet,  the  road  to  Chateau  Bay.  After  an  hour's 
walk,  in  a  thick  wood,  you  perceive  at  an  opening  of  the  Thour- 
mey  woods  an  airy-looking  building,  in  which  the  architect  has 
combined  iron,  brick,  and  wood  with  rare  artistic  taste.  From 
the  cellar  to  the  roof  everything  is  graceful  and  coquettish  in 
this  miniature  castle.  Its  irregularity  is  its  greatest  charm,  and 
your  eyes  could  feast  all  day  on  the  turrets  hung  with  ivy  and 
the  balconies  entwined  with  honey-suckle,  if  your  ears  did  not 
ring  with  a  peculiar  harmony  which  detracts  from  your  admira- 
tion. You  imagine  that  in  the  barn  near  by  an  Orpheus 
transformed  into  an  animal  is  chanting  forth  a  chorus  of  Richard 
Wagner;  but,  after  listening  attentively,  this  strange  concert  is 
found  to  proceed  from  the  bleating  of  sheep,  the  lowing  of  cows, 
the  neighing  of  horses,  and  the  yelping  of  dogs. 

"The  servant  pointed  out  to  me  a  funny-looking  little  man, 
coming  towards  me  knitting  his  eyebrows.  He  had  on  an  enor- 
mous straw  hat.  Looking  under  it,  I  perceived  a  soft,  beardless 
face,  browned  by  the  sun  and  lighted  up  by  two  moderate-sized 
chestnut-colored  eyes.  The  small  nose  rather  exaggerated  the 
size  of  the  large  mouth,  showing  two  rows  of  superb  teeth. 
Long  hair  flowed  from  under  her  large  peasant  hat  in  great  neg- 
ligence. 

"'  Who  are  you?'  'Where  do  you  come  from?'  and  'What  do 
you  want  ?  said  she  to  me  sharply.  She  stopped  in  front  of  me, 
and  thrust  her  hands  in  the  pockets  of  a  pair  of  gray-ribbed  vel- 
vet pants.  I  had  been  struck  with  the  minuteness  of  those 
hands,  and  looked  at  her  feet,  which  were  equally  microscopic, 
in  spite  of  their  thick  covering  of  calf-skin  undressed,  with 
pegged  soles. 

"This  Caesar-like  apostrophe  disconcerted  me  a  little,  but  re- 
covering my  coolness,  I  answered,  'I  am  a  journalist,  and  I  wish 
to  see  Miss  Bonheur ' 


Personal  ANECDOTES. 


9» 


"'Well,  look  at  her,"  said  the  little  peasant,  taking  off  his 
head-gear. 

"She  contined  in  a  milder  tone,  'You  must  excuse  me;  you 
understand  that  I  am  obliged  to  keep  intruders  away.  If  talent 
makes  a  wild  beast  of  a  person,  it  is  scarcely  worth  desiring. 
You  know,  also,  the  loss  of  time  occasioned  by  the  visits  of  stran- 
gers; the  weariness  caused  by  their  questions.  Come  now  with 
me;  I  am  going  to  show  you  my  sheep:  If  it  tires  you  I  can't 
help  it;  hurry,  because  I  left  one  half  shorn,  and  if  the  fleece  is 
not  taken  off  at  once  the  poor  beast  burns  on  one  side  and 
freezes  on  the  other.  I  was  born  to  be  a  farmer,  but  fate  deci- 
ded otherwise.     I  am  a  painter,  and  out  of  my  element.'  " 


Jenny  Lind's  Hat  Full  of  Pearls. 

Jenny  Lind  reached  London  in  April,  1847,  ^'^d  soon  began 
her  rehearsals  at  the  Queen's  Theatre.  When  her  voice  was  first 
heard  in  that  spacious  edifice  at  a  rehearsal,  no  one  was  so 
enchanted  as  Lablasche,  the  celebrated  basso. 

"Every  note,"  he  exclaimed,  "is  like  a  pearl." 

She  was  pleased  with  the  simile,  and  when  they  had  become 
better  acquainted,  she  reminded  him  of  it  in  a  very  agreeable 
manner.  She  came  up  to  him  one  morning  at  rehearsal,  and  said 
to  him : — 

"Will  you  do  me  the  favor,  Signor  Lablasche,  to  lend  me  your 
hat?" 

Much  surprised,  he  nevertheless  handed  her  his  hat,  which  she 
took  with  a  deep  courtesy,  and,  tripping  away  with  it  to  the 
back  part  of  tbe  stage,  began  to  sing  an  air  into  it.  She  then 
brought  back  the  hat  to  Lablasche,  and,  ordering  that  portly 
personage  to  kneel,  she  returned  it  to  him  with  the  remark : — 

"I  have  made  you  a  rich  man,  signor,  for  I  have  given  you  a 
hat  full  of  pearls ! " 

Everything  a  favorite  does  seems  graceful  and  pleasant.  This 
trifling  act  delighted  the  whole  company. 


92  ENTERTAIJSJING  Personal. 

Dr.  Franklin  Turning  the  Grindstone. 

"When  I  was  a  little  boy,  I  remember  one  cold  winter's  morn- 
ing," says  Dr.  Franklin,  "I  was  accosted  by  a  smiling  man,  with 
an  axe  on  his  shoulder. 

"My  pretty  boy, "said  he,  "has  your  father  a  grindstone?" 
."Yes,  sir,"  said  I. 

"You  are  a  fine  little  fellow,"  said  he,  "will  you  let  me  grind 
my  axe  on  it?" 

Pleased  with  his  compliment  of  "fine  little  fellow,"  "O  yes, 
sir,"  I  answered,  "it  is  down  in  the  shop." 

"And  you  will,  my  man,"  said  he,  patting  me  on  the  head, 
"get  a  little  hot  water?" 

How  could  I  refuse?     I  ran  and  soon  brought  a  kettle  full. 
"How  old   are  you,  and  what's    your  name,"  continued   he, 
without  waiting  for  a  reply;  "I  am  sure  you  are  one  of  the  finest 
fellows  that  ever  I  have  seen;    will  you  just  turn  a  few  minutes 
for  me?" 

Tickled  with  the  flattery,  Hke  a  fool  I  went  to  work,  and 
bitterly  did  I  rue  the  day.  It  was  a  new  axe,  and  I  toiled  and 
tugged  till  I  was  almost  tired  to  death.  The  school-bell 
rang,  and  I  could  not  get  away;  my  hands  were  blistered, 
and  it  was  not  half  ground.  At  length,  however,  the  axe  was 
sharpened,  and  the  man  turned  to  me  with, 

"Now,  you  little  rascal,  you've  played  the  truant;  scud  to 
school,  or  you'll  rue  it." 

Alas!  thought  I,  it  was  hard  enough  to  turn  a  grindstone  this 
cold  day,  but  now  to  be  called  a  little  rascal  was  too  much.  It 
sank  deep  in  my  mind,  and  often  have  I  thought  of  it  since. — 
When  I  see  a  merchant  over-pohte  to  his  customers — begging 
them  to  .take  a  little  brandy,  and  throwing  his  goods  on  the  coun- 
ter— thinks  I,  that  man  has  an  axe  to  grind.  When  I  see  a 
man  flattering  the  people,  making  great  professions  of  attach- 
ment to  liberty,  who  is  in  i)rivate  life  a  tyrant,  methinks,  look 
out,  good  people,  that  fellow  would  set  you  turning  grindstones. 
When  I  see  a  man  hoisted  into  office  by  party  spirit,  without  a 


Personal.  ANECDOTES.  93 

single  qualification  to  render  him  either  respectable  or  useful, 
alas!  methinks,  deluded  people,  you  are  doomed  for  a  season  to 
turn  the  grindstone  for  a  booby. 


Fanny   Fern's   Story  of  Gail  Hamilton's   Three 

Kittens,  Etc. 

In  her  life  of  Mary  Abigail  Dodge,  Mrs.  Parton  tells  the  fol- 
lowing story  of  young  Gail's  surroundings : 

"little  Mary  had  other  companions  less  aggressive  in  the 
birds,  bees,  and  grasshoppers.  She  went  Maying,  too,  on  May 
mornings,  as  every  true-born  New  England  child  should,  as 
I  myself  have  done,  whether  the  sky  wore  blue  or  black; 
whether  she  shivered  or  was  warm  in  a  white  gown;  whether  the 
May  flowers  were  in  blossom  for  May-wreaths,  or  the  snow- 
flakes  were  coming  down  instead.  She  had  chickens,  too,  and 
when  they  first  came,  she  fed  them  with  soaked  and  sweetened 
cracker;  later,  she  made  fricassees  of  them,  and  omelets  of  their 
eggs.  She  had  three  cats;  one,  named  Molly  after  herself; — 
another,  a  hideous,  saff'ron- colored,  forlorn,  little  wretch,  that  was 
abandoned  by  an  Irish  family,  and  which  she  felicitously  bap- 
tized Rory  O'More.  This  cat  one  day  crept  into  the  oven. — 
Mary,  ignorant  of  the  fact,  shut  the  door,  wishing  to  retain  the 
heat.  Hearing  a  stifled  "mew,"  she  opened  it,  and  out  flew  che 
cat  and  plunged  through  the  house  outside  into  the  nearest 
snow  bank,  from  whence  she  emerged,  with  true  Irish  elasticity, 
right-end  up,  and  as  good  as  new.  The  third  cat  little  Mary 
housed  was  a  perfect  savage ;  her  mistress  never  being  able  to 
catch  sight  of  her  save  in  her  fierce  and  lightning-like  transits 
through  the  hou^e.  These  cats  fought  each  other,  scratched, 
and  made  the  fur  fly,  stole  chickens,  and  gave  that  zest  and  ex- 
citement to  her  childish  days  which  might  well  astonish  our  city- 
prisoned  urchins — shut  up  with  a  cross  French  nurse,  to  keep 
their  silk  dresses  clean,  in  a  nursery,  from  whose  windows  the 
only  view  is  a  dead  brick  wall. 


94  ENTERTAINING  Personal 

Florence  Nightingale. 

One  of  the  wounded  soldiers  to  whom  this  angel  of  mercy, 
Miss  Florence  Nightingale,  ministered,  in  speaking  of  her  won- 
derful influence  in  the  wards,  says:  "She  would  speak  to  one 
and  to  another,  and  nod  and  smile  to  many  more;  but  she 
couldn't  do  it  to  all,  you  know;  we  lay  there  by  hundreds;  but 
we  could  kiss  her  shadow  as  it  fell,  and  lay  our  heads  on  the 
pillow  again  content." 


Grace  Greenwood's  Story  of  Queen   Victoria's 
Discipline. 

The  following  anecdote  of  Queen  Victoria's  strict  discipline 
was  told  to  the  relator — Grace  Greenwood — by  one  who 
witnessed   the   occurrence: 

"One  day,  when  the  Queen  was  present  in  her  carriage,  at 
a  mihtary  review,  the  princess  royal,  then  rather  a  wilful  girl 
of  about  thirteen,  sitting  on  the  front  seat,  seemed  disposed  to 
be  rather  familiar  and  coquettish  with  some  young  officers 
of  the  escort.  Her  Majesty  gave  several  reproving  looks, 
without  avail;  'winked  at  her,  but  she  wouldn't  stay  winked' — 
At  length,  in  flirting  her  handkerchief  over  the  side  of  the  car- 
riage, she  dropped  it, — too  evidently  not  accidentally.  In- 
stantly two  or  three  young  heroes  sprang  from  their  saddles 
to  return  it  to  her  fair  hand;  but  the  awful  voice  of  royalty 
stayed  them. 

"'Stop,  gentlemen!'  exclaimed  the  queen;  'leave  it  just 
where  it  lies.  Now,  my  daughter,  get  down  from  the  carriage 
and  pick  up  your  handkerchief.' 

"There  was  no  help  for  it.  The  royal  footman  let  down  the 
steps  for  the  little,  royal  lady,  who  proceeded  to  hft  from  the 
dust  the  pretty  piece  of  cambric  and  lace.  She  blushed  a  good 
deal,  though  she  tossed  her  head  saucily,  and  she  was  doubtless 
angry  enough.  But  the  mortifying  lesson  may  have  nipped  in 
the  bud  her  first  impulse  towards  coquetry. 


Personal.  ANECDOTES.  95 

Bishop   Hutton's   Gratitude. 

While  Dr.  Hutton,  Bishop  of  Durham,  was  once  traveling 
between  Wesleydale  and  Ingleton,  he  suddenly  dismounted, 
delivered  his  horse  to  the  care  of  one  of  his  servants,  and 
retired  to  a  particular  spot,  at  some  distance  from  the  highway, 
where  he  knelt  down,  and  continued  for  some  time  in  prayer. — 
On  his  return,  one  of  his  attendants  took  the  liberty  of  inquiring 
his  reason  for  this  singular  act ;  when  the  bishop  informed  him, 
that  when  he  was  a  poor  boy  he  traveled  over  that  cold  and 
bleak  mountain  without  shoes  or  stockings,  and  that  he  re- 
membered disturbing  a  cow  on  the  identical  spot  where  he 
prayed,  that  he  might  warm  his  feet  and  legs  on  the  place  where 
she  had  lain.  His  feelings  of  gratitude  would  not  allow  him  to 
pass  the  place  without  presenting  his  thanksgivings  to  God  for 
the  favors  He  had  since  shown  him. 


Wesley  and  Nelson  in   Cornwall. 

These  indefatigable  missionaries  rode  from  common  to  com- 
mon, in  Cornwall,  preaching  to  a  people  who  heard  willingly,  but 
seldom,  or  never  proffered  them  the  slightest  act  of  hospitality 
Returning  one  day  in  autumn  from  one  of  these  hungry  excur- 
sions, Wesley  stopped  his  horse  at  some  brambles  to  pick  the 
fruit.  "Brother  Nelson,"  said  he,  "we  ought  to  be  thankful  that 
there  are  plenty  of  blackberries,  for  this  is  the  best  country  I 
ever  saw  for  getting  a  stomach,  but  the  worst  that  I  ever  saw  for 
getting  food.  Do  people  think  we  can  live  by  preaching?" — 
They  were  detained  some  time  at  St.  Ives,  because  of  the  illness 
of  one  of  their  companions;  and  their  lodging  was  little  better 
than  their  fare.  "All  that  time,"  says  John,  "Mr  Wesley  and  I 
laid  on  the  floor:  he  had  my  great-coat  for  his  pillow,  and  I  had 
Burkitt's  Notes  on  the  New  Testament  for  mine.  After  being 
here  near  three  weeks,  one  morning,  about  three  o'clock,  Mr. 
Wesley  turned  over,  and  finding  me  awake,  clapped  me  on  the 
side,  saying,  'Brother  Nelson,  let  us  be  of  good  cheer,  I  have 
one  whole  side  yet;  for  the  skin  is  off  but  on  one  side. 


96  ENTERTAINING  Ferscnai 

How  a  Half-Guinea  made  Dr.  Clarke's 
Commentaries. 

During  Dr.  Adam  Clarke's  short  stay  at  Kingswood,  he  ofter> 
worked  in  the  garden  for  exercise.  "Observing  one  day,  "say? 
he,  "a  small  plat  which  had  been  awkwardly  turned  over  by  one 
of  the  boys,  I  took  the  spade  and  began  to  dress  it :  in  breaking 
one  of  the  clods,  I  knocked  a  half  guinea  out  of  it.  I  took  it 
up  and  immediately  said  to  myself,  This  is  not  mine;  it  belongs 
not  to  any  of  my  family,  for  they  have  never  been  here ;  I  will 
take  the  first  opportunity  to  give  it  to  Mr.  Simpson.  Shortly 
after,  I  perceived  him  walking  in  the  garden.  I  went  to  him, 
told  him  the  circumstance,  and  presented  the  half-guinea  to 
him;  he  took  it,  looked  at  it,  and  said,  '  It  may  be  mine,  as  sev- 
eral hundred  pounds  pass  through  my  hands  in  the  course  of  the 
year,  for  the  expense  of  this  school;  but  I  do  not  recollect  that 
I  ever  lost  any  money  since  I  came  here.  Probably  one  of  the 
gentlemen  has;  keep  it,  and  in  the  mean  time  I  will  inquire.'— 
I  said,  "Sir,  it  is  not  mine,  take  you  the  money:  if  you  meet  the 
right  owner,  well;  if  not,  throw  it  in  the  funds  of  the  school."" 
He  answered,  '  You  must  keep  it  till  I  make  the  inquiry.'  I  took 
it  again  with  reluctance.  The  next  day  he  told  me  that  Mr. 
Bayley  had  lost  a  half-guinea,  and  I  might  give  it  to  him  the  first 
time  I  saw  him ;  I  did  so : — three  days  afterwards  Mr.  Bayley 
came  to  me  and  said,  '  Mr.  C,  it  is  true  that  I  lost  a  half-guinea, 
but  I  am  not  sure  that  this  is  the  half-guinea  I  lost;  unless  I  were 
so,  I  could  not  conscientiously  keep  it ;  therefore  you  must  take 
it  again.'  I  said  it  is  not  mine,  probably  it  \s>  yours;  therefore  I 
cannot  take  it.  He  answered,  '  I  will  not  keep  it;  I  have  been 
uneasy  in  my  mind  ever  since  it  came  into  my  possession;^  'and  in 
saying  this,  he  forced  the  gold  into  my  hand.  Mr.  Simpson  was 
present:  I  then  presented  it  to  him,  saying,  'Here,  Mr.  S.,  take 
you  it,  and  apply  it  to  the  use  of  the  school.'  He  turned  away 
hastily  as  from  something  ominous,  and  said  *  I  declare  I  will 
have  nothing  to  do  with  it.'  So  it  was  obliged  to  remain  with 
its  finder,  and  formed  a  grand  addition  to  a  purse  that  already 
possessed  only  three  half-pence. 


Personal.  ANECDOTES.  97 

"Was  this  providential?  i.  I  was  poor,  not  worth  two  pence 
in  the  world,  and  needed  some  important  articles.  2.  I  was  out 
of  the  reach  of  all  supplies,  and  could  be  helped  only  from 
heaven. 

"The  story  is  before  the  reader;  he  may  draw  what  inference 
he  pleases.  One  thing,  however,  I  may  add : — besides  two  or 
three  necessary  articles  which  I  purchased,  I  gaVe  Mr.  Bayley 
ds.  as  my  subscription  for  his  Hebrew  Grammar :  by  which  work 
I  acquired  a  satisfactory  knowledge  of  that  language,  which 
ultimately  led  me  to  read  over  the  Hebrew  Bible  and  make 
those  short  notes  which  formed  the  basis  of  the  Commetitary 
since  published!  Had  I  not  got  that  Grammar  I  probably 
should  never  have  turned  my  mind  to  Hebrew  learning;  and 
most  certainly  had  never  written  a  Commentary  on  Divine  Rev- 
elation!  Behold  how  great  matter  a  little  fire  kindleth!  My 
pocket  was  not  entirely  empty  of  the  remains  of  this  half-guinea, 
till  other  supphes,  in  the  ordinary  course  of  God's  providence, 
came  in !  O  God !  the  silver  and  the  gold  are  thine :  so  are  the 
cattle  upon  a  thousand  hills. " 


Ole  Bull,  Camille  Urso,  and  Miss  Topp. 

Ole  Bull,  Camille  Urso,  and  Miss  Alida  Topp  met  once  at 
a  party. 

"You  play  beautifully,  my  child,"  said  the  Norwegian  to  Miss 
Topp,  "but  you  can't  do  the  great  music.  No  wotnan  can;  it 
takes  the  biceps  of  a  man." 

My  arm  is  strong  enough, "  answered  the  brilliant  young  pianist, 
laughing;  I  break  my  pianos  as  well  as  a  man  could,  and  Stein- 
way  has   to  send  me  a  new  one  every  week. " 

"You  see,"  responded  Ole  Bull,  turning  to  Madam  Urso, 
"you  see  how  these  people  treat  their  pianos.  They  bang  them, 
they  beat  them,  they  kick  them,  they  smash  them  to  pieces ;  but 
our  fiddles!  how  7ue  love  them!" 

"Oh,  yes,  indeed,"  was  Camille's  earnest  answer,  with  a  flash 
of  her  most  expressive  eyes. 


98  .ENTERTAINING  Personal. 

Rev.  John   Brown--Haddington. 

The  Rev.  John  Brown,  of  Haddington,  when  a  boy,  was  en- 
gaged in  the  service  of  a  farmer  in  East  Lothian.  Having  one 
day  gone  to  Edinburgh  market  with  grain,  while  his  horses  were 
resting  and  his  companions  asleep,  he  went  to  a  bookseller's  in 
Parliament  Close,  in  search  of  a  Greek  Testament.  The  propri- 
etor, standing  at  his  door,  was  surprised  to  hear  a  poor  boy  ask 
for  such  a  book,  and  inquired  what  he  would  do  with  it?  "Why, 
read  it,  if  it  please  your  honor."  "Can  you  read  it?"  "Why," 
replied  the  lad,  "I  will  try  at  it."  One  of  the  shop  men,  having 
found  one,  put  it  into  his  hand,  and  the  master  said,  "If  you 
can  read  it,  you  shall  have  it  for  nothing. "  The  boy  took  it,  and 
having  read  a  page,  translated  it  with  great  ease.  The  booksel- 
ler would  receive  no  money,  though  the  boy,  who  had  pulled 
out  half  a  crown  from  a  purse  in  his  pocket,  urged  him  to  take 
it,  knowing  that  to  be  the  price  of  the  book.  About  twenty 
years  after  this,  a  well-dressed  man,  with  a  wig  and  staff,  came 
to  the  same  shop.  He  addressed  the  book-seller,  who,  as  former- 
ly, was  walking  before  the  door,  saying,  "Sir,  I  believe  I  am 
your  debtor. "  The  book-seller  said,  "I  do  not  know,  but  step 
in,  and  any  of  the  young  men  will  tell  you."  "But,"  replied  he, 
"it  is  to  you  personally  that  I  am  indebted."  Looking  in  his 
face,  the  other  said,  "Sir,  I  do  not  know  that  you  owe  me 
anything,"  "Yes,  I  certainly  do.  Do  you  recollect  that,  about 
about  twenty  years  ago,  a  poor  boy  came  and  got  a  Greek 
Testament  from  you,  and  did  not  pay  for  it?"  "Yes,  perfectly," 
replied  the  book-seller,  "and  have  often  thought  of  it;  and  the 
boy  was  no  sooner  gone,  than  I  was  angry  with  myself  for  not 
asking  his  name,  and  where  he  resided. "  "I,"  replied  the  cler- 
gyman, "was  the  boy;  my  name  is  Brown,  and  I  live  at 
Haddington."  Upon  .looking  again  in  his  face,  and  giving  him 
his  hand,  he  said,  "Mr.  Brown,  I  am  glad  to  see  you,  and  have 
often  heard  of  you.  We  have  here  in  our  shop  your  self-Inter- 
preting Bible,  your  Church  History,  &c.,  which  have  brought 
me  in  much  money;  will  you  be  so  obliging  as  to  dine  with  me?" 


Personal.  ANECDOTES. 


99 


The  invitation    was  accepted,  and  a   lasting  friendship  formed 
"between  them. 


Luther  on  Pilate's  Stair  Case. 

For  some  time  after  the  Hght  of  truth  began  to  dawn  on  the 
inind  of  Luther,  he  submitted  to  all  the  vain  practices  which  the 
Romish  Church  enjoins,  in  order  to  purchase  the  remission  of 
sins.  One  day,  during  his  visit  to  Rome,  wishing  to  obtain  an 
indulgence  promised  by  the  Pope  to  any  one  \Yho  should  ascend, 
on  his  knees,  what  is  called  Pilate's  Staircase,  the  poor  Saxon 
monk  was  slowly  climbing  those  steps,  which  they  told  him  had 
teen  miraculously  transported  from  Jerusalem  to  Rome.  But 
while  he  was  going  through  with  the  meritorious  work,  he 
thought  he  heard  a  voice,  like  thunder,  speaking  from  the  depth 
of  his  heart,  "  77^1?  just  shall  live  by  faith. "  He  started  up 
in  terror  on  the  steps  up  which  he  had  been  crawling;  he  was 
horrified  at  himself;  and  struck  with  shame  for  the  degradation 
to  which  superstition  had  debased  him,  he  fled  from  the  scene  of 
his  folly.  This  was  the  decisive  epoch  in  the  inward  life  of 
Luther. 


Whitfield  and  the  Little  Boy. 

When  visiting  America,  the  Rev.  G.  Whitfield  often  stood  on 
the  outsteps  of  the  court-house  in  Philadelphia,  and  preached  to 
thousands  who  crowded  the  streets  below.  On  one  of  these 
occasions,  a  youth  pressed  as  near  to  his  favorite  preacher  as 
possible;  and,  to  testify  his  respect,  held  a  lantern  for  his  accom- 
modation. Soon  after  the  sermon  began,  he  became  so  absorbed 
in  the  subject,  that  the  lantern  fell  from  his  hand,  and  was 
dashed  to  pieces;  and  that  p^t  of  the  audience  in  the  immedi- 
ate vicinity  of  the  speaker's  station  were  not  a  little  discomposed 
!by  the  occurrence. 

Some  years  after,  Mr.  Whitfield,  in  the  course  of  his  fifth  visit 
to  America,  about  the  year  1754,  on    a  journey  from    the  south- 


loo  ENTERTAINING  Personal. 

ward,  called  at  St.  George's,  in  Delaware,  where  Mr.  Rodgers 
was  then  settled  in  the  ministry,  and  spent  some  time  with  him. 
In  the  course  of  this  visit,  Mr.  Rodgers,  riding  one  day  with  his 
visitor  in  a  close  carriage,  asked  him  whether  he  recollected  the 
occurrence  of  the  little  boy  who  was  so  much  affected  with  his 
preaching  as  to  let  the  lantern  fall.  Mr.  Whitfield  answered,  "O 
yes!  I  remember  it  well;  and  have  often  thought  I  would  give 
anything  in  my  power  to  know  who  that  little  boy  was,  and  what 
had  become  of  him."  Mr.  Rodgers  replied,  with  a  smile,  "I  am 
that  little  boy. "  Mr.  Whitfield,  with  tears  of  joy,  started  from 
his  seat,  clasped  him  in  his  arms,  and  with  strong  emotions 
remarked,  that  he  was  the  fourteenth  person  then  in  the  minis- 
try, whom  he  had  discovered  in  the  course  of  that  visit  to  Amer- 
ica, of  whose  hopeful  conversion  he  had  been  the  instrument. 


Haydn  and  His  "Creation"--Thrilling  Scene. 

In  Haydn's  "Creation"  there  occurs  a  passage,  which  cannot 
be  easily  equaled,  much  less  suspassed,  either  for  its  sublimity 
or  for  the  simphcity  of  the  means  employed.  The  point  re- 
ferred to  is  that  wonderful  transition  from  minor  to  major  on  the 
words,  "Let  there  be  light,  and  there  was  light,"  connected 
with  which  there  is  an  interesting  anecdote : 

In  the  year  1808,  a  grand  performance  of  the  "Creation"  took 
place  in  Vienna.  Haydn  was  present,  but  he  was  so  old  and 
feeble  that  he  had  to  be  wheeled  in  a  chair  in  the  theatre,  where 
a  princess  of  the  house  of  Esterhazy  took  her  seat  by  his  side. — 
This  was  the  last  time  that  Haydn  appeared  in  public,  and  a 
very  impressive  sight  it  must  have  been  to  see  the  aged  father 
of  music  hstening  to  the  "Creation"  of  his  younger  days,  but 
too  old  to  take  any  share  in  the  performance.  The  presence  of 
the  old  man  roused  intense  enthusiasm  among  the  audience, 
which  could  no  longer  be  suppressed  as  the  chorus  and  orches- 
tra burst  in  full  power  upon  the  superb  passage,  "And  there  was 
light!" 

Amid  the  tumult  of  the  enraptured  audience  the  old  compo- 


Personal.  ANECDOTES.  loi 

ser  was  seen  striving  to  raise  himself.  Once  on  his  feet,  he  mus- 
tered up  all  his  strength,  and,  in  reply  to  the  applause  of  the 
audience,  he  cried  out  as  loud  as  he  was  able :  "No,  no !  not  from 
me,  but"  pointing  to  Heaven,  "from  there — from  Heaven  above — 
comes  all !  Saying  whch,  he  fell  back  in  his  chair,  faint  and 
exhausted,  and  had  to  be  carried  out  of  the  room. 


Dickens'  Illustrations. 

On  one  occasion  Charles  Dickens  was  upholding  the  theory 
that  whatever  trials  and  difficulties  might  stand  in  a  man's  path, 
there  was  also  somthing  that  he  might  be  thankful  for.  "I^et  me 
in  proof  thereof,"  said  Dickens,  "relate  a  story.  Two  men  were 
to  be  hanged  at  Newgate  for  murder.  The  morning  arrived; 
the  hour  approached;  the  bell  of  St.  Sepulcher's  began  to  toll; 
the  convicts  were  pinioned;  the  procession  was  formed;  it  ad- 
vanced to  the  fatal  beam;  the  ropes  were  adjusted  round  the 
poor  men's  necks.  There  were  thousands  of  motley  sight-seers 
of  both  sexes,  of  all  ages,  men,  women  and  children  in  front  of 
the  scaffold,  when  just  at  that  second  of  time  a  bull,  which  was 
being  driven  to  Smithfield,  broke  its  rope  and  charged  the  mob 
right  and  left,  scattering  the  people  everywhere  with  its  horns. — 
Whereupon  one  of  the  condemned  men  turned  to  his,  too, 
equally  unfortunate  companion,  and  quietly  observed,  "I  say, 
Jack,  it's  a  good  thing  we  ain't  in  that  crowd!" 


Miss  Thurston's  Pleading  Pigeon. 

Miss  Nellie  Thurston  made  a  balloon  ascension  from  Oneida 
in  November,  1878,  and  after  a  journey  of  sixty  miles,  landed 
safely  at  Burlington  Flats,  Otsego  county,  making  the  distance 
in  forty  minutes.  She  took  with  her  a  pigeon  from  the  Oneida 
Community,  and  when  she  reached  an  altitude  of  three  miles 
undertook  to  release  it.  Miss  Thurston  opened  the  cage,  but 
the  bird  would  not  fly.  She  then  put  it  on  the  edge  of  the  bas- 
ket, and  it  immediately  jumped  down  to  the  bottom  and  nestled 
by  her   in  a  manner  which  seemed  to  say:  "Please  protect  me."" 


«i02  ENTERTAINING  Personal. 

Miss  Thurston  says  she  felt  sorry  for  the  pretty  little  bird,  and 
dreaded  to  throw  it  out,  but  thought  she  would  try  it  again,  and 
see  if  it  would  not  go  willingly;  so  she  sat  it  on  the  edge  of  the 
basket  again,  when  it  immediately  alighted  on  her  shoulder.  She 
then  took  it  in  her  hand,  gave  it  a  toss,  but  instead  of  starting 
for  the  world  below  it  sailed  around  the  balloon  several  times 
and  alighted  again  in  the  basket.  She  took  it  again  into  her 
■hand,  petted  it,  and  with  words  of  sympathy  and  assurance  she 
she  gave  it  a  kiss,  saying:  "Birdie,  you  will  go  home  all  right," 
and  the  pigeon,  as  if  comprehending  the  words  of  kindness  and 
assurance,  flew  from  hei  hand  and  was  soon  lost  sight  of.  It  did 
inot,  however,  reach  its  home  until  the  next  day. 


Incident  in  Mrs.  Partington's  Early  Life. 

Mr.  B.  P.  Shillaber  has  been  writing  a  bright  and  graceful 
article  concerning  the  good  old  lady — Mrs.  Partington.  Her 
first  innocently  wise  saying  was  inspired  by  a  remark  of  one  of 
the  newspaper  men,  on  a  night  when  a  steamer  from  England 
had  brought  news  of  an  advance  in  breadstuffs,  who  said  he 
did  not  care,  as  he  bought  his  flour  by  the  half-dollar's  worth. — 
"Mrs.  Partington"  was  then  made  to  say,  in  the  little  paragraph 
that  Mr.  Shillaber  wrote,  that  it  made  "no  difference  to  hei 
whether  flour  was  dear  or  cheap,  as  she  always  received  just  so 
much  for  a  half  dollar's  worth."  This  was  copied  the  next  day, 
and  the  inducement  was  thus  offered  to  try  again.  This  meeting 
■with  like  success,  they  were  kept  on,  until  Mrs.  P.,  as  she 
expressed  it,  had  obtained  a  "memento"  she  could  not  check. — 
Mr.  Shillaber  adds:  "Mrs.  Partington"  was  an  entirely  new 
creation,  for  I  had  never  seen  the  'Rivals'  acted,  nor  read  it,  and 
though  I  knew,  from  extracts  in  comic  compilations,  of  Mrs. 
Malaprop's  existence  and  character,  it  moved  no  pulse  of  my 
ambition.  The  real  inspiration  which  prompted  the  effort  to 
-continue  the  Partington  sayings,  when  the  idea  took  positive 
form,  was  the  constant  hearing  of  expressions,  by  very  excellent 
people,  that  seemed  too  funny  to  be  allowed  to  pass  into  for- 
getfulness, — queer  errors,  inadvertantly  made,* and  otherwise." 


Personal.  ANECDOTES.  loj 

The  News  Boy.— The  Scientist.-— Anecdotes  of 
Thomas  A.  Edison. 

Many  interesting,  anecdotes  are  told  of  the  great  inventor, 
Thomas  Alva  Edison.  At  the  age  of  twelve,  his  father  secured 
him  the  position  of  news  boy  on  the  Grand  Trunk  Railroad 
between  Detroit  and  Port  Huron.  His  average  daily  earnings 
during  the  four  years  he  was  engaged  in  selling  periodicals  on 
the  train  was  one  dollar.  At  times  he  employed  as  many  as  four 
assistants.  In  order  to  sell  more  of  his  papers,  and  thus  do  the 
greatest  good  to  the  greatest  number,  and  at  the  same  time  make 
it  pay,  he  would  telegraph  in  advance  the  head  lines  of  the  war 
news  colums,  which  proved  a  great  success.  While  a  news  boy, 
he  purchased  three  hundred  pounds  of  type,  and  printed  a 
weekly  paper  called  "  The  Grand  Trunk  Herald. "  The  work 
was  done  in  a  smoking  car,  and  the  impressions  were  taken  by 
pressing  the  paper  down  upon  the  type  with  his  hands.  The 
columns  were  filled  with  railroad  news  and  gossip  contributed  by 
conductors  engineers,  and  others.  The  paper  reached  a  circula- 
tion of  several  hundred,  and  attained  a  reputation  that  even 
crossed  the  Atlantic,  and  called  forth  a  favorable  notice  in  the 
London  Times.  George  Stephenson,  the  engineer,  who  built  the 
tubular  bridge  at  Montreal,  when  passing  over  the  road  one  day, 
found  the  young  news  boy  hard  at  work  upon  the  Herald,  and  at 
once  ordered  an  extra  edition  printed  for  his  own  use.  While 
engaged  as  train  boy  he  also  indulged  in  frequent  chemical  ex- 
periments. Leaving  his  phosphorus  bottle  on  one  occcasion,  un- 
corked, the  water  evaporated  and  the  phosphorus  set  fire  to  the 
car.  This  sad  accident  of  course  attracted  the  attention  of  the 
conductor,  who  with  difficulty  extinguished  the  flames,  and  then 
tossed  the  young  man's  laboratory  to  the  winds;  and,  it  is  said, 
closed  the  drama  by  "threshing  Edison." 

All  this  did  not  discourage  the  great  boy.  He  soon  after  is 
found  constructing  a  telegraph  line  between  his  home  in  Port 
Huron  and  the  residence  of  his  young  friend,  James  Ward.  Com- 
mon stove  pipe  wire  insulated  with  bottles  placed  on  nails  driven 

8 


I04  ENTERTAINING  Personal 

into  posts  and  trees  constituted  the  line.  The  first  magnets 
used  were  made  with  wire  wound  with  rags  for  insulation,  and 
a  piece  of  spring  brass  formed  the  key.  It  is  said  the  two  boys 
were  somewhat  mixed  as  to  the  relative  value  of  dynamic  and 
static  electricity  for  telegraphic  purposes,  and  so  the  first  attempt 
to  generate  a  current  was  by  means  of  a  couple  of  cats  rubbed 
vigorously  at  each  end  of  the  line  at  an  appointed  time !  This 
efFort  proved  a  sad  failure  in  every  respect,  excepting  of  course, 
the  two  cats,  that  vanished  like  streaks  of  lightning,  the  midnight 
mew-sic  of  which  young  Tom  never  heard  again. 

While  an  operator  at  one  station,  the  telegraph  office  was 
greatly  infested  with  cockroaches.  Mr.  Edison  tacked  several 
zinc  strips  to  the  walls  at  intervals  of  an  eighth  of  an  inch,  and 
applied  the  positive  and  negative  poles  of  a  battery  alternately 
to  the  strips.  He  next  smeared  the  walls  above  the  strips  with 
molasses.  The  long  legged  bugs  came  up,  and  as  they  stepped 
from  strip  to  strip,  they  'closed  the  circuit,'  received  the  electric 
shock  and  dropped  dead  by  scores.  Water  pails  put  at  the 
proper  places  received  their  bodies  as  they  fell. " 

The  turning  point  in  his  life  occurred  later.  In  1868  a  gawky 
young  fellow  appeared  in  the  Boston  office.  He  was  assigned  to 
the  New  York  wire  operated  at  the  New  York  end  by  a  tele- 
gapher  sb  rapid  and  expert  that  nobody  could  follow  him.  The 
New  York  man  gave  the  new  hand  one  trial  at  the  top  of  his  speed- 
It  was  a  case  of  articulate  lightning.  But  the  gawky  Western  boy 
was  equal  to  the  occasion,  and  when  he  got  through  the  New  York 
man  shouted  through  the  Battery,  "Who  the  devil  are  you,  any- 
how?" The  reply  went  back  like  lightning.  "I'm  Tom  Edison, 
old  boy. — Shake  hands  and  try  it  again ! "  The  advice  was  good, 
but  the  New  York  operator  did  not  see  fit  to  take  it.  Here  he  tried 
his  duplex  system.  It  failed,  and  he  was  turned  adrift  again  as  an 
incorrigible  Bohemian.  Half  in  desperation,  and  half  in  hope 
that  there  might  be  a  place  for  him  somewhere,  he  turned  up  in 
New  York,  after  his  Boston  adventure  with  duplex  transmission : 
and  here  a  happy  accident  proved  the  pivot  upon  which  his  ca- 
reer turned.     The  indicator  of  the  Gold  and  Stock  Company  got 


Personal.  ANECDOTES.  105 

out  of  order  at  a  critical  moment,  and  the  raw-looking  country 
boy  repaired  it.  His  cause  was  now  taken  up  by  Mr.  Orton,  of 
the  Western  Union  Telegraph  Company,  with  the  quick  insight 
that  made  that  gentleman's  success  in  the  world;  and  his  sub- 
sequent triumphs  have  justified  the  first  impression  of  his 
distinguished  patron.  His  duplex  transmission  has  become 
quadruplex  transmissions.  He  has  amassed  a  fortune,  married, 
and  has  a  Uttle  Tom  Edison  in  the  nursery. 


How  Phil.   Sheridan  Disobeyed  Orders. 

The  recent  gathering  of  the  military  men  in  Indianapolis,  and 
the  recital  of  reminiscences  of  the  war  which  gave  occasion  for 
the  organization  of  the  Army  of  the  Tennessee,  recalls  an  in- 
cident in  the  military  experience  of  Gen.  Phil.  Sheridan  which 
is  not  generally  known,  and  which  has  doubtless  been  forgotten 
by  many  who  were  cognizant  of  it  at  the  time,  driven  from  their 
minds  by  the  glorious  achievements  which  have  made  the  name 
of  Sheridan  loved  and  honored  throughout  the'land.  At  the 
beginning  of  the  war  he  was  a  Captain  in  the  regular  army, 
having  graduated  at  West  Point  in  1853.  I^^  1S61  he  was  ap- 
pointed Quartermaster  of  the  Army  of  the  Southwest,  under 
Gen.  Curtis,  with  headquarters  at  Springfield,  Mo.  An  expedi- 
tion to  Arkansas  was  organized,  and  Gen.  Curtis  headed  it  in 
person.  The  march  of  the  army  was  harassed  by  attacks 
from  bushwhackers  and  guerillas,  and  there  was  great  need  of 
horses  to  meet  and  repulse  these  classes  of  combatants.  Gen. 
Curtis  dispatched  a  courier  from  Timber  Hollows  to  Sheridan 
with  instructions  to  forward  immediately  all  the  horses  he  could 
procure;  if  there  was  no  money  on  hand  with  which  to  purchase 
them  to  go  out  and  press  them  into  the  service.  In  those  early 
days  the  war  was  not  carried  into  Africa,  so  to  speak,  as  in 
latter  times,  and  Sheridan  refused  to  run  any  risks  by  such  an 
Irregular  proceeding,  and  sent  word  back  to  Curtis  that  he  would 
send  no  horses  for  which  he  had  no  receipts;  and,  having  no 
funds  on  hand,  he  could  not  procure  them.     Gen.  Curtis  was 


io6  ENTERTAINING  PersonaL 

» 

furious  at  the  presumption  of  the  Quartermaster,  and  ordered 
the  contumacious  officer  to  forward  his  sword  to  the  General 
and  report  to  Gen.  Halleck,  in  command  of  the  department  at 
St.  Louis,  under  arrest.  Gen.  Sheridan  left  Springfield  in  pur- 
suance of  these  orders,  and  that  was  the  last  heard  ci  him  in  the 
Army  of  the  Southwest.  In  the  spring  of  1862  he  appeared 
again  as  Colonel  of  the  Second  Michigan  Cavalry,  after  which 
time  his  progress  was  rapid  and  brilliant,  and  known  to  the  whole 
country.  How  he  got  out  of  the  trouble  with  Gen.  Curtis  the 
archives  of  the  War  Department  may  be  able  to  tell,  but  it  is  not 
known  to  those  asssociated  with  him  in  Missouri.  The  stirring 
events  of  that  period  left  but  little  time  to  look  up  the  rec- 
ords of  individuals,  however  famous.  The  episode  was  the  ma. 
king  of  Philip,  though.  Had  he  not  disobeyed  orders  he  might 
and  would  in  all  probability  have  served  through  the  war,  rising 
no  higher  than  a  Brigade  or  Division  Quartermaster. 


Too  Much  for  General  Washington. 

A  cheerful  view  of  Washington  is  given  in  a  story  once  told 
by  Mrs.  Madison  to  a  little  girl,  who  now  repeats  it  in  Lippincott. 
"One  day  in  Philadelphia,"  said  Mistress  Dolly  Madison,  "I  was 
sitting  in  my  parlor  with  a  very  dear  friend,  Mrs.  R.  B.  Lee, 
when  in  walked  Payne  Todd  (her  son)  dressed  in  ray  calico  bed- 
gown. While  we  were  laughing  at  the  figure  he  cut,  the  servant 
threw  open  the  door,  and  announced  General  and  Mrs.  Wash- 
ington. What  to  do  with  that  dreadful  boy  I  didn't  know.  He 
could  not  face  the  President  in  that  garb.  Neither  could  he 
leave  the  room  without  meeting  them,  for  the  door  they  were 
entering  was  the  only  one.  I  made  him  crawl  quickly  under  a 
low,  broad  settee  on  which  I  was  sitting.  I  had  just  time  to 
arrange  the  drapery  when  the  Washingtons  entered.  After  the 
courtly  greeting,  and  the  usual  compliments  of  the  season,  there 
came  from  under  the  settee  a  heavy  sigh,  which  evidently 
attracted  the  General's  notice.  However,  I  only  talked  and 
laughed  a  little  lender,  hoping  to  divert  his  attentiOij|L  when — oh, 


Personal.  ANECDOTES.  107- 

me ! — there  came  an  outcry  and  a  kick  that  could  not  be  ignored. 
So  I  stooped  down  and  dragged  Payne  out  by  the  leg.  General 
Washington's  dignity  left  him  for  once.  Laugh !  Why,  he  fairly 
roared !  He  nearly  went  into  convulsions.  The  sight  of  that 
boy  in  that  gown,  all  so  unexpected,  coming  wrong  end  first 
from  under  my  seat — it  was  too  much. 


Professor  Alexander. 

Professor  Joseph  Addison  Alexander,  of  Princeton  Theological 
Seminary,  was  considered  somewhat  eccentric  respecting  the 
society  of  young  ladies.  He  seemed  studiously  to  avoid  their 
presence,  and  is  said  on  one  occasion  to  have  gone  down 
through  a  second  story  window  rather  than  go  out  through  a  par- 
lor filled  with  ladies.  The  compiler  from  his  study  window  one 
day  observed  the  learned  Professor  pacing  up  and  down  the  long 
walk  in  front  of  his  residence.  His  hands  were  clasped  behind 
his  back,  and  his  head  was  down  as  if  engaged  in  deep  thought. 
While  pacing  towards  the  door  several  ladies  entered  the  gate- 
way. With  his  head  still  down  he  turned  and  walked  slowly 
towards  the  ladies,  evidently  not  observing  them.  Both  parties 
gradually  approached  each  other  and  a  collision  seemed  inevi- 
table. When  the  great  scholar  had  almost  run  against  the 
visitors  he  discovered  their  presence,  and  then  with  terrible 
celerity  wheeled  about  and  walked  into  the  house. 

He  was  very  popular  with  the  students  and  would  never 
allow  them  to  be  abused  in  his  classes  by  examining  committees. 
The  writer  well  remembers  when  during  an  examination  a  mem- 
ber of  one  of  the  committees  propounded  a  question,  which,  in 
substance  was  about  the  same  as  calling  for  an  explanation  of 
the  Trinity.  Professor  Alexander  immediately  announced  that 
his  class  had  not  gone  over  that  field;  in  fact,  it  did  not  belong 
to  his  department,  but  the  class  would  await  any  explanations  of 
the  subject  the  member  of  the  committee  might  see  fit  to  make. 
This  was  carrying  the  war  into  Africa,  and  as  the  member  pre- 
ferred peacej'he  excused  himself  and  asked  no  more  questions. 


EoS  ENTERTAINING  Personal. 

Moody's   Remarkable  Anecdote  of  a  Defaulter. 

A  man  came  to  me  in  one  of  the  Eastern  cities  last  winter, 
and  said:  "Mr.  Moody,  I  want  to  become  a  Christian,  but  I 
can't  pray.  I  have  tried  to,  but  it  seems  as  if  the  heavens  pro- 
test, and  all  is  dark. "  I  probed  him,  and  tried  to  find  out  the 
difficulty,  and  at  last  says  I:  "Isn't  there  some  sin  that  you  are 
covering  up?"  And  the  man  colored  to  the  roots  of  his  hair,  and 
says,  "Mr.  Moody,  I  will*  tell  you.  I  am  a  defaulter  for  one 
thousand  five  hundred  dollars. "  Says  I,  "Why  don't  you  con- 
fess?" He  says,  "I  am  going  into  business,  and  am  going  to 
make  it  up.  I  have  a  lovely  wife  and  family,  and  I  can't  confess. 
It  would  be  the  ruin  of  my  family,  and  my  ruin.  I  am  just  go- 
ing into  business,  and  expect  to  make  that  money,  and  to  pay  it 
back.  I  don't  know  but  I  may  be  wrong  in  that."  "Yes,"  says 
I,  "of  course  you  can't  pray  with  that  difficulty  over  you.  Going 
into  business  with  other  men's  money!  Just  been  robbing  men!" 
"Oh!  what  shall  I  do?"  "Make  restitution."  "I  can't;  it  would 
be  the  ruin  of  me!"  "How  much  have  you  got  out  of  the  one 
thousand  five  hundred  dollars?"  "Nine  hundred,— some  day  I'll 
pay  back  every  dollar.  I  can't  go  to  myemplyers  and  confess. 
They  will  put  me  into  the  courts."  "I  don't  know  whether  they 
will  or  not. "  He  said  he  couldn't  do  it,  and  went  away,  wanting 
me  to  pray  for  him  "How  can  I,  if  you  are  not  willing  to  make 
restitution?"  I  told  him  I  would  pray  that  God  wouldn't  give 
any  sleep  to  his  eyes  or  slumber  to  his  eyelids  until  he  gave  back 
that  money.  The  next  day  he  came  back  and  said  he  couldn't 
sleep.  "Is  there  no  other  way  out  of  this  agony?"  "No;  do 
the  right  thing  and  God  will  set  you  right. "  He  shrank  from  it. 
"How  can  I  do  it?  I  am  sure  they  will  put  me  into  the  courts, 
and  it  will  ruin  my  family."  Says  I,  "Do  right,  and  the  Lord 
will  remember  you. "  Finally  he  put  into  my  hands  nine  hundred 
and  eighty-one  dollars  and  twenty-one  cents  in  a  sealed  envelope, 
and  says,  "That  money  follows  me,  and  I4on't  want  it  iiny 
longer.  I  have  taken  the  last  cent  m^  wife  and  I  have,  and  if 
my  friends  will  not  save  me  from  the  penitentiary,  it  will  be  the 


Personal  ANECDOTES.  109 

death  of  us. "  I  went  to  his  employers,  and  got  them  into  a 
room  and  told  them  the  whole  story.  "There  is  some  of  your 
money,  and  I  don't  think  you  ought  to  ruin  him."  Tears  ran 
down  their  cheeks,  and  I  saw  they  would  deal  mercifully  with 
him;  so  I  went  down  stairs  and  brought  him  up,  and  those  three 
men  got  on  their  knees  and  prayed  together.  Friends  rallied 
around  him,  and  he  has  gone  into  business,  and  been  successful 
from  that  hour,  God  delivered  him,  and  he  is  reconciled  and 
at  peace.  He  had  sins,  and  set  his  face  to  do  right.  If  you  want 
power,  if  you  want  God  to  bless  you,  make  restitution.  That 
comes  with  confession.  There  is  no  use  of  confessing  sins  if 
you  are  not  wiUing  to  make  restitution  and  be  honest;  and  when 
honest  with  man  and  your  neighbors,  God  will  hear  and  bless 
you. 

An  Incident  in  Prof.  Swing's  Early  Life. 

Professor  Swing,  of  the  Central  Church,  Chicago,  is  very  fond 
of  fishing.  Many  are  the  summer  evenings  in  which,  accom- 
panied by  his  daughter,  he  may  be  seen  enjoying  the  cool  lake 
breeze  at  the  pier  with  hook  and  line,  filling  his  basket  with  the 
choicest  bass.  This  laudable  taste  was  very  early  developed, 
and  is  the  occasion  of  a  story  the  compiler  heard  the  Professor 
relate  in  his  own  words.  Near  his  native  place  a  large  stream 
was  dammed  for  milling  purposes,  an  event  that  happened  about 
the  time  that  young  David  appeared  on  the  scene  of  action. 
The  mill-dam,  of  course,  soon  abounded  in  a  great  variety  of 
fish,  and  became  celebrated  as  the  best  fishing  place  in  all  the 
region,  but,  alas,  it  was  a  dangerous  place  for  little  boys.  On 
this  account  the  "big  boys"  as  the  Professor  styled  them,  would 
never  allow  him  to  accompany  them  in  their  fishing  excursions 
if  they  could  prevent  it.  Like  the  poor  fellow  that  was  cut  in 
twain  by  the  circular  saw,  who  was  pronounced  a  good  citizen, 
but  of  limited  knowledge  concerning  circular  saws,  young  David, 
though  ever  so  good  a  boy,  was  supposed  to  have  but  little 
knowledge  of  mill-dams.  One  evening  he  saw  the  "big  boys" 
starting  out  for  a  fish.     He  knew  if  he  could   conceal  his  pres- 


no  ENTERTAINING  Personal 

ence  until  all  were  so  far  away  that  it  would  be  unsafe  for  those 
great  fellows  to  allow  him  to  return  alone,  they  would  then  be 
compelled  to  let  him  go  on  to  the  mill-dam.  But  on  this  occa- 
sion he  had  not  stolen  his  way  very  far,  hiding  in  fence  corners 
and  behind  trees,  before  he  was  discovered. 

"Dave,  you  little  rascal,  go  home  or  we'll  skin  you  alive;" 
shouted  one  of  the  big  boys.  Frightful  as  were  these  awful 
words,  "Dave"  was  not  seriously  intimidated,  and  when  the  big 
boys  threw  out  their  lines  into  the  mill-pond,  Dave,  at  a  safe  dis- 
tance, and  without  their  knowledge,  threw  out  his. 

It  was  not  long  before  a  kind  of  under  tow  movement  oc- 
curred in  the  waters  in  front  of  the  boy,  and  a  fish  nearly  as 
big  as  Dave  himself  (he  thought  so),  swallowed  the  tempting  bait. 
Then  followed  a  terrible  splashing,  as  if  trees  were  falling  in 
the  waters  and  the  big  boys  rushed  to  see  what  on  earth  was  the 
matter. 

"Why  Dave  is  that  you?"  exclaimed  one. 

"Golly,  what  a  fish,"  exclaimed  another. 

"Dave  you're  a  capital  boy,"  cried  another. 

But  the  little  man  heeded  not.  He  just  gathered  up  that  fish, 
line  and  all,  with  both  hands,  and  pressing  it  to  his  heaving 
bosom  struck  for  home  as  fast  -as  he  could  run,  with  a  few  of  the 
great  fellows,  this  time  following  him!  It  was  the  largest  fish 
ever  taken  from  the  pond,  and  "Dave  the  little  rascal,"  instead 
of  being  "skinned  alive"  was  covered  with  glory. 


Jenny  Lind's  "Best  Compliment." 

It  was  the  remark  of  Jenny  Lind  that  the  best  compliment 
ever  paid  her  was  by  an  old  lady  who  resided  in  one  of  the  hum- 
ble cottages  of  England.  In  her  travels  one  day  she  took 
occasion  to  call  at  one  of  these  unpretentious  homes,  whei-e  she 
was  met  by  an  old  lady.  "Have  you  ever  heard  Jenny  Lind?" 
inquired  the  sweet  singer.  "No,  I  have  not.  It  costs  too  much 
money  for  us  poor  folks;  only  the  rich  can  hear  her  sing," 
responded  the  lady.     Whereupon  the    sweet  singer   announced 


Personal.  ANECDOTES.  iir 

her  acquaintance  with  Jenny  Lind,  and  whom  she  had  frequently 
heard  sing,  and  offered  to  give  the  old  lady  a  song.  The  woman 
was  greatly  delighted  and  at  once  assumed  the  position  of  au- 
ditor, while  Jenny  Lind  began  the  familiar  ballad,  "Home, 
Sweet  Home. "  Ere  the  first  verse  was  sung  the  old  lady  was  in 
tears.  She  seemed  entranced,  and  when  the  song  was  concluded, 
looking  steadfastly  at  the  singer,  in  earnest  tones  exclaimed, 
"  This  7nust  be /e?iny  Lind/" 


Surrender  of  Vincennes  (Ind.)  to  Col.  Clark. 

It  has  been  remarked  that  the  conquests  of  Col.  George 
Rogers  Clark,  in  the  far  West  during  the  Revolution,  changed 
the  boundaries  of  the  Nation.  But  for  his  army  of  fearless 
Virginians  theunion  of  all  the  Indian  tribes,  from  Maine  to  Geor- 
gia, might  have  been  effected  against  the  Colonies  and  the  whole 
current  of  our  history  changed.  Gov.  Hamilton,  the  British 
commander  of  the  north-west,  with  headquarters  at  Vincennes, 
deemed  it  his  special  mission  to  effect  this  great  union ;  and  with 
this  accomplished,  it  is  certain  the  war  would  have  been  pro- 
longed, and  quite  probable,  the  Ohio  river  would  have  been  our 
present  Canadian  boundary.  How  to  break  up  the  coalition 
was  the  problem  which  Col.  Clark  solved.  He  made  up  his 
mind  to  capture  Gov.  Hamilton.  The  story  relating  how  the 
Colonel  accomplished  this  important  work  is  told  by  himself,  as 
follows : 

To  THE  Inhabitants  of  Vincennes.  —  Gentlemen:  Being 
now  within  two  miles  of  your  village,  with  my  army,  determined 
to  take  your  fort  this  night,  and  not  being  willing  to  surprise 
you,  I  take  this  method  to  request  such  of  you  as  are  true  cit- 
izens and  willing  to  enjoy  the  liberty  I  bring  you,  to  remain  still 
in  your  houses,  and  those,  if  any  there  be,  that  are  friends  to  the 
king,  will  instantly  repair  to  the  fort  and  join  the  hair-buyer  Gen- 
eral and  fight  like  men.  And  if  any  such  as  do  not  go  to  the 
fort  shall  be  discovered  afterwards,  they  may  depend  on  severe 
punishment.  On  the  contrary,  those  who  are  true  friends  to 
liberty  may  depend  on  being  well  treated,  and  I  once  more  re- 


112  ENTERTAINING  Personal. 

quest  them  to  keep  out  of  the  streets.       For  every  one  I  find  in 
arms  on  my  arrival  I  shall  treat  him  as  an  enemy. 

(Signed)  G.  R.  Clark. 

This  notice  had  the  desired  effect.  It  inspired  the  friendly 
inhabitants  with  confidence  and  filled  the  enemy  with  terror. 
On  the  same  day  about  sunset  the  little  army  set  off  to  attack 
the  fort.  In  order  to  convince  Hamilton  that  the  invaders  con- 
sj^ted  of  a  large  army  Col.  Clark  divided  his  men  into  platoons, 
each  displaying  a  different  flag,  and  after  marching  and  counter- 
marching around  some  mounds  within  sight  of  the  fort,  and 
making^other  demonstrations  of  numbers  and  strength  till  dark, 
Lieut.  Bayley,  with  fourteen  men,  was  sent  to  attack  the  fort. — 
This  party  secured  themselves  within  thirty  yards  of  the  fort, 
defended  by  a  bank  and  safe  from  the  enemy's  fire,  and  as  soon 
as  a  port  hole  was  opend  a  dozen  rifles  were  directed  to  the  ap- 
erture. One  soldier  fell  dead,  and  the  rest  could  not  be  pre- 
vailed upon  to  stand  to  the  guns.  On  the  morning  of  the  twen- 
ty-fourth, Col.  Clark  sent  a  flag  of  truce  with  the  following  letter 
to  Col.  Hamilton,  while  his  men,  for  the  first  time  in  six  days, 
were  provided  with  breakfast  : 

Sir:  In  order  to  save  yourself  from  the  impending  storm  that 
now  threatens  you,  I  order  you  immediately  to  surrender  your- 
self, with  all  your  garrison,  stores,  etc.,  etc.  For  if  I  am  obliged 
to  storm,  you  may  depend  upon  such  treatment  as  is  justly  due 
to  a  murderer  Beware  of  destroying  stores  of  any  kind,  or 
any  papers  or  letters  that  may  be  in  your  possession,  or  hurting 
one  house  in  town,  for,  by  Heavens,  if  you  do,  there  shall  be  no 
mercy  shown  you.  G.  R.  Clark. 

Col.  Hamilton  replied  as  follows: 

Col.  Hamilton  begs  leave  to  acquaint  Col.  Clark  that  he  and 
his  garrison  are  not  disposed  to  be  awed  into  any  action  unworthy 
of  British  subjects. 

The  attack  was  renewed  with  great  vigor,  and  soon  after  Ham- 
ilton sent  another  message  to  the  invader,  as  follows : 

Gov.  Hamilton  proposes  to  Col.   Clark  a  truce  for  three  days, 


Col.  G.  R.   Clark. 


Personal.  ANECDOTES.  113 

during  which  time  he  promises  that  there  shall  be  no  defensive 
works  carried  on  in  the  garrison,  on  condition  that  Col.  Clark 
will  observe,  on  his  part,  a  like  cessation  of  offensive  work :  that 
is,  he  wishes  to  confer  with  Col.  Clark,  as  soon  as  can  be,  and 
promises  that  whatever  may  pass  between  the  two  and  another 
mutually  agreed  on  to  be  present,  shall  remain  secret  till  matters 
be  finished;  as  he  wishes  that  whatever  the  result  of  the  confer- 
ence may  be,  it  may  tend  to  the  honor  and  credit  of  each  party. 
If  Col.  Clark  makes  a  difficulty  of  coming  into  the  fort,  Lieut. 
Gov.  Hamilton  will  speak  with  him  by  the  gate. 

Henry  Hamilton. 

This  message  was  written  on  the  24th  of  February,  1779,  and 
manifested  a  feehng  that  Clark  had  expected.  His  reply  was : 
"Col.  Clark's  compliments  to  Gov.  Hamilton,  and  begs  leave  to 
say  that  he  will  not  agree  to  any  terms  other  than  Mr.  Hamil- 
ton surrendering  himself  and  garrison  prisoners  at  discretion.  If 
Mr.  Hamilton  wants  to  talk  with  Col.  Clark,  he  will  meet  him  at 
the  church  with  Capt.  Helm." 

A  conference  was  held  as  proposed,  when  Clark  would  agree 
only  to  a  surrender,  and  threatened  to  massacre  the  leading  men 
in  the  fort  for  supplying  the  Indians  with  means  of  annoyance 
and  purchasing  scalps,  if  his  terms  were  not  accepted.  In.  a  few 
moments  afterwards  Col.  Clark  dictated  the  terms  of  surrender 
which  were  accepted.  On  the  twenty-fifth  of  February  1779, 
the  Fort  was  surrendered  to  the  American  troops  and  the  garri- 
son treated  as  prisoners  of  war.  The  stars  and  stripes  were 
unfolded  above  its  battlements  and  thirteen  guns  celebrated  the 
victory. 

Anecdote  of  Horace  Greeley. 

Samuel  Sinclair,  who,  during  the  latter  part  of  Mr.  Greeley's 
life  was  the  business  manager  of  the  Tribune,  tells  the  following 
interesting  anecdote  concerning  Mr.  G.  One  winter  Mrs.  Gree- 
ley went  to  the  West  Indies  for  her  health,  and  the  following 
spring  she  sent  for  her  husband  to  come  after  her  and  bring  her 
home  to  New  York.     Now,  if  there  was  one  thing  the  old  man 


114  ENTERTAINING  Personal. 

hated,  it  was  the  sea.  The  very  smell  •  of  salt  water  made  him 
sick.  Bat  nevertheless  he  obeyed  his  wife's  call,  as  he  was  ac- 
customed to  obey  her  every  whim.  In.  due  time  they  got  back 
to  New  York,  and  that  morning,  Mr.  Sinclair  received  word  that 
Greeley  was  not  feeling  well,  owing  to  his  voyage,  and  had  de- 
cided to  stay  at  home  for  the  day.  In  the  evening,  Sinclair  was 
going  to  Washington  on  business,  and  so,  valise  in  hand,  he  called 
at  Greeley's  house  an  hour  or  two  before  the  train  was  to  start. 
He  found  Mr.  Greeley  in  bed,  and  actually  very  ill,  having  suf- 
fered terribly  from  sea-sickness  all  the  way  out  and  all  the  way 
back.  He  was  alone,  the  other  members  of  the  family  being 
either  ill  or  away  from  home,  and  so  Sinclair  determined  to  pass 
the  night  with  him,  giving  up  for  that  time  his  trip  to  the  Capital. 
Presently  Greeley  wanted  his  back  rubbed;  and  the  impromptu 
nurse  was  somewhat  surprised  to  find  that  his  patient  hadn't  a 
stitch  of  clothing  on  his  person,  barring  the  sheets  and  quilts. 

"Sinclair,"  said  he  in  that  querulous  whine  of  his,  "I'm  as  na- 
ked as  the  day  I  was^born.  My  trunks  haven't  arrived  yet,  and  I 
haven't  got  a  night  gown." 

"But  why  not  wear  this?"  pointing  to  the  garment  he  had  taken 
off  before  getting  into  bed. 

"Oh,  I  expect  to  be  out  to-morrow,  and  I  want  that  to  wear 
then.     How  the  blazes  would  it  look  after  I'd  slept  in  it?" 

Well,  in  due  time  his  luggage  arrived,  and  Sinclair  made  a 
bolt  for  the  article  he  wanted.  After  some  rummaging  he  found 
it,  and  helped  Mr.  Greeley  put  it  on.  It  was  speedily  fastened 
at  the  neck,  and  the  nurse  took  up  one  of  the  wrists  and  tried 
to  button  it.  There,  however,  he  stuck  fast.  The  ends  wouldn't 
meet  by  fully  two  inches.  He  tugged  and  twisted  to  his  utmost, 
but  it  was  no  go.  Still,  as  the  patient  said  nothing,  he  supposed 
it  ought  to  be  fastened,  and  redoubled  his  efforts  for  that  pur- 
pose. For  about  twenty  minutes  he  labored  without  success; 
then  he  said : 

"This  is  a  failure.     It  won't  fasten." 

"No,"  replied  Greeley,  with  exasperating  calmness;  "I  knew 
it  wouldn't.     The  fact  is,  I  never  could  button  the  infernal  thing 


Personal.  ANECDOTES.  115 

myself.     But  you  seemed  to  enjoy  it,  so  I  didn't  disturb  you." 
He  lay  back  on  the  pillow  for  a  few  moments,  as  if  thinking 

deeply,  and  then,  sitting  bolt  upright,   he  brought  his  fist  down 

upon  the  quilt  savagely : 

"If  Mormonism  ever  gets  as  far  East  as  this,  I'll  be  blamed  if 

I  don't  have  one  wife  to  take  care  of  my  shirts!" 


Two  Remarkable  Answers  to  Prayer. 

The   following  instances  where   prayer    seemed    directly   an- 
swered, came  under  the  personal  observation  of  the  compiler : 

A  student  in  attendance  at  Princeton  Seminary  who  was 
poor  in  purse,  but  a  very  worthy  young  man,  desired  a  new  coat 
in  which  to  labor  during  a  vacation.  He  tried  in  many  ways  to 
obtain  the  money  with  which  to  purchase  the  coat,  but  all  his 
plans  seemed  to  fail.  It  seemed  to  him,  apparently  as  a  last  re- 
sort that  he  would  make  the  possession  of  the  new  coat  a  matter 
of  special  prayer,  which  he  did,  no  doubt  earnestly  and  in  good 
faith.  Shortly  after  this  resolution,  and  while  engaged  in  prayer 
one  day  in  his  study,  there  was  a  gentle  rap  at  the  door.  Mr. 
C.  opened  the  door  and  an  entire  stranger  entered  bearing  a  pack- 
age. The  unknown  gentleman  stated  to  Mr.  C.  that  when  he 
was  leaving  New  York,  a  friend  gave  him  this  package  to  deliver 
to  some  student  in  the  Seminary.  It  was  not  intended  for  any 
special  one,  but  if  any  student  was  in  need  of  what  the  package 
contained  he  could  have  it.  Mr.  C.  took  the  package  and,  open- 
ing it,  found  the  coat,  which  he  said  God  h  ad  given  him  in 
answer  to  his  prayers. 

The  Rev.  Geo.  Paull,  one  of  the  most  promising  students  that 
ever  graduated  at  the  Western  Theological  Seminary  at  Pitts- 
burg, began  his  labors  at  Morrison,  111.  While  at  this  point,  he 
resolved  to  carry  out  his  long  cherished  intention  of  going  to 
Africa  as  a  missionary.  No  power  could  dissuade  him  from 
this  purpose.  The  compiler  endeavored  to  convince  him  that  he 
would  not  live  very  long  in  such  an  unhealthy  country,  but  Mr. 
P.  remarked  that  his  "bones  would  do  more  good  in  Africa  than 


ii6  ENTERTAINING  Personal. 

his  life  in  America!"  So  to  Africa  he  went  and,  years  ago,  he 
was  buried  on  the  Island  of  Corisco,  But  before  his  departure 
from  Morrison,  111.,  Paull  was  in  need  of  a  considerable  sum  of 
money,  over  and  above  what  the  church  owed  him,  to  help  him 
along  in  his  purpose.  This  he  made  a  matter  of  earnest  prayer. 
It  so  happened  that  just  before  leaving,  his  congregation,  which 
held  him  in  the  highest  esteem,  arranged  for  a  farewell  service  to 
be  held  in  the  church.  At  the  meeting,  and  entirely  unknown  to 
Mr.  Paull,  his  friends  brought  a  purse  well  filled  with  money, 
which  the  compiler  in  behalf  of  the  congregation  presented  to 
Mr.  Paull.  After  all  was  over  and  Mr.  P.  and  myself  had  re- 
turned to  his  study,  he  took  up  this  well  filled  purse  in  his  right 
hand  and  stretching  forth  his  arm  said  with  great  emphasis : — 
"Brother  Mac,  these  good  people  think  they  gave  this,  but  it 
is  from  God.  I  regard  that  (looking  at  the  purse)  as  a  direct 
answer  to  my  prayers," 


Elder  Seely's  Experience  in  a  Colored  Church. 

Many  years  since,  Elder  Seely,  of  the  First  Presbyterian 
Church  of  Chicago,  attended  the  evening  service  of  the 
colored  Presbyterian  Church  on  Third  Avenue.  He  modestly 
took  a  seat  in  the  rear  of  the  church,  but  it  was  soon  evident  that 
the  whole  congregation  was  aware  that  "Brudder"  Seely  was 
present.  At  the  close  of  the  services  a  collection  was  taken  up, 
and  while  it  was  in  progress  the  colored  pastor  leaned  over  his 
desk  and  as  he  watched  the  money  being  deposited  on  the  table 
below,  kept  up  a  running  fire  of  comments.  When  Elder  Seeley 
was  called  upon  for  his  contribution  he  could  find  nothing  in  his 
pocket  smaller  than  a  two  dollar  bill.  Feeling  that  an  officer  of 
of  a  "leading  church"  must  give  something,  he  told  the  collector 
to  take  the  bill  and  bring  back  one  dollar  in  change.  It  was 
evident  the  pastor's  eye  was  on  him,  for  no  sooner  did  the  l)ill 
strike  the  table  than  he  called  out  in  loud  and  triumphant  tones : 
"Bress  de  Lord,  Brudder  Seeley  has  given  two  dollars. "  The 
brother  did  not  wait  for  his  change. 


Personal.  ANECDOTES.  117 

Dr.  Rice  on  Matrimony. 

Dr.  Nathan  L.  Rice,  the  first  professor  of  Didactic  Theology 
in  the  Presbyterian  Theological  Seminary  of  the  North-West, 
and  one  of  the  best  biblical  scholars  this  country  has  ever  pro- 
duced, desired  among  other  good  things,  that  his  class  should 
understand  something  concerning  the  subject  of  matrimony. 
The  compiler  well  remembers  a  number  of  lectures  delivered  to 
the  students  on  this  important  topic.  In  addition  to  this,  the 
Doctor  delivered  the  substance  of  these  lectures  before  the  North 
Presbyterian  Church,  of  which,  at  the  time,  he  was  pastor. 
These  lectures  were  also  listened  to  by  the  students.  In  fact 
the  boys  were  quite  well  "up"  in  matrimony  at  the  conclusion 
of  the  series.  But  after  all  that  was  heard  and  said,  the  vener- 
able Doctor  gravely  remarked  to  the  class  at  the  opening  of  a 
new  subject  the  next  morning:  "Young  gentlemen,  I  desire  to 
sum  up  all  I  have  said  on  the  subject  of  matrimony  in  these 
words:  Never  say  the  first  unkind  word,  and  then  you  will  7iever 
say  the  second. " 


Dr.  Breckenridge  and  the  Advent  Question. 

An  interesting  anecdote  is  told  of  the  celebrated  Dr.  Robert 
J.  Breckenridge,  which,  according  to  the  good  Doctor's  interpre- 
tation, reflects  the  views  then  held  by  the  Synod  of  Kentucky 
on  the  great  advent  question.  He  had  just  returned  home  from 
a  meeting  of  the  Synod  when  be  was  besought  by  a  number  of 
friends  to  give  an  account  of  the  Synodical  Sessions. 

"What  all  did  they  do,  Doctor?"  inquired  a  member. 

"Oh,"  said  the  Doctor,  "some  talking  was  done  and  some 
fighting  was  done  over  the  advent  question."  "Ah?"  exclaimed 
another,  and  without  awaiting  further  details  added:  "Will  y  u 
tell  us.  Dr.  Breckenridge,  how  the  venerable  Synod  regarded  that 
great  question?" 

"Well,"  said  Dr.  B.,    "Some   thought    He  would   come:  and 
some  thought  He  wouldn't;  but  the  great  majority  didn't  care 
whether  He  came  or  not!" 
9 


ii8  ENTERTAINING  Personal. 

Gov.  Seymour  and  the  Baptist   Deacon. 

When  Governor  Seymour  vetoed  the  Law  restricting  the  sale 
of  ardent  spirits,  he  received  many  letters  from  philanthropists, 
ministers  and  temperance  lecturers,  censuring  his  course,  and 
admonishing  him  that  his  nocturnal  slumbers  would  be  haunted 
by  ghosts  of  deceased  inebriates  and  the  wail  of  widows  and 
orphans.  The  governor  perused  them  with  his  accustomed  cool- 
ness, thinking  the  tide  then  so  strong  against  him  would 
eventually  turn  in  his  favor.  Meanwhile  he  received  several 
consoling  epistles  from  citizens  of  position  and  influence  who 
took  his  view  of  the  matter  and  endorsed  his  action.  Among 
the  latter  was  a  correspondent  signing  himself  "A  Baptist  Dea- 
con," who  advised  Gov.  S.  to  keep  his  composure,  use  the 
veto  power  when  necessary,  and  pay  no  heed  to  howling  fanatics. 
After  expressing  his  hearty  concurrence  with  the  governor's 
views,  that  the  law,  as  submitted  to  him,  was  "clearly  unconsti- 
tutional," he  added:  "Gov.  Seymour,  I  have  been  a  deacon,  in 
good  standing,  in  the  Baptist  Church,  for  thirty  years.  I  have 
read  my  Bible  carefully  from  Genesis  to  Revelation.  I  have  read 
of  our  Savior  and  his  disciples  freely  using  (though  never  abusing) 
ardent  spirits;  and  on  one  occasion  we  are  told  that  he  abso- 
lutely turned  water  into  wine  at  a  wedding  supper;  a  fact  cold 
water  lunatics  cannot  deny.  I  repeat,  governor,  I  have  read 
my  Bible  from  Genesis  to  Revelation ;  and  in  all  my  read- 
ing I  have  found  but  one  man  who  called  for  water,  and  he 
was  in  hades,  where  he  ought  to  be. " 


President  White.  • 


President  White,  of  Wabash  College,  was  a  fine  looking,  dig- 
nified, impressive  and  careful  man.  His  words  were  always  well 
chosen  ;  his  many  addresses  before  college  assemblies  were 
always  impressive.  On  the  rostrum  in  the  chapel  one  day,  and 
before  all  the  students,  he  was  lecturing  on  friendship,  and  fidel- 
ity. He  had  just  removed  his  gold  spectacles  from  his  face 
and  placed  them  in  the  case  which  at  the  moment  he  held  in  his 


Fersonal.  ANECDOTES.  119 

right  hand.  Desiring  to  malce  his  assertion  very  emphatic,  he 
raised  his  right  arm  and  exclaimed:  "Young  gentlemen,  it  is 
better  to  have  the  friendship  of  a  dog  than  his  dislike. "  The 
arm  came  down  with  good  force  on  the  word  dog,  and  at 
the  same  instant  out  flew  his  gold  spectacles,  and  went  rattUng 
in  pieces  over  the  floor.  For  a  moment  the  President  hesitated, 
and  the  boys  were  on  the  eve  of  a  laugh,  when  Dr.  White  ex- 
claimed, "There,  gentlemen,  is  the  force  of  the  argument  1" — 
Several  hundred  boys,  and  even  the  good  President,  lost  their 
dignity,  and  the  old  chapel  resounded  with  laughter. 


An  Incident  in  Dr.  Hodge's  Recitation  Room. 

A  class  of  nearly  a  hundred  students,  of  which  the  compiler 
was  a  member,  was  one  day  reciting  before  the  venerable  Dr. 
Charles  Hodge,  in  exegesis  at  Princeton,  when  a  remarkable 
scene  transpired,  that  no  member  of  that  class  can  well  forget. 
The  venerable  professor  was  seated  in  his  high  chair  and  held  in 
his  hand  a  pocket  testament  opened  at  the  fifth  chapter  of  Ro- 
mans, the  words  of  which  he  was  critically  examining  and  its 
profound  truths  ably  expounding.  This  exposition  continued  as 
usual,  the  entire  class  being  occupied  in  taking  notes,  until  the 
professor  reached  the  nineteenth  verse,  which  reads:  "for  as  by 
one  man's  disobedience  many  were  made  sinners,  so  by  the  obe- 
dience of  one  shall  many  be  made  righteous."  After  he  had 
read  and  translated  this  verse  he  laid  down  the  book  and  looked 
out  over  the  class,  apparently  engaged  in  deep  thought  and 
after  quite  a  while,  in  the  most  earnest  and  serious  tones  re- 
marked: "Young  gentlemen!  This  is  the  pith  of  the  whole 
matter."  Every  eye  was  now  riveted.  Not  a  pencil  movement 
was  heard.  The  good  Doctor,  still  looking  out  upon  the  class, 
his  eyes  fiUing  with  tears,  after  another  solemn  pause,  as  if  the 
study  of  a  lifetime,  and  in  fact,  all  study,  was  being  crowded  into 
that  verse,  repeated  in  tremulous  tone :  "Young  gentlemen  :  This 
is  the  pith  of  the  whole  matter:**  Under  a  still  deeper  emotion, 
these  words  were  again  repeated.   The  students  were  overwhelmed 


I20  ENTERTAINING  Personal 

by  the  solemnity  and  power  of  these  strangely  emphatic  as- 
sertion i,  and  nothing  more  was  done  in  the  way  of  exegesis,, 
during  the  hour. 


How  Lincoln  Dispatched  Business. 

The  compiler  called  on  President  Lincoln  one  day  at  his  office  in 

Washington,  when  about  twenty  persons  were  present  on  business. 
Mr.  Lincoln  asked  each  one  as  he  came  forward,  "What,  sir,  will 
you  have  me  do?"  A  Senator  wished  to  know  the  result  of  the 
engagement  at  Chancellorsville,  a  battle  raging  at  the  time.  The 
President,  referring  to  some  special  plans  in  the  battle,  remarked, 
"We  have  made  a  great  attempt  and  failed,   and  it   hurts   me." 

Another  gentleman  assured  Mr.  Lincoln  that  Massachusetts 
would  stand  by  him.  "Tell  Massachusetts,"  said  he,  "if  she  will 
stick  to  me,  I  will  stick  to  her  as  long  as  I  can. " 

At  this  stage  a  soldier  hobbled  to  the  door  on  crutches.  The 
President  immediately  beckoned  him  forward,  and  at  once 
attended  to  his  request.  One  gentleman  appeared  with  a  large 
package  of  papers  under  his  arm,  and  as  he  was  slow  in  response 
to  the  President's  question  "What  will  you  have  me  to  do?"  Mr. 
Lincoln  interrupted  him  by  asking  "Do  you  want  me  to  read 
all  those  papers?"  "Yes,"  said  the  man.  "Well  I  can't  do  it," 
said  Lincoln.  His  business  was  in  connection  with  the  Navy 
Department,  and  the  President  said:  "Show  them  to  my  Navy, 
and  if  they  back  you,  then  I  will." 

An  old  gentleman  desired  a  pass  to  the  battlefield,  where  he 
had  a  son.  He  showed  Mr.  Lincoln  a  pass  over  a  portion  of 
the  way.  "Where  did  you  get  that?"  asked  the  President* — 
"From  the  War  Department,"  responded  the  aged  man.  "Then 
lir,  that  is  the  place  for  you  to  get  another  one,"  replied  Mr. 
Lincoln.  The  rapidity  with  which  he  dispatched  business  was 
wonderful  to  behold. 


Sir    Edwin  Landseer. 


ANECDOTES. 


Z2S 


ANIMAL   STORIES. 


Sagacity  of  a  Horse  that  Escaped  from  the  Custer 
Massacre. 

Col.  Rice,  who  has  seen  service  in  the  Indian  campaign, 
relates  a  striking  anecdote  concerning  the  sagacity  of  a  horse 
which  lost  his  rider  in  the  Custer  massacre.  Some  months  after 
that  battle  a  steamer  having  on  board  a  portion  of  the  Fifth  In- 
fantry was  pursuing  her  voyage  near  the  mouth  of  the  Powder 
River,  on  the  Yellowstone.  The  men  on  the  look  out,  one  of 
whom  was  the  famous  scout  Buffalo  Bill,  who  was  scouring  the  sur- 
rounding country  for  indications  of  the  hostile  Indians,  saw  in  the 
distance  an  object  moving  slowly  towards  the  boat.  They  anx- 
iously scrutinized  it  as  it  continued  to  approach,  supposing  that 
it  might  be  the  advance  of  a  body  of  hostiles.  Their  suspicions 
were  not  lessened  when  they  discovered  it  to  be  a  horse,  which 
might  be  that  of  a  scout  watching  their  movements  or  signahng 
the  advance  of  the  enemy  in  force.  When  the  animal  came  ta 
the  bank  of  the  river,  however,  it  was  seen  to  be  unmounted,  and 
alone,  and  on  approaching  the  boat  it  neighed  and  pranced, 
manifesting  every  sign  of  its  joyful  recognition.  The  boat  was 
stopped,  and,  when  the  horse  was  taken  on  board,  it  was  found 
to  bear  the  brand,  "Seventh  Cavalry."  The  place  where  it  was 
found  was  seventy  or  eighty  miles  in  a  bee  line  from  the  scene 
of  the  Custer  fight.  The  animal  had  evidently  seen  or  heard  the 
boat  in  the  distance,  and  rcognized  it  as  a  sign  of  civilization, 
and,  being  tired  of  its  free  life  in  the  wilderness,  gladly  embraced 
the  opportunity   of  returning  to  its  accustomed  duties. 


•«22  ENTERTAINING  Animals. 

A  Horse  found  Swimming  in  the   Ocean. 

Capt.  Edwards,  of  the  fishing  smack  Ameha,  reports  that 
-when  off  "Skunnett, "  on  the  Rhode  Island  shore,  some  time 
since,  he  discovered  an  object  swimming  off  his  bow  which  he 
finally  made  out  to  be  a  horse.  He  made  sail  but  could  not 
overhaul  the  animal,  which  was  making  desperate  struggles  to 
Teach  the  main  land  three  miles  away.  At  times  he  would  dis- 
appear from  sight  in  the  waves  which  broke  over  him, — the  sea 
running  very  high  at  the  time, — but  a  moment  later  wouU 
reappear,  and,  with  a  loud  snort  and  toss  of  the  head,  wruld 
shake  off  the  water  from  his  ears  and  eyes,  and  then  renew  ih » 
struggle.  At  last  he  made  the  shore,  and,  without  pausing  a 
moment,  dashed  up  the  beach,  his  long  tail  and  curling  man; 
floating  outward  on  the  wind.  The  splendid  animal  was  possesel 
of  immense  strength,  else  he  could  not  have  swam  that  long  dis- 
tance in  such  a  sea.  Where  he  came  from  nobody  knows.  No 
vessel  was  in  sight  from  which  he  could  have  escaped. 


An  Owl  Imprisoned   by  Martins. 

The  owner  of  a  large  farm  not  far  from  Lancaster,  Pa.,  had  an 
opportunity  some  time  since  of  witnessing  how  an  interloper  is 
punished  by  the  Martin  species  of  birds.  A  pair  of  Martins  had 
taken  possession  of  a  small  box,  and  were  building  their  nest. — 
One  day,  while  they  were  absent,  a  screech  owl  took  possession 
of  the  box,  and  when  the  martins  came  home  at  night,  this  little 
owl  would  not  allow  them  to  enter.  The  smaller  birds  were 
nonplussed  for  a  while,  and  in  a  short  time  flew  away,  seemingly 
giving  up  the  fight.  But  if  the  owl  was  of  this  opinion  he 
was  mistaken,  for  in  a  short  time  the  little  ones  returned, 
bringing  with  them  a  whole  army  of  their  companions,  .who 
immediately  set  to  work  and,  procuring  mud,  closed  up  the  en- 
trance to  the  box.  They  then  all  flew  away.  In  a  few  days  the 
box  was  examined  and  the  owl  was  found  dead. 


Animals.  ANECDOTES.  12  j 

Miss  Fleshman's  Terrific  Fight  with  a  Rattlesnake. 

Miss  Mary  Fleshman,  daughter  of  Mr.  Perry  Fleshman,  living 
two  miles  east  of  Platte  City,  Mo.,  had  a  thrilling  adventure  re- 
cently with  a  rattlesnake.  She  was  riding  on  horseback  along 
through  the  woods,  near  that  city,  when  she  dropped  her  glove. 
She  dismounted  to  secure  it,  and  while  stooping  to  pick  it  up, 
she  discovered  a  large  rattlesnake  at  least  six  feet  long,  coiled 
and  in  the  act  of  striking.  It  did  strike,  but  failed  to  reach  her 
feet.  She  sprang  back  with  a  cry  of  horror,  but  almost  instantly 
the  snake  recoiled  and  struck  again.  This  time  the  venomous 
fangs  struck  in  the  front  part  of  her  bonnet,  and  the  hold  tearing 
out  with  the  force  of  the  blow  and  the  weight  of  the  snake,  it  fell 
on  the  ground  at  her  feet.  Instantly  it  reared  up  in  front  of  her, 
its  venomous  breath  right  in  her  face.  Scarcely  knowing  what 
she  did,  she  seized  the  snake  just  below  the  head  with  both 
hands  and  holding  for  a  moment,  with  a  desperate  energy,  she 
slung  it  from  her  and  fled.  It  was  a  narrow  escape,  but  Miss 
Fleshman  sustained  no  other  injuries  than  those  which  result 
from  violent  excitement  and  nervous  prostration. 


A  Thrilling    Adventure  ^vith   a   Bear   and  Indians  in 
the    Black   Hills. 

A  man  named  Montgomery  Smith,  hailing  from  St.  Louis,  had 
two  singular  and  narrow  escapes  rolled  into  one,  in  the 
following  manner:  He  left  a  camp  about  two  miles  up  the 
Hills  to  bring  letters  to  Deadwood,  and  trying  to  shorten  the 
distance  a  little  he  lost  the  regular  trail  and  got  into  a  bad  bit 
of  country.  While  hunting  for  the  trail  he  came  across  fresh 
signs  of  Indians,  and  while  hurrying  out  of  the  neighborhood  he 
ran  directly  upon  a  large  brown  bear  which  was  sleeping  on  the 
sunny  side  of  a  thicket.  The  thicket  was  on  a  side  hill,  and 
Smith  was  going  at  a  good  pace  when  he  turned  the  clump. — 
The  bear  was  so  near  when  the  man  caught  sight  of  him  that 
there  was  neither  time  to  halt  nor  chance  to  turn  out,  and  bruin 


124  ENTERTAINING  Animals. 

was  cleared  by  a  fly  leap.  He  made  a  stroke  at  Smith  as  he  went 
over,  inflicting  a  slight  scratch  on  one  leg,  and  then  set  ofl"  after 
the  miner  with  the  intention  of  eating  him  for  dinner.  The 
flight  led  over  broken  ground,  up  and  down  abridge,  and  then 
.along  the  base  of  a  broken  ledge. 

Knowing  that  the  bear  would  soon  overtake  him,  Smith  was 
•on  the  alert  for  some  place  of  refuge,  and  he  found  a  good  one.  ' 
Close  to  the  ground,  was  a  rift  in  the  ledge  made  by  a  portion  of 
the  rocks  settling  down  or  crumbling  away,  and  the  bear  was  not 
a  hundred  feet  in  his  rear.  There  was  no  time  to  guess  whether 
the  crevice  was  big  enough  to  admit  the  man,  and  too  small  to 
let  the  bear  in  after  him,  or  so  small  that  the  victim  would  be 
there  overtaken  and  devoured.  He  had  dropped  his  gun  to  aid 
his  flight,  and  running  at  full  speed  he  made  a  dive  and  went 
into  the  crevice  head  first,  raking  his  shoulders  and  back  in  a  ter- 
rible manner.  The  bear  wasn't  ten  seconds  behind  him,  and 
as  Smith  reached  the  back  end  of  the  cave,  which  was  not  over 
six  feet  deep,  the  bear  put  his  head  into  the  mouth  of  the  cave 
and  tried  to  work  in  his  body.  This  he  couldn't  do,  owing  to 
his  stout  shoulders,  but  for  a  quarter  of  an  hour  Montgomery 
Smith  was  doubtless  the  worst  frightened  man  in  North  America. 
There  was  room  enough  for  him  to  turn  around  in,  but  he  was 
compelled  to  lie  at  full  length  and  look  into  the  fiery  eyes  of 
a  bear  which  could  get  within  four  feet  of  him  and  wanted  to 
come  nearer.  Bruin  didn't  give  up  trying  till  he  had  sadly  cut 
and  bruised  himself  against  the  stones,  and  his  snarls  and  growls 
put  more  religious  thoughts  into  Smith's  head  than  perhaps 
had  ever  lodged  there  before.  The  bear  couldn't  get  him,  but 
neither  could  he  get  the  bear.  He  had  nothing  to  shoot  with, 
neither  food  nor  drink,  and  yelling  at  a  bear  to  clear  out  and  go 
home  has  no  eff"ect  in  that  rarified  atmosphere.  The  mouth  of 
the  crevice  was  ten  feet  long,  and  Smith  could  look  out  over  his 
trail  for  forty  rods  or  more,  no  matter  at  what  point  the  bear 
was. 

The  animal  was  walking  up  and  down  the  ledge,  probably  fish- 
ing for  a  plan  by  which  he  might  get  something  better  than  roots 


Aniina/s.  ANECDOTES.  125 

for  dinner,  when  the  miner  caught  sight  of  three  Indians  creep- 
ing along  the  trail  he  had  made.  They  had,  perhaps,  followed  it 
for  a  mile  or  more,  and  must  have  known  that  the  bear  had  the 
first  claim.  The  redskins  had  just  come  into  view  when  they 
saw  the  bear;  the  bear  saw  them,  and  Smith  saw  the  whole 
thing.  The  bear  looked  in  on  Smith  in  a  despairing  manner,  and 
ihtn  made  a  bee  line  for  the  red  men.  They  fired  at  him  once  a 
piece  and  then  turned  and  ran,  and  after  about  three  minutes 
waiting,  Smith  crawled  out  and  made  good  his  escape. 


How  a  Dog  Adapted  Himself  to  Circumstances. 

A  story  is  told  in  the  German  papers  about  the  manner  in 
which  an  intelligent  dog  adapted  himself  to  his  condition.  A 
deaf-and-dumb  lady  living  in  a  German  city  had  as  companion, 
a  younger  woman,  who  was  also  deaf  and  dumb.  They  lived  in  a 
small  set  of  rooms  opening  on  the  public  corridor  of  the  house. 
Somebody  gave  the  elder  lady  a  httle  dog  as  a  present.  For 
some  time,  whenever  any  body  rang  the  bell  at  the  door,  the  dog 
barked  to  call  the  attention  of  his  mistress.  The  dog  soon  dis- 
covered, however,  that  neither  the  bell  nor  the  barking  made 
any  impression  on  the  women,  and  he  took  to  the  practice  of 
merely  puUing  one  of  them  by  the  dress  with  his  teeth,  in  order 
to  explain  that  some  one  was  at  the  door.  Gradually  the  dog 
ceased  to  bark  altogether,  and  for  more  than  seven  years  before 
his  death  he  remained  as  mute  as  his  two  "companions."  When 
expression  by  sound  was  useless,  it  fell  with  him  into  absolute 
-disuse. 


Death  Struggle  Between  a  Sea-Lion  and  Sturgeon. 

The  following  fight  between  a  Sea-Lion  and  Sturgeon  was 
witnessed  by  some  passengers  on  a  boat  in  San  Francisco  Bay : 

The  Sturgeon  had  swam  away  from  the  nutritive  mud  of  the 
San  Joaquin  in  quest  of  something  to  suck  in  the  bay,  and  its 
flippered  enemy  had  entered  the  bay  on  a  prowl.  One  wanted 
to  eat  and  the  other  to   escape.     The  seal  saw  its  chance  for  a 


126  ENTERTAINING  Animals, 

magnificent  meal  on  what  is  too  often  sold  as  sea  bass  in  chow- 
der, and  the  sturgeon  was  painfully  conscious  that  nature  ought 
to  have  endowed  it  with  shark's  teeth  and  the  capacity  to  crush 
like  the  squid.  Fish  and  mammal  came  to  the  surface,  the  for- 
mer to  breathe,  and  the  latter  because  it  couldn't  stay  down. — 
The  seal  bit  viciously  at  the  gill  openings  of  its  adversary,  and 
showed  a  superior  finesse  in  planning  the  campaign,  whUe  the 
sturgeon  lashed  the  water  powerfully  with  its  unequally-lobed 
tail,  and  occasionally  administered  a  stunning  blow  to  the  seal. 
Blood  flowed  profusely,  and  the  water  was  dyed  for  yards 
around,  but  eventually  the  sturgeon  yielded  up  the  ghost,  being 
seized  unluckily  by  the  tail  and  paralyzed  in  movement  by  hav- 
ing its  only  propeller  nearly  bitten  off.  Thus  wounded  and 
circumvented  it  desisted  from  the  battle,  and  the  seal  adminis- 
tered the  coup  de  grace,  and  towed  his  dinner  beneath  the 
waves.     The  spectacle  was  an  exciting  one. 


The   Dying  Monkey. 


"I  never  saw  such  a  thing  in  rrtylife, "  said  James  Donohuej. 
the  night  watchman  of  the  Central  Park  Museum.  Zip,  one  of 
of  Mr.  Barnum's  monkeys,  was  taken  suddenly  and  dangerously 
ill.  He  was  a  great  favorite  with  his  companions — their  leader 
in  mischief.  Superintendent  Conkling  examined  him,  and  said 
he  would  die.  We  got  a  bed  of  straw  and  cotton  for  him,  and 
left  warm  milk  by  his  side. 

"Yes,  in  all  my  experience  as  a  night  watchman  among  beasts^ 
I  never  saw  such  a  thing  in  my  life.  At  eleven  o'clock  1  went 
to  the  cage.  Usually  the  monkeys  at  night  sit  huddled  together, 
sound  asleep;  but  this  time  they  were  all  wide  awake,  sit- 
ting silent  and  moveless,  watching  Zip's  dying  agonies.  Zip 
lay  in  a  corner,  sobbing  and  moaning.  Jack  and  Pete,  the  two 
trick  monkeys,  were  at  his  side.  Jack  had  Zip'i  head  resting  on 
his  bosom,  while  Pete  every  now  and  then  dipped  his  paw  in  the 
milk  and  wet  Zip's  lips. 

"But  there's  a  stranger  thing  about  it  yet,"  Mr.  Donohue  con- 


inwt^Si.  ANECDOTES.  127 

tinned.  '^At  midnight  Zip  died.  Then  came  what  my  partner 
Reilly  ai.d  Barnum's  man  say  they  never  saw  the  Hke  of.  As 
Zip's  head  fell  limp  in  the  arms  of  Jack  he  gave  a  little  low 
squeal,  and  Pete  sprang  to  his  side.  Pete  looked  at  Zip,  lifted 
up  one  of  his  paws,  tapped  him  gently  on  his  breast,  put  his  eai 
to  his  heart,  -aised  his  head,  and  then  gave  a  shrill  squeal.  Jack 
in  answer  dropped  Zip  just  as  naturally  as  a  human  being  would 
at  the  first  intimation  that  the  form  he  held  was  dead.  Pete  was 
the  first  to  recover  himself.  Slowly  he  approached  Zip,  exam- 
ined him  closely,  raised  him  in  his  arms,  dropped  him  hard  on 
the  floor  of  the  cage,  and,  as  Zip  did  not  move,  sprang  to  the 
uppermost  p<;rch.     Wasn't  that  strange?" 

"Then,  sir,"  continued  Mr.  Donohue,  "came  the  most  extra- 
ordinary thing  ever  witnessed  in  the  Park.  The  monkeys  set  up 
the  most  piercing  screams.  The  baby  monkeys  pressed  close  to 
their  mothers,  and  the  females  close  to  the  males.  All  chattered 
and  chattered,  and  pointed  to  poor  Zip.  Finally  Pete  and  Jack, 
followed  by  all  the  others,  sprang  to  the  bottom  of  the  cage. — 
They  were  all  silent  now,  moving  slow,  and  in  form  of  a  circle 
they  gradually  came  nearer.  Then  hugging  close,  they  stopped. 
All  night  long  they  remained  watching  the  body,  and  I  never 
saw  a  wake  that  could  beat  that  one  for  earnestness  and  sym- 
pathy. " 

The  Pet  Serpent. 

A  remarkable  story  of  "snake  charming"  was  recently  brought 
to  light  at  Annapolis,  Md.  Mr.  Luke  Brewer,  who  lives  near  the 
dock,  is  the  father  of  a  little  girl  and  boy  aged  respectively  nine 
and  six  years.  He  discovered  one  day  that  these  children  had 
been  in  the  habit  of  playing  with  a  water  snake  three  and  a  half 
feet  in  length.  It  appears  that  the  reptile  had  made  its  land 
home  underneath  the  kitcheri  flooring  of  Mr.  Brewer's  dwelling, 
and  came  thence  through  an  orifice  in  the  ground  just  outside 
the  house.  The  little  girl  on  the  day  mentioned,  informed  her 
father  that  they  had  a  pretty  pet  just  like  an  eel  that  came  out 
of  a  hole  in  the  ground,  and  played  with  them   and  the  kittens. 


128  ENTERTAINING  Animals. 

He  asked  the  child  to  show  him  where  it  was,  but  was  told  that 
it  would  not  come  out  while  he  was  there.  He  left  for  a  few 
minutes,  and  while  returning  was  met  by  his  daughter,  who  said 
she  had  called  her  pet,  and  it  was  now  playing  with  her  brother. 
The  frightened  father  hastened  to  the  yard,  and  was  almost  para- 
lyzed with  fear  on  discovering  his  little  boy  caressing  the  snake's 
head.  He  ordered  the  little  fellow  away.  The  child  reluctantly 
complied  by  stepping  back,  whereupon  the  father  seized  a  club, 
when  the  reptile  commenced  to  make  for  its  den.  The  boy  then 
moved  towards  it,  calling  it  endearing  names,  and  was  about  to 
pick  it  up  when  Mr.  Brewer  dispatched  it,  against  the  earnest 
and  tearful  entreaties  of  the  infatuated  children.  The  boy,  a 
robust,  hearty  little  fellow,  refused  to  be  comforted,  abstaining 
from  food  the  rest  of  the  day,  and  begging  to  be  allowed  to  bring 
the  dead  serpent  into  the  house.  Mr.  Brewer  thinks  that  the 
children  had  been  amusing  themselves  all  summer  with  their 
strange  pet.  The  tail  of  the  snake  for  a  distance  of  three  inches 
from  the  end  bore  evidence  that  two  kittens,  which  were  in  the 
house,  had  also  been  participants  in  the  sport. 


Saved  by  Feigning  Death. 

There  are  on  the  foothills  in  Gunnison  County,  Colorado, 
at  certain  seasons  of  the  year,  great  numbers  of  deer  and  elk, 
with  many  mountain  lions  and  bear.  WiUiam  Yule  and  brother 
left  Mr.  Preston's  ranch  on  the  Gunnison  to  hunt  for  deer  and 
elk.  A  wagon  drawn  by  two  animals,  guns,  ammunition,  and  pro- 
visions completed  their  outfit.  They  traveled  all  day  and 
reached  the  hills  about  nightfall  and  encamped.  Seeing  the 
next  morning  signs  of  game,  they  concluded  to  remain  at  least 
one  day,  and  try  their  luck.  Early  in  the  morning  they  started 
in  different  directions  with  their  guns,  powder  and  ball.  After 
going  about  five  miles  from  camp  and  seeing  no  game,  William 
Yule  concluded  to  return.  He  had  proceeded  but  a  short  dis- 
tance before  he  heard,  as  he  thought,  the  rustling  of  the  dry 
leaves.     Looking  up,  he  saw,  only  about  thirty  yards  from  him, 


Animals.  ANECDOTES.  129 

a  huge  be^  r  coming  directly  towards  him  with  open  mouth,  grow- 
ling, and  giving  other  evidences  of  a  thirst  for  blood.  Yule 
waited  un*il  the  brute  came  within  a  few  paces  of  him,  when  he 
took  deliberate  aim,  but  unfortunately  his  gun  missed  fire. 

The  ferocious  beast  ran  directly  against  the  hunter,  knocking 
him  down,  and  as  quick  as  thought  Yule  turned  over  on  his 
face  and  feigned  to  be  dead.  The  bear  bit  him  severely  in  four 
places,  disabling  one  arm  and  one  leg.  After  the  lapse  of  a  few 
minutcKJ  neither  feehng  nor  hearing  the  beast,  Yule  cautiously 
raised  his  head,  and  saw  his  antagonist  about  thirty  yards  off,  ap- 
parently covering  up  something  with  grass.  Seeing  a  tree  near 
him,  he  made  up  his  mind  to  reach  it  and  get  up  it  if  possible, 
even  though  seriously  wounded.  So  off  he  crawled  through  the 
snow,  keeping  an  eye  attentively  on  the  bear  and  the  tree. — 
Reaching  the  tree,  he  started  to  climb  it,  and  the  bear  started 
from  his  retreat  directly  towards  him,  growling  and  gnashing  his 
teeth.  He  soon  reached  the  tree.  Yule  had  gone  up  only  a 
few  feet — ^just  high  enough  for  his  own  safety,  but  not  too  high 
for  the  bottoms  of  his  feet  to  be  touched  by  the  nose  of  the 
beast.  He  again  attempted  to  use  his  gun,  but  in  vain.  The 
animal  whined,  growled,  and  gnawed  at  the  tree.  After  a  while 
he  returned  to  what  appeared  to  be  a  large  pile  of  grass,  and 
commenced  again  to  work  as  though  he  was  concealing  some- 
thing. 

Yule  though  suffering  much  from  cold  and  his  wounds,  resolved 
to  make  a  last  effort  to  save  his  life.  So  descending  cautiously 
to  the  ground  while  the  bear  was  at  work,  he  crawled  a  few  steps 
till  he  got  a  low,  bushy  tree  between  himself  and  the  bear, 
watching  the  animal  closely  in  the  meantime.  He  could  not 
travel  more  than  a  hundred  yards  at  a  time  without  resting.  At 
last  he  reached  the  camp,  completely,  exhausted. 

The  next  day  Col.  Cashion,  James  Preston,  P.  T.  Stevens, 
and  John  M.  Smith  armed  themselves  and  went  to  the  scene  of 
the  fight,  and  when  within  about  thirty-five  or  forty  yards  of  a 
large  pile  of  straw,  they  saw  a  large  beast  emerge  therefrom  and 
make  towards  them,  evidently  with  the  intention  to  fight,  but  he 


I30  ENTERTAINING  Animals. 

did  not  proceed  far  before  he  fell,  pierced  with  ten  balls.  He 
weighed  eight  hundred  pounds  gross,  and  was  neither  a  grizzly 
or  a  cinnamon,  but  a  cross  between  the  two,  called  silver  tip  or 
range  bear,  a  malignant  and  ferocious  beast.  Covered  up  in  his 
bed  was  found  a  large,  dead  deer,  which  it  was  supposed  a 
mountain  Hon  had  killed  and  the  bear  had  stolen. 


How  the  Swallows  Come   Home. 

Near  the  Buckan  school  house  in  Homestead,  Michigan, 
stands  a  large  hollow  tree,  which  it  seems  has  been  chosen  as  the 
general  headquarters  of  the  chimney  swallows  of  that  part  of  the 
country.  It  is  said  that  the  swallows  commence  to  congregate 
every  afternoon  at  about  four  o'clock,  coming  in  immense  num- 
bers from  all  directions,  they  continue  to  assemble  for  about  two 
hours,  when  the  last  bird  having  apparently  come  home,  at 
about  six  they  form  a  circle,  one  side  of  which  comes  close 
to  a  hole  in  the  side  of  the  tree,  which  is  about  four  inches  in  di- 
ameter, and  which  has  been  selected  as  the  main  entrance.  As 
the  birds  fly  past  they  begin  to  go  in  as  fast  as  they  can,  two  or 
four  at  a  time;  at  this  rate,  flying  in  as  fast  as  possible,  it  takes 
about  two  hours  for  them  all  to  enter.  After  they  have  all  en- 
tered, the  tree,  on  inspection,  appears  to  be  perfectly  full. 


A  Duck  Battle. 


A  gentleman  from  Packwaukee,  Wis.,  relates  the  particulars 
of  a  novel  sight  he  witnessed  at  Buffalo  Lake.  His  attention 
was  attracted  towards  the  lake  by  a  roar  that  resembled  the  ap- 
proach of  a  hurricane,  and,  on  looking  there  he  discovered 
myriads  of  ducks  engaged  in  mortal  combat.  He  watched  them 
for  a  while,  and  discovered  that  the  battle  was  between  the  Mafl- 
lards  and  the  canvas-backs,  who  were  evidently  striving  for  the 
supremacy  on  the  celery  fields.  The  lake  was  fairly  strewn  with 
feathers,  as  if  all  the  ducks  in  the  land  had  been  picked  for  the 
occasion. 


Animals.  ANECDOTES.  131 

The  Largest  Snake  in  America. 

The  largest  snake  ever  killed  in  North  America  was  recently 
dispatched  by  Mr.  G.  M.  Smith  and  son,  of  Quapaw  Bayou, 
La.  While  he  and  his  son  William,  aged  about  thirteen  years, 
were  out  in  the  woods  driving  up  cattle,  their  attention  was  at- 
tracted by  the  bleating  of  a  calf  some  distance  from  them. — 
Thinking  probably  that  the  poor  animal  had  got  bogged,  they 
started  to  its  assistance.  They  had  gone  a  short  distance  down 
the  bayou  when  they  discovered  a  yearling,  about  two  years 
old,  in  the  coils  of  a  huge  snake,  the  body  of  which  was  suspen- 
ded from  the  limb  of  a  black  gum  tree  about  twenty  feet  from 
the  ground,  and  which  projected  from  the  bank  immediately 
over  the  water.  Mr.  Smith  and  his  son  were  almost  terror-strick- 
en at  the  sight,  and  stood  speechless  for  several  moments, 
unconsciously  watching  the  movements  of  the  huge  reptile  as 
he  entwined  himself  around  the  already  dead  body  of  the  year- 
ling, and  at  every  coil  of  the  snak^  they  could  hear  the  bones  of 
the  calf  break. 

After  coiling  itself  around  the  lifeless  form  of  the  yearhng  and 
crushing  every  bone  in  its  body,  the  serpent  let  loose  its  hold 
from  the  tree  and  dropped  down  alongside  its  victim,  and  began 
licking  it  all  over,  preparatory,  it  is  supposed,  to  swallowing  it. 
About  this  time  Mr.  Smith  recovered  his  senses,  and,  after 
watching  the  monster  snake  open  its  capacious  mouth  several 
times,  he  fired  on  it  with  his  rifle,  striking  it  near  the  head,  and 
was  quickly  followed  by  his  son,  who  discharged  a  double-bar- 
reled gun  loaded  with  buck  shot.  Both  re-loaded  as  quickly 
as  possible  and  again  fired  on  his  snakeship.  In  the  meantime 
the  reptile  had  coiled  itself  into  a  huge  mass,  and  was  making  a 
hissing  sound  that  could  be  heard  fully  one  hundred  yards,  and 
was  protruding  its  forked  tongue  several  feet.  After  discharging 
about  a  dozen  volleys  each,  Mr.  Smith  and  his  son  succeeded  in 
dispatching  one  of  the  largest  snakes  ever  seen  in  Louisiana,  and 
probably,  North  America.  It  measured  thirty-one  feet  in  length, 
and  the  body  measured,  ten  feet  from  the  head,  thirty  inches  in 
circumference,  and  about  the  centre  of  the  body  forty-two 
10 


132  ENTERTAINING  Atiimah. 

inches.  It  has  a  regular  succession  of  spots,  bi.^k  and  yellow, 
alternating,  extending  from  its  head  to  its  tail,  wnile  either  side 
is  deep  purple.  Mr.  Smith  has  no  idea  what  kind  of  a  snake  it 
is,  but  thinks  it  must  be  of  the  boa-constrictor  species.  No 
doubt  this  snake  has  for  many  years  inhabited  that  section  of 
country  and  depredated  upon  the  young  animals  that  came 
within  its  reach.     The  skin  has  been  preserved. 


A  Close  Fight  with  a  Panther. 

A  Canadian  hunter  named  Jacob  Farquarson,  while  passing 
through  the  forest  between  White  Fish  Lake  and  Black  Trout 
Lake,  near  the  headwaters  of  the  Madawaska  river,  encountered 
a  puma,  or  American  panther.  He  came  across  the  carcass  of  a 
deer,  which  he  stopped  to  examine,  and  found  it  to  be  the  remains 
of  a  large  upland  caribou.  While  looking  at  it  he  heard  a  noise  at 
some  distance  off  among  the  tree  lops.  Shortly  after  the  sounds 
were  repeated,  and,  on  looking  up,  he  saw  a  large  animal  leaping 
from  tree  to  tree  toward  the  spot  where  he  stood.  He  was  armed 
with  a  Ballard  rifle,  and  soon  as  the  animal  came  near  enough  he 
fired  at  it,  when  to  his  surprise  and  alarm,  the  brute  sprang  from 
the  tree  directly  at  him.  In  the  meantime  the  hunter  had  rap- 
idly reloaded,  and  having  jumped  aside  and  behind  a  large  pine 
before  the  infuriated  animal  could  recover  for  a  second  spring, 
he  gave  it  another  bullet.  Both  shots  had  taken  effect,  as  was 
afterwards  dicovered,  but  neither  in  a  vital  part.  After  the  sec- 
ond shot  the  puma  turned  and  darted  with  a  roar  at  the  hunter, 
who  drew  a  long,  keen-edged  knife,  and  with  his  back  against  a. 
tree  awaited  the  enemy.  The  enraged  animal  sprang  at  him  and 
fastened  his  long,  curved  claws  into  his  shoulder,  when  he  drove 
the  knife  repeatedly  to  the  hilt  into  its  breast.  Both  came  to  the 
ground  together,  but  the  struggle  did  not  last  long,  for  the  huge 
animal,  weakened  by  the  loss  of  blood  from  the  bullet  and  knife 
of  Farquarson,  soon  turned  over  dead.  The  animal,  which  is 
quite  rare  in  Canada  now,  was  one  of  the  largest  size,  measuring., 
nine  feet  from  the  nose  to  the  extremity  of  the  tail. 


inimals.  ANECDOTES.  135 

A  Diver's  Adventure  with  a  Devil  Fish. 

A  Diver  engaged  at  Belfast,  Australia,  in  the  Moyne  River, 
during  last  )'ear,  had  the  following  terrible  adventure  with  a  DevU 
Fish:  It  appears  that  Mr.  Smale  had  fired  off  a  charge  of  dyna- 
mite and  displaced  a  large  quantity  of  stones  at  the  bottom  of 
the  river.  He  went  down  to  prepare  for  lifting  these  stones  by 
the  aid  of  chains  into  the  punt.  While  engaged  in  rolling  over  a 
large  stone,  he  saw  something  which  he  supposed  at  the  time  was 
a  piece  of  clean-looking  kelp  moving  about  in  front  of  where  he 
was  working.  In  a  few  seconds  this  object  came  in  contact  with 
the  diver's  arm,  about  which  it  quickly  coiled,  partly  holding  him. 
Immediately  as  Mr.  Smale  touched  what  was  coiled  round  his 
arm  he  became  aware  of  his  position,  and  tried  to  extricate 
himself  from  the  grasp  of  a  "sea-devil,"  but  found  it  a  far  more 
difficult  job  than  he  anticipated.  Catching  hold  of  the  part 
hanging  from  the  arm,  he  walked  along  the  bottom  of  the  river 
toward  the  end  of  it,  when  he  saw  he  was  firmly  held  by  one  of 
the  feelers  of  a  large  octopus,  better  known  among  sailors  as  the 
"devil-fish."  Mr.  Smale  tried  to  pull  the  fish  off  from  its  hold  of 
the  rocks,  but  without  effect  for  some  time.  At  last  the  fish, 
perhaps  thinking  it  had  not  got  sufficient  hold  or  power  upon  its 
prey,  loosened  itself  from  the  stones  and  quickly  transferred  its 
feelers  or  arms  around  the  diver's  legs  and  body.  In  this  posi- 
tion Mr.  Smale  thought  the  best  thing  for  him  to  do  was  to  get 
up  on  deck  as  soon  as  possible,  and  he  quickly  made  tracks  for 
the  ladder  which  reaches  from  the  deck  of  the  punt  to  the  bot- 
tom of  the  river.  The  diver  was  certainly  a  curious-looking 
object  when  he  came  up.  This  huge,  ugly-looking  thing  ap- 
peared to  be  entangled  all  over  him,  holding  him  in  a  firm  em- 
brace. However,  Mr.  Smale's  fellow-workmen  were  not  long  in 
freeing  him  from  the  unfriendly  hug  of  his  sub-marine  compan- 
ion. The  body  portion  of  the  octopus  was  only  about  the  size 
of  a  large  soup  plate,  with  eyes  in  its  head  like  those  of  a  sheep, 
but  it  possessed  nine  arms,  each  about  four  feet  in  length,  at 
the  butt  as  thick   as   a  man's  wrist,  tapering  off  at  the  end  to 


134  ENTERTAINING  Animals. 

as  fine  a  point  as  that  of  a  pen-knife;  thus  it  could  spread 
over  an  area  of  nine  feet  in  diameter.  All  the  way  along  the 
underneath  part  of  each  feeler  are  suckers  every  quarter  of  an 
inch,  giving  it  immense  power. 


Abducted  by  an  Orang-Outang. 

Numerous  stories  have  been  told  of  women  being  abducted 
by  orang-outangs,  carried  off  to  their  wooded  retreats,  and  treated 
with  the  utmost  deference  and  admiration.  Incredulous  persons 
have  questioned  these  stories,  but  here  is  one  that  cannot  be 
doubted,  for  we  have  it  on  the  authority  of  a  grave  and  dignified 
Professor, —  no  less  a  personage  than  Prof.  Austin,  of  Cambridge. 

In  1864  a  young  fellow  by  the  name  of  Tuba  was  missing  from 
one  of  the  Bornean  villages.  His  people  began  to  fear  that 
some  terrible  accident  had  befallen  him,  and  concluded  to  ferret 
out  the  mystery. 

Having  armed  themselves,  they  accordingly  started  out  and 
searched  through  the  jungle  for  four  days  without  finding  any 
trace  of  the  lost.  On  the  fifth  day  they  came  to  the  Sakarang 
River,  where  every  one  of  them  went  in  bathing.  They  went 
down  the  river  a  short  distance,  when  one  of  the  number  fortu- 
nately discovered  some  clothing  on  the  nearest  bank,  which,  on 
examination,  proved  to  be  that  of  their  missing  friend.  Close 
beside  it  lay  the  sumpitan,  or  blow-pipe,  and  the  short  sword 
which  he  always  carried  with  him. 

A  little  later  the  party  heard  a  voice,  and  after  dressing  they 
set  out  in  search.  They  followed  a  narrow  ravine  whch  led  back 
from  the  river,  scanning  every  nook  and  hole,  searching  under 
coverts  of  leaves  and  dead,  fallen  branches,  but  in  vain.  They 
were  on  the  point  of  retracing  their  steps  when  they  again  heard 
the  voice. 

It  was  the  voice  of  Tuba,  and,  strange  as  it  may  appear,  he 
was  soon  discovered  high  in  a  tree  naked,  and  a  large  orang- 
outang was  his  companion.     A  rifle-shot  soon  brought  her  to  the 


Animals.  ANECDOTES. 


135 


ground,  where  they  finished  her  with  knives,  Then  the  young 
man  came  down  and  told  the  story  of  his  singular  adventure. 

He  had  been  out  hunting,  he  said,  and  late  in  the  afternoon 
had  gone  into  the  water  of  the  Sakarang  to  bathe.  On  return- 
ing to  the  bank  to  dress,  he  was  seized  by  the  arms  by  an  orang- 
outang, who  made  him  follow  her  into  the  ravine.  They  arrived 
at  the  foot  of  a  tall  tree,  which  the  youth  was  forced  to  ascend 
until  he  had  reached  the  animal's  nest,  where  he  found  himself  a 
prisoner  in  comfortable  lodgings.  Day  after  day  he  remained 
there,  the  orang-outang  graciously  supplying  him  with  fresh  fruit 
and  vegetables,  and  even  bringing  him  water  in  a  cocoa-nut. 

When  I  first  heard  this  story  I  very  naturally  refused  to  believe 
it.  But  a  more  searching  investigation  proved  conclusively  that 
the  facts  of  the  case  were  indisputable  and  the  attending  cir- 
cumstances corroborative  in  full.  This  incident  has  fully  estab- 
lished in  my  mind  the  convicton  that  abductions  by  orang-outangs 
have  taken  place, — a  conviction  which  is  also  shared  by  St.  John, 
the  author  of  a  very  readable  book  on  Bornean  travels. 


A   Remarkable  Story  of  a  Hunter. 

Capt.  Gilmore  relates,  in  his  late  record  of  travel  in  South 
Africa,  a  remarkable  story  of  the  prowess  of  a  hunter,  who,  less, 
known  than  Gordon  Gumming  rivaled  him  in  courage  and  skill. 
Mr.  Finnety,  the  hero  of  the  tale,  was  one  day  traveling  over  the 
uncultivated  j^lains  near  Bamauwath,  riding  one  horse  and 
leading  another.  He  had  watered  his  horses  at  a  pool,  or  sley^ 
as  it  is  there  called,  and,  passing  on  a  little  way  beyond,  "Two 
lions  sprang  from  the  bush  on  either  side  of  the  road,  each  seiz- 
ing a  horse.  The  mount  that  h-  was  on  fell  in  a  moment,  and 
shot  him  over  its  head ;  but  the  hunter  was  on  his  feet  in  a  trivet. 
With  the  right  barrel  he  killed  the  assailant  of  the  horse  he  was 
riding,  with  the  left  the  brute  that  attacked  the  led  horse.  So 
quickly  was  the  whole  done  that  neither  of  the  nags  was  in., 
jured. " 


136  ENTERTAINING  Animals. 

Another  exploit,  told  of  the  same  hunter,  is  less  brilliant,  yet 
attests  his  singular  coolness  and  accuracy  of  aim.  As  night 
closed  in  he  shot  a  large  white  rhinoceros,  and  left  the  game  to 
be  attended  to  in  the  morning: 

At  break  of  day  he  started  alone  to  find  his  quarry,  and,  after 
going  a  mile  or  so,  found  it  dead,  with  three  lions  around  it. — 
Mr.  Finnety  strolled  up  within  a  short  distance  of  them,  and 
killed  the  trio, — each  requiring  only  a  single  bullet.  Soon  after- 
wards, having  discovered  an  elephant-spoor,  he  followed  it  up, 
and  after  noon  overtook  the  herd  and  bowled  over  a  couple  of 
tuskers.  Retracing  his  steps  to  gain  his  wagon,  he  had  to  pass 
by  the  dead  rhinoceros,  and,  when  doing  so,  found  two  more 
lions  beside  the  dead  carcass.  These  he  also  killed.  In  the 
morning  Mr.  Finnety  went  out  with  his  people  to  secure  the 
ivory  of  the  elephants  slain  the  day  before.  On  their  route  they 
passed  a  pool  in  a  dry  river  bed,  and  by  it  were  two  Hons.  He 
left  his  people,  and,  unsupported,  walked  up  to  them  and  killed 
them  right  and  left.  Thus  seven  lions  fell  before  his  gun  in  little 
over  twenty-four  hours. 


A  Snake  Battle. 


The  big  black  snake  is  the  bitter  enemy  of  the  rattlesnake. 
When  they  meet,  a  fight  takes  place,  and  the  black  snake  gener- 
ally conquers.  A  gentleman  thus  describes  a  combat  which  he 
saw  between  two  of  these  snakes:  "In  the  middle  of  the  road 
lay  an  ordinary  black  snake  and  quite  a  large  rattle-snake  eye- 
ing one  another  fiercely,  and  in  the  attitude  of  instant  attack. 
I  stood  motionless  to  see  the  battle  take  place;  but  I  waited 
long,  and  still  the  combatants  'did  not  move.  At  length,  tired 
of  watching,  I  slightly  shook  the  bar  in  the  fence,  which  caused 
the  rattle-snake  to  look  away  from  its  opponent  to  me.  Instant- 
ly the  black  snake  sprang  on  the  other,  twisted  itself  tightly 
around  its  body,  and  glided  off,  and  there  lay  the  rattle-snake 
dead.  The  victim,  we  all  know,  was  a  powerful  foe,  the  victor 
as  harmless  a  snake  as  there  is  in  the  land." 


Animals.  ANECDOTES.  137 

Terrible  Encounter  with  Two  Vipers  in  a  Dark  Room. 

A  terrible  calamity  befel  Dr.  Palhamous  and  his  accomplished 
daughter  Eleanor,  at  Williamsburg,  Pa.,  in  September  1878.  It 
seems  that  two  tramps  captured  a  pair  of  enormous  reptiles, 
which  the  Doctor  pronounced  to  be  of  that  deadly  species 
known  as  "blowing  viper."  The  Doctor  having  a  desire  to  con- 
tribute something  that  would  commend  itself  from  this  district, 
purchased  the  reptiles,  intending  to  forward  them  to  the  Zoolo- 
gical Garden  in  Philadelphia.  Biding  their  transportation  the 
snakes  were  placed  in  a  large  glass  jar,  the  top  being  carefully 
secured  by  a  covering  of  wire  gauze.  The  jar  was  then  placed 
on  an  elevated  bracket  in  a  remote  corner  of  the  doctor's  office. 
One  evening  the  doctor  and  his  daughter  were  returning  from  a 
visit  to  the  country,  and,  the  doctor  having  occasion  to  make  up 
a  prescription,  they  both  entered  his  office,  the  doctor  lighting  a 
lamp.  And  now  comes  the  terrible  denouement.  A  large  owl 
swept  in  through  the  transom  above  the  door,  and  flew  with  the 
speed  of  an  arrow  against  the  lamp,  knocking  it  over  and  scat- 
tering the  oil  and .  broken  glass  in  every  direction.  The  bird 
seemed  frantic,  flying  in  evei'y  direction,  while  a  general  crash- 
ing of  bottles  and  glasses  was  heard  on  every  side.  Meantime 
the  doctor  had  lit  another  match,  but  just  in  time  to  receive  his 
daughter,  who  sprang,  with  a  wild  cry,  to  his  arms.  In  the  dark- 
ness he  gathered  his  darling  in  his  arms,  and  in  a  moment 
realized  the  situation.  The  owl  had  dislodged  the  jar  from  the 
bracket,  and  the  vipers  were  at  large.  Speedily  he  groped  his 
way,  calling  loudly  for  help,  which,  the  hour  being  late,  was 
slow  to  put  in  an  appearance.  They  seemed  slow,  but  scarcely 
five  minutes  elapsed  until  full  a  dozen  ladies  and  brave  men 
were  on  the  spot.  No  living  hand  can  indite  the  horrors  of  the 
next  few  minutes.  Miss  Eleanor,  who  had  been  insensible  since 
she  sprang  to  her  father's  arms,  was  now  being  cared  for  by  the 
ladies,  when  one  simultaneous  shriek  almost  froze  the  blood 
and  paralyzed  each  nerve — yet  not  all!  It  was  Thomas  Lutz's 
hand  that  seized    the   glittering  reptile  by  the  neck  and  choked 


138  ENTERTAINING  Animals. 

its  fearful  fangs  apart.  It  had  bitten  the  lady  midway  between 
the  ankle  and  the  knee.  She  was  now  carried  immediately  to 
her  home,  where  every  known  antidote  for  poison  was  adminis- 
tered by  her  frantic  father,  but  all  to  no  avail.  She  died  at  6 :3o 
o'clock  the  next  morning.  After  taking  the  poor,  unfortunate 
young  lady  home,  one  of  the  men,  knowing  there  had  been  two 
snakes,  returned  to  the  office  and  soon  dispatched  the  other. 
An  examination  showed  its  two  large  fangs  missing.  This  led 
to  the  conjecture  that  possibly  the  Doctor  had  been  bitten.  A 
hasty  return  and  close  examination  resulted  in  finding  the  fangs 
in  the  thick  leathers  of  the  Doctor's  boots,  who,  being  so  alarmed 
for  his  daughter,  had  not  the  slightest  knowledge  of  being  struck. 
The  corpse  of  the  young  lady  was  swollen  to  enormous  dimen- 
sions, while  her  complexion  was  in  harmony  with  the  spots  and 
general  coloring  of  the  snake.  The  larger  of  the  snakes  measured 
four  and  a  half  feet;  the  smaller,  four  feet.  They  were  pro- 
nounced the  largest  of  the  species.  It  was  the  shorter  one  of 
the  two  that  bit  the  young  lady. 


How  One  Apache  Indian  Stampeded  400  Cattle. 

An  instance  of  what  an  Apache  Indian  will  do  in  the  way  of 
cool  daring,  when  the  prize  is  worth  the  risk,  once  occurred  on  a 
ranch  in  Arizona.  The  owner  of  the  ranch  was  an  American. 
To  guard  against  the  Apaches  he  had  built  a  blockhouse,  and, 
adjoining  it,  a  courtyard  and  corral,  surrounded  by  an  adobe 
^wall  eight  feet  high  and  two  feet  thick.  In  the  corral  the  herd 
was  nightly  secured.  He  had  a  contract  to  feed  and  guard  four 
hundred  head  of  beef  cattle  belonging  to  the  United  States  fort, 
some  thirty  miles  away.  More  than  one  attempt  had  been  made 
by  ihe  Apaches  to  capture  the  herd  while  feeding  two  or  three 
miles  away  from  the  blockhouse.  But  the  vigilant  herd>man 
had  driven  the  cattle  at  a  galop  into  the  corral  before  the  Indians 
could  "stamjiede"  them.  One  night  there  came  a  fearful  storm. 
A  solitary  Apache,  unarmed,  and  with  nothing  but  a  blanket  to 
protect  him  from  the  cold   rain,    climbed    over   the    corral   wall; 


Animals.  ANECDOTES.  139 

crouching  in  the  corner,  he  waited  for  day.  Early  in  the  morn- 
ing, the  storm  having  passed  away,  eight  herdsmen,  mounted  and 
armed,  waited  at  the  corral's  gate  for  the  herd  to  be  turned  out. 
The  gate  was  opened.  The  stock  poured  out.  Suddenly  up 
sprang  the  Apache;  vaulting  on  the  nearest  horse,  he  clutched 
his  mane  with  one  hand,  while  with  the  other  he  waved  his  red 
blanket  and  yelled  like  a  demon.  In  an  instant  every  hoof  made 
a  rush  and  the  stampede  began.  The  horse,  frightened,  darted 
into  the  midst  of  the  flying  cattle.  As  in  a  frenzy  they  went 
through  the  gateway,  the  Apache  clasped  his  arms  around  the 
horse's  neck,  and  throwing  his  body  on  one  side  of  the  maddened 
animal,  disappeared  from  view.  A  thousand  men  ranged  in  col- 
umn could  not  stop  that  rush  of  the  crazed  herd  down  that  val- 
ley. The  herdsmen  fired  a  volley  which  wounded  and  killed 
some  of  the  cattle.  Two  bands  of  Apaches,  darting  out  from 
opposite  sides  of  the  valley,  closed  up  from  behind  the  herd. 
Four  hundred  head  of  cattle  were  thus  captured  and  run  off  by 
the  daring  and  cunning  of  one  Apache. 


Mark  Twain's  Great  Frog  Story. 

In  compliance  with  the  request  of  a  friend  of  mine,  who  wrote 
me  from  the  East,  I  called  on  good-natured,  garrulous  old  Simon 
Wheeler,  and  inquired  after  my  friend's  friend,  Leonidas  W. 
Smiley,  as  requested  to  do,  and  I  hereunto  append  the  result. — 
I  have  a  lurking  suspicion  that  Leonidas  W.  Smiley  is  a  myth; 
that  my  friend  never  knew  such  a  personage;  and  that  he  only 
conjectured  that  if  I  asked  old  Wheeler  about  him  it  would  re- 
mind him  of  his  infamous  Jim  Smiley,  and  he  would  go  to  work 
and  bore  me  to  death  with  some  exasperating  reminiscence  of 
him  as  long  and  as  tedious  as  it  should  be  useless  to  me.  If  that 
was  the  design,  it  succeeded. 

I  found  Simon  Wheeler  dozing  comfortably  by  the  bar-room 
stove  of  the  dilapidated  tavern  in  the  decayed  mining  camp  of 
Angel's,  and  I  noticed  that  he  was  fat  and  bald-headed,  and  had 
an  expression  of  winning   gentleness   and   simplicity   upon    his 


I40  ENTERTAINING  Animals. 

tranquil  countenance.  He  roused  up,  and  gave  me  good-day. 
I  told  him  a  friend  of  mine  had  commissioned  me  to  make  some 
inquiries  about  a  cherished  companion  of  his  boyhood  named 
Leonidas  JV.  Smiley, — Rev.  Leonidas  W.  Smiley,  a  young  minis- 
ter of  the  Gospel,  who  he  had  heard  was  at  one  time  a  resident 
of  Angel's  camp.  I  added  that  if  Mr.  Wheeler  could  tell  me 
anything  about  this  Rev.  I.eonidas  W.  Smiley,  I  would  feel  un- 
der  many  obligations  to   him. 

Simon  Wheeler  backed  me  into  a  corner  and  blockaded  me 
there  with  his  chair,  and  then  sat  down  and  reeled  off  the  monot- 
onous narrative  which  follows  this  i^aragraph.  He  never  smiled, 
he  never  frowned,  he  never  changed  his  voice  from  the  gentle- 
flowing  key  to  which  he  tuned  his  initial  sentence,  he  never 
betrayed  the  slightest  suspicion  of  enthusiasm;  but  all  through 
the  interminable  narrative  there  ran  a  vein  of  impressive  earnest- 
ness and  sincerity,  which  showed  me  plainly  that,  so  far  from 
his  imagining  that  there  was  anything  ridiculous  or  funny  about 
his  story,  he  regarded  it  as  a  really  important  matter,  ami  ad- 
mired its  two  heroes  as  men  of  transcendant  genius  in  fnesse. 
I  let  him  go  on  in  his  own  way,  and  never  interrupted  him  once. 

There  was  a  feller  here  once  by  the  name  oi  Jim  Smiley,  in 
the  winter  of  '49 — or  may  be  it  was  the  spring  of  '50 — I  don't 
recollect  exactly,  somehow,  though  what. makes  me  think  '"t  was 
one  or  the  other  is  because  I  remember  the  big  flume  wurn't 
finished  when  he  first  come  to  the  camp ;  but  any  way,  be  was 
the  curiosest  man,  about,  always  betting  on  anythin)\,-  that 
turned  up  you  ever  see,  if  he  could  get  anybody  to  bet  on  the 
other  side;  and  if  he  couldn't  he'd  change  sides.  Any  v^ay  that 
suited  the  other  man  would  suit  him — any  way  so's  hit  f;ot  a  bet, 
he  was  satisfied. 

Well,  this-yer  Smiley  had  rat-tarriers,  and  chicken  cocks,  and 
tom-cats,  and  all  them  kind  of  things,  till  you  couldn't  rest,  and 
you  couldn't  fetch  notliing  for  him  to  bet  on  but  he'd  match  you. 
He  ketched  a  frog  one  day,  and  took  him  home,  and  said  he 
cal'lated  to  educate  him :  and  so  he  never  done  noth  ag  for  three 
months  but  set  in  his  back  yard  and  learn  tiiat  frog  to  jump. — 


A7nmals.  ANECDOTES.  141 

And  you  bet  you  he  ^zV/ learn  him,  too.  He'd  give  him  a  httle 
punch  behind,  and  the  next  minute  you  see  that  frog  whirHng  in 
the  air  like  a  doughnut — see  him  turn  one  summerset,  or  may  be 
a  couple,  if  he  got  a  good  start,  and  come  down  flat-footed  and 
all  right,  like  a  cat.  He  got  him  up  so  in  the  matter  of  ketch- 
ing  flies,  'an  kep  him  in  practice  so  constant,  that  he'd  nail  a  fly 
every  time  as  fur  as  he  could  see  him.  Smiley  said  all  a  frog 
wanted  was  education,  and  he  could  do  almost  anything — and  I 
believe  him.  Why,  I've  seen  him  set  Dan'l  Webster  down  here 
on  this  floor — Dan'l  Webster  was  the  name  of  the  frog — sing  out, 
"Flies,  Dan'l,  flies!"  and  quicker'n  you  could  wink  he'd  spring 
straight  up  and  snake  a  fly  off 'n  the  counter  there,  and  flop  down 
on  the  floor  agin  as  solid  as  a  gob  of  mud,  and  fall  to  scratching 
the  side  of  his  head  with  his  hind  foot  as  indiff'erent  as  if  he 
hadn't  no  idea  he'd  been  doin'  any  more'n  any  frog  might  do. — 
You  never  see  a  frog  so  modest  and  straightfor'ard  as  he  was,  for 
all  he  was  so  gifted.  And  when  it  come  to  fair  and  square  jump- 
ing on  a  dead  level,  he  could  get  over  more  ground  at  one 
straddle  than  any  animal  of  his  breed  you  ever  see.  Jumping  on 
a  dead  level  was  his  strongest  suit,  you  understand;  and  when  it 
come  to  that,  Smiley  would  ante  up  the  money  on  him  as  long 
as  he  had  a  red.  Smiley  was  monstrous  proud  of  his  frog,  and 
well  he  might  be,  for  fellers  that  had  traveled  and  been  every- 
wheres,  all  said  he  laid  over  any  frog  that  eyer  they  see. 

Well,  Smiley  kep'  the  beast  in  a  little  lattice  box,  and  he  used 
to  fetch  him  down  town  sometimes  and  lay  for  a  bet.  One  day 
a  feller — a  stranger  in  the  camp,  he  was — come  across  him  with 
his  box,  and  says : 

"What  might  it  be  that  you've  got  in  the  box?" 

"And  Smiley  says,  sorter  indifferent-like,  "It  might  be  a  parrot, 
or  it  might  be  a  canary,  maybe,  but  it  ain't — its  only  just  a 
frog." 

And  the  feller  took  it,  and  looked  at  it  careful,  and  turned  it 
round  this  way  and  that,  and  says,  "H'm — so  'tis.  Well,  what's 
he  good  for?" 

"Well,"  Smiley  says,  easy  and  careless,  "he's  good  enough  for 


142  ENTERTAINING  Animals. 

one  thing,  I  should  judge — he  can  outjump  any  frog  in  Calaveras 
county. " 

The  feller  took  the  box  again,  and  took  another  long,  partic- 
ular look,  and  give  it  back  to  Smiley,  and  says,  very  deliberate, 
"Well,"  says  he,  "I  don't  see  no  p'ints  about  that  frog  that's  any 
better'n  any  other  frog." 

"May  be  you  don't,"  Smiley  says.  "Maybe  you  understand 
frogs,  and  maybe  you  don't  understand  'em;  maybe  youv'e  had 
experience,  and  maybe  you  ain't  only  an  amature,  as  it  were. — 
Anyways,  Iv'e  got  my  opinion,  and  I'll  resk  forty  dollars  that  he 
can  outjump  any  frog  in  Calaveras  county. " 

And  the  feller  studied  a  minute,  and  then  says,  kinder  sad-like, 
"Well,  I'm  only  a  stranger  here,  and  I  ain't  got  no  frog;  but  if  I 
had  a  frog,  I'd  bet  you.  " 

And  then  Smiley  says,  "That's  all  right — that's  all  right — if 
you'll  hold  my  box  a  minute,  I'll  go  and  get  you  a  frog. "  And 
so  the  feller  took  the  box,  and  put  up  his  forty  dollars  along  with 
Smiley's,  and  set  down  to  wait. 

So  he  set  there  a  good  while  thinking  and  thinking  to  hisself, 
and  then  he  got  the  frog  out  and  prised  his  mouth  open  and  took 
a  teaspoon  and  filled  him  full  of  quail  shot — filled  him  pretty 
near  up  to  his  chin — and  set  him  on  the  floor.  Smiley  he  went 
to  the  swamp  and  slopped  around  in  the  mud  for  a  long  time, 
and  finally  he  ketched  a  frog,  and  fetched  him  in,  and  give  him 
to  this  feller,  and  says : 

"Now,  if  you'r'e  ready,  set  him  alongside  of  Dan'l,  with  his 
fore-paws  just  even  with  Dan'l's,  and  I'll  give  the  word. "  Then 
he  says,  "One — two — three — gitP'  and  him  and  the  feller 
touched  up  the  frogs  from  behind,  and  the  new  frog  hopped  off 
lively,  but  Dan'l  give  a  heave,  and  hysted  up  his  shoulders — so — 
like  a  Frenchman,  but  it  warn't  no  use — he  couldn't  budge;  he 
was  planted  as  solid  as  a  Church,  and  he  couldn't  no  more  stir 
than  if  he  was  anchored  out.  Smiley  was  a  good  deal  surprised, 
and  he  was  disgusted  too,  but  he  didn't  have  no  idea  what  the 
matter  was,  of  course. 

The  feller  took    the  money  and   started  away;    and  when  he 


Animals.  ANECDOTES. 


143 


was  going  out  at  the  door,  he  sorter  jerked  his  thumb  over  his 
shoulder — so — at  Dan'l,  and  says  again,  very  dehberate,  "Well,'* 
he  says,  /don't  see  no  p'ints  about  that  frog  that's  any  better'n 
any  other  frog. " 

Smiley  he  stood  scratching  his  head  and  looking  down  at  Dan'l 
a  long  time,  and  at  last  he  says,  "  I  do  wonder  what  in  the  nation 
that  frog  throw'd  off  for — I  wonder  if  there  ain't  something  the 
matter  with  him — he  'pears  to  look  mighty  baggy,  somehow.  " — 
And  ketched  Dan'l  by  the  nap  of  the  neck,  and  hefted  him,  and 
says  "Why,  blame  my  cats  if  he  don't  weigh  five  pound!"  and 
turned  him  upside  down,  and  he  belched  out  a  double  handful  of 
shot.  And  then  he  see  how  it  was,  and  he  was  the  maddest  man 
— he  set  the  frog  down  and  took  out  after  that  feller,  but  he  nev- 
er ketched  him.     And " 

[Here  Simon  Wheeler  heard  his  name  called  from  the  front 
yard,  and  got  up  to  see  what  was  wanted.]  And  turning  to  me 
as  he  moved  away,  he  said,  "Just  set  where  you  are,  stranger, 
and  rest  easy — I  ain't  going  to  he  gone  a  second. " 

But,  by  your  leave,  I  did  not  think  that  a  continuation  of  the 
history  of  the  enterterprising  vagabond  Jim  Smiley  would  be 
likely  to  afford  me  much  information  concerning  the  Rev.  Leon- 
idas  W.  Smiley,  and  so  I  started  away. 


An  Affectionate   Goose. 

In  the  public  gardens  at  Halifax,  there  is  an  eccentric  goose 
that  seems  to  manifest  a  genuine  affection.  Whenever  a  certain 
old  gentleman,  whose  name  we  do  not  know,  approaches  the 
pond  and  calls  "Bobby,"  the  goose  will  leave  the  pond  and  sit 
beside  him,  and  when  he  leaves  to  go  home,  will  follo\y  close  at 
his  feet,  like  a  dog,  to  the  gate,  and  sometimes  into  the  street, 
when  it  has  to  be  forcibly  put  back,  to  its  manifest  disgust,  for  it 
goes  off  to  its  native  element  twisting  its  tail  with  indignation, 
and  giving  vent  to  sundry  discordant  squeaks,  The  old  gentle- 
man says  he  has  never  fed  it,  or  petted  it  in  any  way,  which 
makes  it  more  remarkable;  but  we  are  told  by  a  frequenter  of  the 


144  ENTERTAINING  Animals. 

gardens  that  about  two  or  three  years  ago  a  man  used  to  come 
there  and  feed  this  identical  goose  regularly,  so  we  are  inclined 
to  think  that  it  is  a  case  of  mistaken  identity  on  the  part  of  his 
gooseship.  Anyway,  it  is  an  interesting  question  for  ornitholo- 
gists to  solve,  whether  geese  (supposed  to  be  the  most  stupid 
of  birds)  have  memory  and  can  experience  the  sensation  of 
gratitude. 


Two  Snakes  Killing  a  Raccoon. 

A  fishing  party  on  the  banks  of  Shoal  Creek,  Jasper  County, 
Missouri,  heard  a  noise  in  the  underbrush,  and,  going  the  direc- 
tion of  the  sounds,  saw  a  large"  coon  and  two  large  black  snakes 
in  deadly  combat,  the  former  getting  the  worst  of  the  fight. — 
One  of  the  reptiles  was  coiled  around  the  coon's  body,  and 
whenever  it  attempted  to  use  its  teeth  the  other  snake  struck  at 
its  eyes.  It  attempted  retreat,  but  the  snake  which  encircled  it 
dropped  a  coil,  and  as  quick  a  thought  took  a  "half-hitch"  around 
a  small  sapling.  It  tried  hard  to  pull  loose,  and  while  its  energies 
were  bent  in  that  direction,  the  other  snake  took  a  coil  around 
the  coon's  neck,  and  in  a  few  minutes  choked  the  life  out  of  it. 
The  spectators,  who  had  been  dumb  witnesses  of  the  struggle, 
advanced  and  killed  the  victors.  One  measured  nine  feet  and 
the  other  seven  feet  six  inches. 


Swallow-Love. 


I,  along,  with  several  onlookers,  says  a  friend,  recently, 
observed  a  swallow  enter  an  exhaust-pipe  in  the  roof  of  one  of 
the  Grand  Trunk  workshops,  evidently  for  the  purpose  of  build- 
ing her  nest  in  it.  Unfortunately  for  her,  she  could  not  get  out 
again ;  and  her  partner  entered  the  pipe  also,  and  backed  out 
again  with  a  feather  in  his  beak.  Three  times  did  he  ineffectu- 
ally attempt  to  rescue  his  mate.  When  work  was  resumed  in 
the  afternoon,  the  swallow  was  blown  out  of  the  pipe  by  the 
steam,  and  lay  dead  on  the  roof  of  the  building,  the  survivor 
standing  by  and  showing  signs  of  deep  distress. 


Animals.  ANECDOTES.  145 

Ant-Wars   in  South  Africa. 

Bisbop  Colenso  writes  from  Maritzburg:  "I  noticed  one 
morning  that  along  the  bottom  of  the  front  wall  of  my  house, 
on  the  veranda,  there  lay  a  quantity  of  reddish  brown  powder; 
there  was  enough  to  fill  a  coffee-cup.  ■  On  looking  closer  I  saw 
that  it  was  made  up  of  small  and  larger  fragments  which 
glistened,  and  on  inspecting  some  in  my  hand  they  turned  out  to 
be  the  heads,  legs,  trunks,  etc.,  of  countless  ants.  A  number  of 
these  animals  were  still  on  the  wall  above,  and  my  attention 
being  now  arrested  I  watched  them  and  saw  that  they  were 
contributing  to  the  carnage  beneath. 

"The  species  of  ant  is  a  small,  comparatively  harmless  one, 
the  chief  sin  of  which  is  that  it  makes  its  way  to  every  species 
of  food  and  swarms  on  it.  As  is  usual  with  ants,  the  general 
body  of  insects  is  accompanied  by  larger  individuals,  which  are 
provided  with  heads  and  jaws  quite  disproportionate  to  their 
bodies,  and  with  these  jaws  they  do  all  the  cutting  up.  Among 
the  ants  on  the  wall  there  was  a  large  sprinkling  of  these  'soldier 
ants,'  and  the  whole  community  seemed  bent  on  destroying 
them.  The  proportion  o.^  heavy-jawed  to  ordinary  ants  was 
about  one  to  ten.  I  saw  a  group  of  little  ones  fastening  on  to  a 
big  ant,  which  made  desperate  efforts  to  release  itself  At  first 
the  big  one  bit  several  little  ones  in  two,  and  the  parts  dropped 
down  from  the  wall;  .but  after  a  while  the  httle  ones  severed  all 
the  legs  of  the  big  one,  and  finally igot  on  his  back  and  cut  him 
in  two.  The  group  then  dropped  down  to  swell  the  mass  below. 
Similar  scenes  were  enacted  elsewhere  on  the  wall. 

"The  commencement  of  one  combat  was  as  follows:  A  big 
ant  walked  along  till  it  met  another  big  one,  and  the  two  shook 
antennae.  Just  then  a  little  one  seized  hold  of  a  hind  leg  of  one 
of  these  big  ones.  Neither  took  any  notice,  but  continued  a 
rapid  conversation.  Suddenly  other  small  ones  came  up,  when 
the  big  one  whose  leg  was  grabbed,  turned  furiously  on  the 
little  one  and  seized  him  him  by  the  middle.  This  -could  not 
be  done  until    the   big    one  had  doubled  himself  up;   as    soon 


146  ENTERTAINING  Animals. 

as  he  had  hold  of  his  small  antagonist  he  lifted  him  in  the  air 
and  snipped  him  in  two.  Meanwhile  all  the  big  one's  legs  had 
been  seized  by  the  little  ones,  and  the  party  seemed  to  turn 
over  and  over,  little  bits  tumbhng  down,  now  a  leg,  now  a  half 
ant,  till  the  big  one  was  vanquished.  The  ant  is  most  assured- 
ly subject  to  passion.  The  way  in  which  the  big  ant  turned  on 
the  little  one  was  singularly  indicative  of  rage.  The  determined 
manner  in  which  he  laid  hold  of  the  little  one  was  quite  human. 
If  I  had  had  a  magnifying  glass,  the  scene  would  have  been 
really  exciting. " 

A  Canary  Which  Sings  "A  Life  on  the  Ocean  Wave." 

J.  G.  Christopher,  of  Minneapolis,  Minn.,  is  the  possessor  of  a 
canary  bird,  the  voice  of  which  has  been  developed  in  a  peculi- 
arly painstaken  manner,  so  that  now  this  "educated"  songster 
can  successfully  render  the  well-known  air,  "A  Life  on  the 
Ocean  Wave."  The  bird  will  commence  to  warble  like  any 
other  of  these  pets,  and  after  uttering  a  few  notes  will  immedi- 
ately strike  into  the  tune,  and  when  its  voice  has  attained  full 
height  the  above  tune  will  be  sung  entire,  and  in  a  manner  that 
sounds  singularly  melodious  and  attractive,  literally  setting  to 
■note  its  natural  vocal  powers.  This  was  only  achieved  after  the 
most  dilligent  and  patient  attention.  As  soon  as  the  bird  was  old 
enough  to  pick  up  a  living  it  was  put  in  a  room  apart  from  aU 
others,  and  a  music-box  also  placed  in  the  apartment  and  kept 
perpetually  going,  so  that  this  singular  pupil  had  nothing  to  learn 
from  but  that.  After  four  months  of  such  apprentice-ship,  the 
owner  was  rewarded  by  hearing  his  little  favorite  render  "  A  Life 
on  the  Ocean  Wave"  as  naturally  and  perfectly  as  if  that  was  the 
song  of  its  ancestors. 


A  Deer  That  Went  Over    Niagara  Falls. 

About  the  year  1826  to  1830  there  lived  on  the  "Sander's 
Settlement  Road,"  about  four  miles  from  the  Falls,  a  family  by 
the  name  of  Straw,  who   had  captured,  in  the  then  dense  forest 


Animals.  ANECDOTES. 


M7 


of  the  neighborhood,  a  young  fawn,  which  was  domesticated,  and 
became  so  much  attached  to  its  captors  that  it  would  follow  the 
children  into  the  house,  and  played  with  them  like  a  dog.  In 
time  it  became  so  much  attached  to  the  team  and  its  driver  that 
it  would  follow  wherever  they  went. 

One  day  a  grist  was  taken  to  the  mill  at  the  Falls  to  be 
ground,  and  the  deer,  as  usual,  followed  to  keep  company.  As 
the  mill  was  approached  a  hound  gave  the  deer  a  chase,  which, 
for  safety,  leaped  the  raceway  and  sought  an  asylum  below  the 
mill,  but  was  instantly  swept  by  the  rushing  waters  down  and 
over  the  American  Fails.  Soon  it  was  discovered  below  by 
some  persons  who  had  watched  the  cruel  chase,  and  seen  to 
swim  ashore  at  the  Ferry  landing,  and  it  actually  cHmbed  out 
upon  the  rocks,  where,  from  some  injury  it  had  received  from 
the  fall,  or  from  fright,  it  soon  perished. 


An  Arab's   Love  for  His    Horse. 

When  Napoleon  was  in  Egypt  he  wished  to  purchase  of  a 
poor  Arab  of  the  desert,  a  beautiful  horse,  with  the  intention  of 
sending  him  to  France  as  a  present. 

The  Arab  pressed  by  want,  hesitated  a  long  time,  but  at  length 
consented  on  receiving  a  large  sum  of  money  in  payment  for  the 
animal.  Napoleon  at  once  agreed  to  pay  the  sum  named  and 
requested  the  Arab  to  bring  his  horse. 

The  man,  so  indip;ent  as  to  possess  only  a  miserable  rag  as  a 
covering  for  his  body,  arrived  with  his  magnificent  courser;  he 
dismounted,  and  looking  first  at  the  gold,  and  then  steadfastly  at 
his  horse,  heaved  a  deep  sigh. 

"To  whom  is  it,"  he  exclaimed,  "that  I  am  going  to  yield  thee 
up?  To  Empereur  !  who  will  tie  thee  up  close;  who  will  lead 
thee,  who  will  trot  thee,  who  will  render  thee  miserable?  Re- 
turn with  me,  my  beauty!  my  jewel!  and  rejoice  the  hearts  of 
my  children!"  As  he  pronounced  the  last  words  he  sprang  upon 
his  back  and  was  out  of  sight  in  a  moment. 
11 


148  ENTERTAINING  Animals. 

The  Better  Dog  of  the  Two. 

A  strange  scene  occurred  the  other  day  at  Slerck  on  the  Mo- 
selle. Herr  Schmidt  had  a  dog  which  he  wished  to  get  rid  of. 
Rowing  out  into  the  middle  of  the  river,  he  fastened  a  stone 
ro"und  the  dog's  head  and  threw  him  into  the  water.  The  animal 
sank  at  once;  but  during  his  struggles  the  rope  slipped  off  the 
stone,  and  he  again  rose  to  the  surface  and  tried  to  get  back 
into  the  boat.  His  master,  however,  continued  to  push  him 
back,  but  as  the  dog  persevered,  he  lost  his  patience,  and,  stri- 
king at  him  with  his  oar,  lost  his  balance  and  fell  into  the  water 
himself.  He  was  unable  to  swim,  but  the  dog,  seizing  him  by 
his  coat,  succeeded  in  bringing  him  to  land,  after  having  been 
repeatedly  washed  away  by  the  current.  The  dog's  life  was  saved, 
we  are  happy  to  say. 


A  Hunter's  "Bear  Story!" 

One  day,  a  long  time  ago,  about  the  time  when  Jackson  ran 
for  President  the  first  time,  perhaps,  I  was  one  day  hunting 
upon  the  ridge  between  Meadow  Run  and  Cucumber  Run,  which 
tumbles  off  the  rocks  just  across  there. 

I  had  known  for  some  time  by  the  signs  that  there  was  a  nest 
of  cub  bears  somewhere  in  the  neighborhood,  so  on  that  day  1 
concluded  that  I  would  put  in  my  time  finding  them,  as  a  party 
up  in  Uniontown  wanted  a  pair  to  send  over  to  Baltimore  to  a 
friend  who  was  fond  of  outlandish  pets. 

You  see  that  it  was  along  about  the  first  of  September,  and 
pretty  warm  at  that,  and  after  walking  up  and  down  the  ravines, 
I  began  to  get  pretty  tired.  I  was  not  so  heavy  then  as  I  am 
now,  and  did  not  weigh  more  than  a  couple  of  hundred  pounds. 
As  I  said,  I  was  a  little  tired,  and  so  on  the  top  of  the  ridge  I 
sat  down  by  the  side  of  a  smooth  chestnut  stump  about  twelve 
or  fourteen  feet  high.  I  hadn't  sat  there  more  than  a  minute 
until  I  h  ..rd  something  inside  the  stump,  and  soon  made  out 
that  it  was  a  couple  of  the  cub  bears  playing  with  one  another. 

I   looked    on  all    sides  of  the  stump  to  find    an  opening,  but 


Animals.  ANECDOTES.  149 

none  was  to  be  seen.  Then  I  happened  to  notice  the  marks  of 
claws  up  the  side  of  the  stump,  and  I  understood  it.  The  hole 
went  in  at  the  top.  I  set  my  gun  against  a  bush,  up-ended  the 
branch  of  a  tree,  and  was  scon  at  the  top  of  the  stump,  looking 
in  at  the  two  cubs,  which  were  about  the  size  of  full-grown 
rat-dogs. 

I  was  so  excited  that  I  jumped  down  into  the  stump  and 
grabbed  the  cubs.  They  at  first  began  to  squeal,  and  then 
turned  on  me  for  fight.  But  they  were  small  enough  to  handle, 
and  in  a  minute  or  two  I  had  their  mouths  tied  so  they  could 
not  bite,  and  their  feet  fastened  so  they  could  not  scratch. 

I  knew  that  the  old  bear  would  be  along  pretty  soon  and 
make  it  hot  for  me  if  she  found  me  in  the  nest,  so  I  swung  the 
youngsters  into  my  buckskin  belt  preparatory  to  getting  out. 

Get  out?  Did  I  get  out?  Land  of  love!  it  makes  me  sliiver 
to  think  of  it  yet.  I  could  no  more  get  out  of  that  stump  than 
I  could  fly.  The  hollow  was  bell-shaped,  larger  at  the  bottom 
than  at  the  top — so  large,  in  fact,  that  I  could  not  put  my  back 
against  one  side  and  ray  feet  and  hands  against  the  other  and 
crawl  up,  as  rabbits  and  other  animals  climb  up  inside  of  hol- 
low trees. 

In  no  way  could  I  get  up  a  foot.  There  were  no  sticks  inside 
to  help  me  up,  and  I  made  up  my  mind  I  had  to  die  certain. — 
About  the  time  I  came  to  this  conclu^on  I  heard  the  old  bear 
climbing  up  the  outside  of  the  stump.  With  only  my  hunting 
knife  as  a  means  of  defense,  and  in  such  close  quarters,  you  may 
possibly  imagine  the  state  of  my  feelings. 

The  old  bear  was  not  more  than  half  a  minute,  at  the  outside, 
climbing  up  the  stump,  but  it  seemed  like  a  month,  at  least.  I 
thought  of  all  my  sins  a  dozen  times,  at  least.  At  last  she  reached 
the  top,  but  she  didn't  seem  to  suspect  my  presence  at  all,  as  she 
deliberately  turned  round  and  began  slowly  descending,  tail  fore- 
most. 

I  felt  as  though  my  last  hour  had  come,  and  began  to  think 
seriously  about  lying  down  and  let  the  bear  kill  me,  so  as  to  get 
out    of  my  misery  as    quickly  as    possible.       Suddenly   an   idea 


150  ENTERTAINING  Animals. 

struck  me,  and  despair  gave  way  to  hope.  I  drew  out  my  hunt- 
ing knife  and  stood  on  tip  toe.  When  the  bear  was  about  seven 
feet  from  the  bottom  of  the  hollow  I  fastened  on  her  tail  with  my 
left  hand  with  a  vise-like  grip,  and  with  my  right  drove  my  hunt- 
ing knife  to  the  hilt  into  her  haunch,  and  at  the  same  time  yel- 
ling like  a  whole  tribe  of  Indians. 

"What  did  she  do?"  chorused  the  whole  crowd,  who  had  been 
holding  their  breath ! 

What  did  she  do?  Well,  you  should  have  seen  the  perform- 
ance. She  didn't  stop  to  reflect  a  moment,  but  shot  out  at  the 
top  of  the  stump  like  a  bullet  out  of  a  gun.  A  hair's  breadth  to 
the  minute.  I  held  on  until  we  struck  the  ground,  some  thirty 
feet  from  the  stump.  Then  the  old  bear  went  like  lightning  into 
the  brush,  and  was  out  of  sight  in  half  a  second.  I  was  a  little 
bruised  by  the  fall,  but  that  was  all.  I  took  the  cubs  to  Union- 
town  the  next  day,  and  on  account  of  the  adventure,  I  got  five 
dollars  apiece  for  them,  and  in  those  times  five  dollars  was  as 
good  as  fifty  dollars  now. 


Canine    Sagacity. 

Col.  Hamilton  Smith  in  his  Cyclopaedia  of  natural  Hir*-ry 
mentions  a  curious  instance  of  fidelity  and  sagacity  in  a  dog.  He 
states  that  in  the  neighborhood  of  Cupar  there  lived  two  dogs, 
mortal  enemies  to  each  other,  and  who  always  fought  despe  ate- 

ly  when   they  met.     Capt.  R was  master  of  one  of  them, 

and  the  other  belonged  to  a  neighboring  farmer.     Capt.  R 's 

dog  was  in  the  habit  of  going  for  messages,  bringing  bufher's 
meat  and  other  articles  from  Cupar. 

One  day,  while  returning  charged  with  a  basket  contaming 
some  pieces  of  mutton,  he  was  attacked  by  some  curs  cf  the 
town,  who,  no  doubt,  thought  the  prize  worth  contending  f^r. — 
The  assault  was  fierce,  and  of  some  duration;  but  the  messe-^ger, 
after  doing  his  utmost,  was  at  last  overpowered  and  compelled 
to  yield  up  the  basket,  though  not  before  he  had  secured  a  part 
af  its  contents.    The  piece  saved  from  the  wreck  he  ran  off  with 


Animals.  ANECDOTES.  151 

at  full  speed,  td  the  quarters  of  his  old  enemy,  at  whose  feet  he 
laid  it  down,  stretching  himself  beside  it  till  he  had  eaten  it  up.  A 
few  sniffs,  a  few  whispers  in  the  ear  and  other  dog-like  courtesies 
were  exchanged;  after  which  they  both  set  off  together  for  Cupar, 
where  they  worried  almost  every  dog  in  the  town ;  and  what  is 
more  remarkable,  they  never  afterwards  quarrelled,  but  were 
always  on  friendly  terms. 


A  Self-Denying  Cat. 

A  cat  in  possesion  of  a  family  once  showed  great  self-denial 
in  the  following  manner :  She  was  a  terrible  eater  of  small  birds, 
chickens,  etc.,  and  therefore,  when  on  one  occasion  she  was 
found  to  have  passed  the  night  in  the  aviary  of  doves,  great  was 
the  alarm.  However,  on  inspection,  not  a  dove  was  missing;  and 
though  she  was  asleep  in  an  inner  cage,  close  to  a  nest  of  young 
doves,  she  had  not  touched  a  feather.  What  made  her  conduct 
the  more  remarkable  was  the  fact  that  on  being  released  she  ate 
ravenously. 


A  Dog  that  Knew  his  Own  Property. 

The  following  is  authenticated  by  a  contributor  to  Mr.  Wood's 
"Man  and  Beast:"  "Property  of  every  description  requires  a 
certain  amount  of  supervision,  whether  'real  or  personal,'  as  the 
lawyers  say,  and  has  its  attendant  anxieties  as  well  as  its  attend- 
ant pleasures;  but  I  never  saw  any  animal  so  impressed  with 
the  responsibility  as  our  present  little  dog  appears  to  be. 

"Having been  in  our  possession  all  his  little  life-time,  the  items 
of  his  personal  property  have  gradually  increased.  At  first  he 
occupied  the  basket  of  his  predecessor,  which  was  taken  up-stairs 
for  him  at  night.  After  some  time,  another  basket  was  purchased 
for  the  drawing-room,  the  old  one  retaining  its  place  up-stairs. — 
New  things  are  always  favorites  with  children,  and  this  at  first 
was  supposed  to  be  the  case  with  our  little  animal :  he  would 
not  occupy  the  old  basket  at  night,  so  the  new  one  was  brought 
up  at  night  and  placed  beside  it.    This  was  continued  for  a  short 


152  ENTERTAINING  Animals. 

time:  when  the  old  one  was  taken  down,  the'  new  one  only 
remained  up-stairs.  This  was  not  the  right  thing  to  do;  he  then 
refused  to  occupy  the  new  one. 

"I  must  confess  to  humoring  his  little  peculiarities,  so  I 
fetched  the  old  basket  up,  leaving  both  in  the  room.  This  was 
quite  what  he  wanted,  and  gave  evident  satisfaction;  he  jumped 
into  one,  which  he  arranged  comfortably,  then  performed  the 
same  operation  in  the  other,  and  finally  occupied  both  baskets 
at  intervals  during  the  night.  He  will  now  never  compose  him- 
self at  night  until  both  baskets  are  in  the  room.  One  night  I 
purposely  removed  his  dish  of  water;  he  missed  it,  sat  up  beg- 
ging on  the  spot  it  always  occupied,  and  great  was  his  delight  on 
its  restoration,  although  he  had  no  wish  to  drink.  I  have  given  him 
duplicate  property,  and  placed  his  baskets,  water-dishes,  etc.,  at 
different  parts  of  the  room ;  he  never  fails  to  go  round  and  in- 
spect his  property  before  fixing  himself  for  the  night,  and  most 
amusing  it  is  to  witness  his  anxiety  until  he  has  the  whole  of  his 
goods  under  his  protection. " 


A  Very  Polite  Horse. 

The  following  account  of  a  h^rse  is  by  a  clergyman: — "A 
neighbor  possessed  of  a  young  foal,  which,  with  its  mother,  used 
to  pass  our  house  daily,  early  in  the  morning,  during  our  break- 
fast time,  and  had  a  habit  of  straying  upon  a  piece  of  waste  ground 
which  then  occupied  the  front,  but  has  since  been  inclosed  and 
formed  into  a  front  garden.  My  daughter,  who  is  extremely 
partial  to  horses,  used  to  run  out  and  offer  the  little  animal  a 
piece  of  bread. 

"This  went  on  regularly,  until  at  last,  when  he  was  between 
two  and  three  years  old,  he  would  not  wait  for  the  bread,  but 
used  to  go  to  the  door,  plant  his  fore  feet  on  the  steps,  so  as  to 
gain  sufficient  elevation,  and  then  lift  the  knocker  with  his  nose, 
afterward  waiting  for  his  morsel.  It  is  evident  the  horse  had  seen 
the  knocker  used;  had  noted  the  result  and  had  followed  the 
example,  using,  of  course,  his  nose  in  lieu  of  a  hand. 


On   Guard. 


Animals.  ANECDOTES.  153 

"Deko." 

A  Detroit  paper  gives  the  following  interesting  account  of  a 
remarkable  dog: 

The  propeller  Maine,  of  the  Northern  Transit  Company, 
called  at  this  port  Friday,  bound  down  on  her  way  from  Chica- 
goto  Ogdensburg,  and  among  the   through  passengers  was  Mrs. 

W.    J.   R. ,    and  Hetty,  her   seven-year  old   daughter,  who 

were  going  to  their  home  in  Albany,  N.  Y, 

While  the  boat  was  moored  at  the  Northern  Transit  Compa- 
ny's wharf  at  the  foot  of  Third  street,  the  little  girl  engaged  in  a 
play  spell  with  "Deko, "  a  large  Newfoundland  dog,  who  is  a  fix- 
ture at  the  wharf,  and  as  well  known  in  the  vicinity  as  any  of  the 
many  boats  which  call  there.  They  were  having  a  glorious  time 
when  the  girl  ran  along  the  wharf  towards  the  stern  of  the  boat 
and  with  her  head  partly  turned  to  look  at  the  dog  she  ran  head- 
long off  the  wharf  into  the  water.  "Deko"  stopped  an  instant  as 
though  shocked,  then  sprang  into  the  water  near  to  where  the 
girl  was  lloating  supported  by  her  dress  and  cloak  and  about  ten 
feet  from  the  .wharf  Taking  one  of  her  shoulders  in  his  huge 
mouth  the  noble  dog  supported  her  until  a  small  boat  put  out 
and  she  was  rescued  from  her  perilous  position. 

"Deko"  thus  added  another  event  to  his  already  eventful  life, 
he  being  a  most  remarkable  dog.  Marvelous  stories  are  told  of 
his  sagacity.  Two  years  ago  he  was  an  inmate,  a  sort  of  night- 
watch,  in  the  Northfield  (Minn.)  Bank,  and  was  on  duty  the  night 
the  notorious  Younger  Brothers  robbed  that  institution.  He  had 
a  fight  with  Charles  Younger  at  the  time,  and  to  this  day  carries 
a  broken  tail,  caused  by  a  bullet  from  Younger's  revolver,  Since 
his  residence  in  Detroit,  "Deko"  has  learned  the  sound  of  vari- 
ous propeller  whistles,  and  instantly,  when  a  Northern  Transit 
boat  signals,  the  dog  jumps,  and,  if  in  the  office,  barks  furiously 
to  be  let  out.  If  the  boat  arrives  late  at  night,  when  the  clerks 
have  all  gone  to  their  homes,  "Deko"  starts  for  the  Cass  House, 
where  one  of  the  clerks  boards,  and  before  the  boat  touches  the 
wharf  has  some  one  who  can  talk  on  hand  to  receive  the  Captain. 
As  one  of  the  Captains   says:   "If  'Deko'   could  only  talk,  he 


154  ENTERTAINING  Animals. 

could  run  the  office  at  night  without  help. "  As  soon  as  a  boat  is 
made  fast  to  the  wharf,  "Deko"  steers  for  the  door  of  the  cook- 
room,  and  will  not  leave  until  he  receives  a  meal,  and,  after 
eating,  he  stands  guard  at  the  gangway  until  all  the  freight  is 
moved  and  the  order  is  heard  to  haul  in.  Then  he  jumps  ashore 
to  wait  for  the  next  craft. 


A  Cold  Water  Horse. 

The  pump  was  in  a  corner  of  the  horse  box  in  which  the  horse 
was  accustomed  to  be  shut  for  the  night,  and  the  coachman  used 
to  be  puzzled  at  the  fact  that  when  he  came  in  the  morning  the 
end  of  the  stable  was  always  an  inch  or  so  deep  in  water.  At  last 
he  suspected  that  the  horse  might  have  been  the  delinquent,  and 
so  fastened  him  up  without  giving  him  any  water,  and  watched 
him  unobserved  when  let  loose  in  the  morning.  The  animal 
went  at  once  to  the  pump,  and  took  the  handle  in  his  teeth,, 
and  worked  it  up  and  down,  and,  when  the  water  was  in  full 
flow,  placed  his  mouth  under  the  spout  to  drink.  He  could  not 
endure  being  watched  while  pumping,  and,  if  he  saw  any  one  ob- 
serving him,  would  rush  at  him  with  open  mouth  in  order  to 
scare  him  way. 


Bird  Charity— A  Little  Wren  Adopts  Four  Orphan 

Robins. 

Last  summer  a  pair  of  Robin  Red  Breasts  built  their  nest  in 
the  vicinity  of  a  fashionable  country  boarding  house.  In  due 
time  the  heads  of  four  young  robins  were  observed  by  some  of 
the  boarders  peering  above  the  sides  of  the  nest,  when  some 
thoughtless  boys  passing  that  way  shot  both  the  parent  birds  and 
left  the  young  ones  to  perish. 

The  ladies  and  gentlemen,  moved  to  pity  by  the  poor  helpless 
young  birds  were  devising  plans  for  relief  when  a  little  brown 
wren  flew  to  the  nest,  surveyed  the  unfortunate  state  of  things 
for  a  moment,  then  disappeared.  In  a  few  minutes  it  returned 
bearing  food  of  some  kind  to  the  starving  robins, 


Ajiimals.  ANECDOTES.  155 

Much  surprised  at  this  the  human  sympathizers  resolved  to 
await  further  developements  before  proceeding  to  put  their  plans- 
of  relief  into  operation  and  were  delighted  to  find  that  the  wren 
had  in  real  good  earnest  assumed  the  care  of  that  orphan  family. 
With  untiring  energy  it  hunted  worms  and  food  of  such  kind  as 
was  suited  to  the  wants  and  tastes  of  its  proteges,  and  continued 
its  kindly  offices  until  the  birds  were  full  fledged  and  were  en- 
abled to  take  care  of  themselves.  Strange  as  this  may  appear^ 
we  have  it  from  the  most  reliable  authority. 


A  Dog's  Appreciation  of  Money. 

A  Quincy,  Ills,  journal  tells  this  story:  "A  few  evenings  since,, 
while  a  number  of  persons  were  chatting  in  a  drug  store,  a  gen- 
gentleman  came  in,  followed  by  a  small  dog.  While  the  master 
was  procuring  some  medicine  the  dog  walked  around  the  store- 
room, and  finally  picked  up  something  and  ran  to  one  of  the 
gentlemen  and  attracted  attention  by  scratching  his  clothing. 
The  man  looked  down  and  noticed  that  the  dog  had  a  piece  of 
paper  in  his  mouth,  but  thought  nothing  more  of  it.  The  dog,, 
not  satisfied,  repeated  his  apparent  appeal,  but  not  with  success^ 
and  then  went  to  his  owner,  who  took  the  paper  and  saw  it  was- 
a  ten  dollar  bank  note.  The  dog  had  found  it  on  the  floor,  and 
evidently  knew  that  it  was  valuable.  It  subsequently  transpired 
that  the  money  belonged  to  Dr.  J.  T.  Wilson,  and  it  was  returned 
to  him.  The  dog  was  rewarded  for  his  sagacity  by  the  present 
of  a  handsome  new  collar.  " 


A  Remarkable  Horse. 

Miss  Charlotte  Thornton  of  Woodford,  Ky.,  has  an  old  black 
horse  which  goes  straight  to  the  blacksmith-shop  and  deliberately 
walks  in,  unattended,  every  time  he  loses  a  shoe.  A  negro  boy 
usually  rides  him  to  drive  cows  to  and  from  the  pasture.  One  day 
this  darkey  didn't  come  to  time,  and  the  intelligent  horse  drove 
the  cows  to  the  pasture.  At  another  time  he  went  to  the  pas- 
ture alone  and  drove  the  cows  home. 


156  ENTERTAINING  Animals. 

How  a  Dog  Won  a  W^ager  Under  Difficulties. 
"One  day,  when  Dumont,  a  tradesman  of  Rue  St.  Dennis, 
was  walking  in  the  Boulevard  St.  Antoine  with  a  friend,  he 
offered  to  lay  a  wager  with  the  latter,  that  if  he  were  to  hide  a 
silver  six-livre  piece  in  the  dust,  his  dog  would  discover  and 
bring  it  to.  him.  The  wager  was  accepted,  and  the  piece  of  mon- 
ey secreted,  after  being  carefully  marked.  When  the  two  had 
proceeded  some  distance  from  the  spot,  M.  Dumont  called  to  his 
dog  that  he  had  lost  something,  and  ordered  him  to  seek  it. — 
Caniche  immediately  turned  back,  and  his  master  and  his  com- 
panion pursued  their  walk  to  the  Rue  St.  Dennis.  Meanwhile  a 
traveler,  who  happened  to  be  just  then  returning  in  a  small 
chaise  from  Vincennes,  perceived  the  piece  of  money,  which  his 
horse  had  kicked  from  its  hiding-place ;  he  alighted,  took  it  up, 
and  drove  to  his  inn,  in  the  Rue  Pont  aux-Choux.  Caniche  had 
just  reached  the  spot  in  search  of  the  lost  piece  when  the  stran- 
ger picked  it  up.  He  followed  the  chaise,  went  to  the  inn,  and 
stuck  close  to  the  traveler.  Having  scented  out  the  coin  which 
he  had  been  ordered  to  bring  back,  in  the  pocket  of  the  latter, 
he  leaped  up  incessantly  at  and  about  him.  The  traveler,  sup- 
posing him  to  be  j^ome  dog  that  had  been  lost  or  left  behind  by 
his  master,  regarded  his  different  movements  as  marks  of  fond- 
ness; and  as  the  animal  was  handsome,  he  determined  to  keej) 
him.  He  gave  him  a  good  supper,  and  on  retiring  to  bed  took 
him  with  him  to  his  chamber.  No  sooner  had  he  pulled  off  his 
breeches,  than  they  were  seized  by  the  dog;  the  owner  con- 
ceiving that  he  wanted  to  play  with  them  took  them  away  again. 
The  animal  began  to  bark  at  the  door,  which  the  traveler  opened, 
imder  the  idea  that  the  dog  wanted  to  go  out.  Caniche  snatched 
up  the  breeches,  and  away  he  flew.  The  traveler  posted  after 
with  his  night-cap  on,  and  literally  sa7is  culottes.  Anxiety  for  the 
fate  of  a  purse  full  of  gold  Napoleons,  of  forty  francs  each, 
which  was  in  one  of  the  pockets,  gave  redoubled  velocity  to  his 
steps.  Caniche  ran  full  s]:)eed  to  his  master's  house,  where  the 
stranger  arrived  a  moment  afterwards,  breathless  and  enraged. 
He   accused    the  dog  of  robbing  him.     'Sir,'  said   the   master, 


Anbnals.  ANECDOTES.  157 

*My  dog  is  a  very  faithful  creature;  and  if  he  has  run  away  with 
your  breeches,  it  is  because  you  have  in  them  money  which  does 
not  belong  to  you.'  The  traveler  became  still  more  exasperated. 
'Compose  yourself,  sir,'  rejoined  the  other  smiling;  'without 
doubt  there  is  in  your  purse  a  six-livre  piece,  with  such  and  such 
marks,  which  you  have  picked  up  in  the  Boulevard  St.  Antoine, 
and  which  I  threw  down  there  with  the  firm  conviction  that  my 
dog  would  bring  it  back  again.  This  is  the  cause  of  the  robber- 
ry  which  he  has  committed  upon  you.'  The  stranger's  rage  now 
changed  to  astonishment;  he  delivered  the  six-livre  piece  to  the 
•owner,  and  could  not  forbear  caressing  the  dog  which  gave  him 
so  much  uneasiness,  and  such  an  unpleasant  chase. 


The    Fire    Escape  Man's  Dog  "Bill." 

On  an  alarm  of  fire  Bill  barks  his  loudest,  dashes  about  in 
a  frantic  manner,  till  his  master  and  the  escape  are  on  their  way 
to  it.  He,  of  course,  is  there  first,  giving  the  police  and  the 
crowd  to  understand  that  Wood  and  his  fire-escape  are  coming. 
When  the  escape  is  fixed  and  Wood  begins  to  ascend  the  ladder. 
Bill  runs  up  the  canvass;  as  soon  as  a  window  is  opened,  Bill 
leaps  in  and  dashes  about  to  find  the  occupants,  loudly  barking 
for  assistance  as  soon  as  he  has  accomplished  his  errand  of  mer- 
•cy.  His  watchfulness  and  sagacity  are  never  at  fault,  although 
on  more  than  one  occasion  he  has  stood  a  fair  chance  of  losing 
his  life,  and  has  sustained  very  severe  injur)^  Not  long  ago  a 
collar  was  presented  Bill  as  a  reward  for  his  services;  unfortu- 
nately for  him,  he  has  since  lost  this  token  of  public  regard — a 
misfortune  very  much  to  be  regretted.  The  following  verse  was 
engraved  on  the  collar : 

'  I'm  the  fire-escape  man's  dog ;  my  name  is  Bill. 
When  '  fire'  is  called  I  am  never  still : 
I  bark  for  my  master,  all  danger  brave, 
To  bring  the  escape — human  life  to  save.' 

Collared  or  coUarless,  Bill  is  always  ready  to  lend  a  helping 
'bark. 


158  ENTERTAINING  Animals. 

A  Parrot   Tricks    a    Cat. 

A  lady  who  owns  a  beautiful  parrot  allows  it  the  freedom  of 
the  house.  In  that  house  there  is  also  a  cat,  with  which  Polly  is 
pleased  to  amuse  herself.  One  day  when  the  cat  was  lying 
asleep  on  the  rug  the  parrot  began  to  mew  and  scream  just  like 
young  kittens  when  they  are  hurt.  Up  jumped  the  cat  and 
rushed  in  frantic  haste  to  her  beloved  offspring,  and  was  very 
much  astonished  to  find  them  all  safe  and  comfortably  asleep. — 
She  returned  to  the  rug;  but  as  soon  as  she  had  curled  herself  up 
and  settled  herself  comfortably  for  another  nap  the  parrot  re- 
commenced her  mews  and  cries,  and  again  the  cat  flew  to  the 
rescue.  In  this  way  the  mischievous  bird  managed  to  dupe  the 
cat  three  different  times,  a  feat  vvhich  the  parrot  greatly  enjoyed.. 


"Wonderful   Sagacity. 

A  gentlemaA  of  property,  in  Ithaca,  N.  Y.,  had  a  mastiff  of 
great  size,  very  watchful,  and,  altogether  a  fine,  intelligent  ani- 
mal. Though  often  let  out,  to  roam  about,  he  was  in  general 
chained  up  during  the  day  in  a  wooden  house  constructed  for 
his  comfort  and  shelter. 

On  a  certain  day,  when  let  out,  he  was  observed  to  attach  him- 
self particularly  to  his  master,  and  when  the  servant  came  to  tie  him. 
up,  he  clung  to  his  master's  feet,  showed  much  anger  when  they 
attemped  to  force  him  away,  and  altogether  was  so  peculiar  in  his 
manner,  that  the  gentleman  desired  him  to  be  left  as  he  was,  and 
with  him  he  continued  the  whole  day;  and  when  night  came  on, 
still  he  staid  with  him,  and  on  going  toward  his  bed-room  the 
dog  resolutely  and  for  the  first  time  in  his  life,  went  up  along 
with  him,  and  rushing  into  the  room  took  refuge  under  the  bed 
from  whence  neither  blows  nor  caresses  could  draw  him. 

In  the  middle  of  the  night  a  man  burst  into  the  room,  dagger 
in  hand,  and  attempted  to  stab  the  sleeping  gentleman ;  but  the 
dog  darted  at  the  robber's  neck,  fastened  his  fangs  in  him,  and 
so  kept  him  down  that  his  master  had  time  to  call  for  assistance 


Animals.  ANECDOTES.  159 

and  secure  the  ruffian,  who  turned  out  to  be  the  coachman,  and 
who  afterwards  confessed  that  seeing  his  master  receive  a  large 
sum  of  money,  he  and  the  groom  conspired  together  to  rob  him, 
and  they  plotted  the  whole  thing  leaning  over  the  roof  of  the  dog 
house/     This  is  a  remarkable  story. 


How  Two  Goats  got  out  of  a  Dilemma. 

George  Black  was  an  eye  witness  to  the  following :  At  Ardin- 
glass,  in  Red  Bay,  near  Glenarm,  in  Ireland,  two  goats  happened 
to  be  moving  towards  each  other,  over  a  dreadful  precipice,  on  a 
path  so  narrow  that  it  was  impossible  for  them  to  pass  each 
other,  and  still  less  practicable  for  either  to  turn  round ;  the  least 
attempt  to  effect  the  one  or  the  other  of  these  movements,  would 
have  precipitated  them  from  the  rock,  which  is  three  or  four  hun- 
dred feet  perpendicular.  In  this  dilemma,  they  looked  at  each 
other  with  great  seriousness,  for  a  length  of  time,  as  if  they  were 
deliberating  how  to  extricate  themselves  from  the  difficulty; 
which,  at  length,  they  contrived  to  do,  by  one  of  them  lying 
down  prostrate,  while  the  other  walked  over  his  body,  each  af- 
terwards pursuing  his  own  course  with  perfect  composure. 


A  Mouse  Charmed  by  a  Serpent. 

Some  naturalists  dispute  the  existence  of  this  power  in  the 
serpent,  and  imagine  that  fear  occasions  this  self-devotion  of  its 
prey:  while  others  suppose,  that  the  maternal  affection  of  birds 
induces  the  old  one  to  present  herself  to  the  ravager,  with  de- 
sign to  withdraw  his  attention  from  her  young;  and  in  her  anx- 
iety for  their  safety,  to  venture  so  far,  that  she  can  no  longer 
recede  from  the  grasp  of  her  enemy.  That  this  is  not  always 
the  case,  is  proved  by  an  experiment  mentioned  in  the  Philo- 
sophical Transactions.  "A  viper-catcher,  who  had  more  than 
sixty  living  vipers  in  a  chest  put  a  living  mouse  in  among  them. 
Now  it  is  well  known,  that  these  creatures  never  feed  while  in 
confinement,  unless  it  be  a  female  that  is  with  young.  One  of 
the  vipers  in  this  chest  happened  to  be  in  this   situation.     None 


i6o  ENTERTAINING  Animals. 

of  the  others  paid  any  attention  to  the  mouse,  but  she  raised  up 
her  head  a  little,  and  looked  furiously  at  it.  The  terrified  mouse 
stood  still  for  a  considerable  time,  though  the  viper  continued 
rolled  up  in  a  spiral  form,  only  raising  up  her  head  and  looking 
at  it,  vibrating  her  tongue  at  the  same  time.  The  mouse  at 
length  took  courage  to  move,  but  without  running  away,  only 
walking  as  if  terrified,  round  and  round  the  viper,  squeaking 
frequently  as  it  went,  till  at  length  it  came  before  the  head  of  its 
enemy,  which  was  still  in  an  erect  posture,  with  the  mouth  open. 
The  unfortunate  mouse,  after  some  time,  drew  nearer,  and  at 
last,  crept  into  the  viper's  mouth,  where  it  was  gradually  swal- 
lowed, without  obliging  her  to  alter  her  position. " 


How  the   Elephant  Got  Out  of  Difficulties. 

On  a  large  island  in  the  Ganges,  opposite  Cawnpore,  in  June 
1873,  an  event  occurred  which  excited  my  admiration..  With 
three  friends  I  had  been  riding  hard  all  the  afternoon,  and,  feel- 
ing very  tired,  we  determined  to  go  home  on  the  elephant. 

"We  had  traveled  some  way,  and  were  nearing  the  river,  when 
one  of  us  noticed  that  the  ground  looked  rather  unsafe,  and 
that  the  elephant  seemed  to  become  uneasy.  So  we  all  decided 
to  dismount  and  walk  to  the  river,  previously  instructing  the  ma- 
hout to  take  the  elephant  by  a  short  circuit,  so  as  to  avoid  the 
soft  ground.  The  man,  however,  evidently  considered  that  he 
knew  better  than  we  did;  and  we  therefore  went  straight  on,  not 
thinking  of  looking  around. 

"We  had  not  proceeded  far  when  we  heard  the  elephant  trum- 
peting (a  well-known  signal  of  distress  or  anger,)  and  on  looking 
around  saw  that  the  poor  beast  was  in  a  quicksand,  and 
that  the  mahout  had  dismounted  and  was  making  the  best  of 
his  way  out  of  reach  of  the  animal.  I  may  here  mention  that  to 
be  on  an  elephant's  back  or  within  his  reach  under  such  circum- 
stances is  certain  death :  he  is  sure  to  take  hold  of  a  man  and 
place  him  under  his  feet,  so  anxious  is  he  to  get  something  solid 
to  stand  upon. 


Animals.  ANECDOTES.  i6i 

"We  were  then  about  fifty  yards  from  the  river  and  it  was 
rapidly  getting  dark.  The  elephant  was  making  frantic  efforts  to 
escape  out  of  his  difficulties,  and  the  ground  heaved  all  around 
him.  How  to  help  him  we  did  not  know;  for  he  was  sinking 
deeper  and  deeper,  and  go  near  him  we  dared  not. 

"As  good  fortune  would  have  It,  there  happened  to  be  at  hand 
a  number  of  large  planks  which  had  been  left  by  some  villagers. 
We  went  as  near  the  elephant  as  we  dared,  and  threw  planks 
within  his  reach.  The  clever  animal  seized  them  in  his  trunk, 
drew  them  to  him,  and  laid  them  one  upon  the  other  in  front  of 
him.  When  he  thought  he  had  enough,  with  one  gigantic  effort 
he  got  his  fore  legs  out  of  the  quick-sand,  and  in  a  short  time  he 
had  managed  to  extricate  himself,  and  was  standing  safely  on  the 
planks,  though  trembling  all  over. 

"  He  had  still  some  fifty  yards  to  go  before  he  could  reach 
the  river,  and  the  intelligent  beast  never  moved  a  step  until  he 
got  a  plank  and  placed  it  in  front  of  him.  He  thus  moved  on, 
step  by  step,  on  successive  planks,  until  he  reached  the  river. — 
The  mahout  then  remounted  him,  and  he  crossed  the  Ganges  in 
safety.  This  was  no  small  relief  to  our  feelings;  for  the  loss  of 
the  elephant  would  not  only  have  been  a  very  costly  business, 
but  the  mode  of  his  death  would  have  been  inexpressibly 
painful. 

The  Sectarian  Dog. 

The  following  curious  dog  story  is  vouched  for  by  a  paper  in 
Montreal :  A  gentleman  owns  a  dog  that  has  some  remarkable 
instincts.  On  week  days  he  has  all  the  passions  and  propensi- 
ties of  other  dogs,  but  on  the  Sabbath  his  peculiarities  and 
sentiments  come  out.  He  knows  when  this  day  comes.  He  is 
not  the  same  dog  as  on  other  days.  He  indulges  in  no  pastimes, 
encourages  no  company,  and  seems  to  say,  in  actions  louder 
than  words,  "Six  days  may  we  play  and  do  all  our  sport."  The 
family  are  Presbyterians;  the  dog  is  a  methodist.  On  Sabbath 
mornings  he  attends  the  family  to  the  Presbyterian  house  of 
worship,  and  then  goes  on  his  solitary  and  unbroken   way  to  his 


i62  ENTERTAINING  Animals. 

own  church,  which  is  a  httle  farther  on.  He  has  a  particular 
place  up  stairs  where  he  sits.  No  belle  or  madam  of  fashion 
who  sweeps  up  the  aisle  of  a  popular  church  and  finds  a  plebe- 
ian in  her  pew  can  give  a  more  decided  expression  of  displeas- 
ure than  this  dog  if  he  finds  any  one  in  his  pew.  He  seems  to 
attend  to  the  service,  and  give  dogmatic  heed  to  the  word  spo- 
ken. An  example  to  many  professed  christians,  he  may  be  seen 
on  his  way  to  church  in  foul  weather  as  fair— not  a  half-day 
hearer  either,  while  his  denominational  preferences  are  as  well 
known  as  those  of  any  in  the  city. 


A  Cunning  Sparrow. 

A  Hartford  paper  tells  the  following  story  of  an  English  spar- 
row on  the  authority  of  a  friend  who  had  it  from  the  gentleman 
who  witnessed  the  occurrence:  "This  gentleman,  who  resides  in 
New  York,  had  erected,  in  his  back  yard,  a  large  box  for  spar- 
rows' nests.  It  was  divided  into  three  rows,  each  containing 
four  compartments.  These  were  all  speedily  taken  possession 
of  by  a  dozen  pairs  of  sparrows,  and  the  business  of  making 
nests  proceeded  amid  the  customary  chippering  din  of  these  fus- 
sy and  pugnacious  feathered  colonists.  Sitting  idly  at  the  window 
one  Sunday,  watching  the  birds,  the  gentleman  saw  one  cock- 
sparrow  come  flying  to  the  place  with  a  fine,  soft  white  feather  in 
his  bill.  The  box  was  so  placed  that  he  could  see  into  the 
compartments,  and  he  saw  this  bird  fix  the  feather  into  an  incom- 
plete nest,  and  then  fly  away.  No  sooner  was  he  out  than  a 
female  sparrow  from  the  adjoining  compartment,  who  had  evi- 
dently seen  that  proceeding,  hopped  into  her  neighbor's  house 
and  pulled  out  and  carried  off  the  coveted  feather.  Becoming 
interested,  the  observer  watched  the  performance  expecting  to 
see  the  little  thief  carry  her  stolen  prize  to  her  own  nest;  but 
no;  she  knew  a  trick  worth  two  of  that,  and  here  is  where  she 
displayed  an  undeniable  reasoning  process,  aud  acted  on  a  clear 
perception  of  cause  and  eft"ect,  making  a  prudent  use  of  her 
knowledge   of  the   character  and  disposition  of  her  plundered 


Animals.  ANECDOTES.  163 

neighbor.  She  flew  off  with  the  feather  to  a  neighboring  tree, 
where  she  securely  fastened  it  in  an  inconspicuous  place  upon 
and  between  two  twigs,  and  there  left  it.  Pretty  soon  the  bird 
she  had  defrauded  came  back  with  a  straw  to  add  to  his  nest.— 
Discovering  his  loss,  he  came  out  with  an  angry  chirruping  that 
boded  no  good  to  the  despoiler  of  his  hearth  and  home,  if  he 
could  only  find  the  rogue.  His  first  demonstration  was  to  visit 
his  next-door  neighbor  without  any  search-warrant.  In  that 
abode  of  peace  and  innocence  he  found  no  trace  of  the  stolen 
feather;  and  as  for  the  actual  guilty  party,  she  was  hopping  inno- 
cently about,  and  loudly  demanding — as  far  as  bird  tones  could 
be  understood  by  the  man  at  the  window — what  was  meant  by 
this  ungentlemanly  intrusion.  The  cock-sparrow  was  evidently 
puzzled.  Unable,  after  a  minute  search,  to  find  the  lost  feather. 
he  apparently  gave  it  up,  and  flew  away  in  search  of  another. 
The  thief  demurely  waited  till  he  got  well  off,  and  then  flew  to 
the  tree,  secured  the  stolen  feather,  and  took  it  in  triumph  to  her 
own  nest. 


Dog  Drowning  a  Cat. 

An  English  paper  contains  a  record  of  a  somewhat  curious 
occurrence  which  took  place  at  Morebattle,  a  village  near  Jed- 
burgh, in  Roxburghshire.  A  pup  of  the  collie  breed,  about  four 
months  old,  belonging  to  Alexander  Woodcock,  a  shepherd  at 
Morebattle  Tufts,  was  observed  to  watch  closely  the  drowning  of 
a  cat  belonging  to  its  master,  in  the  water  of  Kale,  which  runs 
close  to  the  shepherd's  door.  Woodcock  is  also  possessed  of  a 
kitten  with  which  this  young  collie  is  in  the  habit  of  romping. 
Shortly  after  the  drowning  of  the  cat,  somehow  or  other  the 
collie,  feeling  aggravated  at  the  kitten  scratching  him,  lifted 
it  in  his  mouth,  walked  down  to  the  little  wooden  bridge  that 
spans  the  water,  and  quietly  dropped  the  kitten  in,  just  in  the 
same  way  as  he  had  seen  his  master  disposing  of  the  cat,  thus 
showing  that  the  drowning  scene  made  a  deep,  if  not  a  lasting 
impression  on  the  dog's  mind. 


i64  ENTERTAINING  Animals^ 

The   Trained   Horse  "Porter." 

Mr.  Morris  Lewis,  of  Indianapolis,  who  raised  and  trained^ 
Porter,  recently  gave  an  exhibition  of  the  young  horse's  abilities, 
before  the  directors  of  the  Zological  Garden  of  Cincinnati. — 
There  were  old,  experienced  horsemen  and  showmen  present,, 
and  all  united  in  saying  that  they  had  never  seen  anything  in  the 
way  of  a  trained  horse  to  compare  with  'Porter,'  for  that  is 
the  name  he  answers  to.  He  waltzes,  dances  a  jig,  walks  on 
his  hind  feet  alone,  pretends  lameness,  pretends  sickness,  lying 
on  his  side  and  groaning  dolefully,  answers  questions  by  a  shake 
of  the  head,  counts  oft'  his  age  with  his  feet,  shows  how  a  horse 
acts  when  he  is  restless,  shows  how  he  acts  when  he  is  tired  and 
hungry,  shows  how  he  would  pitch  a  bad  man  off  his  back,  and 
how  he  would  help  a  pretty  girl  on,  and  sits  up  and  smokes  a 
pipe.  He  fetches  and  carries  like  a  dog,  and  seems  to  be  almost 
human  in  his  attempts  to  make  himself  understood.  He  is  a  beau- 
tiful fellow,  full  of  fire  and  spirit,  and  now  and  then  gets  on  his 
ear  when  he  feels  he  is  not  master.  He  has  never  been  publicly 
exhibited,  and  there  is  a  pressure  on  Mr.  Lewis  from  showmen 
in  all  parts  of  the  country. 


A  Remarkable   Story. 

"The  fame  of  an  English  dog  has  been  deservedly  transmitted 
to  posterity,  by  a  monument  in  basso-relievo,  which  still  remains 
on  the  chimney-piece  of  the  grand  hall  at  the  castle  of  Montarjis, 
in  France.  The  sculpture,  which  represents  a  dog  fighting  with 
a  champion,  is  explained  by  the  following  narrative.  Aubri  de 
Mondidier,  a  gentleman  of  family  and  fortune,  travehng  alone 
through  the  forest  of  Boudy,  was  murdered,  and  buried  under  a 
tree.  His  dog,  an  English  bloodhound,  would  not  quit  his  mas- 
ter's grave  for  several  days,  till  at  length  compelled  by  hunger, 
he  proceeded  to  the  house  of  an  intimate  friend  of  his  unfortu- 
nate master's,  at  Paris,  and,  by  his  melancholy  howling,  seemed 
desirous  of  expressing  the  loss  they  had  both  sustained.     He  re- 


Afiimals.  ANECDOTES.  '  165 

peated  his  cries,  ran  to  the  door,  looked  back  to  see  if  any  one 
followed  him,  returned  to  his  master's  friend,  pulled  him  by  the 
sleeve,  and,  with  dumb  eloquence,  entreated  him  to  go  with  him. 
The  singularity  of  the  dog's  behavior,  added  to  the  circumstance 
of  his  coming  there  without  his  master,  whose  faithful  compan- 
ion he  had  always  been,  prompted  the  company  to  follow  the 
animal,  who  conducted  them  to  a  tree,  where  he  renewed  his 
howl,  scratching  the  earth  with  his  feet,  significantly  entreating 
them  to  search  that  particular  spot.  Accordingly,  on  digging, 
the  body  of  the  unhappy  Aubri  was  found.  Some  time  after, 
the  dog  accidentally  met  the  assassin,  who  is  styled,  by  all  the 
historians  who  relate  this  fact,  the  Chevalier  Macairi,  when,  in- 
stantly seizing  him  by  the  throat,  he  was,  with  great  difficulty, 
compelled  to  quit  his  prey.  In  short,  whenever  the  dog  saw  the 
Chevalier,  he  continued  to  attack  and  pursue  him  with  equal 
fury.  Such  obstinate  virulence  in  the  animal,  confined  to  Ma- 
cairi  alone,  appeared  very  extraordinary,  especially  to  those  who 
at  once  recollected  the  dog's  remarkable  attachment  to  his  mas- 
ter, and  several  instances  in  which  Macairi's  envy  and  hatred  to 
Mondidier  had  been  conspicuous.  Additional  circumstances  in- 
creased suspicion,  and  at  length  the  affair  reached  the  royal  ear. 
The  King  (Louis  the  Eighth)  accordingly  sent  for  the  dog,  who 
appeared  extremely  gentle  till  he  perceived  Macairi  in  the  midst 
of  several  noblemen,  when  he  ran  fiercely  towards  him,  growling 
and  attacking  him  as  usual. 

"In  those  rude  times,  when  no  positive  proof  of  a  crime  ap- 
peared, an  order  was  issued  for  a  combat  between  the  accuser 
and  the  accused.  These  encounters  were  denominated  the  judg- 
ment of  God,  from  a  persuasion  that  Heaven  would  rather  work 
a  miracle  than  suffer  innocence  to  perish  with  infamy.  The 
king,  struck  with  such  an  accumulation  of  circumstantial  evi- 
dence against  Macairi,  determined  to  refer  the  decision  to  the 
chance  of  a  battle.  In  other  words,  he  gave  orders  for  a  combat 
between  the  Chevalier  and  the  dog.  The  lists  were  appointed  in 
the  Isle  of  Notre  Dame,  then  an  uninclosed,  uninhabited  place. 
Macairi's  weapon  being  a  great  cudgel,  the  dog  had  an   empty 


1 66  ENTERTAINING  Afiwials. 

cask  allowed  for  his  retreat,  to  enable  him  to  recover  breath. 
Everything  being  prepared,  the  dog  no  sooner  found  himself  at 
liberty  than  he  ran  round  his  adversary,  avoiding  his  blows,  and 
menacing  him  on  every  side  till  his  strength  was  exhausted; 
then  springing  forward,  he  griped  him  by  the  throat,  threw  him 
on  the  ground,  and  obliged  him  to  confess  his  guilt,  in  the  pres- 
ence of  the  king  and  the  whole  court.  In  consequence  of  which, 
after  a  few  days  the  Chevalier  was  convicted,  upon  his  own 
acknowledgement,  and  beheaded  on  a  scaffold  in  the  Isle  of  No- 
tre Dame.  This  curious  narrative  is  translated  from  the  Mem- 
oir es  sur  les  Duels ;  and  is  confirmed  by  many  judicious,  criti- 
ical  writers,  particularly  Julius  Scaliger,  and  Montfoucon,  neither 
of  whom  have  been  given  to  the  fabrication  of  idle  stories. " 


Parrot  Story. 

A  parrot,  belonging  to  one  of  our  servants,  very  soon  knew 
us  by  name,  and  could  distinguish  the  tread  of  its  favorites, 
showing  its  joy  by  ruffling  its  feathers  and  making  an  odd  noise 
in  its  throat.  'Polly'  was  very  tame,  and  was  sometimes  allowed 
to  walk  about  the  house,  always  announcing  its  arrival  in  a  room 
by  'Polly  going  a-walking.'  In  hot  weather  she  enjoyed  having 
water  poured  over  her,  and  when  satisfied  would  say,  That's 
enough.' 

She  used  to  tease  our  large  dog  by  whistling  loudly,  and  call- 
ing him  'Bran,  Bran !'  on  which  he  ran  in  and  looked  around, 
and  on  the  cook  coming  in,  Polly  would  say  reprovingly,  'Go 
back.  Bran,  go  Back;'  out  went  Bran,  and  by  and  by,  when  the 
cook's  back  was  turned,  the  same  scene  was  acted  over  again, 
until  Bran  grew  wiser  and  neglected  the  call. 

Polly  was  a  very  accomplished  bird,  and,  when  quite  alone, 
could  be  heard  going  through  her  acquirements.  She  sang 
'Cheer,  boys,  cheer,'  very  plainly,  and  could  dance.  If  a  stran- 
ger went  into  the  kitchen,  and  no  one  was  there,  Polly  called 
out,  'Somebody's  wanted;'  and  she  has  more  than  once  startled 
people  by  saying,  'What's  your  business?' 


Animals.  ANECDOTES.  iSy 

We  used  to  go  in  and  see  'Polly'  before  we  went  to  bed,  and 
she  always  said  'Good-night'  several  times,  each  time  in  a  differ- 
ent tone  of  voice.  She  called  'mamma  my  dear'  until  t©ld  it  was 
not  respectful,  after  which  she  always  said  'ma'am.'  The  remarks 
this  bird  made  were  so  apposite  that  it  really  seemed  at  times  as 
if  it  understood   what  was  going  on. 


Robin  Stories. 


In  the  years  1864  and  1865  a  robin  made  itself  at  home  in  my 
dining-room,  always  coming  to  the  window  and  tapping  to  have 
it  opened  at  breakfast-time.  When  he  came  in,  he  shared  my 
oatmeal  porridge  with  me,  seating  himself  on  the  edge  of  the 
cup  and  picking  out  such  grains  as  caught  his  fancy.  He  then 
picked  up  crumbs  of  bread  or  toast,  and,  when  he  had  satisfied 
himself,  he  sat  on  the  back  of  my  chair  and  sang,  or  sometimes 
betook  himself  to  the  top  of  a  large  screen.  When  he  wished 
the  window  to  be  opened  for  him,  he  used  to  make  a  peculiar 
httle  noise,  unlike  any  sound  I  ever  heird  from  a  bird — not  loud, 
but  very  much  like  articulate  language. 

As  you  may  fancy,  he  was  a  great  favorite  with  every  one  in 
the  house.  If  the  day  were  very  cold,  he  always  seated  himself 
on  the  edge  of  the  fender  as  soon  as  he  was  let  in,  puffing  out 
his  feathers  to  receive  the  heat,  and  when  he  found  that  he  was 
warm  enough,  he  came  to  his  breakfast. 

During  the  summer  of  1864  he  came  occasionally  to  the  win- 
dow, but  seldom  came  in,  and  then  only  for  a  moment,  though 
he  would  sometimes  follow  me  out  of  doors.  In  the  winter  of 
1864 — 5  he  again  established  himself  in  the  house,  on  his  own 
familiar  termj,  and  became  even  a  greater  pet  than  ever.  He 
then  began  to  prefer  the  butter-cooler  to  the  porridge-cup  for  his 
breakfast,  but  I  never  allowed  him  to  take  too  much.  He  almost 
lived  in  the  house,  sometimes  remaining  all  night  when  the  weather 
was  bad. 

When  summer  came  around  again,  he  appeared  one  day  at  the 
window  with  his  wife  and   children,  who  sat  on  the  ledge  of  the 


i68  ENTERTAINING  Animals. 

window  while  he  entered  and  took  food  out  to  them.  It  then 
came  out  that  of  late  he  had  often  been  detected  in  carrying  off 
food  fronj  the  peacock's  bowl  which  I  kept  in  the  dining-room; 
this  food  he  had  doubtless  carried  to  his  lady  in  her  nest  •,  the 
dining-room  window,  being  mostly  open  in  summer,  gave  him 
access  to  the  bowl. 

A  sister-in-law  of  mine  and  her  daughters  came  to  stay  with 
me  just  then,  and  to  see  the  little  readbreasts  get  their  breakfasts 
daily  from  their  papa  was  one  of  our  morning's   amusements. — 

But,  alas !  one  day  he  came  looking  very  ill,  with  his  feathers 
puffed  out,  and  looking  twice  his  natural  size.  I  observed  that 
he  swallowed  large  lumps  of  butter  himself  while  helping  his 
young  ones.  This  went  on  for  fome  days,  and  at  last  he  did  not 
make  his  appearance  at  all;  his  wife  and  family  came  without 
him,  and  then  we  knew  that  he  must  be  dead.  There  was  gen- 
eral mourning  for  poor  'Bobby'  in  the  house.  I  have  never  had 
so  tame  a  redbreast  before  or  since,  though  his  wife  and  chil- 
dren, who  seemed  to  miss  him  much,  still  continue  to  receive 
their  dole  at  the  window. 

I  heard  a  still  more  wonderful  story  about  a  robin,  from  my 
sister-in-law,  who  knew  the  lady  to  whom  the  bird  belonged. 
She  had  made  it  so  tame  that  it  used  to  fly  after  her  carriage; 
and  when  she  went  in  th&.winter  to  spend  a  few  days  with  a 
friend  who  lived  several  miles  from  her  house,  the  bird  followed 
her.  On  the  following  morning,  when  she  opened  the  window 
according  to  custom  and  called  the  robin,  he  at  once  entered 
the  room  and  perched  on. her  finger. 


A  Tiger  Frightend  by  a  Mouse. 

Here  is  an  anecdote  of  a  tiger  kept  at  the  British  Residency 
at  Calcutta,  India:  What  annoyed  him  far  more  than  poking  him 
up  with  a  stick  or  tantalizing  him  with  shins  of  beef  and  legs  of 
mutton  was  introducing  a  mouse  into  his  cage.  No  fine  lady 
ever  exhibited  more  terror  at  the  sight  of  a  spider  than  this  mag- 
nificent royal  tiger  betrayed  on  seeing  a  mouse.     The  plan  was 


Atiimals.  ANECDOTES.  169 

to  tie  the  little  animal  by  a  string  to  the  end  of  a  long  pole,  and 
thrust  it  close  to  the  tiger's  nose.  The  moment  he  saw  it,  he 
leaped  to  the  opposite  side;  and  when  the  mouse  was  made  to 
run  near  him,  he  jammed  himself  in  the  corner,  and  stood  trem- 
bling and  roaring  in  the  ecstacy  of  fear.  Sometimes  he  had  to 
pass  over  the  spot  where  the  unconscious  little  mouse  run  back- 
wards and  forwards.  For  a  long  time,  however,  he  would  not 
move,  till,  at  length,  by  the  help  of  a  squib,  he  was  obliged  to 
start;  but,  instead  of  pacing  leisurely  across  the  den,  or  of  ma- 
king a  detour  to  avoid  the  object  of  his  alarm,  he  generally  took 
a  kind  of  flying  leap,  so  high  as  nearly  to  bring  his  back  in  con- 
tact with  the  roof  of  his  cage. 


Wonderful  Instinct  of  a  Dog,  Horse  and  Cat. 

A  dog  belonging  to  Mr.  Taylor,  a  clergyman,  who  lived  at 
Colton  near  Wolseley  Bridge,  was  accused  of  killing  numbers  of 
sheep.  Complaints  were  made  to  his  master,  who  asserted  that 
the  thing  was  impossible,  because  he  was  muzzled  every  night- 
The  neighbors  persisting  in  the  charge,  the  dog  one  night  was 
watched,  and  he  was  seen  to  get  his  head  out  of  the  muzzle, 
then  to  go  into  a  field,  and  kill  and  eat  as  much  of  a  sheep  as 
satisfied  his  appetite.  He  next  went  into  the  river,  to  wash  his 
mouth  or  quench  his  thirst,  and  returned  afterwards  to  his  ken- 
nel, got  his  head  into  the  muzzle  again,  and  lay  ve.  •  quietly 
down  to  sleep. 

Dr.  McDonnel,  of  Belfast,  mentions  that  the  same  design  is 
apparent  in  a  horse,  which  had  been  obsei-ved  to  disengage  his 
head  from  the  halter,  then  to  open  the  door  of  the  stable,  and  go 
out,  in  the  middle  of  the  night  only,  and  regale  upon  corn  in  a 
field  at  a  considerable  distance  from  the  stable.  The  horse  re- 
turned to  his  stall  before  the  break  of  day,  and  had  continued 
this  practice  some  time,  without  being  detected.  He  adroitly 
opened  the  door,  by  drawing  a  string  fastened  to  the  latch,  with 
his  teeth.  And,  it  is  said,  that  on  returning  to  the  stable  he  shut 
the  door. 


lyo  ENTERTAINING  Animals. 

Some  years  ago,  a  family  in  Waterford  were  alarmed  by  an 
outer  door  belonging  to  their  house  being  frequently  opened 
without  any  visible  cause.  At  last,  after  many  surmises,  a  cat 
was  observed  approaching  the  door,  and  striving  to  push  it  open; 
but,  on  finding  it  shut,  she  leaped  up,  put  one  paw  on  the  handle 
of  the  latch,  and  with  the  other  pulled  down  the  thumb-piece, 
till  the  latch  was  raised;  then  she  let  herself  down,  and  pushed 
with  her  head  against  the  door,  till  it  was  sufficiently  open  to 
admit  her.  The  family  to  whom  this  cat  belonged  saw  her  repeat 
the  same  feat  several  times. 


A  Generous  Sparrow. 

A  lady  possessed,  among  other  birds,  a  canary,  whose  cage  used 
to  hang  outside  the  window.  One  morning  a  sparrow  perched  on 
the  cage,  and  seemed  to  hold  a  sort  of  conversation  with  the  in- 
mate. Presently  he  flew  away,  but  shortly  returned  with  a  grub, 
which  he  dropped  into  the  cage.  Every  day  at  the  same  time  the 
sparrow  made  his  appearance  with  his  accustomed  offering,  and 
the  canary  at  last  became  sufficiently  familiar  to  take  his  food  di- 
rectly from  the  sparrow's  beak.  The  lady  then  put  some  more 
cages  out  of  the  window,  and  the  sparrow  fed  all  the  inmates, 
invariably,  however,  selecting  the  canary  for  his  first  visit,  and 
making  the  longest  stay  with  that  bird. 


A   Horse  with  a  Snake   Eye. 

This  is  from  a  Penn  Yann,  (N.  Y.)  paper:  The  horse  with  a 
snake  in  his  eye  was  in  town  last  week  on  exhibition  at  the  sta- 
bles of  the  Knapp  House.  The  reptile  is  comfortably  located 
in  the  watery  humor  of  the  left  eye,  is  several  inches  in  length, 
perfectly  formed,  of  a  white  color,  and  about  the  size  of  an  ordi- 
nary darning  needle.  It  is  plainly  visible,  and  is  constantly  on 
the  move,  wriggling  and  twisting  in  every  direction.  Its  presence 
does  not  seem  to  annoy  the  horse  in  the  least,  and  has  evidently 
created  no  inflammation  in  or  about  the  eye.  It  has,  however, 
changed  the  color  of  the  eye  ball,  it  being  of  a  lighter  shade  than 


Animals.  ANECDOTES.  171 

that  of  the  right  eye,  and  has  affected  the  sight  somewhat.  The 
snake  was  first  discovered  about  two  months  since,  when  it  was 
somewhat  smaller  than  it  is  now.  How  it  came  in  the  horse's 
eye  is  a  question  which  puzzles  scientists.  The  horse  is  owned 
by  a  gentleman  residing  in  Clyde. 


Fishes  Fighting  a   Whale. 

Capt.  Crow  relates  the  following  from  personal  observation : — 
"One  morning  during  a  calm,  when  near  the  Hebrides,  all 
hands  were  called  up  at  three  in  the  morning  to  witness  a  battle 
between  several  of  the  fish  called  threshers,  a  fox  shark,  and 
some  sword-fish  on  the  one  side,  and  an  enormous  whale  on  the 
other.  It  was  in  the  middle  of  summer,  and  the  weather  being 
clear,  and  the  fish  close  to  the  vessel,  we  had  a  fine  opportunity 
of  witnessing  the  contest. 

"As  soon  as  the  whale's  back  appeared  above  the  water,  the 
threshers,  springing  several  yards  in  the  air,  descended  with 
great  violence  upon  the  object  of  their  rancor,  and  inflicted  upon 
him  the  most  severe  slaps  with  their  long  tails,  the  sound  of 
which  resembled  the  report  of  muskets  fired  at  a  distance. 

"The  sword-fish,  in  turn,  attacked  the  distressed  whale,  striking 
it  from  below;  and  thus,  beset  on  both  sides,  and  wounded, 
where  the  poor  creature  appeared,  the  water  around  him  was 
dyed  with  blood. 

"In  this  manner  they  continued  tormenting  and  wounding  him, 
and  I  have  no  doubt  that  in  the  end  they  completed  his  destruc- 
tion. " 


•     Tantalizing  Swallows. 

"I have  entertained,"  says  Philip  Skelton,  "a great  affection  and 
some  degree  of  esteem  for  swallows,  ever  since  I  saw  a  remark- 
able instance  of  their  sense  and  humor  played  off  upon  a  cat 
which  had,  upon  a  very  fine  day,  rested  herself  upon  the  top  of 
a  gate-post,  as  if  in  contemplation,  when  ten  or  a  dozen  swallows 
knowing  her  to  be  an  enemy,  took  it  into  their  heads  to  tantalize 


172  ENTERTAIjSING  Ajiimals. 

her  in  a  manner  which  showed  a  high  degree  not  only  of  good 
sense  but  of  humor.  One  of  these  birds,  coming  from  behind 
her,  flew  close  to  her  ear,  and  she  made  a  snap  at  it  with  her 
paw,  but  it  was  too  late.  Another  swallow,  in  five  or  six  sec- 
onds, did  the  same,  and  she  made  the  same  unsuccessful  attemjit 
to  catch  it;  this  was  followed  by  a  third,  and  so  on  to  the  num- 
ber just  mentioned;  and  every  one  as  it  passed  seemed  to  set 
up  a  laugh  at  the  disappointed  enemy  very  like  the  laugh  of  a 
young  child  when  tickled.  ^The  whole  number,  following  one 
another  at  the  distance  of  about  three  yards,  formed  a  regular 
circle  in  the  air,  and  played  it  off  like  a  wheel  at  her  ears  for 
near  an  hour,  not  seemingly  alarmed  at  me,  who  stood  within 
six  or  seven  yards  of  the  post.  I  enjoyed  this  sport  as  well  as 
the  pretty  birds,  till  the  cat,  tired  out  with  disappointment, 
quitted  the  gate-post,  as  much  huffed,  I  believe,  as  I  had  been 
diverted. 

Trained  Dog. 

A  gentleman  at  La  Salle,  111.,  recently  owned  a  setter  that 
would  bring  meat,  milk,  or  any  articles  desired,  if  furnished  with 
a  proper  vessel  for  carrying  it.  She  would  go  to  the  post-office 
and  get  the  letters  and  papers.  Should  her  master,  either  by 
accident  or  design  drop  anything  and  inform  the  dog  of  the  fact 
by  a  word  or  two,  she  would  immediately  return  and  obtain  it. 

While  out  hunting,  her  owner  would  frequently  send  her  home 
for  a  supply  of  powder,  caps  and  shot,  which  she  would  bring 
him,  even  when  five  or  six  miles  from  home.  In  fact  she  mani- 
fested almost  human  intelligence  and  was  trained  to  perform 
many  tricks.  On  one  occasion,  her  master  made  a  wager  that 
she  would  obtain  a  sum  of  money  from  the  bS,nk  without  the 
knowledge  of  the  officers,  and  in  a  short  time  the  knowing  lirule 
succeeded  in  carrying  off  five  hundred  dollars. 

She  was  useful  also,  as  well  as  amusing.  While  duck  shooting 
one  day,  her  owner  accidentally  fell  into  deep  water,  and  being 
iniable  to  swim,  would  soon  have  drowned;  but  the  faithful  ani- 
mal plunged  in  after  him  and  by  her  timely  assistance  saved 
his  life. 


Trained   Dog. 


A?iimals.  ANECDOTES.  173 

A  Cat's  Gratitude. 

With  regard  to  the  sense  of  generosity  and  gratitude  which 
can  be  developed  in  the  cat,  the  following  anecdote  was  related 
by  a   friend  of  the  owner   of  the  animal: 

The  cat  had  some  kittens,  and  one  of  them  was  taken  ill,  and 
was  appacently  in  a  dying  state.  The  mother  did  all  that  she 
could  for  it;  and  then,  finding  all  her  efforts  useless,  brought  the 
sick  kitten  to  her  mistress,  laid  it  in  her  lap,  and  left  it  in  her 
care.  The  lady  accepted  the  charge,  nursed  the  kitten  through 
its  illness,  and  at  last  was  able  to  give  it  back  to  its  mother  quite 
restored  to  health. 

Some  time  aterward  the  lady  herself  was  seized  with  illness, 
and  was  unable  to  leave  her  bed.  By  some  mysterious  means, 
whether  by  instinct,  or  by  gathering  the  meaning  of  the  conver- 
sations around  her,  the  cat  became  aware  of  her  mistress' 
illness.  Finding  herself  unable  to  enter  the  room  by  the  door, 
she  contrived  to  climb  up  the  wall  of  the  house,  scrambled  in  at 
the  window,  jumped  on  the  bed,  and  laid  on  the  pillow  a  mouse, 
as  an  offering  of  affection  and  gratitude. 


Suicide  of  a  Dog. 

A  fine  black  dog  of  the  Newfoundland  species,  belonging  to 
Mr.  Floyd,  of  Helmforth,  committed  suicide  by  drowning  him- 
self in  the  river  which  flows  near  the  owner's  habitation.  For 
several  days  previous  the  animal  seemed  less  animated  than 
usual,  but  on  this  particular  occasion  he  was  seen  to  throw  him- 
self into  the  water  and  endeavor  to  sink  by  preserving  perfect 
stillness  of  the  legs  and  feet.  Being  dragged  out  of  the  stream 
the  dog  was  saved  and  tied  up  for  a  time;  but  he  had  no  sooner 
been  released  than  he  hastened  away  to  the  water  again,  tried  to 
sink  and  was  again  got  out. 

This  occurred  many  times,  until  at  length  the  animal  with  re- 
peated efforts  appeared  to  get  exhausted  and  by  dint  of  keeping 
his  head  determinedly  under  water  for  a  few  minutes  succeeded 
at  last  in  obtaining  his  object,  for  when  taken  out  this  time  he 
was  indeed  dead. 


174       '  ENTERTAINING  Animals. 

— Rev.  J.  G.  Wood  has  a  friend  who  pets  butterflies,  that 
know  their  keeper  and  come  at  the  call  of  their  names. 

— A  wolf  in  the  Zoological  Gardens  at  Clifton  immediately 
recognized  an  old  friend  after  an  absence  of  two  years. 

— A  mole  in  St.  Malo  is  said  to  have  known  its  name,  to  come 
when  called,  and  would  collect  scattered  silver  coins  and  return 
them  to  its  master. 

— A  wasp  whose  "remains"  now  occupy  a  place  in  the  British 
Museum,  was  the  pet  of  a  gentleman  whose  attention  it  always 
appreciated  with  singular  acknowldgements. 

— A  gentleman  residing  in  Paris  purchased  a  dog  whose  native 
place  was  four  hundred  miles  away.  The  dog  was  safely  taken 
to  Paris,  but  soon  made  his  escape  and  returned  home. 

— A  cockatoo  whose  mistress  was  absent  three  years,  was  the 
first  of  the  family  to  greet  her  return,  by  flying  to  the  carriage  at 
the  front  door,  saying  "Kiss  me,  my  dear,  kiss  me  Sa!" 

— Near  Litchfield  a  hare  was  shot  that  had  several  young  ones. 
These  were  carried  off"  by  a  cat  that  was  expected  to  make  a 
meal  of  them;  but  it  appeared  afterward,  that  she  adopted 
and  nurtured  them  as  her  own 

— A  gentleman  once  said  in  the  hearing  of  an  old  dog  who 
was  at  the  time  basking  in  the  sun — "I  must  have  Ponto  killed, 
for  he  is  getting  old  and  is  offensive. "  The  dog  slunk  away  and 
never  came  near  his  master  afterwards. 

— I  had  a  dog,  says  Berkley,  having  once  scalded  his  tongue, 
always  afterward,  when  I  gave  him  his  milk  for  breakfast,  put  his 
paw  very  cautiously  in  the  saucer,  to  see  if  the  liquid  was  hot, 
before  he  would  touch  it  with  his  tongue. 

— A  peewit  that  was  kept  tame  in  a  garden  took  up  its  abode 
in  a  house,  and  associated  with  a  dog  and  cat;  and  gradually  be- 
came so  familiar  as  to  show  marks  of  indignation  if  either  of 
them  interrupted  him  when  he  was  bathing  himself  in  a  basin  af 
water. 


Afiimals.  ANECDOTES.  175 

— A  cat  that  evidently  intended  to  make  a  meal  out  of  an  En- 
glish sparrow  one  day  in  London,  was  set  upon  by  a  whole  flock 
of  these  birds  and  dreadfully  moljbed.  Poor  Tommy  was  com- 
pelled to  retreat,  badly  wounded,  into  the  house,  when  he  ran  up 
stairs  under  a  bed.        < 

— A  horse  that  had  been  sold  and  had  not  seen  its  original 
owner-  for  seventeen  years,  recognized  him  one  day  when  his 
name  was  called,  and  though  harnessed  to  a  cart,  followed  him 
along  the  street,  and  it  was  with  difficulty  he  was  induced  to 
move  away. 

— A  mule  which  belonged  to  a  convent  was  averse  to  work; — 
there  were  eighty-four  mules,  each  being  worked  on  one  day  of 
the  week.  This  mule  knew  its  ov/n  day,  and  that  morning  it  al- 
ways tried  to  keep  the  servants  out  of  the  yard  by  backing  up 
against  the  door ! 

— Dr.  Bennet  in  his  "Gatherings  of  a  naturalist  in  Australia," 
mentions  that  a  couple  of  young  duckbills  in  his  possession  used 
to  play  at  hide-and-seek  behind  the  furniture  of  the  room.  One 
would  hide  itself  and  then  give  a  squeak,  when  the  other  would 
hunt  for  it,  and  at  last  find  it. 

— A  lady  informed  Rev.  J.  G,  Wood  that,  when  a  girl,  she  had 
a  pony  that  would  play  hide-and-seek  with  the  children.  Hiding 
was  necessarily  only  a  pretense  on  the  part  of  the  pony:  but  the 
animal  would  go  to  some  corner,  hide  its  head,  and  make  believe 
that  it  was  entirely  concealed. 

— Says  Mr.  Jesse;  "I  have  been  informed  of  two  instances  of 
dogs  having  slipped  their  collars  and  put  their  heads  into  them 
again  on  their  own  accord,  after  having  committed  depedations 
in  the  night;  and  I  have  now  in  my  possession,  a  dog  who  undid 
the  collar  of  another  dog  chained  to  a  kennel  near  him. " 

— A  man  in  Norridgework,  Maine,  says  he  has  a  goose  sixty- 
eight  years  old.     Though  having  attained  this  green  old  age.  she 

Student*  Dhrsry 

St.  Anthony'?  Sciriniry 
Santa  Baibcjrp,  ('  la 


176  ENTERTAIK'ING  Attwials. 

is  by  no  means  a  green  goose.  The  secret  of  her  longevity,  it  is 
said,  consists  in  the  fact  that  she  hid  away  about  Christmas  time, 
until  she  became  too  old  for  a  holiday  dinner.  Thus  she  is 
permitted  to  live  on ! 

— One  of  the  carriers  of  a  New  York  Paper,  having  become  in' 
disposed,  his  son  took  his  place;  but  not  knowing  the  subscri- 
bers he  was  to  supply,  he  took  for  his  guide  a  dog  which  had  usu- 
ally attended  his  father.  The  animal  trotted  on  ahead  of  the 
boy,  and  stopped  at  every  door  where  the  paper  was  subscribed 
for,  without  making  a  single  omisssion. 

— Mr.  Wood,  in  his  "Man  and  Beast,"  alluding  to  the  humor  of 
animals,  remarks:  "I  knew  of  one  case— a  solitary  one  I  hope — 
where  the  rooster  scratched  as  usual,  called  his  wives,  and,  when 
they  had  assembled  around  him,  ate  the  morsel  himself.  It  was 
just  like  the  old  school  practical  joke.  Old  boy  to  new  boy, 
holding  out  an  apple :  'Do  you  like  apples?'  New  boy  to  old 
boy:   'yes.'      Old  boy  to  new:    'then  see  me  eat  one.'  " 

— In  illustration  of  the  memory  of  dogs,  Mr.  Jesse  remarks: — 
"  In  my  younger  days  I  had  a  favorite  dog,  which  always  ac- 
companied me  to  church.  My  mother,  seeing  that  he  attracted 
too  much  of  my  attention,  ordered  the  servant  to  shut  him  up 
every  Sunday  morning.  This  was  done  once,  but  never  after- 
wards; for  he  concealed  himself  early  every  Sunday  morning, 
and  I  was  sure  to  find  him  either  under  my  seat  at  church,  or 
else  at  the  church  door. 

— An  English  officer  had  a  large  dog,  which  he  left  with  his  fam- 
ily in  England,  while  he  accompanied  an  expedition  to  America 
during  the  war  of  the  Colonies.  Throughout  his  absence,  the 
animal  appeared  very  much  dejected.  When  the  officer  returned 
home,  the  dog,  who  happened  to  be  lying  at  the  door  of  the 
apartment  into  which  his  master  was  about  to  enter,  immediately 
recognized  him,  leapt  upon  his  neck,  licked  his  face,  and  in  a  few 
minutes  fell  dead  at  his  feet. 


Animals.  ANECDOTES.  i-j-j 

— On  the  farm  of  Mr.  Wm.  R.  Arnold,  near  Providence,  R,  I., 
a  white  hen  turkey  that  had  a  brood  of  young  ones,  was  killed 
by  a  dog.  The  white  gobbler  that  had  been  daily  accompanying 
the  mother  and  chicks,  seemed  to  comprehend  the  sad  situa- 
tion of  the  little  ones  and  showed  his  paternal  wisdom  and  good 
nature  at  once  by  scratching,  feeding,  covering  and  otherwise 
caring  for  the  young  turks,  to  the  best  of  his  ability.  This  fath- 
erly gobbler  was  a  present  to  Mr.  Arnold  by  R.  S.  Rhodes,  of 
Chicago. 

— The  writer,  when  a  boy  was  always  delighted  with  the  gam- 
bols and  traits  of  his  father's  horses.  Each  had  its  individual 
peculiarities,  "Logan"  was  decidedly  obedient,  and  would  come 
and  go  at  the  beck;  "Alice"  knew  the  "noon  hour"  to  a  dot,  and 
expected  her  dinner  "on  time."  "Charlie"  disliked  gunpowder 
and  sharp  lightning;  "Pomp,"  a  fine  runner,  would  chase  a  hare 
like  a  dog;  and  "Peg"  and  "Tava"  were  remrkable  for  their  gen- 
tleness and  good  disposition,  the  former  allowing  herself  to  be 
he  "circus  horse,"  when  "we  boys  performed." 

— In  illustration  of  the  humor  of  animals,  Mr.  Wood  cites  an 
instance  where  two  ladies  were  sitting  at  work  in  a  room  in 
which  was  a  pet  canary  belonging  to  one  of  them.  The  bird 
threw  a  reel  of  cotton  on  the  floor,  took  the  end  of  the  thread  in 
his  beak,  and  wound  it  first  round  the  neck  of  one  lady,  and 
then  round  that  of  the  other,  until  the  reel  was  empty,  when  the 
bird  perched  on  a  chair,  and  seemed  quite  pleased  with  the  freak. 
The  lady  to  whom  the  bird  belonged  tried  to  unwind  the  thread 
from  her  neck;  but  every  time  she  attempted  to  remove  it,  the 
canary  flew  at  her  and  flapped  its  wings  in  her  face  so  as  to 
prevent  her  from  freeing  herself. 

— A  fireman's  dog  "Bob,"  always  starts  up  promptly  when  the 
fire  alarm  bell  rings,  and  runs  before  the  engine,  barking,  to  clear 
the  way.  For  years  he  has  attended  every  fire,  and  so  efficient 
has  been  the  aid  rendered,  that  the  dog  has  been  presented  with 
a  fine  collar,  properly  inscribed.     On  one  occasion  a  fire  broke 


178  ENTERTAINING  Animals. 

out  in  a  chemical  laboratory,  filled  with  explosive  materials.  Un- 
deterred by  the  noise  and  smoke,  "Bob"  rushed  in,  and  finding 
that  every  person  had  escaped,  came  away,. bringing  a  dreadfully 
frightened  cat  in  his  mouth,  which  he  saved  from  a  cruel  death. 

— "When  I  was  a  boy,"  says  a  friend,  "I  knew  a  little  dog,  a 
King  Charles  spaniel,  which  was  an  accomplished  player  at  the 
well  known  game  called  'tag'  or  'touch.'  The  little  animal  dis- 
played quite  as  much  enthusiasm  as  any  of  the  human  players, 
and  would  dart  away  from  the  boy  who  happened  to  be  'touch,' 
with  an  anxiety  that  approximated  to  terror.  Of  course  to  touch 
the  dog  was  an  impossibility;  but  he  was  a  generous  little  crea- 
ture, with  a  strong  sense  of  justice,  and  so,  when  he  thought  his 
turn  ought  to  come,  he  stood  still  and  waited  quietly  to  be 
touched. " 

— A  gentleman  staying  at  ahotel  in  Dublin,  had  ordered  dinner 
at  a  certain  hour,  and,  afraid  of  being  too  late,  he  hired  a  cab, 
and  desired  the  driver  to  put  his  horse  to  its  speed,  so  that  he 
might  reach  the  hotel  in  time.  The  whip  was  applied,  but  the 
animal  got  restive,  and  warped  and  twisted,  endangering  the 
shafts  of  the  vehicle.  "Can't  ye  get  on?"  said  the  impatient 
traveler;  "I'll  be  too  late."  "Well  sir,"  said  Pat,  "I'm  doing  all 
I  can,  but  you  see  the  brute  knows  that  your  honor  is  a  stranger 
in  Dublin,  and  he  wishes  you  to  stop  and  take  a  look  at  the 
pubhc  buildings!" 

— An  old  family  horse  that  had  been  running  at  large  through 
the  streets  and  commons  of  Madison,  Ohio,  lost  one  of  his  shoes 
recently,  and  with  the  intelligenee  of  a  human  being,  walked  up 
to  the  blacksmith  shop  where  he  had  been  shod  for  the  last  fif- 
teen years,  and  to  the  best  of  his  ability  asked  the  smith  to  shoe 
him,  by  raising  his  foot  and  stamping  on  the  ground.  The  smith 
being  busy,  drove  him  away  several  times  during  the  day,  and 
thought  nothing  of  it.  The  next  morning  the  horse  came  back, 
and  entering  the  shop,  walked  up  to  the  anvil  and  raised  his 
foot.  The  smith  understood  the  case  at  once,  and  attended  to 
his  wants,  and  the  grateful  animal  trotted  contentedly  away. 


■^mm 


The  Lassie. 


ANECDOTES.  179, 


LOVE  STORIES. 


"The  Heart  Never  Forgets." 

Robert  Collyer  is  responsible  for  the  following  interesting 
little  story: 

A  fine  old  Highlander  told  me  last  year  how  the  year  before  he 
had  gone  back  to  the  glen  he  had  left  half  a  century  ago,  where 
no  man  knew  him  or  remembered  him.  "But,"  said  he,  "I  heard 
of  one  woman  alive,  up  the  glen,  whom  I  had  thought  well  of 
as  a  lassie,  and  she  of  me,  in  a  shy  way;  still,  you  see,  we  had 
no  troth  between  us  to  make  things  sure,  and  so  the  strain  of 
time  and  distance  broke  the  thread.  I  settled  down  hereaway;, 
and  the  memory  of  it  was  all  but  dead,  until  I  heard  her  name. 
Then  I  said,  "I  will  go  up  the  glen  and  see  her,"  I  wondered 
whether  she  had  lost  all  track  of  me;  for  it  was  rather  sad,  ye 
see,  to  be  left  out  in  the  cold  in  this  way.  She  came  to  the  door,^ 
a  white-haired  woman,  so  alteredit  was  hard  to  mind  her  at  alL 
She  looked  at  me  in  a  wondering  way,  gave  one  sharp  cry,  and 
said,  "John,  is  that  you  after  all?"  I  asked  her,  after  a  while, 
how  she  knew  me;  and  was  answered,  "The  heart  never  forgets, 
John ;  don't  you  mind  what  good  friends  we  were?  I  saw  the 
laddie  and  heard  him  speak  when  I  saw  your  face  and  heard 
your  voice. "  Memory  flashing  out  into  remembrance  had  made 
all  old  things  new  for  her,  as  she  sat  in  the  near  neighborhood 
of  that  inheritance  in  life  where  there  is  no  marrying  or  giving 
in  marriage,  but  where  men  and  women  shall  be  as  the  angels 
of  God 


i8o  ENTERTAINING  Love. 

A  Child  Queen. 

The  following  story  is  told  of  a  iittle  French  Princess,  who 
was  married  and  crowned  Queen  of  England  when  only  eight 
years  old,  and  who  became  a  widow  at  twelve : 

The  child-sovereign  was  born  many  hundred  years  ago — in 
1387 — at  the  Palace  of  the  Louvre,  in  Paris.  She  was  the  daugh- 
ter of  the  poor  King  Charles  VI.,  whose  misfortunes  made  him 
insane,  and  for  whose  amusement  playing  cards  were  invented, 
and  of  his  Queen,  Isabeau  of  Bavaria,  a  beautiful  but  very  wick- 
ed woman.  Little  Isabella  was  the  eldest  of  twelve  children. — 
She  inherited  her  mother's  beauty,  and  was  petted  by  her  parents 
and  the  entire  Court  of  France. 

King  Richard  II  of  England,  who  was  a  widower  about  thirty 
years  old,  was  urged  to  marry  again;  and,  instead  of  selecting  a 
wife  near  his  own  age,  his  choice  fell  upon  little  Princess 
Isabella. 

"She  is  much  too  young,"  he  was  told.  "Even  in  five  or 
six  years  she  will  not  be  old  enough  to  be  married. "  The  King, 
however,  thought  this  objection  too  trifling  to  stand  in  the  way 
of  his  marriage,  and  saying,  "The  lady's  age  is  a  fault  that  every 
day  will  remedy, "  he  sent  a  magnificent  embassy  to  the  Court 
of  France,  headed  by  the  Archbishop  of  Dublin,  and  consisting 
of  Earls,  Marshals,  Knights,  and  Squires  of  Honor  uncounted, 
with  attendants  to  the  number  of  five  hundred. 

When  the  Embassy  reached  Paris,  and  the  offer  of  marriage 
had  been  formally  accepted,  the  Archbishop  and  the  Earls 
asked  to  see  the  little  Princess  who  was  soon  to  become  their 
Queen.  At  first  the  French  Council  refused,  saying  so  young  a 
child  was  not  prepared  to  appear  on  public  occasions,  and  they 
could  not  tell  how  she  might  behave.  The  English  noblemen 
were  so  solicitous,  however,  that  at  last,  she  was  brought  before 
them.  The  Earl  Marshal  immediately  knelt  before  her,  and 
said  in  the  old  fashioned  language  of  the  time:  "Madam,  if  it 
shall  please  God,  you  shall  be  our  Lady  and  Queen. " 

Queen  Isabeau  stood  at  a  little  distance,  curious  and  anxious, 


Love.  ANECDOTES.  181 

no  doubt,  to  know  how  her  Uttle  daughter  would  answer  the  for- 
mal address.  To  her  great  pleasure,  and  the  great  surprise  of 
all  present,  the  Princess  Isabella  replied  : 

"Sir,  If  it  please  God  and  my  father  that  I  be  Queen  of  Eng- 
land, I  shall  be  well  pleased,  for  I  am  told  I  shall  then  be  a 
great  lady. " 

Then  giving  the  Marshal  her  tiny  hand  to  kiss,  she  bade  him^ 
rise  from  his  knees,  and  leading  him  to  her  mother,  she  presen- 
ted him  to  her  with  the  grace  and  ease  of  a  mature  woman. 

According  to  the  fashion  of  the  time.  Princess  Isabella  was 
immediately  married  by  proxy,  and  received  the  title  of  the 
Queen  of  England.  Froissart,  the  celebrated  historian  of  that 
epoch,  says:  "It  was  very  pretty  to  see  her,  young  as  she  was,, 
practicing  how  to  act  the  Queen. " 

In  a  few  days,  king  Richard  arrived  from  England  with  a  gay 
and  numerous  retinue  of  titled  ladies  to  attend  his  little  bride. — 
After  many  grand  festivities  they  were  married,  and  taken  in  state 
to  England,  where  the  Child  Queen  was  crowned  in  the  famous 
Westminster  Abbey. 


A  Physician   "Pops  the  Question"   by  a  Queer 
Prescription. 

On  one  occasion,  when  I  was  ill,  the  General  called  in  Dr.. 
Hunt,  his  family  physician.  The  Doctor  was  a  tall,  lank,  ugly 
man — "as  good  as  gold,"  but  with  none  of  the  graces  that  are 
supposed  to  win  young  ladies;  yet  he  was  married  to  one  of  the 
loveliest  young  creatures  I  ever  knew.  General  Jackson  accom- 
panied him  to  my  room,  and  after  my  pulse  had  been  duly  felt 
and  my  tongue  duly  inspected,  they  drew  their  chairs  to  the  fire 
and  began  to  talk.  "Hunt,"  suddenly  exclaimed  the  Presi- 
dent, "how  came  you  to  get  such  a  young  and  pretty  wife?" 
"Well,  I'll  tell  you,"  replied  the  doctor.  "I  was  called  to  attend 
a  young  lady  at  the  convent  in  Georgetown.  Her  eyes  were 
bad;  she  had  to  keep  them  bandaged.  I  cured  her  without  her 
ever  having  a  distinct  view  of  me.  She  left  the  institution,  and 
a  year  afterward  she  appeared   here  in    society,    a   belle  and    a 


a  82  ENTERTAINING  Love. 

beauty.  At  a  ball  I  introduced  myself  without  the  slightest  ul- 
terior design,  as  the  physician  who  had  restored  her  sight,  al- 
though I  supposed  she  had  never  really  seen  me.  She  instantly 
expressed  the  most  heart-felt  gratitude.  It  seemed  so  deep  and 
genuine  that  I  was  touched.  That  very  evening  she  informed 
me  that  she  had  a  severe  cold,  and  that  I  must  again  prescribe 
for  her.  Well !  it  don't  look  reasonable,  but  I  did  it.  I  wrote 
my  name  on  a  bit  of  paper,  folded  it  and  handed  it  to  her,  teUing 
her  she  must  take  that  prescription.  She  read  it  and  laughed. 
*It's  a  bitter  pill,'  she  said,  'and  must  be  well  gilded  if  ever  I  take 
it'  But  whether  it  was  bitter  or  whether  it  was  gilded,  we  were 
married." 


A  Professor's  Love. 


A  charming  love  story,  with  a  college  professor — possibly 
Thomas  C.  Upham,  of  Bowdoin — for  its  hero,  is  told  as  follows : 
Among  the  white  Hills  many  years  ago,  a  young  student  met  a 
lovely  girl  and  lost  his  heart,  but  dared  not  tell  her,  so  timid  and 
retiring  was  he.  She  seemed  to  be  aware  of  his  attachment, 
and  looked  upon  him  with  kind  eyes,  but  nothing  came  of  the 
acquaintance.  They  separated,  and  subsquently  each  married 
another.  He  became  a  college  professor,  evinced  talent  of  high 
order,  and  won  reputation  at  home  and  abroad.  At  last  the 
weight  of  years  compelled  him  to  give  np  the  duties  of  his  pro- 
fessorship. She  who  had  shared  the  honors  of  his  career  had 
passed  away,  and  the  white-haired  professor  was  left  alone.  He 
made  a  journey  to  those  granite  hills  where  he  had  sighed  and 
dreamt  in  boyhood,  and  there  he  found  a  silver  haired  widow — 
his  old-time  sweetheart.  After  a  long  time  he  rose  to  take  his 
leave,  and  the  dignity,  reserve  and  bashfulness  which  had  been 
the  instincts  of  his  life,  seemed  to  forsake  him.  Taking  the 
venerable  lady  by  the  hand,  for  the  first  and  last  time  in  his  life, 
looking  her  tenderly  in  the  face  and  calling  by  her  her  Christian 
name,  he  said;  "I  have  a  favor  to  ask  of  you.  Will  you  grant 
me  a  kiss?"  Their  lips  met  with  all  the  fervency,  if  not  the 
passion  of  youth,    whilst  tears  streamed  down  their  aged  cheeks. 


Love.  ANECDOTES,  183 

The  "Widower  and  the  \A/idow. 

When  Mr.  Thomas  Thompson  was  courting  the  widow  who 
became  his  sixth  wife,  said  he,  taking  a  pinch  of  snuff  and  look- 
ing wise,  "I  will  tell  you  what  I  expect  of  you,  my  dear.  You 
are  aware  that  I  have  had  a  good  deal  of  matrimonial  experi- 
ence. Ho-hum !  it  makes  me  sad  to  think  of  it.  My  lot  in 
the  cemetery  is  almost  full,  and  I  may  truly  say  that  my  cup  of 
misery  would  be  running  over  at  this  moment  if  it  were  not  for 
you.  But  to  business.  I  was  about  to  remark  that  Jane,  my  first, 
could  make  better  coffee  than  any  other  woman  in  this  world. — 
I  trust  you  will  adopt  her  recipe  for  the  preparation  of  that 
beverage. " 

"My  first  husband  frequently  remarked" began  the  widow, 

"And  there  was  Susan,"  interrupted  Mr.  Thompson.  "Susan 
was  the  best  mender  that  probably  ever  lived.  It  was  her  delight 
to  find  a  button  off,  and,  as  for  rents  in  coats  and  things,  I  have 
seen  her  shed  tears  of  joy  when  she  saw  them,  she  was  so  desi- 
rous of  using  her  needle  for  their  repair.  Oh,  what  a  woman 
Susan  was!" 

"Many  is  the  time,"  began  the  widow,  that  my  first  hus" 

"With  regard  to  Anna,  who  was  third,"  said  Mr.  Thompson, 
hastily,  "I  think  her  forte  above  all  others  was  in  the  accom- 
plishment of  the  cake  known  as  slapjack.  I  have  very  pleasant 
visions  at  this  moment  of  my  angelic  Anna  as  she  appeared  in 
the  kitchen  of  a  frosty  morning,  enveloped  in  smoke  and  the 
morning  sunshine  that  stole  into  my  window,  or  bearing  to  ray 
plate  a  particularly  nice  article  of  slapjack,  with  the  remark. 
That's  the  nicest  one  yet,  Thomas.  Eat  it  while  it's  hot.' — 
Sometimes  I  assure  you,  my  dear,  these  recollections  are  quite 
overpowering." 

He  applied  his  handkerchief  to  his  eyes,  and  the  widow  said, 
"Ah,  yes.  I  know  how  it  is,  myself,  sir.  Many  is  the  time  that 
I  see,  in  my  lonely  hours  my  dear  first  hus" 

"The  pride  and  the  joy  of  Julia,  my  fourth,  and  I  may  say,  too, 
of  Clara,  my  fifth, "  interrupted  Mr.  Thompson,  and  with  some 
apparently  accidental  violence  of  tone,  "lay  in  the  art  of  making 


1 84  ENTERTAINING  Love, 

over  their  spring-bonnets.  If  you  will  believe  it,  my  dear,  one 
bonnet  lasted  those  two  blessed  women  through  all  the  happy 
years  they  lived  with  me.  They  would  turn  them,  and  make 
them  over  so  many,  many  times!  Dear  !  dear!  what  a  chang- 
ing world ! " 

"I  say  so  to  myself  a  hundred  times  a  day,  sir,"  said  the  wid- 
ow with  a  sigh.     "I  frequently  remarked  to  my  first  hus" 

"Madame!"  said  Mr.  Thompson  suddenly,  and  with  great 
sternness,  "oblige  me  by  never  mentioning  that  cheap  man 
again.  Are  you  not  aware  that  he  must  necessarily  be  out  of 
the  question  forever  more?  Can  you  not  see  that  your  continu- 
al references  to  him  sicken  my  soul?  Let  us  have  peace,  Mad- 
ame — let  us  have  peace. " 

"Very  well,  sir,"  said  the  widow,  meekly.  "I  beg  your  pardon, 
and  promise  not  to  do  it  again. " 

And  they  were  married,  and  their  lives  were  as  bright  and 
peaceful  as  Mrs.  Miller's  sundown  seas. 


How  an  Emperor  Found  his  Wife. 

The  Emperor  Francis  Joseph,  of  Austria,  is  indefatigable  in  his 
application  to  business.  He  retires  to  rest  at  the  hour  when 
life  is  beginning  in  Vienna,  and  at  five  o'clock,  in  winter  as  in 
summer,  the  Emperor,  active,  laborious,  and  watchful,  is  always 
on  foot  again.  He  breakfasts  on  a  cup  of  coffee  placed  on  his 
desk,  smokes  one  of  the  ordinary  Viennese  cigars,  while  reading 
his  voluminous  despatches,  and  remains  hard  at  work  till  the  ear- 
ly family  dinner.  Enthusiastic  sportsman  as  he  is,  and  devoted 
to  mountain  scenery,  no  wonder  he  is  delighted  to  hurry  away  to 
his  favorite  hunting  grounds  in  the  hills  of  the  Saltzkammergat. 
He  leaves  Vienna  in  the  evening,  like  an  honest  merchant  who 
has  finished  his  business;  he  crosses  the  Traunsee  in  the  night, 
and  arrives  at  Ischl  at  five  in  the  morning.  There  he  is  to  be 
seen  in  his  blouse,  with  his  great  walking  stick,  roaming  about  in 
the  most  enchanting  district  of  all  his  picturesque  dominions, 
or  chatting  familiarly  with  the  peasants,  or  their  children.  He 
is  very  happy  in  his  marriage.     His  first  meeting  with  his  future 


Love.  ANECDOTES.  185 

Empress  was  romantic.  One  of  her  sisters  had  been  destined  for 
the  Imperial  throne,  and  when  Francis  Joseph  in  his  hunting 
dress  arrived  one  evening  at  his  father-in-law's  residence  on  the 
Traunsee,  he  was  received  by  four  young  ladies  of  the  family, 
who  have  all  since  made  excellent  marriages.  As  he  was  chat- 
ting with  the  group,  he  saw  an  apparition  of  beauty,  with  magnif- 
icent hair  floating  over  the  shoulders,  illuminated  in  the  full  glow 
of  the  sunset,  approaching  them  from  the  neighboring  wood.  It 
was  the  Princess  Elizabeth,  the  fifth  of  the  sisters,  and  the  Em- 
peror from  that  moment  became  her  slave. 


An  Alaska  Romance. 

A  young  man  in  iMaska  fell  in  love  with  the  only  young  lady 
on  the  Island,  a  girl  of  fifteen,  who  was  possessed  of  extraordi- 
nary beauty,  and  whose  hair  fell  below  her  knees.  But  he  was 
unable  to  communicate  the  "old,  old  story"  to  her,  for  she  did 
not  understand  a  word  of  English,  nor  did  he  speak  Russian- 
In  his  dilemma  the  arrival  of  the  priest  on  his  once-in-two  years 
visit  was  a  god-send,  and  to  him  he  made  known  his  love.  The 
priest,  knowing  the  young  man  to  be  possessed  of  a  high  charac- 
ter and  a  fair  fortune,  thought  it  was  a  lucky  chance  for  the 
young  lady  to  escape  from  a  life  of  such  isolation,  and  he  wil- 
lingly persuaded  the  girl's  mother  (her  father  was  dead)  to  con- 
sent to  the  match,  but  the  young  lady  herself  was  not  to  be  per- 
suaded. She  argued  that  she  had  never  spoken  to  the  young 
man  who  expressed  such  a  desire  to  be  her  husband,  and  only 
seen  him  twice,  and  he  had  been  on  the  Island  only  forty-eight 
days,  but  her  objections  were  overruled,  and  the  marriage  took 
place.  After  living  in  Alaska  for  several  months,  the  young  man 
brought  his  bride  to  his  home  in  Cleveland,  O.  She  was  aston- 
ished at  the  fashions  she  saw,  and  declared  that  nothing  would 
induce  her  to  wear  her  hair  otherwise  than  flowing — as  she  had 
always  worn  it.  But  before  twenty- four  hours  had  passed  her 
mother-in-law  had  persuaded  her  to  try  the  effect  of  braids  around 
her  broad  and  shapely  head;  and  now  she  dresses  as  much  in  the 


1 86  ENTERTAINING  Love. 

fashion  as  any  lady  in  Cleveland.  Last  year  her  husband  went 
to  Alaska  again  and  brought  home  the  young  sister,  who  is  eleven 
years  of  age,  and  promises  to  be  as  beautiful  as  the  elder. 
The  mother,  bereft  of  both  her  children,  still  clings  to  her  home 
•on  one  of  the  Islands  of  Alaska. 


A  Nurse  who  Sacrificed  Her  Own  Life  to  Save 
Five  Children. 

One  of  the  nursing  Sisters  of  the  order  of  Troyes  succumbed 
recently  at  Paris  to  an  attack  of  hydrophobia,  contracted  under 
circumstances  of  no  ordinary  heroism.  A  month  ago  Sister  Mary 
was  taking  charge  for  a  walk  of  five  convalescent  children,  the 
eldest  of  whom  was  only  eight  years  of  age,  when  they  were  as- 
sailed by  a  sheep-dog,  whose  jaws  were  running  with  foam,  and 
who  attacked  them  with  fury.  She  instantly  saw  the  danger  of 
her  charges,  and,  resolutely  interposing  between  the  terrified 
children  and  the  furious  animal,  bravely  withstood  its  attack.. 
She  was  severely  bitten,  and  the  dog,  excited  by  the  cries  of  the 
children,  endeavored  to  rush  upon  them.  Then  followed  a  splen- 
did act  of  devotion.  Protecting  with  her  body  the  children  who 
hung  on  her  petticoats  shrieking  with  terror,  this  brave  girl  threw 
herself  courageously  upon  the  dog,  and  for  ten  minutes  grasped 
it,  rolHng  over  with  it,  and  thrusting  her  fist  into  its  mouth  to 
prevent  its  biting  the  children.  Some  persons  who  came  up  at 
last,  beat  off  and  killed  the  dog.  The  Sister  was  found  to  have 
fifteen  deep  wounds  on  her  hands  and  lacerated  arms;  an  impor- 
tant artery  was  wounded.  Skillful  care  was  given  to  her  wounds,, 
ligatures  were  applied,  the  parts  torn  were  cauterized,  and  for  a 
short  time  after  her  return  to  Paris  some  hope  existed  that  she 
might  escape  the  ultimate  fate  which  there  was  so  much  reason  to 
fear.  Later,  however,  the  pharyngeal  spasm,  vomiting,  and  hy- 
prophobia,  in  all  its  characteristic  symptoms  appeared;  and  Sis- 
ter Mary  died  from  this  fatal  and  fearful  disease,  finding  consola- 
lation  in  the  certitude  of  having  saved  at  the  price  of  her  life,  the 
five  children  who  had  been  confided  to  her. 


Love.  ANECD  O  TES.  1 8  7 

"To  Have   and  to  Hold." 

A  prominent  Episcopal  clergyman  was  invited  to  one  of  the 
hotels  in  Detroit  to  marry  a  couple  from  Canada.  They  did  not 
want  any  witnesses,  and  they  wanted  the  ceremony  to  be  about 
one  minute  long.  To  this  the  reverend  gentleman  objected. 
Under  the  law  of  this  State  a  marriage  is  not  valid  unless  wit- 
nessed by  two  persons.  They  were  procured,  and  the  couple 
struck  an  attitude  calculated  to  show  to  an  advantage  an  array 
of  fine  clothes,  and  two  rather  good  looking  faces,  the  owners  of 
which  would  (so  the  marriage  certificate  stated)  never  see  their 
twenty-sixth  birth  day  again.  The  ceremony  ran  smoothly  until 
the  pledges  were  given. 

"I,  Kate,"  continued  the  minister 

"I,  Kate,"  she  faltered, 

"Take  thee,  William," 

"Take  thee,  William," 

"To  be  my  wedded  husband — " 

"To  be  my  wedded  husband," 

"To  have  and  to  hold — " 

A  smile  puckered  the  corner  of  her  mouth,  which  was  finally 
•extended  in  a  hearty  laugh;  no  response.  The  minister  was 
astounded  at  the  untimely  exhibition  of  frivolity;  the  witnesses 
were  highly  amused,  and  the  would-be  bridegroom  struggled  to 
retain  his  self-possession. 

"To  have  and  to  hold — "  repeated  the  minister. 

"To  have — Te!  he!  he!"  and  she  broke  down  again.  A 
repetition  of  the  former  scene  was  broken  into  by  the  solemn 
and  commanding  voice, 

"To  have  and  to  ho! — " 

"To — "  she  began;  then  indulged  in  a  frenzy  of  mirth  which 
spread  to  all  but  the  dignified  and  chagrined  tyer  of  the  knots. 

"You  think  this  a. very  trivial  matter,"  he  said  sternly,  "but  I 
fancy  you  won't  find  it  so  funny  if  you  intend  beginning  life  to- 
gether in  this  ridiculous  manner,  I've  a  mind  to  punish  you  by 
refusing  to  complete  the  ceremony,  but  on  second  thought,  I 
think  it  will   be  better  to   read  you  a   homily,  and   then   I  will 


1 88  ENTERTAINING  Love. 

finish  that  which  I  have  begun  if  I  have  to  stay  here  until  to- 
morrow morning. " 

The  homily  was  delivered,  and  the  couple,  now  quite  serious,, 
resumed  their  trying  position,  and  were  duly  married. 

"I  wouldn't  have  laughed,"  said  the  bride,  by  way  of  explan- 
ation, "but  I  never  heard  the  Episcopal  marriage  ceremony 
before,  and  it  was  so  funny  to  think  that  I  had  got  to  promise  to- 
hold  this  great  big  fellow  all  the  rest  of  my  life,  that  I  couldn't 
keep  from  laughing. " 


Queen  Victoria's   Love  for  Prince  Albert---Their 
Marriage. 

The  following  interesting  meeting,  interviews,  and  final  mar- 
riage of  Queen  Victoria  and  Prince  Albert  is  from  James  Partoa 
in   "Eminent  Women  of  the  Age": 

Prince  Albert  was  naturally  uneasy  at  her  silence.  A  young 
man  of  twenty-one  must  not  long  delay  to  choose  a  career.  So- 
far,  his  life  had  been  shaped  by  a  secret  but  confident  expecta- 
tion that  he  wonld  one  day  be  the  consort  of  his  cousin  Victoria^ 
and  if  this  was  not  to  be  his  destiny,  it  was  necessary  to  seek 
another.  Impatient  to  know  his  fate,  he  came  to  England  in 
October,  1839,  resolved  to  bring  the  matter  to  a  conclusion. 
Three  years  had  passed  since  the  cousins  had  seen  one  another. 

When  last  they  had  met,  she  was  a  girl  of  seventeen,  living  a 
retired  life  at  Kensington  Palace  with  her  mother  and  her  tutors, 
with  little  revenue  and  less  ostentation.  He  was  but  a  lively  lad, 
not  grown  to  his  full  stature,  and  unbecomingly  fat.  But  now 
how  different  were  they  both ! 

It  was  half-past  seven  in  the  evening  of  October  the  loth,. 
1839,  when  Prince  Albert  and  his  brother  alighted  at  the  princi- 
pal entrance  of  Windsor  Castle,  one  of  the  grandest  looking, 
royal  residences  in  Europe.  At  the  top  of  the  staircase,  the- 
queen  herself  met  them  in  evening  attire,  and  invested  with  the 
dignity  which  the  very  title  of  queen  seems  to  carry  with  it. 
Nor  was  the  change  in  him  less  striking  in  a  maiden's  eyes.     The 


Love.  ANECDOTES.  189 

prince  had  grown  tall,  symmetrical  and  handsome.  That  down 
upon  his  upper  lip  of  three  years  before  was  now  an  elegant 
moustache.  He  had  become  a  man.  There  was  also  in  his 
countenance,  we  are  told,  a  gentleness  of  expression,  and  a 
smile  of  peculiar  sweetness,  with  a  look  of  thought  and  intelli- 
gence in  his  clear  blue  eye,  and  fair,  broad  forehead,  which 
conciliated  every  one  who  looked  upon  him.  He  was  the  very 
prince  of  Romance, — ^just  the  hero  wanted  for  the  dazzUng 
fiction  of  which  Victoria   was  the  gentle  heroine. 

His  fate  was  decided  promptly  enough.  The  queen  was  de- 
lighted with  his  appearance  and  bearing.  She  conducted  him 
herself  to  her  mother.  It  was  about  dinner-time  when  they 
arrived,  and  yet  they  could  not  dine  with  the  queen  that  night, 
for  a  reason  which  the  queen  herself  explains:  "Their  clothes 
not  having  arrived,  they  could  not  appear  at  dinner,  but  came 
in  after  it  in  spite  of  their  morning  dresses. "  There  was  a  large 
company  of  lords  and  ministers  staying  at  the  castle  then,  and 
the  etiquette  of  the  dinner  could  not  be  dispensed  with,  even  in 
favor  of  those  young  princes. 

Four  days  sufficed !  On  the  fourth  day  after  the  arrival  of  the 
prince,  the  queen  told  Lord  Melbourne  that  she  had  made  up 
her  mind  to  marry  him.  The  minister  said  he  was  very  glad  to 
hear  it,  and  that  he  thought  the  news  would  be  well  received. 

"You  will  be  much  more  comfortable,"  added  Lord  Mel- 
bourne, in  his  simple,  fatherly  manner;  "for  a  woman  cannot 
stand  alone  for  any  time,  in  whatever  position  she  may  be. " 

Accordingly,  on  the  following  day  Prince  Albert  came  in  from 
hunting  at  the  unusually  early  hour  of  twelve,  for  he  had  received 
an  intimation  the  evening  before  that  the  queen  had  something 
particular  to  say  to  him.  On  being  summoned  to  the  queen's 
presence  he  found  her  alone.  Precisely  what  occurred  on  the 
occasion  will  never  be  known.  It  seems,  however,  that  it  de- 
volved upon  the  queen  to  propose  the  momentous  question.  The 
following  is  the  Prince's  version  of  what  passed,  as  given  in  his 
letter  to  his  grandmother: — 

"The  subject  which  has  occupied  us  so  much  of  late  is  at  last 


190 


ENTERTAINING  Love^ 


settled.  The  queen  sent  for  me  alone"  to  her  room  a  few  days- 
ago,  and  declared  to  me  in  a  genuine  outburst  of  love  and  affec- 
tion that  I  had  gained  her  whole  heart,  and  would  make  her 
intensely  happy  if  I  would  make  her  the  sacrifice  of  sharing  her 
life  with  her,  for  she  said  she  loQked  on  it  as  a  sacrifice.  The 
only  thing  which  troubled  her  was  that  she  did  not  think  that  she 
was  worthy  of  me.  The  joyous  openness  of  manner  in  which 
she  told  me  this  quite  enchanted  me,  and  I  was  quite  carried 
away  by  it.  She  is  really  most  good  and  amiable,  and  I  am  quite 
sure  Heaven  has  not  given  me  into  evil  hands,  and  that  we  shall 
be  happy  together.  Since  that  moment  Victoria  does  whatever 
she  fancies  I  should  wish  or  hke,  and  we  talk  a  great  deal  about 
our  future  life,  which  she  promises  to  make  as  happy  as  possible. 
Oh,  the  future !  does  it  not  bring  ^yith  it  the  moment  when  1 
shall  have  to  take  leave  of  my  dear,  dear  home,  and  of  you?  I 
cannot  think  of  that  without  deep  melancholy  taking  possession 
of  me. " 

As  soon  as  the  interview  was  over,  the  queen,  according  to- 
her  custom,  recorded  her  feelings  in  her  diary. 

"How  I  will  strive,"  she  wrote,  in  the  first  gush  of  tender  emo- 
tion, "to  make  him  feel  as  little  as  possible  the  great  sacrifice  he 
has  made !  I  told  him  it  was  a  great  sacrifice  on  his  part,  but  he- 
would  not  allow  it.  I  then  told  him  to  fetch  Ernest  (his  broth- 
er), who  congratulated  us  both  and  seemed  very  happy.  Ernest 
told  me  how  perfect  his  brother  was. " 

The  same  afternoon,  she  wrote  to  her  Uncle  Leopold,  King 
of  the  Belgians,  who  had  from  the  first  favored  the  match  most 
warmly.  This  letter  is  highly  creditable  to  the  good,  simple 
heart  of  the  maiden  queen  : — 

"My  mind  is  quite  made  up,  and  I  told  Albert  this  morning  of 
it.  He  seems  perfection,  and  I  think  that  I  have  the  prospect  of 
very  great  happiness  before  me.  I  love  him  more  than  I  can 
say,  and  shall  do  everything  in  my  power  to  render  this  sacrifice 
(for  in  my  opinion  it  is)  as  small  as  I  can.  He  seems  to  have 
great  tact, — a  very  necessary  thing  in  his  position.  These  last 
few  days  have  passed  like  a  dream  to  me,  and  I  am  so  much  be-- 


Love.  ANECDOTES.  191 

wildered  by  it  all  that  I  know  hardly  how  to  write;  but  I  do  feel 
very  happy.  It  is  absolutely  necessary  that  this  determination 
of  mine  should  be  known  to  no  one  but  yourself  and  to  Uncle 
Ernest  until  after  the  meeting  of  Parliament,  as  it  would  be  con- 
sidered, otherwise,  neglectful  on  my  part  not  to  have  assembled 
ParHament  at  once  to  inform  them  of  it. " 

To  which  the  good  old  king  replied,  very  sensibly  and  hap- 
pily :— 

"In  your  position  *  *  *  you  could  not  exist  without 
having  a  happy  and  agreeable  'Interieur.'  And  I  am  much 
deceived,  (which  I  think  I  am  not,)  or  you  will  find  in  Albert 
just  the  qualities  and  disposition  which  are  indispensable  for 
your  happiness,  and  which  will  suit  your  own  character,  temper, 
and  mode  of  life.  You  say  most  amiably  that  you  consider  it  a 
sacrifice  on  the  part  of  Albert.  This  is  true  in  many  points,  be- 
cause his  position  will  be  a  difficult  one;  but  much,  I  may  say 
all,  will  depend  on  your  affection  for  him.  If  you  love  him,  and 
are  kind  to  him,  he  will  easily  bear  the  bothers  of  his  position, 
and  there  is  a  steadiness,  and,  at  the  same  time,  a  cheerfulness 
in  his  character  which  will  facilitate  this. " 

Nothing  remained  but  to  announce  the  intended  marriage  to 
the  Privy  Council,  and  through  the  council  to  the  country.  The 
council  met,  November  23d,  to  the  number  of  eighty,  in  one  of 
the  large  rooms  of  Buckingham  Palace,  the  Queen's  London 
residence.  It  devolved  upon  the  queen  herself  to  make  the 
announcement  to  this  formidable  company. 

"Precisely  at  two,"  the  queen  wrote  in  her  diary,  "I  went  in. 
The  room  was  full,  but  I  hardly  knew  who  was  there.  Lord 
Melbourne  I  saw  looking  kindly  at  me  with  tears  in  his  eyes, 
but  he  was  not  near  me.  I  then  read  my  short  declaration. — 
I  felt  my  hands  shook,  but  I  did  not  make  one  mistake.  I  felt 
most  happy  and  thankful  when  it  was  over.  Lord  Landsdown. 
then  rose,  and,  in  the  name  of  the  Privy  Council,  asked  that 
'this  most  gracious  and  most  welcome  communication  might  be 
printed.'  I  then  left  the  room,  the  whole  thing  not  lasting  above 
two  or  three  minutes.     The  Duke  of  Cambridge   came  into  the 


192  ENTERTAINING  Love. 

small  library  where  I  was  standing  and  wished  me  joy." 

The  queen  wore  a  bracelet  in  which  was  a  portrait  of  Prince 
Albert,  and  she  says  in  her  journal,  "It  seemed  to  give  me  cour- 
age at  the  council. " 

On  the  nth  of  February,  1840,  at  the  Royal  Chapel  of  St. 
James,  in  London,  in  the  presence  of  all  that  was  distinguished 
and  splendid  in  the  life  of  Great  Britain,  the  marriage  was  sol- 
emnized. The  queen,  as  brides  generally  do,  looked  pale  and 
anxious.  Her  dress  was  a  rich  white  satin,  trimmed  with 
orange  blossoms,  and  upon  her  head  she  wore  a  wreath  of  the 
same  beautiful  flowers.  Over  her  head,  but  not  so  as  to  conceal 
her  face,  a  veil  of  Honiton  lace  was  thrown.  She  was  sparingly 
decorated  with  diamonds.  She  wore,  however,  a  pair  of  very 
large  diamond  ear-rings,  and  a  diamond  necklace.  Her  twelve 
bridesmaids  were  attired  in  similar  taste,  and  they  were  all  young 
ladies  of  remarkable  beauty.  Prince  Albert  was  dressed  in  the 
uniform  of  a  British  field-marshal,  and  was  decorated  with  the 
collar  and  star  of  the  Order  of  the  Garter.  At  the  moment 
when  the  queen  and  prince  advanced  to  the  communion-table, 
and  stood  before  the  Archbishop  of  Canterbury,  the  scene  was 
in  the  highest  degree  splendid  and  interesting.  But  its  splendors 
seemed  to  fade  away  before  the  majestic  simplicity  of  the  mar- 
riage service.  There  was  really  a  kind  of  simplicity  in  the 
plainness  and  directness  of  the  language  employed: — 

"Albert  wilt  thou  have  this  woman  to  be  thy  wedded  wife?" 
and  "Victoria,  wilt  thou  have  Albert  to  be  thy  wedded  husband?" 
and  "Who  giveth  this  woman  to  be  married  to  this  man?" 

To  this  last  question  the  Duke  of  Sussex  replied  by  taking 
the  queen's  hand  and  saying  "I  do."  Perhaps  some  in  the  as- 
sembly may  have  smiled  when  the  Queen  of  England  promised 
to  obey  this  younger  son  of  a  German  Duke,  and  when  he  said 
"With  all  my  worldly  goods  I  thee  endow."  The  queen  tells  us, 
however,  that  she  pronounced  the  word  obey  with  a  deliberate 
intent  to  keep  her  vow,  and  that  she  kept  it. 

There  was,  of  course,  the  wedding  breakfast  at  Buckingham 
Palace,   which  was  attended  by  the   royal  family,  the  ministry, 


Love.  ANECDOTES.  193 

the  maids  of  honor,  and  other  personal  attendants  of  the  queen 
and  prince.  Soon  after  seven  o'clock  in  the  evening,  the  royal 
chariot  dashed  into  Windsor  with  its  escort  of  life-guards,  amid 
the  cheers  of  the  whole  population  of  the  town.  The  honey- 
moon was  spent  at  Windsor  Castle. 


Love   Stronger  than  Law  and  Death. 

The  case  of  Edward  Cooper,  tried  before  one  of  the  Courts- 
martial  of  the  Army  of  Northern  Virginia,  during  1863,  illustrates 
his  great  love  for  his  wife  and  children : 

The  prisoner  was  charged  with  desertion.  He  declined  the 
use  of  counsel.  The  Judge  Advocate  opened  the  case  and 
clearly  proved  his  guilt.  The  accused  was  told  to  produce  his 
witnesses.  He  said  that  he  had  none,  and  his  only  defense  was 
a  letter  from  his  wife,  which  he  handed  to  the  President  of  the 
Court.     It  read  as  follows : 

My  Dear  Edward  :  I  have  always  been  proud  of  you,  and 
since  your  connection  with  the  Confederate  army  I  have  been 
prouder  of  you  than  ever  before.  I  would  not  have  you  do  any- 
thing wrong  for  the  world ;  but  before  God,  Edward,  unless  you 
come  home  we  must  die.  Last  night  I  was  aroused  by  little 
Eddie's  crying.  I  called  and  said,  "What  is  the  matter,  Eddie?" 
And  he  said,  "O,  mamma,  I  am  so  hungry."  And  Lucy, 
Edward — your  darling  Lucy — she  never  complains,  but  she  is 
growing  thinner  and  thinner  every  day.  And  before  God,  Ed- 
ward, unless  you  come  home  we  must  die.     Your  Mary. 

The  President,  General  Cullen  A.  Battle,  and  other  members 
of  the  court  were  melted  to  tears,  and  asked  the  artilleryman 
what  he  did  on  the  reception  of  the  letter.  He  replied  that  he 
had  made  three  separate  and  ineffectual  applications  for  a  fur- 
lough, and  then  resolved,  upon  whatever  cost,  to  visit  his  home. 
Upon  meeting  his  wife  she  was  broken-hearted  at  learning  his 
absence  without  leave,  and,  "I  am  here,  gentlemen,"  said  he, 
"not  brought  back  by  any  military  power,  but  in  obedience  to  the 
command  of  Mary,  to  abide  the  sentence  of  your  court. "     Ed- 


194 


ENTERTAINING  Love. 


ward  Cooper  was  found  guilty  of  desertion,  and  sentenced  to 
death,  as  it  was  the  plain  duty  of  the  court,  but  Gen.  Lee  par- 
doned the  prisoner. 


Poverty--Beauty--Riches  and  Royalty. 

Beauty  is  only  skin  deep,  to  be  sure;  nevertheless  it  is  a 
dowry  to  be  prized,  and  frequently  proves  a  means  of  advance- 
ment. During  the  troubles  in  the  reign  of  Charles  I,  a  beautiful 
country  girl  came  to  T^ondon,  in  search  of  a  place  as  a  servant 
maid ;  but,  not  succeeding,  she  hired  herself  to  carry  beer  from 
a  brew  house,  and  was  one  of  those  called  tub-women.  The 
brewer,  observing  a  good-looking  girl  in  this  low  occupation, 
took  her  into  his  family  as  a  servant,  and  after  a  short  time 
married  her;  but  he  died  while  she  was  yet  a  young  woman, 
and  left  her  the  bulk  of  his  fortune.  The  business  of  the  brew- 
er was  dropped,  and  to  the  young  woman  was  recommended 
Mr.  Hyde,  a  skillful  lawyer,  to  arrange  her  husband's  affairs. — 
Hyde,  who  was  afterward  the  great  Earl  of  Clarendon,  finding 
the  widow's  fortune  very  considerable,  married  her.  Of  this 
marriage  there  was  no  other  issue  than  a  daughter,  who  was 
afterward  the  wife  of  James  H,  and  the  mother  of  Mary  and 
Anne,  Queens  of  England. 


How  a  Widowed   Clergyman   Married. 

A  clergyman,  a  widower,  recently  created  quite  a  sensation  in 
his  household,  which  consisted  of  seven  gi"own  up  daughters. — 
The  reverend  gentleman  was  absent  from  home  for  a  number 
of  days,  visiting  in  an  adjoining  county.  The  daughters  received 
a  letter  from  their  father,  which  stated  that  he  "had  married  a 
widow  with  six  sprightly  children, "  and  that  he  might  be  expect- 
ed home  at  a  certain  time.  The  effect  of  that  news  was  a  shock 
to  the  happy  family.  The  girls,  noted  for  their  meekness  and 
amiable  temperaments,  seemed  another  set  of  beings;  there 
were  weeping  and  wailing  and  tearing  of  hair,  and  all  manner  of 
naughty  things  said.     The  tidy   home  was  neglected,  and  when 


Love.  ANECDOTES.  195 

the  day  of  arrival  came,  the  house  was  anything  but  inviting. — 
At  last  the  Rev.  Mr.  X came,  but  he  was  alone.  He  greet- 
ed his  daughters  as  usual,  and,  as  he  viewed  the  neglected 
apartments,  there  was  a  merry  twinkle  in  his  eye.  The  daughters 
were  nervous  and  evidently  anxious. "  At  last  the  eldest  daugh- 
ter mustered  courage.     "Where  is  our  mother?" 

"In  heaven,"  said  the  good  man. 

"But  where  is  the  widow  with  six  children  whom  you  wrote 
you  had  married?" 

"Why,  I  married  her  to  another  man,  my  dears,"  he  repUed, 
delighted  at  the  success  of  his  joke. 


Choosing  a  Wife  by  Proxy. 

The  following  occurred  on  the  Atchison,  Topeka  and  Santa 
Fe  Road':  A  gentleman  traveling  between  Pueblo  and  Kansas 
City  was  engaged  in  conversation  by  a  very  intelligent  but  rough 
looking  miner,  who  had  been  for  four  years  an  auriferous  adven- 
turer in  the  San  Juan  country,  and  who  had  "struck  it  rich."  He 
made  no  secret  of  the  fact  that  his  visit  to  a  certain  town  in 
Michigan  was  for  the  purpose  of  marrying  the  "girl  he  left  behind 
him, "  for  whose  comfort  he  had  built  and  furnished  a  house  ftigh 
up  among  the  snow  capped  mountains  of  Colorado.  But  this 
does  not  interest  the  reader  as  will  the  balance  of  the  story.  He 
left  in  San  Juan,  a  partner,  whom  he  describes  "as  square  a  man 
as  ever  struck  a  drill, "  with  whom  he  had  constantly  labored 
three  long  years  as  mere  "prospectors,"  and  with  whom  he  now 
held  jointly  one  of  the  most  valuable  properties  in  their  district. 
Jim,  too,  desired  to  go  East,  but  their  mutual  interests  made  it 
impossible;  he  didn't  know  any  one  in  particular  East,  but  then 
he  wanted  to  go.  Jim  was  rather  a  bashful,  reticent  man,  and 
did  not  like  to  tell  even  his  partner  the  real  purpose  of  his  visit: 
but  on  the  eve  of  the  departure  of  the  latter,  the  purpose  of 
whose  visit  was  known,  Jim  made  the  request,  in  dead  earnest, 
that  he  bring  him  a  wife.  "Will  you  do  it?"  he  was  asked. — 
"Do  it,  you  bet!"     "Had  he  any  instructions  to  give  in  regard  to 


196  ENTERTAINING  Love. 

the  selection?"  "Yes;  he  said,  'Harry,  bring  me  a  good,  honest, 
sensible  girl,  what  there's  no  foolishness  or  show  about, — a  girl 
what  '11  make  an  honest  man  an  honest  wife,'  and  that's  just  the 
kind  o'  woman  I'll  take  out,  and  the  one  that  '11  be  Jim's  wife. " 
While  this  manner  of  choosing  a  wife  is  a  somewha't  novel  one,  it 
must  be  confessed  that  Jim's  ideas  of  the  woman  best  calculated 
to  make  with  him  the  journey  of  life  was  a  good  one. 


Henry    M.    Stanley's   Romance--The  "Dark    Conti- 
nent," the  Back-ground  of  a  Thrilling  Picture. 

The  following  is  from  a  New  York  journal :  There  are  few 
men  in  the  world  to  whom  life  should  apparently  be  so  pleasant 
as  to  Henry  M.  Stanley.  All  England  is  ready  to  do  him  honor; 
he  has  been  overwhelmed  with  praise  and  congratulations;  the 
Queen  has  received  him;  Parliament  has  thanked  him;  the  two 
great  journals  for  which  he  has  made  his  explorations  have  am- 
ply rewarded  him.     But  he  seems  morose  and  discontented. 

Mr.  Stanley  has  had  a  romance.  Before  he  went  upon  his 
second  expedition  to  Africa,  he  met  and  fell  madly  in  love  with 
a  charming  young  lady,  the  daughter  of  a  wealthy  citizen  of  Jew- 
ish extraction,  whose  name  is  perhaps  best  known  in  connection 
with  the  erection  of  an  extensive  but  unfortunate  opera-house. 
Mr.  Stanley's  passion  was  deep  and  violent,  but  he  was  told  that 
at  least  he  must  wait,  and  that  an  immediate  marriage  was  out 
of  the  question.  He  was  anxious  to  win  even  greater  fame  and 
fortune  and  lay  them  at  the  feet  of  his  beloved.  It  was  at  this 
moment  that  the  second  African  expedition  was  proposed  to 
him;  in  it  he  saw  the  coveted  opportunity  for  distinction  and 
reward,  and  he  eagerly  embraced  the  perilous  commission. — 
Throughout  the  whole  of  that  terrible  journey  through  the 
jungles  of  Africa,  and  all  his  toils,  dangers,  sickness,  and  disap- 
pointments, he  was  sustained  by  the  thought  of  his  love,  and  by 
the  confident  hope  of  receiving  the  reward  which  was  dearer 
to  him  than  the  applause  of  the  world  or  the  riches  of  Golconda. 


Love.  ANECDOTES.  197 

He  gave  the  name  of  the  'young  lady  to  the  most  beautiful  lake 
which  he  discovered,  as  he  gave  it  afterward  to  the  handsome 
boat  in  which  he  made  a  portion  of  his  exploration, — the  Lady 
Alice.  At  length,  the  source  of  the  Congo  was  found;  the  great 
deed  was  accomplished,  and  Stanley  returned  with  a  proud  and 
happy  heart  to  the  coast.  At  Zanzibar  a  packet  of  letters  was 
awaiting  him;  and  he  hastened  to  open  them,  hoping  to  find 
some  messages  of  love  and  affetion  from  the  mistress  of  his  soul. 
A    fatal  blow  struck   him.     One    of  the  letters    contained  the 

intelligence   that    Miss    Alice- had    been    married    several 

■months. 

From  that  moment  Stanley  was  a  changed  man.  His  delight 
in  life  was  wholly  lost.  His  natural  good  humor  and  buoyancy 
of  spirit  gave  place  to  long  fits  of  melancholy,  alternated  with 
violent  outburts  of  petulance  and  anger.  The  plaudits  with 
which  he  was  received  upon  his  arrival  in  England  were 
distasteful  to  him;  he  revenged  himself  by  attacking  with  un- 
reasonable rage  every  one  who  ventured  to  differ  on  even  the 
slightest  subject  with  him. 

This,  hovever,  was  Mr.  Stanley's  second  love  affair.  Chancing 
to  be  spending  some  time  upon  the  Island  of  Crete,  he  saw  from 
his  window  a  young  Greek  maiden  in  the  garden  of  the  opposite 
house,  and  he  at  once  felt  that  his  fate  was  sealed.  She  was 
about  fifteen  years  old,  and  Mr.  Stanley  has  since  declared  that 
he  never  before  nor  since  has  he  heheld  so  sweet  and  beautiful 
a  creature.  He  at  once  sought  out  the  American  Consul  and 
revealed  to  him  the  state  of  his  heart.  The  Consul,  who  had 
himself  married  a  Greek  lady,  bade  him  not  despair,  took  him 
forthwith  to  the  house  of  his  inamorata  and  presented  him  to  her 
mother,  who  was  a  widow.  Stanley  could  speak  no  Greek,  the 
mather  no  English;  the  Consul  was  the  interpreter.  He  did  his 
work  so  well  that  at  the  end  of  half  an  hour  the  young  lady  was 
sent  for.  Stanley  was  forbidden  even  to  touch  her  hand;  but  he 
conversed  with  her  by  his  eyes;  they  soon  understood  each  oth- 
er well.  At  the  end  of  a  week  he  was  an  accepted  lover;  at  the 
end  of  a  fortnight  the  day  for  the  wedding  arrived.   All  this  while 


198  ENTERTAINING  Love. 

he  had  seen  the  young  lady  once  a  day,  always  in  the  presence 
of  her  mother.  On  the  day  before  the  wedding  he  had  been 
permitted  for  the  first  time,  to  take  her  hand  and  to  imprint  upon 
it  a  chaste  salute.  The  morning  of  the  wedding  arrived;  Stanley 
was  dressed  for  the  ceremony,  and  was  awaiting  the  happy  mo- 
ment. There  entered  to  him  three  Greeks,  whom  he  had  never 
seen  before,  and  an  interpreter.  They  are  introduced  as  the 
brothers  of  the  bride,  and  they  produce  a  parchment  which  the 
interpreter  explains.  It  is  a  deed  of  settlement  which  binds 
Stanley  to  pay  so  much  a  year  to  the  mother,  so  much  to  each 
brother,  and  so  much  to  the  wife,  and  to  plank  down  the  first 
instalments  on  the  spot.  In  vain  Stanley  explains  that  he  is 
worth  nothing  and  cannot  pay;  the  brothers  look  daggers,  the 
interpreter  frowns,  and  the  scene  closes  by  the  arrival  of  the 
Consul,  who  with  difficulty  gets  Stanley  out  of  the  clutches  of 
his  tormentors  and  ships  him  off  to  Athens.  He  never  saw  his 
beautiful  Grecian  maiden  again. 


An  Erring  Mother's  Love  for  Her  Child. 

The  following  incident  occurred  before  a  Canadian  Police 
Court :  A  woman  carrying  a  little  infant  is  among  the  prisoners. 
The  mother  is  only  nineteen;  the  child  is  just  learning  to  talk; 
the  mother  weeps  bitterly;  the  child  crows  and  claps  its  little 
hands  as  if  the  howling  mob  about  it  had  been  got  up  for  its 
special  benefit.  It  lifted  a  pair  of  handcuffs  from  the  table  and 
jingled  them  near  its  mother's  ear,  and  laughed  aloud  in  excess 
of  joy.  "O  God!"  cried  the  young  mother,  "let  my  babe  go. — 
Send  some  good  woman  for  it.  O  I  can  never  take  my  babe 
into  a  cell.  It  is  innocent.  I  am  wicked.  The  child  is  fit  for 
Heaven.  It  has  never  sinned;  O  let  it  not  be  tainted  with  a 
cell. "  She  held  it  up  before  all  present,  her  hair  falling  over  her 
shoulders,  and  her  hot,  wild  face  quivering  with  agony.  She 
held  it  high  up,  the  little  crowing,  chirruping  thing.  It  jingled 
the  handcuffs  and  laughed.  A  hush  fell  on  that  place  as  if  an 
angel's  presence  were  there.     A  brazen-faced  girl   in    silks   and 


Love.  ANECDOTES. 


199 


satins  came  sweeping  forward  to  take  the  child,  but  the  mother 
snapped  at  her  Hke  a  brutish  animal  and  pushed  her  back.  "O 
no,  she  hissed,  "O  no,  no,  no,  no, — not  you,  not  you."  Chief 
McMenemy  knows  how  to  do  his  duty  as  well  as  any  man,  but 
he  saw  this  was  an  extraordinary  case  and  sent  the  baby  home. 
The  mother  went  into  her  cell  holding  her  heart.  She  came 
rushing  back  and  kissed  her  baby,  and  whispered  in  its  ear,  "  It 
were  better  for  you,  my  child,  that  you  never  saw  me  again." — 
The  child  was  carried  away  crying  because  they  took  the  hand- 
cuffs from  it. 


A  Light  in  the   Window. 

Off  the  coast  of  one  the  Orkney  Islands,  and  right  opposite 
the  harbor,  stood  a  lonely  rock,  against  which,  in  stormy  nights, 
the  boats  of  returning  fishermen  often  struck  and  were  lost. 

Fifty  years  ago,  there  hved  in  this  island  a  young  girl  in  a  cot- 
tage with  her  father;  and  they  loved  each  other  very  tenderly. 
One  stormy  night  the  father  was  away  on  the  sea  in  his  fisher- 
man's boat,  and,  and  though  his  daughter  watched  for  him  in 
much  fear  and  trouble,  he  did  not  come  home.  Sad  to  tell,  in 
the  morning  his  dead  body  was  found  washed  upon  the  beach. — 
His  boat,  as  he  sought  the  harbor,  had  struck  against  the  "Lone- 
ly Rock"  and  gone  down. 

In  her  deep  sorrow,  this  fisherman's  orphan  did  not  think  of 
herself  alone.  She  was  scarcely  more  than  a  child,  humble, 
poor,  and  weak ;  but  she  said  in  her  heart  that  while  she  hved  no 
more  boats  should  be  lost  on  the  "Lonely  Rock,"  if  a  light  shin- 
ing through  her  window  would  guide  them  safely  into  the 
harbor.  And  so,  after  watching  by  the  body  of  her  father,  accord, 
ing  to  the  custom  of  her  people,  until  it  was  buried,  she  laid 
down  and  slept  through  the  day;  but  when  night  fell,  arose,  and 
lighting  a  candle,  placed  it  in  the  window  of  her  cottage,  so  that 
it  might  be  seen  by  any  fisherman  coming  in  from  sea,  and  guide 
him  safely  into  the  harbor.  She  sat  by  the  candle  all  night,  and 
trimmed  it,  and  spun;  but  when  the  day  dawned  she  went  to  bed 
and  slept. 


200  ENTERTAINING  Love. 

As  many  hanks  as  she  had  spun  before  for  her  daily  bread  she 
spun  still,  and  one  over,  to  buy  her  nightly  candle;  and  from 
that  time  to  this,  for  fifty  years,  through  youth,  maturity,  and  old 
age,  she  has  turned  night  into  day,  and  in  the  snow-storms  of 
winter,  through  driving  mists,  deceptive  moonlight,  and  solemn 
darkness,  that  northern  harbor  has  never  once  been  without  the 
light  of  her  candle. 

How  many  lives  she  saved  by  this  candle,  and  how  many 
meals  she  has  won  by  it  for  the  starving  families  of  the  boatmen, 
it  is  impossible  to  say.  How  many  dark  nights  the  fishermen, 
depending  on  it,  have  gone  forth,  cannot  now  be  told.  There  it 
stood,  regular  as  a  light  house,  steadily  as  constant  care  could 
make  it.  Always  brighter  when  daylight  waned,  the  fishermen 
had  only  to  keep  it  constantly  in  view  and  were  safe;  there  was 
but  one  thing  to  intercept  it,  and  that  was  the  Rock.  However 
far  they  might  have  gone  out  to  the  sea,  they  had  only  to  bear 
down  for  that  lighted  window,  and  they  were  sure  of  a  safe  en- 
trance to  the  harbor. 


Bird   Love. 


A  drake  was  stolen  one  night,  with  some  other  birds,  from 
Mr.  Beale's  aviary.  The  beautiful  male  alone  was  taken,  and 
the  poor  duck  was  left  behind.  The  morning  following  the  loss 
of  her  husband,  the  female  was  seen  in  a  most  disconsolate  con- 
dition; brooding  in  secret  sorrows,  she  remained  in  a  retired  part 
of  the  aviary,  pondering  over  the  severe  loss  she  had  just 
sustained. 

While  she  was  thus  delivering  her  soul  to  grief,  a  gay,  prim 
drake,  who  had  not  long  before  lost  his  dear  duck,  which  had 
been  accidentally  killed,  trimmed  his  beautiful  feathers,  appeared 
quite  handsame,  and,  pitying  the  forlorn  condition  of  the  be- 
reaved, waddled  toward  her,  and,  after  devoting  much  of  his 
time  and  all  his  attention  to  the  unfortunate  female,  he  offered 
her  his  protection.  She,  however,  refused  all  his  offers,  having 
made,  in  audible  quacks,  a  solemn  vow  to  live  and  die  a  widow 
if  her  mate  did  not  return. 


Mandarin  or  Bridal  Duck. 


Love.  ANECDOTES.  201 

From  the  day  on  which  she  met  with  her  loss  she  neglected 
her  usual  avocations,  forsook  her  food  and  usual  scenes  of 
delight,  where  she  loved  to  roam  with  him  now  absent,  and  to 
excite  his  brave  spirit  to  drive  away  all  the  rivals  that  might  at- 
tempt even  to  approach  them.  But  these  fleeting  hours  of 
enjoyment  had  passed,  perhaps  never  to  return,  and  no  conso- 
lation that  could  be  offered  by  any  of  her  tribe  had  the  least 
effect.  Every  endeavor  was  made  to  recover  the  lost  bird,  as  it 
was  not  expected  that  the  beautiful  creature  would  be  killed. 

Some  time  elapsed  after  the  loss,  when  a  person  accidentally 
passing  a  hut,  overheard  some  Chinese  of  the  lower  class  convers- 
ing together.  He  understood  sufficient  of  their  language  to  find 
out  what  they  said,  "It  would  be  a  pity  to  to  kill  so  handsome  a 
bird."  "How,  then,"  said  another,  "can  we  dispose  of  it?" — 
The  hut  was  noted,  as  it  was  immediately  suspected  that  the  lost 
Mandarin  drake  was  the  subject  of  the  conversation.  A  servant 
was  sent,  and,  after  some  trouble,  recovered  the  long  lost  drake 
by  paying  four  dollars  for  him.  He  was  then  brought  back  to 
the  aviary  in  one  of  the  usual  cane  cages. 

As  soon  as  the  bird  recognized  the  aviary,  he  expressed  his 
joy  by  quacking  vehemently  and  flapping  his  wings.  The  interval 
of  three  weeks  had  elapsed  since  he  was  taken  away  by  force; 
but  when  the  forlorn  duck  heard  the  note  of  her  long  lost  hus- 
band, she  quacked,  even  to  screaming  with  ecstacy,  and  flew  as 
far  as  she  could  in  the  aviary  to  greet  him  on  his  restoi-ation. — 
Being  let  out  of  the  cage,  the  drake  immediately  entered  the 
aviary,  and  the  unfortunate  couple  were  again  united.  They 
quacked,  crossed  necks,  bathed  together,  and  then  are  supposed 
to  have  related  all  their  mutual  hopes  and  fears  during  the  long 
separation. 

One  word  more  on  the  unfortunate  widower  who  kindly 
offered  consolation  to  the  duck  when  overwhelmed  with  grief — 
She,  in  a  most  ungrateful  manner,  informed  her  drake  of  the 
impudent  and  gallant  proposals  he  made  to  her  during  his  ab- 
sence. It  is  merely  supposition  that  he  did  so;  but,  at  all  events, 
the  result  was  that,  on  the  day  following  his  return,  the  recovered 


202  ENTERTAINING  Love. 

drake  attacked  the  other,  pecked  his  eyes  out,  and  inflicted  on 
him  so  many  other  injuries  as  to  occasion  his  death  in  a  few 
days.  Thus  did  this  unfortunate  drake  meet  with  a  premature 
and  violent  death  for  his  kindness  and  attention  to  a  disconso- 
late lady.  It  may  perhaps  be  correctly  written  over  his  grave, 
"A  victim  to  conjugal  fideUty. " 


An  Ingenious   Mother. 

A  lady  once  lamented  an  ill-advised  attachment  on  the  part 
of  her  daughter,  who  had  good  expectations,  and  whose  affec- 
tions had  been  won  by  an  adventurer.  The  mother  had  remon- 
strated against  the  folly  of  the  engagement  and  had  flatly  refused 
to  allow  the  wedding  to  take  place  so  long  as  the  girl  was  under 
age.  The  young  lady  was  obstinate  by  nature,  and  her  tenacity 
was  strengthened  by  opposition.  She  avowed  her  intention  of 
waiting  patiently  till  she  was  of  age,  and  then  of  giving  her  hand 
to  \izx  fiatice.  A  year's  delay  did  not  seem  to  have  undermined 
her  attachment,  and  in  another  six  months  she  would  be  of  age, 
and  her  own  mistress.  Under  advice  the  mother  changed  her 
cue  and  appeared  to  make   the  best  of  a  bad   business.     Since 

Captain meant  to  be  son-in-law  she  said  she  would  do  what 

she  could  to  make  things  pleasant.  She  asked  him  to  dinner, 
and  appeared  to  have  fully  accepted  the  engagement. 

She  kept  an   eye  on   all  in-coming  and  out-going  letters,  and 

would  say,     "My  dear,  you  have  not  written  to  Captain for 

the  last  two  days!   When  I  was  engaged  to  your  father  I  used  to 

write  to  him  every  day  of  the  week."     Or,  "Captain wrote 

to  you  yesterday,  my  dear,  and  I  perceive  that  you  have  not  yet 
answered  him ;  men  do  not  like  to  be  treated  with  neglect.  "  The 
girl  got  irritable  under  this  incessant  spurring  into  her  engage- 
ment; the  mother  followed  up  her  advantage  by  offering  her  ad- 
monition audibly  in  the  presence  of  other  female  friends  of  the 
daughter.  This  put  the  coup  de  grace  to  the  engagement ;  the 
gilt  all  came  off  the  gingerbread  when  opposition  was  changed  to 
incitement.     Two  months  before   she  came  of  age  she  wrote  to 


Love.  ANECDOTES.  203 

Captain and  told  him  that  her  feelings  had  changed  toward 

him.  The  mother  affected  to  be  deeply  scandalized;  this  settled 
the  girl's  determination,  and  the  Captain  never  darkened  the 
door  again. 


Two  Yards  Jaconet,  or  a  Husband--James   Gordon 
Bennett's  Love  Story. 

"I  wish,"  said  Mary  Ann,  "I  had  two  yards  of  jaconet.  I  want 
it  very  much  to  complete  this  dress  for  the  next  birth-day  at 
Richmond.  I  want  besides  a  pretty  large  length  of  pea-green 
ribbon.  I  want  a  feather — a  white  feather — to  my  last  bonnet. 
I  want" 

"Well,  my  dear,"  said  Louisa,  her  companion,  "well,  my  dear, 
it  seems  you  never  have  enough.  Pray  how  many  more  things 
do  you  want  besides?" 

"JVIore!"  returned  Mary  Ann,  "why  a  hundred  more,  to  be 
sure,"  said  she,  laughing;  "but  I'll  name  them  all  in  one — I  want 
a  husband. " 

"Indeed!"  said  Louisa;  this  is  the  first  time  I  ever  heard  you 
talk  of  such  an  article.  Can't  you  select  one  from  among  your 
many  admirers?" 

"A  fig  for  my  admirers!  I'm  tired — I'm  sick,  I'm  disgusted 
with  my  admirers.     All  come  and  make   silly  compliments;  one 

says.  Miss  B ,  how  pretty  you  look  to-day;  another  sickens 

me  with  his  silly  looks;  another  is  so  desperately  in  love  with 
me  that  he  can't  talk;  another  is  so  desperately  in  love  with  him- 
self that  he  talks  forever.  Oh !  I  wish  I  were  married !  I  wish  I 
had  a  husband;  or  at  least  two  yards  of  jaconet  to  finish  the 
dress  for  the  Richmond  campaign.  " 

Mary  Ann  B was  a  gay,  young  rattling  creature  who  had 

lost  her  father  and  part  of  her  heart  at  fourteen.  She  was  now  sev- 
enteen, possessed  a  fine  figure,  rather  embonpoint;  not  tall,  but 
very  gracefully  rounded  off  Her  profuse  auburn  ringlets  clus- 
tered negligently  round  a  pair  of  cheeks  in  which  the  pure  red 
and  white  minded  so   delicately  that  where  the  one  began  or  the 

15 


204  ENTERTAINING  Love. 

other  ended  no  one  could  tell.  Her  eyes  were  dark  blue,  but 
possessing  a  lustre  when  lighted  up  with  feeling  or  enthusiasm 
whith  defied  any  one  to  distinguish  them  fr.om  burning  black. — 
Her  motions  were  light,  airy  and  graceful.  Her  foot  and  ankle 
were  most  elegantly  formed;  and  her  two  small  white  hands, 
with  soft,  tapering  fingers,  were  as  aristocratic  as  could  be  im- 
agined by  a  Byron  or  an  Ali  Pasha.  Since  the  death  of  her 
father,  which  was  a  period  of  about  two  years  or  more,  she  had 
had  many  admirers,  several  decided  offers  and  not  a  few  who  had 
hoped,  but  durst  not  venture  upon  the  fatal  question.  She 
laughed  at  their  offers,  and  ridiculed  her  admirers,  and  protested 
she  would  never  marry  until  she  had  brought  at  least  an  hundred 
to  her  feet.  For  several  counties  round  up  and  down  the  James 
river  she  was  quite  a  toast  among  the  young  planters. 

In  those  days  the  White  Sulpher,  the  Blue  Sulphur  and  Hot 
Sulphur  Springs  were  not  much  frequented;  but  the  people  of 
fashion  in  Lower  Virginia,  the  wealthy  planters,  were  just  begin- 
ning to  escape  to  the  Blue  mountains  during  the  autumnal 
months.  In  one  of  those  excursions  the  party,  of  which  Mary 
Ann  made  a  lively  member,  was  overtaken  one  afternoon  in  a 
sudden  rain-storm  at  the  entrance  of  one  of  the  gorges  of  the 
mountains.  'The  party  was  traveling  in  an  open  carriage,  with  a 
sort  of  top  resembhng  a  gig,  to  spread  out  when  a  shower  broke 
over  them  with  sudden  violence.  On  the  present  occasion  the 
leather  top  afforded  the  ladies  a  very  inadequate  shelter  from 
the  dark,  heavy  clouds  above.  The  first  house  they  approached 
was  therefore  truly  welcomed.  They  dismounted,  went  in  and 
found  several  young  gentlemen  surrounding  the  hickory  fire 
which  was  crackling  merrily  on  a  large,  white  hearth. 

A  young  man  of  rather  modest,  easy,  but  unobtrusive  manners, 
rose  at  the  approach  of  Mary  Ann  and  offered  her  his  chair.  She 
accepted  it  with  a  slight  inclination  of  the  head  and  a  quiet 
glance  at  his  general  appearance.  Nothing  remarkable  took 
place  at  this  interview;  but  a  few  days  after,  when  they  had 
reached  the  foot  of  one  of  the  mountains,  which  was  appro- 
priated as  the  place  of  gayety  and  fashion,  the  youag  gentleman 


Love.  ANECDOTES.  205 

was  formally  introduced  to  Mary  Ann  as  Mr.  C from  Wil- 
liamsburg, in  West  Virginia.  In  a  very  short  time  he  became  a 
very  devoted  admirer  of  Mary  Ann — was  extremely  and  deli- 
cately attentive,  and,  of  course,  gave  rise  to  many  surmises 
among  the  match-makers  of  the  Springs.  At  the  close  of  the 
season  he  put  forth  his  pretentions  in  form.  He  offered  himself 
formally  to  Mary  Ann.  As  usual,  she  spent  a  whole  night  think- 
ing, crying,  deliberating,  grieving,  wondering,  and  next  morning 
sent  him  a  flat  refusal.  So  this  affair,  which  is  a  specimen  of 
about  thirty  or  forty  she  had  managed  in  this  way,  was  con- 
sidered closed  beyond  all  hopes  of  revival.  The  parties  never 
again  met  till  the  moment  we  have  now  reached  threw  them 
accidentally  into  each  other's  company. 

Since  the  period  just  referred  to,  Mary  Ann  had  considerably 
altered  in  her  feelings  and  her  views.  She  had  pursued  the  game 
of  catching  admirers,  of  leading  them  on  to  declare  themselves^ 
and  of  then  rejecting  with  tears  and  regrets  in  abundance,  till  she 
and  the  whole  world  of  young  men  became  mutually  disgusted 
with  each  other.  Yet  she  had  many  excellent  qualities — was  a 
fast  and  enduring  friend,  knew  as  well  as  any  one  of  the  folly  of 
her  course  of  life ;  but  her  ambition,  her  love  of  conquest,  her 
pride  of  talent,  her  desire  of  winning  away  the  admirers  of  her 
female  rivals,  entirely  clouded  and  obscured  her  more  amiable 
qualities  of  mind  and  heart. 

"How  long  have  you  been  in  Williamsburg,  Mary  Ann?" 
asked  her  chere  atni. 

"Only  three  days,  and  I  have  only  picked  up  three  beaux. 
What  a  dull  place  this  is.  It  is  called  the  'classic  shade' — the  'ac- 
ademic groves  of  the  Old  Dominion,'  and  all  that  sort  of  thing. 
One  of  the  professors  entertained  me  a  good  two  hours,  the 
other  evening,  with  the  laws  of  Dido  and  ^neas.  I  wish  I  had 
a  couple  of  yards  of  jaconet.  " 

"Or  a  husband — " 

"Or  a  husband,  either;  T  don't  care  which.  Come,  my  love, 
let's  go  a-sKopping  in  this  classic  town. " 

The  two  ladies  immediately  rose — it  was  about  noonday — put 


2o6  ENTERTAINING  Love. 

on  their  bonnets,  took  their  parasols  and  sallied  forth. 

"For  a  husband  or  a  jaconet,  you  say?" 

"Two  yards  of  jaconet  or  a  husband." 

The  town  of  Williamsburg,  like  every  other  little  town  in  Vir- 
ginia or  New  York,  does  not  contain  many  stores.  A  shopping 
expedition  is  therefore  soon  completed.  The  two  ladies  sauntered 
into  this  shop,  then  into  that,  sometimes  making  ^the  poor  fellow 
of  a  shop-keeper  turn  out  his  whole  stock  in  trade,  and  rewarding 
his  pains  by  the  purchase  of  a  six-penny  worth  of  tape.  They 
had  proceeded  for  an  hour  in  this  lounging,  lazy  style,  when 
Louisa  said:  "O,  Mary  Ann,  here  is  an  old  beau  of  yours  in  that 
store  with  the  red  gingham  flapping  at  the  door  Uke  a  pirate's 
flag;  come,  let  us  go  and  plague  him  for  'auld  lang  syne,'  as  Mrs. 
McDonald,  the  Scotch  lady  of  Norfolk,  says." 

"Certainly,"  said  Mary  Ann,  "but  which  of  my  old  admirers 
is  it?" 

"Have  you  got  your  list  in  your  pocket?" 

"Not  at  all,  I  have  it  at  my  grandmother's  in  Richmond;  what 
a  pity." 

The  two  wild  creatures  bounding  like  a  couple  of  fawns  over 
a  forest  glade — for  they  were  reckless  of  the  public  opinion 
among  the  old  dowagers  and  staid  maidens  of  Williamsburg — 
entered  the  store  and  asked  for  a  sight  of  gloves,  mushns  and 
ribbons.  Mary  Ann  did  not  seem  to  pay  much  attention  to  the 
fine  articles  shown  her.  She  ever  and  anon  cast  her  eyes  by 
stealth  round  and  round  the  store,  endeavoring  to  discover  if 
she  recognized  any  of  the  faces  as  that  of  an  acquaintance. — 
She  could  see  nothing  to  repay  the  effort.  Notaface  had  she  ever 
seen  before,  She  summoned  up  to  her  recollection  all  her  for- 
mer admirers.  They  passed  through  her  mind  like  the  ghosts  in 
"Macbeth;"  for,  notwithstanding  her  rejection  of  so  many  lov- 
ers, she  ever  retained  a  certain  portion  of  regard  for  every  poor 
fellow  who  had  fallen  a  victim  to  her  whim,  beauty,  witchery  and 
caprice. 

"This  is  an  Arabian  desert,"  said  Mary  Ann,  sighing,  to  Lou- 
isa, as  she  split  a  pair  of  kid  gloves  in  endeavoring  to  get  them  on. 


Love.  ANECDOTES. 


207 


"Oh  no,"  said  the  gay  young  shopman;  "indeed,  miss,  they 
are  the  best  French  kid. " 

"Pray,"  said  Louisa,  in  a  low  tone,  "don't  you  see  anything  in 
the  back  room  of  the  store?" 

In  a  remote  corner  of  the  store  there  stood  at  the  desk  a  plain- 
ly dressed  gentleman,  leaning  over  the  corner  of  a  wooden 
railing,  with  eyes  firmly  fixed  upon  the  two  ladies  now  so 
actively  engaged  in  tossing  over  the  counter  all  sorts  of  merchan- 
dise and  light  French  goods. 

"As  I  live,"  said  Mary  Ann,  "there  is  my  old  Blue  Ridge 
beau.  O!  how  wet  I  was,"  whispered  she,  "drenched  with  a 
summer  shower,  when  first  I  was  thrown  into  his  society.  I  be- 
lieve the  poor  fellow  loved  me  sincerely.  Come,  let  us  spend 
upon  him  at  least  ten  dollars  in  jaconet;  he  spent  one  hundred 
dollars  upon  me  in  balls,  dancing,  cold,  cough-drops  and  drives, 
and  got  nothing  for  his  pains  but  a  neat  billet-doux  declining  his 
poor  heart  and  soft  hand.     Poor  fellow." 

With  this  sally  the  ladies  bought  several  articles,  scarcely 
caring  whether  they  suited  them  or  not.  When  they  left  the  store 
Mary  Ann  fell  into  a  reverie,  was  quite  silent,  which  for  her  was 
unusual  and  singular.  Louisa's  spirits,  on  the  contrary,  gathered 
life  and  energy  as  those  of  her  companion  sunk  away.  She 
talked,  she  laughed,  she  ridiculed  her  beaux,  she  rallied  Mary 
Ann,  and  looking  into  her  once  melancholy  face,  said:  "So,  my 
love,  you  are  caught  at  last. " 

"Caught,"  said  Mary  Ann:  "indeed  you  are  mistaken.  I  dO' 
not  think — that  is  to  say,  I  fancy  I  should  not  like  to  marry  my 
-Blue  Ridge  beau.  Oh!  Louisa,"  said  she,  after  a  pause,  with  a 
tear  in  her  eye,  "what  a  foolish  creature  I  have  been.  Mr.  Col- 
lingwood,  for  that  is  his  name,  I  am  sure,  quite  sure,  does  not 
think  of  me;  but  I  cannot  remember  the  attentions  he  once 
paid  me  without  a  feeling  of  regret. " 

"Why!  now  what's  the  matter  with  you?  After  refusing  so 
many,  you  are  going  to  throw  yourself  away  on  a  shop-keeper? 
A  descendant  of  one  of  the  most  ancient  families  in  Virginia  to 
marry  a  shopkeeper!" 


2o8  ENTERTAINING  Love. 

"Alas!  alas!  Louisa,  what  is  descent?  what  is  fashion?  what 
is  all  the  life  I  have  led?  Do  you  see  that  little  white  house 
with  green  Venetian  blinds  across  the  street?  I  was  one  evening 
in  that  house,  and  saw  enough  to  satisfy  me  that  I  have  been 
pursuing  pleasure — not  happiness.  Oh,  if  I  could  only  feel  as 
that  young  wife  does!" 

"You  laugh.  I  am  sure  I  do  not  think  of  Mr.  CoUingwood, 
but  there  was  a  time  when  his  soft,  quiet,  affectionate  manner  did 
touch  me  most  sensitively. " 

"Have  you  got  the  gloves  you  bought?"  said  Louisa. 

Mary  Ann  looked.  She  had  forgotten  them  on  the  counter, 
or  lost  them. 

"We  must  return,  then,"  said  Louisa. 

"Never,"  said  Mary  Ann.  "I  never  dare  look  at  him.  I  am 
sure  he  despises  me.  Oh,  if  he  only  knew  how  I  feel — what 
pangs  pass  through  this  heart — I  am  sure  he  would  not. " 

"Come,  come,"  said  Louisa;  "we  must  return  and  get  the 
gloves. " 

"Never!" 

"Oh!  the  jaconet  or  a  husband,  most  assuredly.  You  re 
member  your  resolution  when  we  set  out?" 

Mary  Ann  smiled;  while  her  eye  glistened  with  a  tear.  They 
returned  home,  however,  and  sent  Cato,  the  colored  servant,  for 
the  articles  they  had  forgotten. 

After  this  adventure  it  was  observed  that  a  visible  change  came 
over  the  manners  and  spirits  of  Mary  Ann.  Her  gay,  brilliant 
sallies  of  wit  and  ridicule  were  moderated  amazingly.  She 
became  quite  pensive,  singularly  thoughtful  for  a  girl  of  her  un- 
usual flow  of  spirits.  When  Louisa  rallied  her  on  her  shopping 
excursion,  she  replied,  "Indeed, .Louisa,  I  do  not  think  I  could 
marry  Mr.  CoUingwood;  besides,  he  has  forgotten  every  feeling 
he  may  have  entertained  for  me. "  In  a  few  days  after  this  event 
a  party  v/as  given  one  evening  at  neighboring  house.  The 
family  in  which  Mary  Ann  resided  were  all  invited.  The  moment 
of  reunion  approached,  and  Mary  Ann,  dressed  with  great  ele- 
gance, but  far  less  splendor  than  usual,  found  herself  at  the  head 


Love.  ANECDOTES.  209 

of  a  cotillion,  surrounded  by  several  young  gentlemen,  students 
of  William  and  Mary,  professors,  planters  and  merchants.  They 
were  pressing  forward  in  every  direction,  talking  and  catching 
a  word  or  a  look  from  so  celebrated  a  belle.  Mary  Ann,  how- 
ever, did  not  appear  to  enjoy  the  group  that  surrounded  her. 

She  was  shooting  her  dark  blue  eyes  easily  and  negligently 
towards  the  entrance,  as  every  new  face  came  forward  to  see  all 
the  party.  The  music  struck  up,  and,  rallying  her  attention, 
she  immediately  stepped  off  on  a  dos-a-dos  with  that  elegance 
and  grace  for  which  she  wa«  so  particularly  remarkable.  At  the 
close,  as  she  stood  up  beside  her  partner,  throwing  a  beautiful 
auburn  ringlet  back  upon  her  white,  round  neck,  her  eye  caught 
with  sudden  emotion  a  quiet,  genteel-looking  person,  at  the 
other  end  of  the  room.  It  was  Mr.  Collingwood.  She  immedi- 
ately dropped  her  eyes  to  the  floor  and  looked  very  narrowly  at 
har  left  foot  as  she  moved  it  on  the  toe  backwards  and  forwards, 
as  it  were,  for  want  of  thought  or  to  divert  her  thoughts.  In  a 
few  seconds  she  looked  up  in  the  same  direction.  Mr.  Colling- 
wood still  stood  in  the  same  position,  watching  every  motion  she 
made  and  every  look  she  cast  around  her.  She  blushed,  felt 
embarrassed,  and  went  altogether  wrong  in  the  cotillion. 

"What  in  the  world  are  you  thinking  of,"  asked  Louisa. 

"I  scarcely  know  myself,"  said  Mary  Ann. 

In  a  few  seconds  the  the  cotillion  was  brought  to  a  close,  and 
Mary  Ann's  partner  escorted  her  to  a  seat.  Mr.  Collingwood 
approached  through  the  crowd  and  stood  before  her. 

"How  is  Miss !"  asked  Mr.  Collingwood  with  suppressed 

emotion. 

Mary  Ann  muttered  out  a  few  words  in  reply.  She  dropped 
her  glove.     Mr.  Collingwood  picked  it  up. 

"This  is  not  the  first  time  you  have  lost  a  glove,"  said  he  with 
a  smile. 

She  received  it  and  cast  a  look  upon  him  of  inconceivable 
sweetness. 

"Do  you  dance  again.  Miss ?" 

"I  believe  not;  I  am  going  home." 


2IO  ENTERTAINING  Love. 

"Going  home!"  said  he,  "why,  the  amiisments  are  scarcely 
begun. " 

"They  are  ended  with  me,"  said  she,  "for  the  night.  I  wish 
my  servant  would  fetch  my  cloak  and  bonnet." 

"Oh,  you  can't  be  going  home  already?" 

"Indeed  I  am,"  said  she. 

"Well,"  said  he  with  a  smile,  "I  know  your  positive  temper  of 
old.     Allow  me  to  get  your  cloak  for  you?" 

"Certainly." 

Mr.  Colhngwood  left  the  room.  Louisa  and  several  other 
female  friends  gathered  around  her,  persuading  her  on  all  sides 
not  to  leave  the  party  ere  it  was  begun.  She  would  not  remain. 
Mr.  Collingwood  appeared  at  the  door.  In  the  hall,  for  it 
was  the  fashion  then  and  there  to  do  so,  Mr.  Collingwood  took 
her  bonnet  and  put  it  on. 

Allow  me, "  said  he,  "to  tie  the  strings. "  She  nodded  assent,  and 
while  he  was  tying  the  ribbons  under  her  chin,  he  could  not  help 
touching  her  soft  cheek.  He  was  in  ecstacy — she  was  quiet  and 
resigned.  He  took  the  cloak — he  unfolded  it — he  stood  in  front 
of  her — their  eyes  met — both  blushed — he  pulled  the  cloak 
around  her  shoulders — he  folded  it  around  and  around  her  bo- 
som. He  trembled  Uke  a  leaf;  she  trembled  also.  He  pressed 
her  warmly  to  his  heart,  whispering  in  her  ear,  "Oh,  Mary  Ann, 
If  I  may  hope — yet  indulge  a  hope?"  For  a  moment  they  were 
left  alone,  her  head  sunk  upon  his  breast.  She  could  not  speak, 
but  her  heart  was  like  to  burst. 

"Will  I- — dare  I  expect  to  be  yet  happy?"     Their  warm  cheeks 
met;   their  lips  reahzed  it  in  one   long,    long,    long   respiration. 
They  tore  away  from  each  other  without  another  word — every- 
, thing  was  perfectly  understood  between  them. 

At  this  moment  Mrs.  Jamieson,  the  good  lady  of  the  mansion, 
approached  and  insisted  that  Mary  Ann  should  not  go  so  early. 
"It  is  really  shameful,  my  dear,"  said  she,  "to  think  of  leaving 
us  at  this  hour.  When  I  go  to  Richmond  do  I  leave  you  thus 
abruptly?  Why,  Mr.  Collingwood,  can't  you  prevail  upon  her 
to  stay  a  little  longer?" 


Love.  ANECDOTES.  211 

He  shook  his  head.  "All  my  rhetoric  has  been  exhausted," 
said,  he,  "and  it  has  proved  unavailing." 

Mary  Ann  looked  at  him  very  archly. 

"Well,  now,"  continued  the  lady,  "I  insist  upon  your  staying;" 
and  she  forthwith  proceeded  to  take  off  her  bonnet,  untie  her 
cloak,  and  sent  the  servant  with  them  into  the  side  apartment. 
Mary  Ann  was  unresisting.  She  was  again  led  into  the  room. 
Collingwood  danced  with  her  all  the  evening.  He  escorted  her 
home  in  the  beautiful  moonlight,  and  every  now  and  then  he 
pressed  the  cloak  around  her,  with  which  she  appeared  not  by 
any  means  to  find  fault. 

In  about  a  month  Mary  Ann  became  Mrs.  Collingwood,  and 
immediately,  as  the  parson  had  finished  this  great  business  of  the 
evening,  Louisa,  who  was  one  of  her  maids,  whispered  in  her 
ear,  "Two  yards  of  jaconet  or  a  husband."  She  smiled,  and 
passed  her  arm  around  Louisa's  waist.  "Both,  my  love — both 
my  love.     Jaconet  and  a  husband,  a  husband  and  jaconet." 


Selecting  a  \A(^ife  in  the   Cars. 

On  the  whole,  pleasant  traits  and  characters  are  not  common 
in  the  cars.  This  opinion  I  expressed  to  my  friend  Summers  the 
other  day.  In  reply  to  my  remark  he  related  a  httle  adventure, 
which,  as  it  is  appropos,  and  moreover,  involves  a  little  love  and 
sentiment,  I  give  it  without  apology,  in  his  own  words.  It 
appears  that  in  the  most  unlikely  places,  love  and  sentiment  may 
be  discovered. 

"I  was  escorting  home  the  lovely  Charlotte -,   to  whom  at 

the  time  I  was  quite  devoted.  Charlotte  could  scarcely  find 
room  to  spread  her  crinoline  and  arrange  her  voluminous  flounces. 
I  stood  up  near  her,  there  being  no  vacant  seat. 

"After  a  few  minutes,  came  in  a  poor  woman,  who  deposited 
a  basket  of  clothes  on  the  front  platform,  and  held  in  her  arms 
a  small  child,  while  a  little  girl  hung  to  her  dress.  She  looked 
tired  and  weary,  but  there  was  no  vacant  seat;  to  be  sure  Char- 
lotte might  have  condescended  to  contract  her  flounces,  but  she 


212  ENTERTAINING  Love. 

did  not.  Beside  her,  however,  sat  a  very  lovely  and  elegant 
young  woman,  who  seemed  trying,  by  moving  down  closer  to 
others,   to   make  space  enough  for  the  stranger  between  herself 

and  Miss  D .      At  last  she  succeeded,  and  with  the  sweetest 

blush  I  ever  saw  she  invited  the  poor  female  to  be  seated.  Char- 
lotte D drew   her  drapery  around  her  and  blushed  too,    but 

it  was  not  a  pretty  blush  at  all,  and  she  looked  annoyed  at  the 
proximity  of  the  new  comer,  who  was,  however,  clean  ai;d  de- 
cently, though  thinly  clad. 

"The  unknown  lady  drew  the  little  girl  upon  her  lap,  and 
wrapped  her  velvet  mantle  around  the  small  half-clad  form,  and 
put  her  muff  over  her  half-frozen  httle  hands. 

"So  gieat  was  the  crowd,  that  I  alone  seemed  to  observe.  The 
child  shivered — the  keen  wind  from  the  door  blew  upon  her  un- 
protected neck.  I  saw  the  young  lady  quietly  draw  from  under 
her  shawl  a  little  woolen  shawl,  which  she  softly  put  on  the  shoul- 
ders of  the  little  one;  the  mother  looked  on  with  a  confused 
wonder.  After  a  short  time  she  arose  to  leave  the  car,  and 
would  have  removed  the  shawl,  but  the  unknown  gently  whis- 
pered, "No,  keep  it  for  her."  The  woman  did  not  answer,  the 
conductor  hurried  her  out,  but  her  eyes  swam  with  tears.  I 
noticed  as  she  descended  to  a  basement,  and  I  hastily  remarked 
the  house. 

"Soon  after  my  unknown  also  arose  to  depart.  I  was  in  des- 
pair, for  I  wanted  to  follow  and  discover  her  residence,  but 
could  not  leave  Miss  D . 

"How  glad,  then,  I  was  to  see  her  bowing,  as  she  passed  out 
to  a  mutual  acquaintance  who  stood  in  the  doorway.  From  him, 
ere  many  minutes,  I  learned  her  name  and  address. 

"To  shorten  the  story  as  much  as  possible,  that  lady  is  now  my 
wife.  In  the  small  incident  which  introduced  her  to  me  she 
showed  her  real  character.  A  few  days  after  our  marriage  I 
showed  her  the  blessed  crimson  shawl,  which  I  redeemed  from 
its  owner,  and  shall  keep  it  as  a  memento.  There  are  sometimes 
pleasant  things  to  bS  found  in  unexpected  places;  certainly  I 
may  be  said  to  have  picked  out  my  wife  in  the  cars. " 


Love.  ANECDOTES.  213 

— Flirtation  is  attention,  without  intention. 

— It  was  a  woman  who  first  prompted  man  to  eat,  but  he  took 
to  drink  of  his  own  account  afterwards. 

— Voltaire  once  said  to  a  lady:  "Your  rivals  are  all  the  per- 
fection of  arJ:,  but  you  are  the  perfection  of  nature." 

— Some  women  think  they  can  do  nothing  without  a  husband^ 
and  when  they  get  one,  they  can  do  nothing  with  him, 

— The  solution  of  the  question,  whether  woman  is  equal  to 
man,  depends  upon  who  the  woman  is,  and  who  the  man  is. 

— On  a  pretty  girl  saying  to  Leigh  Hunt :  "I  am  very  sad  you 
see,"  he  replied.  "Oh,  no,  you  belong  to  the  Jewish  Sect,  you  are 
wQxy  fair  I iee." 

— Upon  a  gay  Lothario  marrying  his  young  wife,  she  said : — 
"Now  I  hope  you  will  mend."  "You  may  depend  on  it,"  said 
he,   "This  is  my  last  folly/" 

— If  a  lady  says  to  you:  "I  can  never  love  you,"  wait  a  little 
longer,  all  hope  is  not  lost.  But  if  she  says:  "No  one  has  more 
sincere  wishes  for  your  happiness  than  I, "  take  your  hat. 

— Sheridan's  wife  once  displayed  great  indignation  and  assert- 
ed that  her  husband  was  a  villain,  because  she  had  discovered 
that  all  the  love  letters  he  sent  her  were  the  very  same  as  he  sent 
his  first  wife. 

Dr.  Franklin's  mother-in-law  hesitated  at  letting  her  daughter 
marry  a  printer,  as  there  were  then  already  two  printing  offices 
in  the  United  States,  and  she  was  uncertain  whether  the  country- 
would  support  a  third ! 

— The  Prince  of  Conti  and  lover  of  Madame  Dd*  Boufflers 
was  greatly  attached  to  the  sex  even  when  old.  He  did  not 
succeed  as  well,  however,  and  said,  "It  is  time  for  me  to  retire; 
formerly  my  civilities  were  taken  for  declarations  of  love,  but 
now  my  declarations  of  love  are  taken  for  civilities. 


2 1 4  ENTER  TAINING  Love. 

— When  Wilberforce  was  a  candidate  for  Parliament,  his 
"brilliant  sister  offered  a  new  gown  to  the  wife  of  every  freeman 
who  would  vote  for  her  brother,  on  which  a  cry  was  raised : 
■"Miss  Wilberforce  forever."  She  replied,  "I  thank  you,  gen- 
tlemen, but  I  cannot  agree  with  you.  I  do  not  wish  to  be  Miss 
Wilberforce  forever. " 

— "Martha,  dost  thou  love  me?"  said  a  young  Quaker.  "Why 
Seth,  we  are  commanded  to  love  one  another."  "Ah  Martha, 
but  dost  thou  feel  what  the  world  calls  love?"  "I  hardly  know 
what  to  tell  thee,  Seth ! "  "I  have  tried  to  bestow  my  love 
upon  all,  but  I  have  sometimes  thought  perha]  s  that  thou  wast 
getting  more  than  thy  share ! " 

— Xenophon  relates,  that  when  an  Armenian  pi  ince  had  been 
taken  captive  with  his  princess,  by  Cyrus,  and  was  asked  what 
he  would  give  to  be  restored  to  his  kingdom,  he  replied,  "As  for 
my  kingdom  and  liberty  I  value  them  not,  but  if  my  blood  would 
redeem  my  princess,  I  would  cheerfully  give  it  for  her. "  When 
Cyrus  had  liberated  them  both,  the  princess  was  asked  what  she 
thought  of  Cyrus.  "I  did  not  see  him,"  she  said;  "I  noticed 
only  him  who  offered  to  die  for  me. " 

— When  Philip  Henry,  the  father  of  the  celebrated  commenta- 
tor, sought  the  hand  of  the  only  daughter  and  heiress  of  Mrs. 
Mathews  in  marriage,  an  objection  was  made  by  her  father,  who 
admitted  that  he  was  a  gentleman,  a  scholar,  and  an  excellent 
preacher;  but  he  was  a  stranger,  and  "they  did  not  even  know 
where  he  came  from."  "True,"  said  the  daughter,  who  had  well 
weighed  the  excellent  qualities  and  graces  of  the  stranger,  "but 
I  know  where  he  is  going,  and  I  should  like  to  go  with  him, "  and 
they  walked  life's  pilgrimage  together.  How  honored  would 
that  reluctant  father  have  been,  could  he  have  foreseen  that  his 
daughter  would  be  the  mother  of  Matthew  Henry !  And  how 
different  would  be  the  world's -estimate  of  men,  if  they  were 
judged  less  by  their  origin,  and  more  by  their  destiny! 


ANECDOTES. 


215 


MARVELOUS   STORIES. 


A  Fortunate   Presentiment.. 

In  March  1878,  while  the  ill-fated  United  States  steamer 
Huron  was  lying  in  the  harbor  of  Port  Royal.  S.  C,  Lieut.  Ar- 
thur H.  Fletcher,  her  executive  officer,  left  the  vessel  on  a 
twenty-four  hours'  leave  of  absence,  and,  failing  to  return  at  the 
expiration  of  that  time,  the  ship  sailed  for  another  port  without 
him.  A  few  days  after  Mr.  Fletcher  returned  to  Port  Royal, 
reported  to  Commodore  J.  H.  B.  Clitz,  "senior  naval  officer 
present, "  and  stated  to  him  that  for  some  time  past  he  had  a 
presentiment  that,  if  he  went  to  sea  in  the  Huron  for  the  pur- 
pose of  finishing  the  cruise,  (two  years,)  he  would  be  wrecked. 
This  feeling  took  complete  possession  of  his  mind,  and  he  used 
every  means  to  get  detached,  but  the  Navy  Department  refused 
to  order  it  without  a  better  reason.  When  he  found  that  all  his 
efforts  had  failed,  he  left  the  Huron  in  the  manner  stated,  with 
the  intention  not  to  return.  For  this  he  was  placed  under  arrest, 
and  tried  by  court-martial  at  Washington  Navy  Yard  in  August 
last.  In  defense  he  made  a  statement,  in  substance  as  above, 
and  called  Commodore  Clitz,  Commander  George  P.  Ryan  of 
the  Huron,  and  other  officers,  to  prove  that,  before  leaving  the 
ship,  he  told  them  of  the  dread — in  fact  horror — he  had  of  finish- 
ing the  cruise  in  the  vessel.  This  is  a  matter  of  record,  on  file 
in  the  Navy  Department,  and  though  such  a  line  of  defense  was 
laughed  at  when  made,  the  fate  of  the  Huron  will  cause  many 
superstitious  people  to  think  that  Mr.  Fletcher's  premonition 
was  fully  proven  to  be  a  true  one  by  the  wreck  at  Kitty 
Hawk,  N.  C. 


2i6  ENTERTAINING  .     Marvelous, 

A   Strange    Story. 

Thirty-three  years  ago  a  family  named  Benton,  consisting  of 
father,  mother,  son  and  daughter,  resided  in  one  of  the  Western. 
States  near  a  small  town  called  Blank.  The  father  was  wealthy 
and  lived  in  style,  and  his  daughter  Mabel,  a  child  between  twO' 
and  three  years  of  age,  was  always  elegantly  dressed,  and  George, 
the  son,  a  boy  of  seven,  was  preparing  to  enter  an  Eastern 
school.  One  day  little  Mabel  disappeared,  and  her  parents  never 
heard  of  her  again,  although  they  spent  thousands  of  dollars  in 
searching  for  her.  The  heart-broken  mother  died  soon  after  the 
loss  of  her  darling,  and  the  father  wandered  over  this  country 
and  Europe,  and  finally  settled  in  New  York,  where  he  died.. 
George  grew  to  manhood,  and  the  memory  of  his  lost  sister  was 
almost  effaced  from  his  mind.  In  his  twenty-seventh  year,  while' 
visiting  a  married  friend,  he  fell  in  love  with  the  governess  of  his- 
friend's  children,  a  beautiful  girl  of  about  twenty-three,  and  after 
some  months  they  were  married  and  lived  happily  for  five  or  six. 
years,  a  boy  and  girl  being  born  to  them  during  that  time. 

By  the  death  of  an  uncle  in  San  Francisco  George  was  left  a 
considerable  fortune,  and  the  lawyer  who  conveyed  the  intelli- 
gence to  him  also  stated  that  his  sister's  career  had  been  traced. 
A  tramp  on  his  beath-bed  in  a  St.  Touis  police-station  confessed 
that  he  and  two  companions  had  stolen  little  Mabel  for  her 
clothes  and  a  locket  which  she  wore,  and  that  she  had  continued 
with  them  for  several  years,  when  her  bright,  pretty  face  attracted 
the  attention  of  a  kind-hearted  lady  in  Ohio,  who  adopted  her 
and  sent  her  to  school,  where  she  remained  until  her  patroness- 
died.  Mabel  then  became  a  teacher  in  a  large  school  in  Cin- 
4  cinnati,  but  as  her  health  began  to  fail  she  applied  for  a  position 
as  governess,  and  was  now  in  the  family  of  Mr.  M.,  or  at  least 
that  was  the  last  place  he  had  heard  of  her  being  in. 

"What  was  the  name  of  the  family  she  was  with?"  asked 
George. 

"M , "  was  the  answer. 

"•What  name  did  my  sister  have?" 


Marvelous.  ANECDOTES.  217 

"Mabel  Ferris." 

"My  God!"  cried  George,  in  agony.  "She  has  been  my  wife 
for  five  years. " 

Upon  further  investigation  this  proved  to  be  the  truth,  and  the 
girl  nearly  went  crazy,  as  she  was  a  devout  Episcopalian.  A 
separation  ensued,  all  property  being  equally  divided.  The  chil- 
dren were  placed  with  friends,  as  neither  parent  could  bear  the 
sight  of  what  was  to  them  the  fruit  of  a  crime  against  God  and 
man.  The  poor  girl  is  still  living  in  a  quiet  city  in  New  England, 
while  the  husband  and  brother,  after  spending  all  his  property 
save  a  few  hundred  dollars  in  dissipation,  shut  himself  off  from 
all  communication  with  his  friends,  and  is  to-day  a  poor  farmer 
in  the  county  of  Garrett,  among  strangers,  and  where  few  know 
his  sadly  remarkable  story. 


Singular  Phenomenon. 

■  There  has  been  found,  says  a  California  journal,  a  pair  of  field 
glasses  in  the  desert  near  what  is  known  as  Death's  Valley.  The 
glasses  are  supposed  to  have  belonged  to  Hahn,  a  lost  guide  of 
Wheeler's  Expedition.  They  were  brought  into  one  of  the  inte- 
rior towns  by  an  Indian,  and  purchased  from  him.  The  most 
singular  fact  connected  with  them  is  that  every  object  within 
range  of  where  the  glasses  had  been  lying  for  a  year  or  more  is 
distinctly  photographed  upon  them.  We  have  heard  of  such  phe- 
nomena before,  but  this  is  one  of  the  most  remarkable  instances 
we  remember.  Both  object  glasses  are  covered  with  perfect  and 
beautiful  photographs  or  etchings  of  desert  shrubs,  stems,  branches, 
leaf-stalks.  Leaves  and  leaflets  are  distinctly  marked  as  if  laid 
on  by  a  master  hand.  There  is  no  mixture  or  confusion  of  one 
plant  with  another,  each  plant  having  a  clear  border  of  unmarked 
glass,  rendering  it  probable  that  the  sun  or  lightning  photograph, 
or  whatever  it  may  be,  was  received  through  the  eye-glass. 
These  pictures  seem  to  occupy  a  position  about  the  center  of 
each  of  the  object  glasses,  but  a  little  nearer  the  plane  than  the 
convex  side. 


2i8  ENTERTAINING  Marvelous. 

How  Great  Men  Escaped. 

Some  years  ago  a  young  man  holding  a  subordinate  position 
in  the  East  India  Company's  service  twice  attempted  to  deprive 
'himself  of  life  by  snapping  a  loaded  pistol  at  his  head.  Each 
time  the  pistol  missed  fire.  A  friend  entering  his  room  shortly 
afterward,  he  requested  him  to  fire  it  out  of  the  window.  It  then 
went  off  without  any  difficulty.  Satisfied  that  the  weapon  liad 
been  duly  primed  and  loaded,  the  young  man  sprang  up,  exclaim- 
ing; "I  must  be  preserved  for  something  great,"  and  from  that 
moment  gave  up  the  idea  of  suicide,  which  for  some  time  pre- 
vious had  been  uppermost  in  his  thoughts.  That  young  man 
afterward  became  Lord  Clive. 

Bancon,  the  sculptor,  when  a  boy  five  years  old,  fell  into  a  pit 
■of  a  soap  boiler,  and  must  have  perished,  had  not  a  workman, 
just  entering  the  yard,  observed  the  top  of  his  head. 

When  Oliver  Cromwell  was  an  infant  a  monkey  snatched  him 
from  his  cradle,  leaped  with  him  from  a  garret-window,  and  ran 
with  him  along  the  leads  of  the  house.  The  utmost  alarm  was 
excited  among  the  inmates,  and  various  devices  were  used  to 
rescue  the  child  from  the  guardianship  of  his  newly-found  pro 
tector.  All  was  unavailing,  his  would-be  rescuers  had  lost  cour- 
age, and  were  in  despair  of  ever  seeing  the  baby  alive  again ; 
when  the  monkey  quietly  retraced  his  steps,  and  deposited  his 
burden  quietly  upon  the  bed.  On  a  subsequent  occasion  the 
water  had  well-nigh  quenched  his  unsatiable  ambition.  He  fell 
into  a  deep  pond,  from  drowning  in  which  a  clergyman  was  the 
sole  instrument  of  his 'rescue. 

Doddridge,  when  born,  was  so  weakly  an  infant  he  w^s  be- 
lieved to  be  dead.  A  nurse  standing  by  believed  she  saw  signs 
of  vitality.  Thus  the  feeble  spark  of  life  was  saved  from  being 
extinguished,  and  an  eminent  author  preserved  to  the  world. 

Many  years  have  now  elapsed  since  three  subalterns  might 
have  been  seen  struggling  in  the  water  off  St.  Helena,  one  of 
them  peculiarly  helj^less.  He  was  saved  to  live  as  Arthur 
Wellesley,  Duke  of  Wellington, 

The  life  of  John  Newton  is  but  a  history  of  marvelous  deliv- 


Marvelous.  ANECDOTES.  2 1 9 

erances.  As  a  youth  he  had  agreed  to  accompany  some  friends 
on  board  of  a  man-of-war.  He  arrived  too  late;  the  boat  in 
which  his  friends  had  gone  was  capsized  and  all  its  occupants 
drowned.  On  another  occasion,  when  tide-surveyor  in  the  port 
of  Liverpool,  some  business  had  detained  him,  to  the  great  sur- 
prise of  those  who  were  in  the  habit  of  observing  his  undevi- 
ating  punctuality.  He  went  out  in  the  boat,  as  heretofore,  to 
inspect  a  ship,  which  blew  up  before  he  reached  her.  Had  he 
left  the  shore  a  few  minutes  sooner,  he  must  have  perished  with 
the  rest  on  board. 


"Whimsicalities  of  Insanity. 

A  literary  gentleman  of  some  celebrity,  who,  in  consequence 
of  a  slight  affection  of  the  brain,  was  for  several  months  an 
inmate  of  an  insane  asylum  in  Scotland,  has  recently  published 
his  "impressions"  of  life  therein.  He  says  that  one  of  the  most 
singular  of  his  fellow-sufferers  was  a  gentleman  who  was  a  very 
beautiful  bilhard-player,  an  old  inmate  of  the  house,  and  quite 
a  psychological  study.  He  seemed  like  a  man  in  a  waking 
dream,  and  historical  events  and  personages,  from  the  dream- 
land of  his  memory,  were  perpetually  mirrored  on  his  brain.  He 
complimented  the  writer  by  supposing  him  to  be  four  thousand 
years  old,  and  considered  the  events  and  persons  of  the  present 
generation  unworthy  of  notice.     The  following  is  a  specimen  of 

his  extraordinary  reminiscences.     "O,  yes,  Mr. ,  I  knew  very 

well.  There  were  two  Noahs  whom  I  knew,  but  old  Mr.  Noah 
lived  some  thousand  years  before  the  Noah  you  refer  to  who  built 
the  ark.  I  had  a  good  deal  to  do  with  the  construction  of  the 
ark,  and  furnished  some  very  useful  hints  in  regard  to  the  ad- 
mission of  air  and  light,  and  so  forth.  He  was  a  very  respect- 
able man,  Noah,  with  a  decent  family,  but  unfortunately  he  got 
into  very  dissipated  habits  in  his  old  age,  and  in  spite  of  all  I 
could  say  to  him,  he  indulged  in  wine  to  a  very  hurtful  excess. 
JuHus  Cassar  was  a  very  clever  man  with  a  bald  forehead;  but  I 
was  more  intimate  with  Alexander  the  Great,  of  Macedonia,  as 
1  was  long  in  the  military  profession  myself.  I  one  time  com- 
ic 


2  20  ENTER7A2JS/JNG  Marvelous, 

manded  three  battalions  of  men  about  three-quarters  of  an  inch 
tall.  No;  they  were  not  Lilliputians.  I  knew  Captain  Gulliver 
very  well.  And  they  were  smart  enough  little  fellows;  but  my 
men  were  excellent  marksmen — they  always  aimed  at  the  eyes  and 

never  missed.    I'll  tell  you  Mr. ,  the  most  extraordinary  thing 

you  ever  heard,  which  beats  railroads.  I  was  once  transported 
from  the  farthest  shores  of  India  to  the  center  of  Africa  in  three 
minutes!  By  what  means?"  he  repeated  in  reply  to  a  question 
respecting  his  method  of  transit. — "By  a  bomb!"  In  reply  to 
my  remark  on  the  danger  of  being  wafted  so  rapidly  over  vast 
oceans,  he  continued:  "Yes;  it  was  attended  with  considerable 
danger.  I  once  came  down  souse  into  the  ocean;  but  fortu- 
nately I  hailed  a  veessel  which  came  to  my  relief,  and  I  pursued 
my  journey  to  the  wilds  of  Africa  with  the  loss  of  only  two  min- 
utes."  Sometimes,  however,  the  poor  gentleman  would  seem 
doubtful  of  his  own  veracity,  or  the  strength  of  his  memory,  and 
remark :  "My  memory  is  not  so  good  as  it  was,  and  my  health  for 
the  last  hundred  years  has  rather  failed  me,  which  makes'my  head 
a  little  confused."  And  thus  he  moves  about  in  his  waking 
dream,  wearing  out  his  existence  between  his  pipe  and  a  game 
of  billiards,  diversified  occasionally  by  a  short  excursion  in  the 
neighborhood  in  charge  of  an  attendant. 


The  Phantom  Whistle. 

Two  singular  incidents,  which  will  furnish  nuts  for  unbelievers 
to  crack  in  the  supernatural,  have  recently  come  to  light  in 
England  in  regard  to  the  recent  loss  of  the  Avalanche  in  the 
British  Channel.  A  lad,  who  was  a  great  friend  of  one  of  the 
apprentices  who  was  lost,  made  arrangements  to  accompany  him 
down  the  channel  and  came  ashore  with  the  pilot,  but  at  the  last 
moment  before  sailing  he  was  seized  with  such  an  indefinable 
and  ungovernable  misgiving  that  he  declined  to  go,  and  thus 
escaped  almost  certain  death.  The  apprentice  who  was  lost  had 
a  retriever  dog  who  was  very  fond  of  him,  and  which  answered 
to  a  shrill  dog-whistle  that  he  carried.  On  the  the  night  of  the 
shipwreck  his  mother  and  aunt  were  in  the  sitting-room,  and  the 


Marvelous.  ANECDOTES.  221 

dog  in  the  kitchen.  Between  nine  and  ten  o'clock  the  ladies  were 
startled  by  hearing  a  shrill  whistle  up-stairs,  in  sound  resembling 
that  of  the  dog-whistle  used  by  the  young  man.  The  dog  heard 
it  also,  gave  his  usual  recognising  bark,  and  bounded  up  stairs, 
where  he  supposed  his  master  was.  The  whistle  was  heard  just 
about  the  the  time  the  Avalanche  went  down,  and  it  was  heard 
by  two  credible  witnesses,  whose  testiomony  was  confirmed  by 
the  response  made  to  it  by  the  dog  of  the  lost  sailor. 


Taking  Advantage  of  Misfortune. 

A  quarter  of  a  century  ago  there  was  a  memorable  confla- 
gration at  Sacramento  City,  Cal.,  by  which  the  entire  business 
portion  of  the  city  was  laid  in  ashes.  When  the  great  fire  was 
at  its  maximum  of  fury,  a  Avealthy  merchant  named  McNulty, 
who  owned  some  of  the  heaviest  business  establishments  in  the 
city,  gazed  for  a  few  moments  upon  the  work  of  destruction,  and 
then,  instead  of  folding  his  hands  and  weeping  over  the  disaster, 
he  went  to  the  nearest  livery  stable,  hired  a  fleet-footed  horse, 
rode  like  John  Gilpin  during  the  remainder  of  the  night,  and 
before  daylight  the  next  morning  had  purchased  every  foot  of 
lumber  and  every  sawmill  at  Grass  Valley  and  Nevada  City. — 
There  is,  possibly,  no  human  being,  on  earth  who  would  think  of 
running  oft"  by  the  light  of  his  burning  property  in  order  to 
literally  make  his  fortune  out  of  the  disaster  except  an  American. 
McNulty  did  so,  however,  and  almost  immediately  realized  out  of 
the  sale  of  his  lumber  fourfold  as  much  as  he  had  lost  by  the 
great  fire. 

How  a  Madman  Recovered. 

A  famous  watchmaker  of  Paris,  infatuated  for  a  long  time  with 
the  chimera  of  the  perpetual  motion,  became  violently  insane 
from  the  overwhelming  terror  which  the  storms  of  the  Revolu- 
tion excited.  The  derangement  of  his  reason  was  marked  with 
singular  trait.  He  was  persuaded  that  he  had  lost  his  head  on 
the  scaftbld,  and  that  it  was   put  in  a  heap  with  those  of  many 


222  ENTERTAINING  Marvelous. 

other  victims;  but  that  the  Judges  by  a  rather  too  late  retrac- 
tion of  their  cruel  decree,  had  ordered  the  heads  to  be  resumed,, 
and  to  be  rejoined  to  their  respective  bodies. 

He,  however,  conceived  that  by  a  curious  kind  of  tnistake  he 
had  the  head  of  one  of  his  companions  placed  on  his  shoulders. 
He  was  admitted  into  Bicetro ;  where  he  was  continually  com- 
plaining of  his  misfortune,  and  lamenting  the  fine  teeth  and 
wholesome  breath  he  had  exchanged  for  those  of  different  quali- 
ties. In  a  Httle  time  the  hopes  of  discovering  the  perpetual 
motion  returned,  and  he  was  rather  encouraged  than  restrained 
in  his  endeavors  to  effect  his  object.  When  he  conceived  that 
he  had  accomplished  it,  and  was  in  all  ecstacy  of  joy,  the  sudden 
confusion  of  a  failure  removed  his  incUnation  to  resume  the 
subject. 

He  was  still,  however,  possessed  with  the  idea  that  his  head 
was  not  his  own,  bnt  from  this  notion  he  was  diverted  by  a  rep- 
artee made  by  him  when  he  happened  to  be  defending  the 
possibility  of  the  miracle  of  St.  Denis,  who,  it  is  said,  was  in 
the  habit  of  walking  with  his  head  between  his  hands,  and  in  that 
position  continually  kissing  it. 

"What  a  fool  you  are  to  believe  such  a  story,"  it  was  replied 
with  a  burst  of  laughter.  "How  could  St.  Dennis  kiss  his  head? 
Was  it  with  his  heels?" 

This  unanswerable  and  unexpected  retort  struck  and  confoun- 
ded the  madman  so  much  that  it  prevented  him  from  saying  any- 
thing further  on  the  subject.  He  again  took  himself  to  business, 
and  entirely  regained  his  intellect. 


Mary  Anderson's   Dream. 

A  very  curious  circumstance  is  related  of  Miss  Mary  Ander- 
son, the  actress,  which  decided  her  choice  of  a  profession  and 
her  entrance  upon  it.  Slie  sought  an  interview  with  Charlotte 
Cushman  at  Cincinnati,  and  was  accorded  "five  minutes,"  Miss 
Cushman  doubtless  anticipating  that  in  that  time  she  could  sat- 
isfy herself  that  her  caller  was  only  another  stage-struck  girl  to 
be  remanded  to  private  life.     Their  interview,  however  was  pro- 


Marvelous.  ANECDOTES.  223 

longed  to  over  three  hours,  during  which  Miss  Cushman  tested 
the  young  Kentucky  girl's  abilities  in  many  ways,  and  gave  her 
much  good  advice  as  to  methods  of  study  for  the  dramatic  ca- 
reer, upon  which  she  pronounced  her  competent  to  enter  at 
once.  This  was  in  February.  Miss  Cushman  died  a  few 
months  later,  and  it  is  a  coincidence  that  the  day  she  died  was 
the  same  on  which  Miss  Anderson  attended  her  first  rehearsal 
under  a  regular  professional  engagement.  That  very  night  Miss 
Anderson  had  a  strange  dream,  the  impressions  of  which  are  in- 
effacable.  In  her  vision  she  found  herself  in  Boston,  in  a  room 
in  which  Charlotte  Cushman  lay  dead  in  her  cofiEin  with  a  laurel 
crown  upon  her  head.  As  she  approached  the  coffin  she  heard 
Miss  Cushman's  well-known  voice  exclaim,  "Play  Medea,"  and 
soon  the  dead  tragedienne  rose  from  her  casket  dressed  in  the 
costume  of  that  Queen  of  the  Argonauts,  and  walked  to  and 
fro  in  the  room  with  all  her  olden  majesty,  ever  and  anon  ex- 
claiming, "  Play  Medea, "  and  as  the  vision  faded  away  the  echoes 
of  those  deep  tones  resounded  in  her  ears,  "Play  Medea."  Miss 
Anderson  has  never  yet,  we  believe,  assumed  this  role,  being 
firmly  resolved  never  to  play  any  character  wherein  she  has  to 
identify  herself  with  women  whose  influence  was  corrupting. 
"Lady  Macbeth"  is  the  only  possible  exception  she  has  made  to 
this,  and  in  her  case  Nemesis  comes  so  quickly  that  there  is  no 
danger  that  any  one  should  imitate  her  in  crime. 


Treasure  Trove. 


Curious  discoveries  by  plowmen,  quarrymen  and  others  of 
caves,  coins,  urns  and  other  interesting  things,  would  fill  vol- 
umes. Many  valuable  literary  relics  have  been  preserved  by 
curious  accidents,  often  turning  up  just  in  time  to  save  them 
from  crumbling  to  pieces.  Not  only  mineral  but  literary  treasures 
have  been  brought  to  light  when  excavating  mother  earth.  For 
instance,  in  the  foundations  of  an  old  house  "Luther's  Table 
Talk"  was  discovered,  lying  in  a  deep,  obscure  hole,  wrapped  in 
strong  linen  cloth,  which  was  waxed  all  over  with  beeswax  within 


224  ENTER7A1NING  Marvelous. 

and  without.  There  it  had  remained  hidden  ever  since  its  sup- 
pression by  Pope  Gregory  XIII.  The  poems  of  Propertius,  a 
Roman  poet,  long  lurked  unsuspected  in  the  darkness  of  a  wine 
cellar,  from  whence  they  were  at  length  unearthed  by  accident, 
just  in  time  to  preserve  them  from  destruction  by  rats  and  mil- 
dew. Not  only  from  beneath  our  feet,  but  from  above  our 
heads,  may  chance  reveal  the  hiding-places  of  treasure  trove. 
The  sudden  falling-in  of  a  ceiling,  for  example,  of  some  cham- 
bers in  Lincoln's  Inn  revealed  the  secret  depository  of  the  Thur- 
loe  state  papers.  Other  literary  treasures  have  turned  up  in  an 
equally  curious  manner.  Milton's  essay  on  the  "Doctrines  of 
Christianity"  was  discovered  in  a  bundle  of  old  dispatches;  a 
monk  found  the  only  manuscript  of  Tacitus  accidentally  in  Wes- 
phalia;  the  letters  of  Lady  Mary  Montague  were  brought  to 
light  from  the  recesses  of  an  old  trunk;  the  manuscripts  of  Dr. 
Dee  from  the  drawer  of  an  old  chest;  and  it  is  said  that  one  of 
the  cantos  of  Dante's  great  poem  was  found,  after  being  long 
mislaid,  hidden  away  beneath  a  window-sill. 


Curiosities  of  Etiqutte. 

The  rules  of  Etiquette  are  as  old  as  society  and  as  varied  as 
are  the  races  of  people  who  inhabit  the  earth.  As  a  rule,  prob- 
ably, it  may  be  safely  set  down  that  the  ruder  the  people  the 
more  absolute  are  the  codes  of  manners.  The  punctilious  eti- 
quette observed  in  Spain,  where  a  woman  dares  not  sit  with  her 
legs  crossed,  and  where  a  monarch  hardly  feels  at  liberty  to  put 
on  his  shirt  withdut  the  permission  of  the  Chamberlain,  has  long 
been  the  wonder  of  less  formal  people.  It  is  not  so  very  many 
years  since  Spanish  ladies  were  not  allowed  to  eat  at  the  same 
table  with  their  husbands.  But  this  fine  breeding  is  outdone  by 
the  Bulgarians.  The  newly  married  wife  in  Bulgaria  dares  not 
speak  to  her  husband  for  a  month  or  more.  The  jirohibition 
used  to  last  nine  months.  She  is  relieved  from  her  obligation 
of  silence  when  her  lord  presents  her  with  a  gift.  Among  the 
Caffres  of  South  Africa  the  women  are  not  allowed   to  mention 


Marvelous.  ANECDOTES.  225 

the  name  of  their  father-in-law,  and  they  must  hide  themselves 
when  they  meet  their  sons-in-law.  This  deHcacy  about  calling 
names  is  extended  to  the  parliamentary  practice  of  civilized 
people.  In  the  Legislature  it  is  the  height  of  impropriety  to  call 
an  honorable  member  by  his  right  name,  although  the  custom  is 
found  to  be  a  very  convenient  one  in  ordinary  life.  In  New 
Caledonia  the  names  of  natural  objects  are  given  to  children; 
but  if  the  child  dies  the  relatives  must  no  longer  call  the  natural 
object  by  its  former  name.  A  new  appellation  has  to  be  in- 
vented for  use  in  that  particular  family.  The  custom  gives  a  re- 
markable variety  to  the  New  Caledonian  dialect,  and  tasks  the 
invention  of  parents  who  are  so  unfortunate  as  to  lose  their 
offspring.  On  "tabu  days"  in  the  South  Sea  Islands,  any  one 
who  makes  a  noise  must  die.  This  regulation  is  as  bad  as  any 
of  the  Connecticut  blue  laws.  But  there  is  hardly  any  form 
of  etiquette  that  has  survived  to  do  duty  in  polite  society  but 
has  its  origin  in  some  of  the  grosser  observances  of  antiquity. 


A  Musical   Mountain  in   Nevada. 

A  gentleman  who  has  been  taking  a  look  among  the  old  aban- 
doned mines  in  Truckee  district,  in  Nevada,  made  a  critical  ex- 
amination of  the  musical  mountain,  of  which  a  good  deal  was 
heard  some  years  ago,  when  the  mines  were  first  discovered. 
Some  of  the  early  miners  pitched  their  tents  at  the  foot  of  the 
mountain,  and  were  not  a  httle  surprised  and  puzzled  at  hearing 
during  the  quiet  hours  of  the  night,  tinkling  sounds  that  seemed 
to  pervade  the  whole  atmosphere,  coming  from  they  could  not 
tell  where.  The  sounds  were  not  unlike  those  of  a  small  music- 
box.  At  times  they  supposed  that  the  sounds  were  caused  by 
the  wind  playing  among  the  twigs  on  the  side  of  the  mountain, 
but  they  found  that  this  solution  would  not  answer,  as  the  same 
bushes  were  found  everywhere,  while  the  musical  sounds  were 
heard  nowhere  else  than  on  the  side  of  the  mountain,  at  the  foot 
of  which  they  were  camped.  They  spent  much  time  in.  scouting 
about  and  listening  of  nights  and  quiet  hours  during   the   day. 


226  ENTERTAINING  Marvelous. 

and  at  last  tracked  the  strange  sound  to  a  great  bed  of  small 
pieces  of  rock  that  covered  the  slope  of  the  mountain.  These 
bits  of  rock  were  found  to  be  quite  sonorous,  and  the  miners 
concluded  that  the  sounds  were  caused  by  the  action  of  the  wind 
among  them.  The  gentleman  who  recentlj'  visited  the  moun- 
tain says  he  went  to  it  expecting  to  find  it  a  good  deal  of  a  hum- 
bug, but  found  it  much  more  of  a  curiosity  than  he  had  antici- 
pated; the  mingled  tinkhngs  much  resemble  those  of  an  aeolian 
harp  and  frequently  attaining  a  startling  degree  of  loudness  and 
distinctness.  The  sounds  seem  to  rise  and  fall,  approach  and 
recede,  as  though  caused  or  governed  by  the  wind.  On  a  close 
examination  it  was  found  that  the  small  flakes  of  rock  covering 
the  face  of  the  mountain  contain  a  large  per  cent,  of  iron.  This 
iron  is  supposed  to  be  magnetic,  and  there  appears  to  be  a  con- 
tant  motion  among  the  chips  of  it,  which  appear  to  cover  the 
ground  to  the  depth  of  several  feet  in  many  places.  The  whole 
drift  of  broken  rock  seems  to  be  moving  down  the  slope  of  the 
mountain  with  the  slow,  creeping  motion  of  a  glacier,  and  the 
slipping  over  each  other  of  the  fragments  composing  the  mass 
is  thought  to  cause  the  tinkling  sounds,  which  are  so  numerous 
as  to  mingle  and  rise  into  a  single  strong  musical  murmur. 


\  The    Swamp  Angel. 

Sergeant  Feller,  of  the  New  York  Volunteer  Engineers,  sug- 
gested the  name  of  "Swamp  Angel"  for  the  battery  built  in 
the  marsh  between  Morris  and  James  Islands,  memorable  in  the 
siege  of  Charleston — its  construction  being  the  suggestion  of 
Col.  Surrell,  of  the  same  regiment.  The  marsh  thereabouts  was 
sixteen  feet  deep,  as  soundings  with  a  pole  showed,  and  the 
Lieutenant  to  whom  the  work  was  confided  at  first  gave  it  up  as 
impracticable,  and  having  been  directed  to  call  for  anything  he 
might  deem  necessary  for  the  work,  made  a  requisition  on  the 
Quartermaster  .*br  one  hundred  men  eighteen  feet  high  to  wade 
through  mud  sixteen  feet  deep,  and  immediately  called  on  the 
surgeon   of  his  regiment  and  inquired  if  he  could  splice  the  men 


Marvelous.  ANECDOTES.  227 

if  furnislied.  This  piece  of  pleasantry  cost  the  Lieutenant  his 
arrest,  and  the  battery  was  built  of  five  thousand  dollars  worth 
of  sandbags  on  a  heavy  foundation  of  logs,  the  work  occupying 
fifteen  days,  or  rather  nights.  The  gun  mounted  was  a  two  hun- 
dred pounder,  a  Parrot;  the  distance  from  Charleston  was  five 
miles,  and  the  gun  was  fired  at  an  elevation  of  thirty-five  degrees. 
The  strain  on  it  was  such  that  it  burst  at  the  thirty-fourth  dis- 
charge. The  "  Greek  fire, "  of  which  so  much  was  said,  was  the 
gr-iatest  humbug  of  the  war.  Three  shells,  filled  with  ordinary 
port-fire,  was  were  fired  into  the  City  of  Charleston ;  but  every 
thing  beyond  this  was  due  to  the  fancy  of  sensational  correspon- 
dents. 


Dying  Words. 

"It  is  well." — Washington. 

"I  must  sleep  now." — Byron. 

"Kiss  me,  Hardy." — Nelson. 

"Head  of  the  army." — Napoleon. 

"Don't  give  up  the  ship." — Lawrence. 

"Let  the  light  enter." — Goethe. 

"Into  thy  hands,  O  Lord. "— Tasso. 

"Independen'ce  forever.  " — Adams. 

"The  artery  ceases  to  beat." — Haller. 

"Is  this  your  fidelity?" — Nero. 

"God  preserve  the  Emperor." — Haydn. 

"It  is  the  last  of  earth." — J.  Q.  Adams.' 

"Give  Dayroles  a  chair." — Lord  Chesterfield. 

"A  dying  man  does  nothing  well." — Frankhn. 

"Let  not  poor  Nelly  starve." — Charles  II. 

"What!  is  there  no  bribing  death?" — Cardinal  Beaufort. 

"All  my  possessions  for  a  moment  of  time. " — Queen  Elizabeth, 

"It  matters  httle  how  the  head  lieth. " — Sir  Walter  Raleigh. 

"Clasp  my  hand,  my  dear  friend.      I  die-" — Alfieri. 

"I  feel  as  if  I  were  to  be  myself  again." — Sir  Walter  Scott. 

"Let  me  die  to  the  sound  of  delicious  music." — Mirabeau. 


228  ENTER2A1NING  Marvelous. 

How  She  Felt  at  the  Bottom  of  the  River. 

A  young  lady  at  Fredericton,  N.  H.,  had  a  narrow  escape  from 
drowning  recently.  She  fell  over  a  wharf,  and  sunk  a  third  time, 
and  lay  on  the  bottom  of  the  river  when  a  Mr.  Orr  put  down  a 
pole  and  fortunately  touched  her.  She  describes  her  sensations 
as  not  unpleasant;  could  distinctly  see  the  people  on  the  wharf, 
and  wondered  why  they  did  not  assist  her;  saw  the  pole  coming 
down,  and  imagined  it  of  immense  size  and  length;  the  moment 
it  touched  her  she  grasped  it,  and  says  she  could  have  climbed 
to  the  moon  on  it.  Mr.  Orr  says  she  came  up  the  pole  like  a 
squirrel. 

A  California  Mining  Story. 

Not  many  miles  from  Shasta  City  is  the  gulch,  of  which  the 
following  mining  story  is  told :  It  is  a  pretty  deep  ravine,  with 
rocks  showing  all  the  way  up  the  sides.  Gold  in  paying  quanti- 
ties had  been  found  along  the  stream,  but  it  seemed  to  disappear 
a  few  feet  from  the  channel.  One  day,  whilst  a  gang  of  busy 
men  were  toiling  in  the  stream,  a  stranger,  evidenty  ignorant  of 
mining,  came  along  and  leaned  on  ragged  elbows  to  watch, 
with  protruding  eyes,  the  results  of  their  toil.  The  miners  near 
him  took  out  a  five  dollar  nugget,  and  anxiety  overcame  the 
ignorant  stranger.  "S-a-a-y,"  he  asked,  "where  can  I  go  to  dig- 
gin' to  find  it  like  that?"  The  hardy  miner  stopped  his  work, 
and  giving  the  wink  to  all  the  boys,  so  that  the  joke  should  not 
be  lost,  pointed  up  on  the  barren  rocks  where  no  gold  had  ever 
been  found.  "Ye  see  thet  rough-lookin'  place?"  "Yes,  yes," 
said  the  new  hand.  "Well,  thar  it  is  rich.  Jes  ye  stake  out  a 
claim,  an'  go  to  work,  and  when  we  finish  here,  we'll  come  up 
too."  Then  the  new  hand  thanked  the  honest  miner,  and  the 
boys  all  grinned  appreciation  of  the  joke.  That  afternoon  there 
was  a  solitary  figure  picking  away  on  the  slope,  and  every  time 
the  miners  looked  up  they  roared  with  laughter.  But  about  the 
next  day  the  new  miner  struck  a  pocket,  and  took  out  some- 
thing like  thirty  thousand  dollars  in  a  few  minutes.      Then,  inno- 


Marvelous.  ANECDOTES.  229 

cent  to  the  last,  he  treated  all  around,  and  thanked  the  miner 
who  sent  him  up  there,  and  took  his  money,  and  went  down  into 
the  valley,  and  bought  him  a  farm.  Then  the  unhappy  miners 
arose,  leaving  their  old  claims,  and  dotted  that  hillside  for  days. 
But  there  were  no  more  pockets  anywhere.  The  whole  thing 
reads  just  like  the  traditional  fairy  story.  But  then,  I  saw  the 
gulch.  Much  more  unbelieveable  things  have  happened  in  the 
mines. 


What  Dying  People  See. 

Frances  Power  Cobbe,  who  has  devoted  much  study  to  what 
people  on  their  death-bed  say  they  see,  gives  to  the  world  the 
following  remarkable  instances.  She  says : 

A  few  narrations  of  such  observations,  chosen  from  a  great 
number  which  have  been  communicated  to  the  writer,  will  serve 
to  show  more  exactly  the  point  which  it  is  desired  should  be 
established  by  a  larger  concurrence  of  testimony.  The  following 
are  given  in  the  words  of  a  friend  on  whose  accuracy  every 
reliance  can  be  placed:  * 

"I  have  heard  numberless  instances  of  dying  persons  showino- 
unmistakably  by  their  gestures,  and  sometimes  by  their  words, 
what  they  see  in  the  moment  of  dissolution  what  could  not  be 
seen  by  those  around  them.  On  three  occasions  facts  of  this 
nature  came  distinctly  within  my  own  knowledge,  and  I  will 
therefore,  limit  myself  to  a  detail  of  that  which  I  can  give  on  my 
own  authority,  although  the  circumstances  were  not  so  striking 
as  many  others  known  to  me,  wliich  I  beheve  to  be  equally 
true. 

"I  was  watching  one  night  beside  a  poor  man  dying  of  con- 
sumption; his  case  was  hopeless,  but  there  was  no  appearance 
of  the  end  being  very  near;  he  was  in  full  possession  of  his 
senses,  able  to  talk  with  a  strong  voice,  and  not  in  the  least 
drowsy.  He  had  slept  through  the  day,  and  was  so  wakeful  that 
I  had  been  conversing  with  him  on  ordinary  subjects  to  while 
away  the  long   hours.     Suddenly,  while  we   were   thus   talking 


230  ENTERTAINING  Marvelous. 

quietly  together,  he  became  silent,  and  fixed  his  eyes  on  one 
particular  spot  in  the  room,  which  was  entirely  vacant,  even  of 
furniture.  At  the  the  same  time  a  look  of  the  greatest  delight 
changed  the  whole  expression  of  his  face  and,  after  a  moment 
of  what  seemed  to  be  intense  scrutiny,  he  said  to  me,  in  a  joy- 
ous tone :  'There  is  Jim.'  Jim  was  a  little  son  whom  he  had  lost 
the  year  before,  and  whom  I  had  known  well;  but  the  dying 
man  had  a  son  still  living,  named  John,  for  whom  he  had  sent, 
and  I  concluded  it  was  of  John  he  was  speaking,  and  that  he 
thought  he  heard  him  arriving  so  I  answered: 

'No;  John  has  not  been  able  to  come.' 

The  man  turned  to  me  impatiently,  and  said :  'I  do  not  mean 
John,  I  know  he  is  not  here;  it  is  Jim,  my  little  lame  Jim;  sure- 
ly you  remember  him.' 

"  'Yes,'  I  said,  T  remember  dear  little  Jim,  who  died  last 
year,  quite  well.' 

"  'Don't  you  see  him,  there !  There  hp  is,'  said  the  man,  point- 
ing to  the  vacant  place  on  which  his  eyes  were  fixed,  and  when  I 
did  not  answer,  he  repeated  almost  fretfully,  'Don't  you  see  him 
standing  there?' 

"I  answered  that  I  could  not  see  him,  though  I  felt  perfectly 
convinced  that  something  was  visible  to  the  sick  man  which  I 
could  not  perceive.  When  I  gave  him  this  answer  he  seemed 
quite  amazed,  and  turned  around  to  look  at  me  with  a  glance  of 
indignation.  As  his  eyes  met  mine,  I  saw  that  a  film  seemed  to 
pass  over  them,  the  light  of  intelligence  died  away,  he  gave  a 
gentle  sigh  and  expired.  He  did  not  live  five  minutes  from  the 
time  he  first  said  'There's  Jim,"  although  there  had  been  no  sign 
of  approaching  death  previous  to  that  moment. 

"The  second  case  was  that  of  a  boy  about  fourteen  years  ot 
age,  dying  also  of  decline.  He  was  a  refined,  highly  educated 
child,  who  throughout  his  long  illness  had  looked  forward  with 
much  hope  and  longing  to  the  new  life  to  which  he  believed  he 
was  hastening.  On  a  bright  summer  morning  it  became  evident 
that  he  had  reached  his  last  hour.  He  lost  the  power  of  speech, 
chiefly  from  weakness,  but  he  was  perfectly  sensible,  and   made 


Marvelous.  ANECDOTES.  231 

his  wishes  known  to  us  by  his  intelligent  looks.  He  was  sitting 
propped  up  in  bed,  and  had  been  looking  rather  sadly  at  the 
bright  sunshine  playing  on  the  trees  outside  the  open  window  for 
some  time.  He  had  turned  away  from  this  scene,  however,  and 
was  facing  the  end  of  the  room,  where  there  was  nothing  whatever 
but  a  closed  door,  when  all  in  a  moment  the  whole  expression 
of  his  face  changed  to  one  of  the  most  wonderful  rapture,  which 
made  his  half-closed  eyes  open  to  their  utmost  extent,  while  his 
lips  parted  with  a  smile  of  ecstacy;  it  was  impossible  to  doubt 
that  some  glorious  sight  was  visible  to  him,  and  from  the 
movement  of  his  eyes  it  was  plain  that  it  was  not  one,  but  many 
objects  on  which  he  gazed,  for  his  looks  passed  from  end  to 
•end  of  what  seemed  to  be  the  vacant  wall  before  him,  going 
backward  and  forward  with  ever-increasing  delight  manifested  in 
his  whole  aspect.  His  mother  then  asked  him  if  what  he  saw 
was  some  wonderful  sight  beyond  the  confines  of  this  world,  to 
give  her  a  token  that  it  was  so  by  pressing  her  hand.  He  at 
once  took  her  hand  and  pressed  it  meaningly,  giving  thereby  an 
affirmative  to  her  question,  though  unable  to  speak.  As  he  did 
so  a  change  passed  over  his  face,  his  eyes  closed,  and  in  few 
moments  he  was  gone. 

"The  third  case,  which  was  that  of  my  own  brother,  was  very 
similar  to  the  last.  He  was  an  elderly  man,  dying  of  a  painful 
disease,  but  one  which  never  for  a  moment  obscured  his  facul- 
ties. Although  it  was  known  to  be  incurable,  he  had  been  told 
that  he  might  live  some  months,  when  somewhat  suddenly  the 
summons  came  on  a  dark  January  morning.  It  had  been  seen 
in  the  course  of  the  night  that  he  had  been  sinking,  but  for  some 
time  he  had  been  perfectly  motionless,  apparently  in  a  state  of 
stupor;  his  eyes  closed,  and  his  breathing  was  scarcely  perceptible. 
As  the  tardy  dawn  of  the  winter  morning  revealed  the  rigid 
features  of  the  countenance  from  which  life  and  intelligence 
seemed  to  have  quite  departed,  those  who  watched  him  felt  un- 
certain whether  he  still  lived;  but  suddenly,  while  they  bent 
over  him  to  ascertain  the  truth  he  opened  his  eyes  wide,  and 
gazed  eagerly  upward  with  such   an   unmistakable  expression  of 


232  '  ENTER'IAINING  Marvelous. 

wonder  and  joy  that  a  thrill  of  awe  passed  through  all  who 
witnessed  it.  His  whole  face  grew  bright  with  a  strange  gladness, 
while  the  eloquent  eyes  seemed  literally  to  shine  as  if  reflecting 
some  light  on  which  they  gazed;  he  remained  in  this  attitude  0£ 
delighted  surprise  for  some  minutes,  then  in  a  moment  the  eye- 
lids fell,  his  head  drooped  forward,  and  with  one  long  breath  the 
spirit  departed. " 

A  different  kind  of  case  to  those  narrated  by  my  friend  was 
that  of  a  young  girl  known  to  me  who  had  passed  through  the 
miserable  experiences  of  a  sinful  life  at  Aldershot,  and  then  had 
tried  to  drown  herself  in  the  river  Avon,  near  Clifton.  She  was 
in  some  way  saved  from  suicide,  and  placed  for  a  time  in  a  pen- 
itentiary, but  her  health  was  found  to  be  hopelessly  ruined,  and 
she  was  sent  to  die  in  the  quaint  old  workhouse  of  St.  Peter's  at 
Bristol.  For  months  she  lay  in  the  infirmary  literally  perishing 
piecemeal  of  disease,  but  exhibiting  patience  and  sweetness  of 
disposition  quite  wonderful  to  witness.  She  was  only  eighteen, 
poor  young  creature,  when  all  her  little  round  of  error  and  pain 
had  been  run;  and  her  pretty,  innocent  face  might  have  been 
that  of  a  child.  She  never  used  any  sort  of  cant  (so  common 
among  women  who  have  been  in  refuges,)  but  had  apparently 
somehow  got  hold  of  a  very  living  and  real  religion,  which  gave 
her  comfort  and  courage,  and  inspired  her  with  the  beautiful 
spirit  with  which  she  bore  her  frightful  sufferings.  On  the  wall 
opposite  her  bed  there  hung  by  chance  a  print  of  the  Lost  Sheep, 

and  Mary  S ,  looking  at   it  one   day,    said  to  me:  "That  is 

just  what  I  was,  and  what  happened  to  me;  but  I  am  being 
brought  safe  home  now. "  For  a  long  time  before  her  death  her 
weakness  was  such  that  she  was  quite  incapable  of  lifting  herself 
up  in  bed,  or  of  supporting  herself  when  lifted,  and  she  of  course 
continued  to  lie  with  her  head  on  the  pillow  while  life  gradually 
and  painfully  ebbed  away,  and  she  seemingly  became  nearly 
unconscious.  In  this  state  she  had  been  left  one  Saturday  night 
by  the  nurse  in  attendance.  Early  at  dawn  next  morning — on 
Easter  morning,  as  it  chanced — the  poor  old  women  who  occu- 
pied the  other  beds  in  the  ward  were  startled  from  their  sleep  by 


Marvelous.  ANECDOTES.  233 

tieeing  Mary  S suddenly  spring  up  to  a  sitting  posture  in  her 

bed.  with  her  arms  outstretched  and  her  face  raised,  as  if  in  per- 
fect rapture  of  joy  and  welcome.  The  next  instant  the  body  of 
the  poor  girl  fell  back  a  corpse.  Her  death  had  taken  place  in 
that  moment  of  mysterious  ecstacy. 

A  totally  different  case  again  was  that  of  a  man  of  high  inte. 
lectual  distinction,  well  known  in  the  world  of  letters.  When 
dying  peacefully,  as  became  the  close  of  a  profoundly  religious 
life,  and  having  already  lost  the  power  of  speech,  he  was  ob- 
served to  suddenly  look  up  as  if  at  some  spectacle  invisible  ta 
those  around  with  an  expression  of  solemn  surprise  and  awe, 
with  an  expression  very  characteristic,  it  is  said,  of  his  habitual 
frame  of  mind.  At  that  instant,  and  before  the  look  had  time 
to  falter  or  change,  the  shadow  of  death  had  passed  over  his 
face,  and  the  end  had  come. 

In  yet  another  case  I  am  told  that  at  the  last  moment  so  bright 
a  light  seemed  to  shine  from  the  face  of  the  dying  man,  that  the 
clergyman  and  another  triend  who  were  attending  him,  actually 
turned  simultaneously  to  the  window  to  seek  for  the  cause. 

Another  incident  of  a  very  striking  character  occurred  in  a 
well-known  family  one  of  whose  members  narrated  it  to  me.  A 
dying  lady,  exhibiting  the  aspect  of  joyful  surprise  to  which  we 
have  so  often  referred,  spoke  of  seeing,  one  after  another,  three 
of  her  brothers  who  had  long  been  dead,  and  then  apparently 
recognized,  last  of  all,  a  fourth  brother,  who  was  believed  by  the 
bystander  to  be  still  living  in  India.  The  coupling  of  his  name 
with  that  of  his  dead  brothers  excited  such  an  awe  and  horror  in 
the  mind  of  the  person  present  that  she  rushed  half  senseless 
from  the  room.  In  due  course  of  time  letters  were  received  an- 
nouncing the  death  of  the  brother  in  India,  which  had  occurred 
some  time  before  his  dying  sister  seemed  to  recognize  him. 

Again,  in  another  case,  a  gentleman  who  had  lost  his  only  son 
some  years  previously,  and  who  had  never  recovered  from  the 
afflicting  event,  exclaimed  suddenly  when  dying,  with  the  air  of 
a  man  making  a  most  rapturous  discovery,  "  I  see  him !  I  see  him ! " 

Not  to  multiply  such  anecdotes  too  far — anecdotes  which  cer- 


234  ENTERTAINING  Marvelous. 

tainly  possess  a  uniformity  pointing  to  similar  cause,  whether  that 
cause  be  physiological  or  psycical,  I  will  now  conclude  with 
one  authenticated  by  a  near  relative  of  the.  persons  concerned. 
A  late  well-known  Bishop  was  called  by  his  sisters  "Charlie,"  and 
his  eldest  sister  bore  the  pet  name    of  "Liz."     They  had  both 

been  dead  some  years  when  the  younger  sister,   Mrs.  ,  also 

died,  but  before  her  death  appeared  to  behold  them  both.  While 
lying  still  and  apparently  unconscious,  she  suddenly  opened 
her  eyes  and  looked  earnestly  across  the  room,  as  if  she  saw 
some  one  entering.  Presently,  as  if  overjoyed,  she  exclaimed, 
"O  Charlie!"  and  then,  after  a  moment's  pause,  with  a  ne\v  start 
of  delight,  as  if  he  had  been  joined  by  some  one  else,  she  went 
on,  "and  Liz!"  and  then  added,  "How  beautiful  you  are!"  Af- 
ter seeming  to  gaze  on  the  two  beloved  forms  for  a  few  minutes, 
she  fell  back  on  her  pillow  and  died. 


The  Clown's  Aqting  Misunderstood. 

Among  the  many  comical  performances  of  the  Conrad 
Brothers,  acrobat  clowns,  was  the  simulation  of  death.  One 
evening,  while  performing  in  Germany,  the  elder  Conrad  fell 
to  the  ground  after  a  pretended  blow,  and  was  turned  and  re- 
turned as  usual.  His  arms  and  legs  were  jerked,  he  was  struck 
and  kicked  and  dragged,  but  preserved  a  steady  impassibility. 
Suddenly  an  expression  of  distress  could  be  noticed  through  the 
grotesquely-painted  lineaments  of  his  brother,  who  hastily 
dropped  on  his  knees  and  placed  his  hands  upon  .the  heart 
of  the  inanimate  clown,  exclaiming  "my  poor  brother  is  dead  !" 
At  this  the  audience  only  laughed.  'Gentlemen,' said  the  dis- 
tressed man,  with  tears  in  his  voice,  'I  assure  you  that  he  is 
dead.'  Then  taking  him  tenderly  in  his  arms  he  bore  him  from 
the  arena.  The  crowd  appeared  struck  with  the  natural  man- 
ner in  which  the  bereft  clown  expressed  grief,  and  applauded 
him  vigorously  as  he  departed.  There  were  loud  encores  for 
both,  but  neither  presented  himself  Death  had  been  more 
thoroughly  simulated  than  ever  before. 


Marvelous.  ANECDOTES.  235 

Riches  in  the  Skies. 
At  4  o'clock  on  the  morning  of  the  seventh  of  January  1878, 
it  was  noticed  that  an  immense  body,  glowing  with  intense  brill- 
iancy, came  rushing  across  the  face  of  heaven,  illuminating  the 
earth  with  the  light  of  day.  It  traveled  in  an  oblique  direction 
from  the  southwest  to  the  northeast,  and  instantaneously  a  shock 
was  felt  that  almost  threw  the  few  spectators  at  that  early  hour 
from  their  feet. 

A  few  days  after,  Mr.  Wheeler,  who  cultivates  a  ranch  in 
Diamond  Valley,  Nevada,  and  who  is  also  in  the  stock  business, 
came  into  Eureka,  and  left  a  most  remarkable  substance  with 
an  assayer.  Mr.  Wheeler  had  a  smattering  of  metallurgical 
knowledge,  and,  it  seems,  had  tested  the  compound  with  a  blow- 
pipe and  other  means  within  his  reach,  and  detected  the 
presence  of  the  precious  metals,  but  was  unable  to  determine 
the  value. 

The  piece  submitted  to  the  assayer  was  about  as  large  as  a 
hen's  egg,  and  immediately  attracted  his  attention  by  its  unsual 
weight  and  pecuHar  color,  it  being  of  a  purplish-black  shade,  and 
where  it  had  been  broken  off  the  main  body  presenting  a  lami- 
nated' stratification  that  he  failed  to  recognize.  Mr.  Wacke 
expended  the  whole  night  in  a  series  of  experiments,  applying 
every  well  known  test  to  the  article,  and  detecting  the  presence 
of  iron,  nickel,  cadmium,  lead,  silver,  gold,  zinc,  cobalt,  silica, 
and  phosphorus.  There  was  also  a  residum  to  each  assay,  of 
which  Prof.  Wacke  was  unable  to  determine  the  properties,  but 
he  hopes  by  the  use  of  the  spectroscope  to  classify  it. 

A  surprising  feature  of  the  ore  is  excessive  malleabihty  and 
ductility,  a  small  portion  of  it  being  reduced  by  hammering  to  a 
film  not  exceeding  one-hundredth  of  an  inch  in  thickness.  He 
has  sent  a  portion  of  it  to  the  San  Francisco  Academy  of  Sci- 
ences, and  also  to  Prof.  Silliman,  of  New  Haven,  and  in  the  mean 
time  is  prosecuting  his  researches.  Prof.  Wacke  has  found  that 
the  substance  will  reach  three  hundred  and  eighty-seven  dollars 
in  silver  and  forty-two  dollars  in  gold  per  ton. 

The  strangest  part  of  the  story  remains  to  be  told;  and  now 


236  ENTERTAINING  Marvelous. 

that  Mr.  Wheeler  has  duly  recorded  his  claim  and  perfected  his 
title,  we  feel  at  liberty  to  disclose  the  facts.  On  the  morning  of 
the  7th  of  January  Mr.  Wheeler  was  almost  thrown  from  his  bed 
by  a  violent  shock.  Getting  up  and  looking  out  of  the  window 
he  observed  at  the  foot  of  the  mountain  an  immense  mass  glow- 
ing at  a  white  heat  and  of  intense  brightness.  Hastily  dressing, 
he  aproached  as  near  as  possible,  and  found  that  the  object  lay 
just  at  the  foot  of  the  Diamond  mountain  range,  but  the  heat 
was  so  great  that  he  could  not  go  within  one  hundred  yards  of 
the  spot. 

He  kept  his  own  counsel,  and  made  repeated  attempts  to 
reach  it,  but  did  not  succeed  until  the  14th  inst,  when  it  had 
cooled  sufficiently  to  allow  him  to  break  off  the  portion  brought 
to  town.  The  main  body  will  measure  about  sixty  feet  in  height, 
eighty-seven  feet  in  width,  and  is  three  hundred  and  fourteen  feet 
in  length.  These  are  the  proportions  of  the  body  visible,  and  it 
is  probable  that  as  much  more  is  imbedded  in  the  earth.  Mr. 
Wheeler  calculates  that  there  are  at  least  two  million  tons  in 
sight,  and  if  it  will  work  anywhere  near  the  assay  he  will  extract 
an  immense  sum  from  the  mass. 


The  First  Iron  Sword. 

There  is  a  legend  in  Japan  of  the  extremest  antiquity.  It  is 
that,  for  a  long  time  in  the  world,  there  was  no  weapon  that  was 
not  made  of  flint  or  stone.  At  last  a  sword  was  made  of  iron, 
and  it  was  the  maiden  sword  of  this  world.  It  fell  into  the 
hands  of  a  young  Prince.  This  Prince,  feeling  the  greatness  of 
such  a  treasure  as  the  first  sword',  went  forth  to  see  what  wrong 
he  could  right,  what  good  he  could  do — went  forth  a  sort  of 
Quixote,  b\jt  in  a  more  serious  mood.  He  saw  a  cut  stick  on 
the  river,  and  he  traveled  up  the  river;  and  there  he  found  an  old 
man  and  an  old  woman  with  a  beautiful  maiden  sitting  between 
them,  and  all  three  were  weeping.  The  Prince  asked  why  they 
wept,  and  they  said  they  had  eight  children,  and  there  was  in 
the  neighborhood  a   terrible  monster  with  eight  heads  and  eight " 


Marvelous.  ANECDOTES.  237 

tails.  This  monster  would  devastate  the  whole  country  unless 
every  year  one  of  their  chidren  was  given  him  to  devour.  They 
had  given  him  seven  daughters,  and  now  they  had  brought  the 
last.  The  monster  was  expected  momentarily.  The  Prince 
looked  at  his  sword  but  did  not  feel  that  it  was  equal  to  deal 
with  eight  heads.  So  he  hit  upon  the  device  of  preparing  hogs- 
heads of  wine.  He  had  a  park  with  eight  gates  and  in  each  of 
these  gates  he  placed  a  hogshead  of  wine,  and  when  the  mon- 
ster came,  eight  heads  appeared,  and  eight  heads  went  into  these 
barrels  of  wine.  And  they  sipped  the  wine,  and  deeper  and 
deeper  they  went  down,  until  the  eyes-  were  not  over  the  barrel, 
and,  in  fact,  they  became  intoxicated;  the  result  was  that  where 
their  necks  met  in  one,  and  in  the  body,  the  Prince  cut  off  all 
the  heads  at  one  blow,  and  saved  the  young  lady. 


Artists'    Superstitions. 

The  Signale  of  Leipsic  records  the  following  superstitions  of 
artists  :  Josephine  Gallmeyer  always  is  tardy  in  her  dressing-room, 
because  she  believes  it  brings  her  bad  luck  to  be  punctual. 
Frederike  Gossmann  always  executed  three  scrapes  with  her  right 
foot  before  stepping  on  the  stage.  Therese  Tietjens  believed 
that  the  person  would  speedily  die  who  shook  hands  with  her 
over  the  threshold  at  parting.  Rachel  and  Mars  claimed  to  have 
celebrated  their  greatest  successes  immediately  after  they  had 
met  a  funeral.  The  petite  Dejazet  always  made  her  entrance 
with  a  tiny  seed  in  her  mouth,  which  she  would  throw  away  as 
soon  as  she  had  to  open  her  lips.  Once  she  dropped  the  seed 
from  her  mouth  when  the  Marquis  de  V.  made  a  proposal  of 
marriage  to  her,  and  she  rejected  him  for  fear  of  an  unhappy 
marriage.  Vincent  Bellini  would  not  permit  a  new  vv^ork  to  be 
brought  out  for  the  first  time  if  on  the  day  announced  he  was 
first  met  by  a  man.  "La  Sonnambula"  was  several  times  post- 
poned for  this  reason.  Every  day  on  which  one  of  Halevy's 
works  was  performed,  the  composer  prayed  a  Schaeina  Israel 
three  times.     Meyerbeer  regularly  washed  his  hands  before  be- 


238  ENTERTAINING  Marvelous. 

gkining  an  overture,  and  with  closed  eyes  prayed  a  Hatnalach 
Hagolel.  A  story  is  also  told  of  a  Vienna  tragedienne  who  never 
plays  unless  she  has  a  white  mouse  in  her  bosom,  which  the 
writer  in  the  Signale  claims  to  have  often  seen  peeping  from  his 
singular  hiding  place. 


A  Remarkable  Incident    in    Connection    with  Bishop 
Lee's   Death 

A  very  remarkable  incident,  which  is  well  authenticated,  is  told 
in  connection  with  the  death  of  Bishop  Lee,  of  Davenport,  Iowa. 
A  few  weeks  before  he  died,  and  while  in  good  health,  he  had 
occasion  one  night  after  he  had  retired,  and  at  a  late  hour,  to 
get  up  and  pass  into  another  room.  While  doing  this,  the  good 
Bishop  missed  his  way  in  the  dark,  and  coming  near  the  head  of 
the  stairway,  stumbled  and  fell  headlong  down  the  stairs.  This 
sad  accident,  which  in  fact,  occasioned  his  death,  took  place 
at  about  two  o'clock  in  the  morning.  Now  follows  what  the 
Bishop  himself  thought  one  of  the  most  singular  facts  within  the 
range  of  his  wide  experience.  At  the  very  same  instant  he  fell, 
allowing  for  the  difference  of  longitude,  a  son  of  his,  residing 
several  hundred  miles  away,  near  Omaha,  Neb.,  in  a  dream  of 
the  loved  ones  at  home,  was  suddenly  startled  by  an  apparent 
noise,  and  the  fall  and  death  of  his  father.  The  vision  was  so 
startling  that  it  not  only  awakened  him,  but  drove  all  sleep  away 
for  the  night.  He  arose  soon  after,  and  was  so  disturbed  that 
he  at  once  wrote  a  letter  to  his  father,  narrating  the  dream,  and 
inquiring  if  anything  had  happened  to  him  or  any  member  of  the 
family.  The  Bishop  on  receipt  of  the  letter  recalled  the  event 
of  his  fall  down  stairs,  and  though  not  in  the  least  superstitious 
about  the  matter,  noted  it  as  a  singular  fact,  that  the  fall  and  the 
dream  should  have  been  exactly  simultaneous.  In  other  words 
as  the  Bishop  afterwards  remarked  :  "It  would  seem  that  my  son 
heard  the  fall."  This  is  a  remarkable  circumstance,  and  in  its 
essential  facts  is  as  true  as  it  is  wonderful 


Falling  Leaves. 


ANECDOTES.  239 

FALLING   LEAVES. 


The  letter  to  which  bachelors  seem  most  inclined :    Let  'er  be. 

A  rousing  time :  Just  before  breakfast. 

Brown  says  he's  been  so  often  deceived  by  the  chicken  at  his 
boarding-house,  that  he  now  calls  it  the  mocking-bird. 

You  can't  marry  a-miss  if  you  marry  a  widow. 

When  a  man  has  no  bills  against  him  he  feels  as  though  he 
belonged  to  the  nobility. 

An  officer  on  parade  was  thrown  from  his  horse.  He  said  to 
a  friend:  "I  thought  I  had  improved  in  my  riding,  but  I  see  I 
\\d.vQ  fallen  off. 

Euthanasia  means  an  easy  death;  but  youth  in  Africa  means 
sure  death — for  the  missionary. 

Border  troubles — Matching  the  wall  paper. 

A  good  natured  passenger  fell  asleep  on  a  train,  and  was 
carried  a  few  miles  beyond  his  destination  before  he  awoke. — 
"Pretty  good  joke  on  you,  wasn't  it?"  said  a  friend.  "Rather 
X.00  far-fetched  "  was  the  reply. 

Hotel-keepers  are  people  we  have  to  "put  up  with." 

"My  dear,  the  striped  hose  on  our  boy,  makes  his  legs  look 
like  barber  poles."     "  That's  all  right;  he  is  a  little  shaver." 

Parado.xical — "High  words"  only  means,  in  most  cases,  "low 
language." 

Musk  is  recommended  for  moths, — but  we  suppose  it  niust  be 
kept  out  of  the  way  of  the  musk-eaters. 

Unwelcome  settlers — Those  that  offer  ten  cents  on  the  dollar. 


24©  ENTERTAINING  I^eaves. 

A  standard  Work. — History  of  the  American  Flag. 

Why  a  baker  should  not  sell  his  bread :  Because  he  kneads  it 
himself. 

Russian  sailors  remind  one  of  the  dipper-constellation,  because 
they  are  the  great  bear's-tars. 

It  is  the  break  of  day  that  prevents  night  from  going  too  far. 

A  robbin'  red-breast — The  Indian. 

The  custom  of  adorning  the  prows  of  vessels  with  a  female 
head  or  figure  is  supposed  to  have  originated  in  a  desire  to 
secure  good  port-rates. 

In  very  warm  weather  the  schoolmaster  is  the  only  man  who 
keeps  his  collars  straight. 

"Leander, "  said  Mrs.  Sprikins,  the  other  morning,  as  the  for- 
mer was  preparing  to  leave  the  house,  "when  commending  my 
good  qualities,  why  are  you  like  a  wool-grower?"  "Something 
about  sheep  in  it,  ain't  there?"  queried  Spilkins.  "Just  like  you!" 
she  replied.  "The  answer  is:  Because  you  are  a  she-praiser. " 
"Knew  it  all  the  time,"  chuckled  Leander,  as  he  slammed  the 
door  and  whistled  for  a  passing  street  car. 

A  sign  of  spring:     "To  Let." 

The  man  who  invites  you  to  choose :     The  tobacconist. 

When  you  meet  a  man  who  is  "hard  up,"  you  cannot  do  better 
than   to  leave  him  a  loan. 

What  is  the  difference  between  a  young  man  and  a  goose? — 
Why,  one  is  served  with  a  tailor-bill,  and  the  other  is  served  with- 
out a  tail  or  a  bill. 

The  Norristown  Herald  is  willing  to  pay  a  premium  for  a  pun 
on  isinglass.  Well,  speak  about  some  young  lady  looking  at 
herself  in  a  mirror. 

The  path  of  duty — Through  the  Custom  House. 

The  price  of  sugar  is  up.     Now  look  for  a  great  syruprise. 


Leaves.  ANECDOTES.  241 

Favorite  airs  of  the  fair  sex — Solit  aires  and  camel's  (h)  airs. 

How  to  get  along  in  the  world — Walk. 

The  size  of  Paris  bonnets  is  growing  less,  but  the  size  of  hus- 
bands is  growing  larger  at  the  price. 

The  difificulty  with  the  servant-maid  of  the  period  is,  that  she 
is  not  maid  to  order. 

A  cigar  lighter ;     The  box  from  which  you  took  one. 

The  girl  who  imbibed  freely  of  apple  juice  was,  for  a  time 
thereafter,  be-cider-self. 

If  a  bank  can't  stand  a  loan,  it  must  eventually  go  down. 

A  circus  band  may  toot  in  front  of  a  newspaper-office  for 
hours,  but  that  doesn't  make  up  for  the  failure  to  liquidate  an 
advertising  bill. — Cincinnati  Saturday  Night.  No,  it  is  a  mis- 
erable substitoot. — Philadelphia  Bulletin. 

William  Winter  calls  his  new  book  of  poems  "Thistle  Down." 
He  thinks  Thistle  make  it  sell. 

So  the  Kickapoos  want  to  return  from  Mexico,  do  they?  Let 
ihem.     It  don't  do  to  Kick  a  poo-r  Indian  when  he's  down. 

The  best  thing  to  fall  over  now  is  a  fall  overcoat. 

"This,"  thought  a  boy  while  being  trounced  by  his  fond  papa, 
"is  very  like  a  whale." 

"Do  you  call  a  man  kind  who  remits  nothing  to  his  family 
while  away?"  said  an  actor.  "Call  that  kindness?"  "Yes,  ««- 
remitting  kindness,"  was  the  reply  of  Douglas  Jerrold. 

Spring  openings  :  ■  rat  traps. 

A  serious  man  may  not  be  proverbial  for  wisdom,  though  he 
be  a  solemn  un. 

Very  few  brass  bands  in  a  military  parade  can  play  as  many 
airs  as  the  drum-major  puts  on. 

No  bird  is  actually  on  the  wing.     Wings  are  on  the  bird. 


242  ENTERTAINING  Leaves. 

A  New  Orleans  editor  who  saw  a  lady  making  for  the  only 
empty  seat  in  a  car  found  himself  "crowded  out  for  more  inter- 
esting matter. " 

A  man  who  has  just  had  to  rig  his  wife  up  in  a  hundred  dollar 
seal  skin-cloak,  charges  it  all  to  the  rig-her  of  the  climate. 

An  optical  delusion — A  glass  eye. 

The  speaker  of  the  house — The  phonograph. 

"Do  editors  ever  do  wrong?"  "No."  "What  do  they  do?" 
"They  do  write." 

One  of  the  horses  attached  to  a  street-car  got  over  the  tongue 
the  other  day;  whereupon  Piper  remarked  that  the  animal  had 
the  start  of  him,  as  he  had  received  a  blowing-up  from  his  wife 
that  morning,  and  hadn't  got  over  the  tongue  yet. 

"Two  for  assent." — A  bridal  couple. 

A  Bloomingdale  man  went  home  the  other  evening,  and  told 
his  wife  that  "  It  is  better  to  have  loved  a  hoss  than  never  to  have 
loved  at  all. " 

Food  for  repentance — Mince-pie  eaten  late  at  night. 

A  Sunday-school  boy,  upon  being  asked  what  made  the  Tower 
of  Pisa  lean,  repHed :    "because  of  the  famine  in  the  land." 

A  stare-case — A   telescope. 

Old  Uncle  Ned  could  never  have  become  a  member  of  any 
colored  society,  because,  no  matter  what  his  qualifications,  he 
would  always  be  black  bald. 

An  exclamation  that  does  not  apply  to  the  "girl  of  the  period:" 
A  lass  too  true ! 

A  corner  in  flax  is  bad,  but  ache  on  a  toe  is  worse. 

If  your  landlady's  daughter  is  pretty,  you  may  say  ,"  Please  pass 
me  that,  honey." 

The  period  spent  by  the  chicken  in  the  shell  might  be  desig- 
nated as  the  inter-eggnum. 


Leaves.  ANECDOTES.  243 

"Why  did  you  set  your  cup  on  the  chair,  Mr.  Jones?"  said  the 
landlady.  "It  is  so  very  weak,  ma'am,  I  thought  I-would  let  it 
rest. " 

Now  is  the  time  to  put  your  hens  under  bonds  with  a  coop-on. 

The  butchers  are  the  ones  principally  concerned  in  the  adoption 
of  the  meat-trick  system. 

When  does  a  man  become  a  "burning"  poet?  When  he's 
a  versifier. 

A  shoemaker  advertises  "medical  boots."  The  virtue  is  in  the 
heel. 

The  girls  at  Wellesley  College  have  had  the  scarlet  fever.  Well, 
we  suppose  they  will  be  better,  red. 

It  is  not  aviary  foohsh  thing  to  call  a  kitchen  timepiece  a 
"cookoo  clock." 

Two  barristers  were  conversing  about  a  case,  when  one  said : 
"We  have  justice  on  our  side."  "What  we  want,"  said  the 
other,  is  the  Chief  Justice.  " 

A  man  asked  for  a  bottle  of  hock,  and  said  hie,  haec,  hoc. — 
The  waiter,  who  knew  a  little  Latin,  did  nothing.  "Did  I  not 
order  some  hoc?"  said  the  man.  "Yes,"  said  the  waiter,  "but 
you  afterwards  deeiined  it. " 

It  is  a  bad  sign  when  a  preacher  tries  to  drive  home  his  logic 
by  thumping  the  desk  violently  with  his  clenched  hand.  His 
arguments  are  so-fist-ical. 

Coleridge  once  being  asked  which  of  the  Wordsworth's  pro- 
ductions he  considered  the  prettiest,  very  promptly  replied 
"His  daughter  Dora." 

Foote  once  asked  a  man  why  he  forever  sang  one  tune. — 
"Because  it  haunts  me."  "No  wonder, "  said  Foote,  "you  are 
continually  murderi7ig  it. " 

"I  have  asked  her  to  marry  me,  and  I  have  the  refusal  of 
her." 


244  ENTERTAINING  Leaves. 

A  printer's  boy  went  to  see  a  preacher's  daughter.  The  next 
Sunday  the -minister's  text  was:  "My  daughter  is  grievously 
tormented  with  a  devil.'" 

Robert  Hall,  disgusted  with  the  egotism  of  a  young  clergyman, 
said:  "Yes,  there  was  one  very  fine  point  in  your  discourse 
sir."  "Which  was  it?"  "Why,  sir,  the  passage  from  the  pulpit 
into  the  vestry." 

A  curate  being  chided  by  the  Bishop  for  attending  a  ball,  said : 
"My  lord,  I  wore  a  mask. "  "Oh,"  said  the  Bishop,  "that  puts 
a  new  face  on  the  affan-. 

A  bachelor  having  advertised  for  a  wife  to  share  his  lot,  was 
asked  what  size  his  lot  was. 

A  husband  can  readily  foot  the  bills  of  a  wife  who  is  not 
afraid  of  being  seen  footing  the  stockings  of  her  husband. 

A  port  of  entry:   Port-wine. 

Dr.  Johnson  said  of  the  University  of  St.  Andrews  in  Scotland, 
which  was  poor  in  purse  but  prolific  in  its  distribution  of  degrees: 
"Let  it  persevere  in  its  present  plan/and  it  may  become  rich  by 
degrees. "  * 

A  coquette  is  one  who  first  steals  your  heart  by  her  address, 
and  then  steels  her  own  heart  to  your  addresses. 

"Sambo,  did  you  ever  see  the  Catskill  mountains?"  "No, 
sah,  I've  seen  'em  kill  mice. " 

Nibs  being  told  that  Lucinda  took  the  circumstance  very 
much  at  heart,  said,  "Did  she,  indeed?  The  poor  girl.  Would 
that  I  were  that  circumstance!" 

Counselor  Lamb  told  Erskine  he  felt  himself  growing  more 
timid  as  he  grew  older.  "No  wonder, "  said  the  latter;  "Every 
one  knows  the  older  a  lamb  grows  the  more  s/ieepis/ihe  becomes. " 

"Who  wrote  the  most,  Dickens,  Warren,  or  Bulwer?"  War- 
ren wrote  'Now  and  then,'  Bulwer  wrote  'Night  and  Morning,' 
and  Dickens  wrote  'All  the  Year  Round.'  " 


Leaves.  ANECDOTES.  245 

Which  is  the  most  awkard  time  for  a  train  to  start?  12.50, 
as  it's  ten  io  Ofie  if  you  catch  it. 

Why  is  a  bride-groom  often  more  expensive  than  a  bride? — 
Because  the  bride  is  given  away,  but  the  groom  is  often  sold. 

Why  was  Goliath  surprised  when  David  struck  him  with  a 
stone  ?     Because  such  a  thing  never  entered  his  head  before. 

Why  are  good  intentions  like  fainting  ladies  ?  Because  they 
want  carrying  out. 

Why  is  an  omnibus  strap  like  conscience?  Because  it's  an 
inner  check  to  an  outer  man. 

What  is  the  oldest  table  in  the  world?  The  multiplication 
table. 

What  is  the  difference  between  a  light  in  a  cave  and  a  dance 
in  an  inn?  One  is  a  taper  in  a  cavern,  and  the  other  a  caper  in 
a  tavern. 

What  is  the  difference  between  a  man  going  up  stairs  and  one 
looking  up?  One  is  stepping  up  the  stairs,  the  other  staring  up 
the  steps. 

Why  is  a  stick  of  candy  like  a  race  horse?  Because  the  more 
you  lick  it,  the  faster  it  goes. 

What  is  the  difference  between  an  engine  driver  and  a  school- 
master?    One  minds  the  train  and  the  other  trains  the  mind. 

What  shape  is  a  kiss?     EUiptical.     (A-lip-tickle.) 

Why  is  a  shoe  black  like  an  editor?  Because  he  polishes  the 
understandings  of  his  patrons. 

Why  is  a  fishmonger  never  generous?  Because  his  business 
is  sell-fish. 

Prof.  Cromwell  says  that  Rome  in  exchanging  her  religion  ex- 
changed Jupiter  for  Jew  Peter.  This  is  considered  a  remark- 
able pun. 

What  relation  is  a  door  mat  to  a  door  step?  A  "step  farther." 


246  ENTERTAINING  Leaves. 

Why  is  a  pretty  girl  like  a  locommotive  ?  Because  she  sends 
off  the  sparks,  transports  the  mails,  and  has  a  train  following 
her. 

What  man  had  no  father  ?     Joshua,  the  son  of  Nun. 

Why  is  a  dead  doctor  like  a  dead  duck?  Because  they  have 
both  done  quacking. 

When  can  donkey  be  spelt  with  one  letter?     When  it's  "  UJ" 

Why  have  chickens  no  fear  of  a  future  state?  Because  they 
have  their  next  world  (necks  twirled)  in  this. 

Why  is  a  shool-boy  being  flogged  like  your  eye  ?  Because  he's 
a  pupil  under  the  lash. 

Why  are  clouds  like  coachmen?  Because  they  hold  the  rains. 
{reins. ) 

Why  is  love  like  a  potato?  Because  it  shoots  from  the  eyes 
and  gets  less  by  pairing. 

Why  is  the  fisherman's  the  most  lucrative  employment?  Ifs 
all  nett  profit. 

Why  does  the  sailor  know  there's  a  man  in  the  moon?  Be- 
cause he's  been  to  sea.  (see.) 

How  do  you  keep  water  out  of  your  house  ?  Omit  to  pay 
your  water  tax. 

Why  are  fixed  stars  like  wicked  old  men?  Because  they 
scintillate.     (Sin-till-late.) 

Why  is  an  umbrella  like  a  pancake?  Because  it's  seldom 
seen  after  lent. 

If  you  sa.v  a  house  on  fire,  what  three  celebrated  authors 
would  you  feel  disposed  at  once  to  name?  Dikens — Howitt — 
Burns. 

When  is  a  man  duplicated  ?     When  he  is  beside  himself. 

Why  is  a  poli-ceman  like  a  rainbow  ?  Because  he  .rarely 
appears  until  the  storm  is  over. 


Leaves.  ANECDOTES.  247 

Why  is  a  little  dog's  tail  like  the  heart  of  a  tree  ?     Because  if  s 
farthest  from  the  bark. 

What  word  by  changing  one  letter  becomes  its  opposite  ? — 
United — Untied. 

At  what  time  of  day  was  Adam  born  ?     A  little  before  Eve. 

How   were  Adam  and  Eve  kept  from  gambling  ?     Their  pair 
of  dice  was  taken  away  from  them. 

What  is  that  which  you  can  keep  after  giving  it  to  some  one 
else  ?     Your  word. 

\Vhat  most  effectually  checks  a  fast  man?     A  bridal. 

What  tree  bears  the  most  fruit  to  market?     The  Axle-tree. 

Why  is  a  pretty  girl  like  an   excellent  mirror  ?     She's   a  good 
looking  lass. 

Why  is  a  pig  with  a  curly  continuation,  like  the  ghost  of  Ham- 
let's father  ?     Because  he  could  a  tale  unfold. 

Who  dares  sit  before  the  Queen  with  his  hat  on  ?     The  coach- 
man. 

When  are  apples  alike  ?     When  pared. 

Why  does  tying  a  slow  horse  to  a  post  improve  his  pace?    It 
makes  him/a^/. 

What  is  the  difference  between  a  mouse  and  a  young  lady? — 
One  harms  the  cheese,  the  other  charms  the  he's. 

On  what  day  in  the  year  do  women  talk  the  least  ?    The  short- 
est day. 

Why  is  an  egg  like  a  colt?     Because  it  isn't  fit  for  use  'till  it's 
broken. 

What  money  brings   the   most    substantial   interest  ?     Mat- 
rimony. 

Why  should  Benjamin  marry  Annie?     Because  he   would  be 
Bennie-fitted,  she  Annie-mated. 


248  ENTERTAINING  Leaves. 

Why  are  alum  mines  like  cotton  mills?  Because  they  have 
a-loom-in-em. 

What  two  letters  express  the  most  agreeable  people  in  the 
world?     U  and  I. 

Why  are  kisses  like  the  Creation?  They  are  made  of  nothing 
and  yet  are  very  good. 

What  most  frequently  becomes  a  woman  ?     A  little  girl. 

Why  is  a  lawyer  like  a  restless  sleeper?  He  lies  first  on  one 
side  and  then  on  the  other. 

What  is  the  difference  between  a  Honey-Comb,  and  a  Honey- 
Moon  ?     One  is  composed  of  little  Cells,  the  other  is  one  Big  Sell. 

A  boy  said,  "  My  Father  has  a  Brother  but  he  is  not  my  Uncle. " 
How  can  you  explain  the  contradiction  ?     The  Boy  Lied. 

What  is  the  difference  between  Perseverance  and  Obstinacy. 
One  arises  from  a  strong  Will,  and  the  other  from  a  strong  WotH. 

Why  is  the  figure  9  like  a  Peacock  ?  Because  it  is  nothing  (o) 
without  its  tail. 

Why  do  women  seek  husbands  named  WiUiam?  So  they  can 
have  a  Will  of  their  own. 

What  rose  is  born  to  blush  unseen?     Negroes. 

What  is  the  difference  between  a  barber  and  a  mother?  One 
has  razors  to  shave,  and  the  other  shavers  to  raise. 

Why  are  books  your  best  friends  ?     Because  when  they  bore 

you,  you  can  shut  them  up  without  giving  offence. 

What's  the  difference  between  stabbing  a  man  and  killing  a 
hog  ?  One  is  assaulting  with  intent  to  kill,  and  the  other  killing 
with  intent  to  salt. 

When  is  a  soldier  not  half  a  soldier?     When  he's  in  quarters. 

-    Why  is  a  man's  face  shaved  in  January  like  a  celebrated  fur? 
Because  it's  a  chin-chilly. 

What  part  of  a  fish  is  like  the  end  of  a  book?     The  fin-is. 


Leaves.  ANECDOTES.  249 

What  word  may  be  pronounced  quicker,  by  adding  a  syllable 
to  it?     Quick; 

When  is  a  pretty  girl  like  a  ship?     When  she  is  attached  to  a 
buoy. 

Why  should    a   man   never  marry  a  woman  named  Ellen? — 
Because  he  rings  his  own  i^K)  Nell. 

'      Why  is  an  interesting  book  like  a  toper's  nose?    Because  it  is 
red  (read)  to  the  very  end. 

What  is  that  which  never  flies,  but  when  its  wings  are  broken? 
An  army. 

When  is  a  man  not  a  man?     When  he's  a  shaving. 
Why   are   pretty   girls   like   fire-works?     Because    they  soon 
go  off. 

Why  is  it  absurd   to  ask  a  pretty  girl  to  be  candid?     Because 
she  cannot  be  plarn. 

Why  is  a  melancholy  young  lady  the  most  attractive  of  com- 
panions?    Because  she  is  always  z.-musing. 

What  is  that  which  never  asks  questions,  yet  requires  answers? 
The  door  bell. 

What  is  that  which  goes  up  the  hill  and  down  the  hill,  and  yet 
stands  still?     The  road. 

Why  is  a  neglected  damsel  like  a  fire  which   has   gone   out? 
Because  she  has  not  a  spark  left. 

Why  is  a  plum  cake  like  the  ocean?     Because   it   contains 
many  currants. 

What  ship  is  it  that  no  woman  objects  to  embark  in?     Court- 
ship. 

What  is  that  which  is  full  of  holes  and  yet  holds  water?     A 
sponge. 

Why  cannot  a  deaf  man  be  legally  convicted?     Because  it  i-* 
imlawful  to  convict  a  man  without  a  hearing 


250  ENTERTAINING  Leaves. 

What  is  the  worst  seat  a  man  can  sition  ?     "Self-con-r^i/. " 

Why  is  a  hive  hke  a  spectator  at  a  show?  Because  it  is  a  bee- 
holder 

Why  is  a  proud  woman  like  a  music  book?  Because  she  is  full 
of  airs. 

What  kind  of  essence  does  a  young  man  like  when  he  pops 
the  question?     Acquiescence. 

What  is  the  difference  between  an  auction  and  sea-sickness? 
One  is  the  sale  of  effects,  the  other  the  effects  of  a  sail. 

Why  are  the  ladies  the  biggest  thieves  in  existence?  Because 
they  steel  their  petticoats,  bone  their  stays,  crib  their  babies,  and 
hook  their  dresses. 

Why  is  chicken  pie  like  a  gunsmith's  shop?  Because  it  con- 
tains fowl-in  pieces. 

Which  is  the  way  to  make- a  coat  last?  Make  the  vest  and 
trousers  first. 

Why  does  a  spoon  reclining  in  a  cup  of  tea  resemble  a  hand- 
some young  lady?     Because  it  is  in  tea-resting. 

Who  may  marry  many  a  wife,  and  yet  live  single  all  his  Hfe? — 
A  clergyman. 

Where  can  happiness  always  be  found?     In  the  dictionary. 

Why  are  hot  rolls  like  caterpillars?  Because  they  make  the 
butter-fly. 

Why  is  an  amateur  artist  dangerous?  Because  his  designs  are 
generally  bad. 

Why  are  old  bachelors  bad  grammarians?  Because  when  asked 
to  conjugate,  they  invariably  decline. 

What  prescription  is  tlie  best  for  a  poet?  A  composing 
draught. 

Why  is  a  poor  acquaintance  better  than  a  rich  one?  A  friend 
in  need  is  a  friend  indeed. 


Leaves.  ANECDOTES.  251 

Hook  at  a  civic  banquet  at  the  fifth  course  laid  down  his  knife 
and  fork  and  declared  he  would  take  the  rest  out  in  money. 

A  man  was  killed  by  a  circular  saw,  and  in  his  obituary  notice 
it  was  stated  that  he  was  "a  good  citizen,  an  upright  man  and  an 
ardent  patriot,  but  of  limited  information  with  regard  to  cir- 
cular saws. " 

A  colored  servant  sweeping  a  room,  found  a  sixpence  belong- 
ing to  a  lodger.  "You  may  keep  it  for  your  honesty,"  After- 
wards he  missed  a  gold  pencil  case,  and  asked  the  servant  if  he 
had  seen  it.     "Yes,  sir,  I  have  kept  it  for  my  honesty." 

A  big  Yankee  from  Maine,  on  paying  his  bill  in  a  London  res- 
taurant, was  told  that  the  sum  put  down  didn't  include  the 
waiter.  "Wal, "  he  roared,  "I  didn't  eat  any  waiter,  did  I?"  He 
looked  as  though  he  could,  though,  and  there  was  no  further  dis- 
cussion. 

"Do  you  you  not  like  to  to  go  to  church?"  said  a  lady  to  Mrs. 
Partington.  "Law  me,  I  do,  "replied  Mrs.  P.  "Nothing  does 
me  so  much  good  as  to  get  up  early  on  a  Sunday  morning,  and 
go  to  church  and  hear  a  popular  minister  dispense  with  the  gos- 
pel." 

"Martha,  dost  thou  love  me?"  said  a 'young  Quaker.  "Why, 
Seth,  we  are  commanded  to  love  one  another."  "Ah,  Martha, 
but  dost  thou  feel  what  the  world  calls  love?"  I  hardly  know 
what  to  tell  thee,  Seth.  I  have  tried  to  bestow  my  love  upon  all, 
but  I  have  sometimes  thought  perhaps  that  thou  wast  getting 
more  than  thy  share.  " 

The  day  is  not  far  distant,  murmurs  the  Elko  Post,  when  the 
housewife  will  glance  into  the  woodshed,  and,  finding  that  the 
husband  has  gone  off  without  splitting  the  daily  allowance  of 
fuel,  will  take  down  the  phonograph,  and  howl  into  it  a  volley 
of  epithets  that  will  register  one  hundred  and  sixty  pounds  pres- 
sure to  the  square  inch  on  the  safety  gauge,  and  then  call  out  ta 
her  boy:  "Here,  John,  go  down  town  and  grind  that  out  to  your 
lazy  old  father,  and  see  that  you  turn  the  crank,  lively  too. " 


252  ENTERTAINING  Leaves. 

Men  never  love  women  they  do  not  understand,  and  women 
never  love  men  they  do  understand. 

A  Scotchman  appealed  to  a  clergyman  for  alms,  and  upon  re- 
ceiving them  said;  "I'll  gie  ye  an  afternoon's  hearing  for  this, 
one   of  thae  days" 

"If  I'm  not  home  from  the  party  at  ten  o'clock,  don't  wait  for 
me,  wife."  "No,  I'll  not  wait  for  you.  If  you're  not  home  I'll 
go  for  you. "     He  arrived  at  ten. 

A  Scottish  clergyman  heard  a  contention  in  a  house  and  asked 
"Who  is  the  head  here?"  The  man  said:  "Sit  down  a  little, 
we're  just  trying  to  settle  that  point." 

A  man  in  Ben^l  asserts:  "Tiger  hunting  is  a  very  fine 
amusement,  so  long  as  you  hunt  the  tiger,  but  it's  rather 
awkward,  when  the  tiger  takes  it  into  his  head  to  \\\\\\\. you. 

An  Irishman  beholding  Niagara  Falls,  said:  "What  is  there 
here  to  make  such  a  bother  about?"  "Why,"  said  his  compan- 
ion, "see  that  mighty  river  pouring  over  into  the  deep  abyss." — 
"And  sure,  what's  to  hitider  it?"  said  Pat. 

Some  one  endeavored  to  console  a  man  who  had  lost  three 
wives,  by  saying:  "The  Lord  hath  indeed  afflicted  you."  "Yes, 
he  has,"  said  the  man,  "but  the  Lord  didn't  get  much  ahead  of 
me,  for  as  fast  as  he  took  one,  /  took  another." 

"The  treasurer  of  a  railroad  asked  the  conductor  why  he 
passed  a  certain  passenger,  without  asking   his  ticket  or  fare. — 

"Oh,  he's  a  conductor  on Railroad."     "He  a  conductor! 

why  what    makes  him  dress  so  shabbily?"     "He's  trying  to  live 
on  his  salary,  was  the  quick  reply. 

A  traveling  Munchausen  said  he  had  seen  a  Church  in  Spain 
a  mile  long.  "Bless  me,"  said  Garrick,  "How  broad  was  it?" 
"About  ten  yards,"  re])lied  the  startled  narrator,  who  had  not 
supposed  Garrick  to  be  listening.  "That  is  not  a  round  lie,"  said 
Garrick;  "but  differs  from  his  other  stories,  which  are  generally 
as  broad  as  they  are  long. 


Leaves.  ANECDOTES.  253 

A  Scotch  wit  says  there  is  no  reason  why  the  phonograph 
should  not  be  spoken  of  as  "she."     It  repeats  everything. 

What  is  the  difference  between  the  Czar  of  Russia  and  one  of 
his  peasants?  One  issues  his  manifestoes,  and  the  other  mani- 
fests his  toes  without  his  shoes. 

A  young  lady  remarked  during  a  storm,  she  was  afraid  of 
lightning.  "And  well  you  may  be,"  sighed  her  despairing  lover, 
"  your  heart  is  made  of  steel. " 

A  little  boy  was  shown  the  picture  of  the  martyrs  thrown  to 
the  lions.  He  startled  his  friends  by  shouting:  "Ma,  Oh  ma! 
Just  look  at  that  poor  little  lion,  way  behind  there,  he  won't  get 
any." 

Judge  Breckenridge  called  a  prisoner  a  scoundrel.  "Sir,"  said 
the  criminal,  "I  am  not  so  great  a  scoundrel  as  your  honor — 
takes  me  to  be."  "Put  your  words  closer  together,"  said  the 
Judge. 

"It  wasn't  so  very  late,  only  a  quarter  of  twelve."  "How- 
dare  you  sit  there  and  and  tell  me  that  lie?  I  was  awake  when 
you  came  in,  and  looked  at  my  watch,  it  was  three  o'clock. " — 
"Well,  arn't  three    a  quarter  of  twelve! 

A  married  lady,  referring  to  the  one  hundred  and  forty-eighth 
Psalm,  observed,  that  while  young  men  and  maidens,  old  men 
and  children  were  expressly  mentioned,  not  a  word  was  said 
about  married  women.  A  clergymen  assured  her  they  had  not 
been  omitted,  but  included  in  one  of  the  preceding  verses  un- 
der the  description  of  vapors  and  stortns. 

A  soldier  running  for  Congress,  said:  "Fellow  citizens,  I 
have  fought  and  bled  for  my  country.  I  have  slept  on  the  field 
of  battle,  and  have  walked  over  frozen  ground,  till  my  footsteps 
were  marked  with  blood."  A  voter,  wiping  his  tearful  eyes  with 
his  coat  tail,  said:  "Did  you  say  you  followed  the  enemy  over 
frozen  ground  till  every  footstep  was  covered  with  blood?" — 
"Yes."  "Well  then,  I'll  be  blamed  if  you  havn't  done  enough 
for  your  country.     I'll  vote  for  the  other  chap. 


354  ENTERTAINING  Leaves. 

The  art  of  conversation — British  tourist  (to  fellow-passenger 
in  mid-channel) — Going  across  I  suppose?"  "Fellow  Passen- 
ger— "Yaas.     Are  you?" 

A  German  was  about  to  visit  his  fatherland,  and  wishing  to  say 
^good-by"  to  a  friend  extended  his  hand  and  said:  "Veil,  offer 
I  don'd  see  you  dot  onner  time,  hallo. " 

"We  all  knows,"  said  the  school-committee-man  to  the  new 
teacher  he  was  examining  for  a  position,  "that  A  B  an'  C  is 
wowels;  but  wot  we  wants  to  know  is  wy  they  is  so." 

It  was  very  careless  leaving  the  parrot  in  the  parlor  on  Sunday 
evening,  but  she  never  thought  anything  about  it  until  Monday 
morning,  when  he  roused  the  whole  house  by  making  a  smack- 
ing noise,  and  crying  "Darling  Susie!  darling  Susie!"  He  kept 
it  up  all  day,  too,  and  the  old  folks  are  much  interested  in  the 
case.  ' 

Two  sisters  conversing  about  a  concert  which  had  taken  place, 
the  younger  of  the  two,  who  had  been  present,  was  asked  if  Miss 

H ,  one  of  the  singers  was  encored.     Her  youthful  fancy 

must  have  been  drawn  in  another  direction,  for  she  replied,  "Oh, 
no;  she  was  in  black  velvet." 

Mackey,  the  California  miUionaire,  came  to  this  country  a  poor 
Irish  boy.  Stewart,  the  New  York  millionaire,  came  to  this 
country  a  poor  Irish  boy.  We  might  give  other  illustrations,  but 
these  two  are  sufficient  to  show  that  our  struggling  American 
youth  made  a  great  mistake  in  not  coming  to  this  country  poor 
Irish  boys. 

By  private  wire :  Mr.  Basingbal  (city  merchant) — "Most  con. 
venient !  I  can  converse  with  Mrs.  B.  just  as  if  I  was  in  my  own 
drawing-room.  I'll  tell  her  you  are  here. "  (Speaks  through  the 
telephone.)  "Dawdles  is  here — ^just  come  from  Paris — looking 
so  well — desires  to  be,"  etc.,  etc.  "Now  you  take  it  and  you'll 
hear  her  voice  distinctly."  Dawdles — "Weally!"  (Dawdles  takes 
it.)  The  voice. — "For  goodness  sake,  dear,  don't  bring  that 
insuflferable  noodle  home  to  dinner!" 


Leaves.  ANECDOTES.  255 

Don't  trouble  yourself  to  stretch  your  mouth  any  wider,"  said 
a  dentist  to  his  patient.  "I  intend  to  stand  outside  to  draw  your 
tooth." 

A  doting  mother  labeled  her  preserves:  "Put  up  by  Mrs.  D. " 
Her  son  ate  them,  and  wrote  on  the  labels:  "Put  dow7i  by 
Johnny  D. " 

"I  meant  to  have  told  you  of  that  hole,"  said  an  Irishman  to 
a  friend,  who  had  fallen  into  a  pit  in  the  Irishman's  garden.  "No 
matter,"  said  Pat,  " Tve  foufid  it. 

"Now  my  hearties,"  said  a  Yankee  captain,  "you've  a  tough 
battle  before  you.  Fight  like  heroes,  'till  your  powder's  gone, 
then  run.     I'm  a  little  lame  and  I'll  start  now. " 

The  conductor  on  a  slow  train  said:"  Madam,  your  boy  can't 
pass  at  half  fare,  he's  too  large."  "He  may  be  too  large  now," 
replied  the  lady,  "but  he  \wz.s  small  enough  when  we  started. 

Fame  is  tardy  in  reaching  some  men;  but  if  tbe  man"  is  de- 
serving, i't  is  bound  to  strike  him  sooner  or  later.  A  Berks 
County  editor  has  had  a  blue  and  red  canal-boat  named  after  him. 

The  theology  of  certain  narrow-minded  and  narrow-hearted 
people  reminds  us  of  the  child  who  told  her  little  friend  of  French 
extraction  that  it  was  useless  for  her  to  say  her  prayers,  because 
she  couldn't  talk  English. 

Said  a  politician  to  his  son:  "Look  at  me!  I  began  as  an  Al- 
derman, and  here  I  am  at  the  top  of  the  tree,  and  what  is  my 
reward?  Why,  when  I  die,  my  son  will  be  the  greatest  rascal  in 
in  the  city."  To  this  the  young  hopeful  replied:  "Yes,  dad, 
when  you  die — but  not  till  then. " 

A  colored  firm  recently  dissolved  partizetihip  and  posted  the 
following  notice  to  the  public:  "De  dissolution  of  co-parsnips 
heretofo  resisting  hetwixt  me  and  Mose  Jones,  in  de  barber 
profession  am  heretofo  dissolved.  Pussons  who  owe  must  pay 
to  de  subscriber.  Dem  what  de  firm  ose  must  call  on  Jones,  as 
de  firm  is  in  solved. " 


a56  ENTERTAINING  Leaves. 

Two  ladies  abused  each  other.  Their  friends  appealed  to 
Walpole.  "Have  they  called  each  other  tiglyf"  "No."  Very 
good,"  said  he,  "I  can  reconcile  them." 

A  poor  cornet  got  his  skull  fractured,  and  was  told  by  the 
doctor  that  his  brain  was  visible.  He  replied:  "Write  and  tell 
my  father,  for  he  always  swore  I  had  none. " 

"My  brethren,"  said  Swift  in  a  sermon,  "there  are  three  kinds 
of  pride:  of  birth,  of  riches,  and  of  talents.  I  sliall  not  speak  of 
the  latter,  none  of  you  being  liable  to  that  abominable  vice. 

Thackeray  was  at  a  St.  Louis  dinner,  when  one  waiter  said  to 
another:  "That  is  the  celebrated  Mr.  Thackeray. "  "What's  he 
done?"    said  the  other.     "Blessed  if  I  know,"  was  the  answer. 

"I  do  not  think,  madame,  that  any  man  of  the  least  sense 
would  approve  of  your  conduct. "  said  an  indignant  husband. 
"Sir,"  retorted  the  better  half,  "how  can  you  judge  what  any  man 
of  the  least  sense  would  do  ?" 

Pat:  "What  is  the  fare  to  Putnam?"  Agent:  "Putnam,  Mass. 
or  Putnam,  Conn.?"  Pat:  "What  is  the  fare?"  Agent:  "Five 
dollars  to  Putnam,  Mass.,  and  eight  dollars  to  Putnam,  Conn." 
Pat:  "Well,  bedad,  PU  take  the  cheapest." 

A  railroad  conductor  having  insulted  a  lady  passenger,  she 
said  that  the  company  should  never  have  another  cent  of  her 
money.  "How  can  you  manage  that?"  said  the  conductor. — 
"Hereafter,  instead  of  buying  my  ticket  at  the  office,"  said  the 
lady,  "  I  will  pay  fare  to  you. " 

The  Bishop  of  Hereford  was  examining  a  school-class  the 
other  day,  and  among  other  things  asked  what  an  average  was. 
Several  boys  pleaded  ignorance,  but  one  at  last  replied:  "It  is 
what  a  hen  lays  on."  The  answer  puzzled  the  Bishop  not  a 
little,  but  the  boy  persisted  in  it,  stating  he  had  read  it  in  his 
little  book  of  facts.  He  was  then  told  to  bring  his  little  book, 
and  on  doing  so  he  pointed  triumphantly  to  a  paragraph  com- 
mencing: "The  domestic  hen  lays  on  an  average  fifty  eggs  each 
year. " 


THE 


THAT    ENABLES 

TO  HEAR  THROUGH  THE  MEDIUM  OF  THE  TEETH,  AND  THE 
DEAF  AND  DUMB  TO  HEAR  AND  LEARN  TO  SPEAK. 


A  C  ass  of  Deaf  Mutes  Lis;ening  to  M  usic  for  the  First  Time,  by  aid  of  the  Audi  phone. 
(From  Frank  Leslie's  Illustrated  Neivspaper^  Dec.  13,  1879.) 


Invented  by  EICHAED  S.  HHODES,  Chicago,  111. 


SOLD  ONLY  BY 

RHODES    &    McOLXJKE, 

Metboclist  4°hiirc]a  KIncK,  nii4'as;:o. 

1880. 


A  Young  Lady  fko.m  Washington  Hp:ight8  Deaf  and  Dumb  Insti- 
tute, New  York  City,  Hearing  uer  Own  Voice  por  the  First 
Time. 


THE    AUDIPHONE. 


GOOD  NEWS  FOB    THB  JDBAF. 


An  Instrument  that  enables  the  Deaf  to  Hear  with  Ease  throughj 

the  Medium  of  the  Teeth,  and  the  Deaf  and  Dumb 

to  Hear  and  Learn  to  Speak. 


INVENTED    BY    R.    S.    RHODES,    CHICAGO,    ILLS. 


The  Audiphone  resembles  a  fan.  It  is  made  of  a  peculiar  composi- 
tion, that,  like  a  telephone  diaphragm,  gathers  the  faintest  sounds  and 
conveys  them,  through  the  medium  of  the  teeth  and 
auditory  nerve,  to  the  brain. 

When  in  use  the  instrument  is  strung,  or  bent,  to 
the  proper  tension  and  its  upper  edge  is  pressed 
against  the  ed  sre  of  the  upper  teeth.   See  Figs.  1, 2, 3. 


Fig.  I.  The  Audiphone 
in  its  natural  position; 
used  as  a  fan. 


Fig.  2.  The  Audiphone 
in  tension  ;  the  proper 
position  for  hearing. 


Fig.  3.  The  Audiphone 
properly  adjusted  to  the 
upper  teeth  ;  ready  for 
use.    (Side  view.) 


With  ordinarily  good  upper  teeth  and  auditory  nerve  the  Audiphone- 
gives  good  satisfaction.  With  artificial  teeth,  if  they  fit  firmly,  it  gives- 
good  results. 

Care  should  be  taken,  in  all  cases,  to  adjust  the  instrument  properly. 

Persons  not  accustomed  to  hearing  articulate  sounds,  or  v^hoj 
by  the  use  of  ear  trumpets,  have  become  accustomed  to  unnatural  sound, 
will  generally  require  a  little  practice  before  they  get  the  full  benefit  of 
the  instrument. 

In  all  cases  the  result  improves  as  the  instrument  ia  used^  Its  use 
also  improves  the  natural  sense  of  hearing. 


3  THE  AUDIPBONE. 

FROM    PERSONS    USING    THE    AUDIPIIONE. 

The  following  testimony  is  in  all  respects  authentic,  and  in  every 
instance  has  come  to  Rhodes  &  McClure,  unsolicited.  The  same  is 
also  true  concerning  the  notices  "  From  the  Press." 


"  I  hear  ordinary  conversation  with  ease,  and  it  is  a  wonder  to  me  every  time  I  use  it. 
Sounds  that  1  had  not  heard  for  years  and  had  quite  forgotten  came  back  distinctly,  and 
the  more  I  use  it  the  better  I  like  it.  "  ABBIE  R.  STEVENS, 

"  Oct.  9,  1879.  "  Salem,  Mass." 

"  I  attend  church,  hear  perfectly  six  pews  from  the  desk,  and  can  not  hear  the  minis~ 
ier^s  z'oice  loithout  the  Audiphone.  I  go  to  lectures  and  concerts,  and,  in  short,  am 
alive  again  and  a  part  of  the  world.  Sometimes  I  think  my  Audiphone  is  bewitched,  it 
works  so  well.  "ABBIE.  R.  STEVENS." 

"Dec.  13,  1879.     [Second  Letter.] 

"  The  Audiphone  came  O.  K.     By  its  aid  I  am  now  able  to  join  in  general  conversa- 
tion, which  I  have  not  been  able  to  do  for  eighteen  years.  "  H.  K.  TAYLOR, 
"  Nov.  21,  J879.  "Cleveland,©." 

"  The  'Phone  at  hand  ;  and  on  trial  even  more  satisfactory  than  could  be  expected  at 
first  use.  My  wife  and  friends  are  delighted  and  enthusiastic  over  it.  They  are  rejoiced 
that  I  can  hear,  and  I  am  glad  that  it  no  longer  requires  an  effort  on  their  part  to  enable 
me  to  do  so.  "  E.  C.  ELY  (firm,  Reynolds  &  Ely), 

"  Oct.  4,  1879.  "  Peoria,  Ills." 

"  114  South  Twenty-First  Street,  Philadelphia,  Pa.,  Nov.  15. 
"  Messrs.  Rhodes  &  McClure. — The  Audiphone  arrived  safely,  and  I  hasten  to  assure 
you  of  its  perject  success  for  my  hearing.  In  ordinary  conversation  I  can  not  use  it 
against  the  eye-teeth  as  it  makes  the  voices  too  loud,  although  the  Audiphone  is  scarcely 
drawn.  I  entered  into  general  conversation  with  perfect  ease,  last  evening,  for  the  first 
time  for  five  or  six  years.  A  melodeon  or  piano  I  hear  distinctly  at  great  distances. 
Reading  aloud  is  also  easily  heard.  My  family  and  friends  are  so  rejoiced  at  my  success, 
and  regard  the  instrument  in  wonder.  My  physician  is  delighted  with  it,  and  thinks,  as 
my  deafness  arose  greatly  from  nervousness,  that  the  Audiphone  will  stimulate  the  audi- 
tory nerve,  and  possibly  benefit  or  restore  my  sense  of*hearing.  The  terrible  strain  being 
taken  from  my  mind  gives  me  such  rest  and  good  spirits  that  I  almost  forget  my  deafness. 
"  Yours  very  truly,  "MRS.  F.  A.  LEX." 

"Messrs.  Rhodes  &  McClure. — The  Audiphone,  per  Adams'  Express,  arrived  all  right, 
and  my  wife  is  delighted  with  it.     She  has  been  to  the  theater  and  other  public  entertain- 
ments, and  for  the  first  time  in  twelve  years  was  she  able  to  hear  all  that  was  said. 
"  Dec.  9,  1879.  "  H.  A.  BARRY,  26  Post  Office  Ave.,  Baltimore,  Md." 

"  My  Audiphone  is  the  wonder  of  the  day.     It  helps  me  wonderfully  in  conversation, 

"B.  H.  M  JLFORD,  ESQ.,  Montrose,  Pa." 

"  My  deafness  is  of  long  standing,  having  originated  from  an  attack  of  scarlet  fever 
more  than  thirty  years  ago.  The  hearing  in  each  ear  is  defective  and  in  one  almost  com-, 
pletely  impaired.  The  Audiphone  forwarded  has  been  tested  in  ordinary  conversation 
and  also  by  attendance  upon  the  opera  and  perfectly  subserves  the  purposes  for  which  it 
was  intended.  My  hearing  when  using  the  instrument  is  as  acute  as  though  no  infirmity 
existed  and  the  effect  of  the  use  of  the  instrument  has  appreciably  toned  up  and  improved 
the  auditory  organs^so  much  so  as  to  have  attracted  the  attention  of  my  family. 

"  I  have  exhibited  the  instrument  to  several  friends  afflicted  with  deafness.  Among 
the  parties  who  have  determined  to  use  yourinvention  are  Judge  McCorkle,  of  California  ; 
Gen.  Boynton,  of  the  Cincinnati  Gazette  ;  and  General  Markham,  a  resident  of  this  city. 
All  of  these  gentlemen  are  afflicted  with  defective  hearing. 

"  G.  W.  CARTER, 
"  Nov.  28,  1879.  Washington,  D.  C. 

"  I  find  that  the  more  accustomed  I  become  to  the  use  of  my  Audiphone  the  better 

results  do  I  obtain,  and  having  been  quite  deaf  for  over  thirty  years  I  can  assure  you  it  is 

a  great  gratification  to  be  able  to  attend  any  place  where  public  speakijig  is  going  on  and 

hear  all  that  is  uttered  by  the  speakers — a  pleasure  that  has  been  denied  me  all  that  time. 

Nov.  26,  1879.  "  JOHN  B.  SCOTT,  New  York." 


PERSONAL   TESTIMONY.  3 

■"  It  answers  the  purpose  admirably.     Has  created  quite  a  sensation  among  my  friends. 
"Sept.  21,  1879.  "  E.  F.  TEST,  Claim  Agent,  U.  P.  R.  R.,"  Omaha,  Neb." 

"  Your  Audiphone  to  hand.  The  lady  (my  sister)  has  tried  it  and  finds  she  can  hear 
now  an  ordinary  conversation  which  she  can  not  do  without  it.  I  would  not  part  with  it  for 
ten  times  its  cost.  "  W.  W.  EVANS, 

"Sept.,  1879.  "  Grant  Locomotive  Works,  Paterson,  N.  J." 

"  I  procured  an  Audiphone  yesterday  and  can  already  hear  quite  well  an  ordinary  con- 
versation. "  HENRV  MILNKS,  Cold  Water,  Mich." 

"  Music  clear  in  any  part  of  the  room.  To  say  that  I  am  gratified  would  only  express 
moderately  how  I  feel.  '"  G.  H.  PAINE,  Freemont,  Neb.,  Sept.  30,  1879." 

"  The  Audiphone  is  a  great  benefit  to  me.  Without  it  music  is  a  confused  murmur 
•of  sounds  ;  with  it  I  can  hear  the  different  parts  as  well  as  I  ever  could. 

"  Dec.  6,  1879.  "  ABBIE  WEST,  Canton,  Ills." 

"  I  am  satisfied  from  experiments  which  I  have  witnessed  that,  excepting  instances  in 
which  the  Auditory  nerve  is  totally  paralyzed,  all  the  deaf  may,  by  its  tielp,  be  enabled  to 
hear  and  intelligently  converse.  "  REV.  S.  H.  WELLER,  IJ.D.,  Morrison,  Ills." 

"  I  have  been  deaf  for  thirty  years,  but  can  now  hear  distinctly  with  the  Audiphone. 

"JOHN  ATKINSON, 
"  Sept.  19,  1879.  "  Sec,  Treas.  and  Sup't  Racine  (Wis.)  Gaslight  Co." 

"St.  Joseph's  Institute, 
"  Fordham,  (near  New  York  City,)  Dec.  4,  1879. 

"On  Tuesday,  the  2d  inst.,  the  Audiphone  was  tested  by  a  number  of  pupils  of  the 
Institute  with  the  following  results  : 

"Cecilia  Lynch,  aged  16,  is  supposed  to  have  been  deaf  from  birth.  It  has,  however, 
ibeen  remarked  that  she  could  hear  very  loud  sounds  and  could  sometimes  distinguish  her 
own  name  if  spoken  in  a  loud  tone  by  a  person  quite  close  to  her.  She  says  also  that 
she  sometimes  hears  the  strains  of  the  organ  in  the  chapel,  but  so  far  from  deriving  any 
pleasure  from  the  music  the  confused  sounds  are  very  disagreeable  to  her.  By  the  use  of 
the  Audiphone  she  not  only  heard  distinctly  but  could  repeat  almost  every  word  spoken 
to  her.  As  she  has  been  instructed  in  articulation  and  reads  easily  from  the  lips  it  was 
thought  that  this  knowledge  assisted  her.  One  of  the  persons  present  then  stood  behind 
her  and  repeated  several  words  which  she  readily  imitated,  thus  proving,  beyond  a  doubt, 
.the  value  of  the  Audiphone. 

"  Annie  Toohey,  aged  10  years,  became  deaf  at  the  age  of  three  from  spinal  meningitis. 
It  was  supposed  that  her  hearing  was  completely  destroyed,  but  on  applying  the  Audiphone 
ito  her  teeth  .^he  heard  and  distinctly  repeated  after  Mr.  Rhodes  several  of  the  letters  of  the 
-alphabet.  This  little  girl  has  begun  to  make  considerable  progress  in  articulation,  but  up 
■to  the  day  on  which  she  tried  the  Audiphone  the  vowel  e  appeared  to  be  an  insurmount- 
,able  difficulty  to  her  ;  by  the  aid  of  the  Audiphone  she  repeated  it  with  perfect  distinctness. 

"  Another  little  girl,  Sarah  Flejnming,  also  heard  the  voice  of  Mr.  Rhodes  and  others 
who  spoke  to  her.  As  in  the  preceding  case,  her  deafness  was  caused  by  spinal  menin- 
gitis, by  which  she  was  attacked  when  five  years  of  age.  By  the  aid  of  the  Audiphone 
•she  was  able  to  repeat  several  sounds. 

"Several  others  tested  the  Audiphone  with  more  or  less  success. 

"MARY  B.  MORGAN,  Principal." 

In  a  later  letter  (Dec.  12)  Miss  Morgan  states:  "No  doubt  the  Audiphone  will  be  of 
:great  service  to  our  pupils." 

"  Western  and  Atlantic  R.  Co.  Office  Treasurer, 

"  Atlanta,  Ga.,  Nov.  i8,  1879. 
"  Messrs.  Rhodes  &  McClure. — Will  you  please  send  me  a  Conversational  Audiphonf 
Ijy  Express  C.  O.  D.,  the  price  of  which  is  $10,  as  per  advertisement. 

"  Very  respectfully, 
'' W.  C.  MERRILL,  Sec.  and  Treas.  W.  &  A.  R.  Co." 
"  Please  send  me  another  Conversational  Audiphone  by  Express."— (Telegram  from 
W.C.  Merrill,  Nov.  24,  1879.)  '         f  '      .^ 

"  Please  send  me  Concert  Audiphone  by  Express."— (Telegram  from  same,  Dec.  9  ) 
"rleasesend  me  Conversational  Audiphone  by  Express." — (Telegram  from  same,  De- 
cember 12.)     [V.B.— Mr.  Merrill  is  not  an  agent.     He  purchased  these  Audiphones,  per 
teleg-ram,  for  friends  who  had  seen  his  instrument.] 

"R.  S  Phodes,  Esq.— Dear  Sir, — 1  avail  myself  of  this  opportunity  to  tender  to  you  my 
•vjest  wishes  for  the  success  of  your  philanthropic  invention. 

"Yours,  "JAMES  J.  BARCLAY. 

^'Dec.  9,  1879.  "Sec.  Penn.  Institute  for  Deaf  and  Dumb,  Philadelphia." 


4  THE  AUDIPHONE. 

FROM  THE  PRESS. 

"  We  have  seen  and  tested  the  Audiphone,  to  which  we  feel  undtr  obligations  be- 
cause alone  of  the  magical  and  blessed  boon  it  has  proved  to  several  loved  personal  friends. 
In  some  cases  the  relief  has  been  instantaneous,  magical,  and,  to  the  patients,  overwhelm- 
ing. We  have  seen  friends  burst  into  glad  tears  and  sink  quietly  to  the  floor  under  the 
glad  stroke  of  gratitude  and  joy." — N.  iV.  C.  Advocate  (from  the  Editor,  Dr.  Edwards). 

"  Each  note  of  the  musician  and  each  tone  of  the  singer  come  as  clearly  and  distinctly 
as  they  did  before  my- sense  of  hearing  was  impaired." — Hon.  Joseph  Meciill^  Editor 
Chicago  Tribune. 

"  A  man  deafer  thSn  Edison  has  shown,  by  the  Audiphone,  that  people  born  deaf  or 
made  deaf  by  disease,  can  actually  be  made  to  hear  to  a  greater  or  less  extent." — Detroit 
Free  Press.     Nov.  25,  1879. 

"  It  IS  valuable,  and  will  materially  help  in  the  education  of  children  like  those  at  the 
Deaf  and  Dumb  Asylum,  and  will  doubtless  prove  an  effective  aid  to  the  many  people  of 
impaired  hearing.  Its  discovery  therefore  is  a  cause  for  congratulation,  and  its  attractive 
appearance  and  convenience  for  use,  so  different  from  the  old-fashioned  ear  trumpet,  will 
serve  to  bring  it  largely  into  use." — Hart/ord  (Conn.)  Coiirani. 

"  Deaf  mutes  were  able  to  hear  the  music  of  the  piano  when  at  a  considerable  distance- 
fromthe  instrument." — N.  Y.  Observer''  s  Report  of  Private  Exhibition. 

"This  wonderful  invention  promises  to  be  one  of  great  value." — Illustrated  N.  Y. 
Christian  Weekly. 

"  Mr.  Rhodes  has  shown  that  people  born  deaf,  or  made  deaf  by  disease,  can  actually 
be  made  to  hear." — New  York  World. 

"  Tests  were  satisfactorily  applied  to  several  members  of  a  class  of  deaf  mutes  who  were 
present,  and  the  pleasure  at  hearing  sound  evinced  by  one  young  girl  was  most  interest- 
ing and  touching.  A  new  organ,  or  a  new  use  for  an  organ,  is  discovered,  if  not  created." 
— From  Jenny  June's  Letter  in  Baltimore  American.     Dec.  i,  1879. 

"  Mr.  James  Samuelson  exhibited,  in  the  Lecture  Hall  of  the  Free  Library,  Liverpool, 
England,  an  instrument  designed  as  an  aid  to  the  deaf — the  Audiphone  -which  he  met 
with  during  his  late  visit  to  America.  .  .  .  The  general  result  appeared  to  be  that, 
provided  the  auditory  nerve  itself  was  in  a  healthy  condition,  the  Audiphone  was  of  great 
assistance  to  deaf  persons." — Liverpool  Daily  Post.     Dec.  2,  1879. 

"  No  spectacles  will  give  a  blind  man  sight,  but  the  new  instrument  does  give  a  deaf" 
man  hearing." — The  Interior.     Sept.  8,  1879. 

"  We  have  seen  persons  hear  sound  in  this  way  (with  Audiphone)  who  never  knew 
what  sound  was." — Advance. 

"  Catharine  Lewis,  a  young  lady,  also  an  inmate  of  the  Institution  for  the  Deaf  and 
Dumb  at  Philadelphia,  ordinarily  was  able  to  hear  a  very  loud  voice.  With  the  Audi- 
phone she  could  hear  and  repeat  words  uttered  in  a  conversational  key." — Philadelphia 
Record'' s  Report  0/ Exhibition  in  Philadelphia.     Dec.  9,  1879. 

"  Not  a  few  of  the  interested  auditors  were  enabled  to  follow  the  proceedings  by  means 
of  Audiphones,  and  all  such  cheerfully  added  their  testimony  to  the  great  amelioration  of 
what  was,  in  some^  cases,  almost  total  deafness  of  many  years'  standing." — Philadelphia 
Times'  Report  0/ Philadelphian  Exhibition.     Dec.  g,  1879. 

"At  last  the  deaf  are  made  to  hear.  Failing  to  hear  through  the  front  door  of  the 
ear  the  Audiphone  carries  it  to  the  back." — Concord  {N.  H.)  Daily  Monitor.  Noveni~ 
ber  25,  1879. 

"  The  deaf-mutes  were  enabled  to  distinguish  the  difference  between  sounds,  and  en- 
joyed the  singing  of  one  of  the  ladies." — Ne2u  York  Tribune^ s  Report  of  Exhibition. 
Nov.  22,  1879. 

"  The  mutes  tested  the  Audiphone.  A  young  man  who  had  been  deaf  from  infancy 
heard  words  spoken  in  the  tone  of  ordinary  conversation." — New  York  Sun's  Report  of 
Exhibition.     Nov.  22,  1879. 

"  In  this  invention  Mr.  Rhodes  has  proved  himself  a  benefactor." — The  Standard. 
Sept,  25,  1879. 

"  A  very  valuable  Invention." — Evening  {Milwaukee)  Wisconsin.,  Editor,  J.  F. 
Cramer.     Oct.  i,  1879. 

"  The  fact  of  hearing  through  the  medium  of  the  teeth  has  long  been  known,  but  it 
has  remained  for  the  inventor  of  the  Audiphone  to  utilize  this  fact  for  the  benefit  of  the 
afflicted." — New  York  Star.     Nov.  22,  1879. 

"  A  class  of  deaf-mutei  from  the  Washington  Heights  Asylum  were  present,  and  the- 
tests  with  them  were  quite  satisfactory.  Some  heard  the  notes  of  the  piano  for  the  firsk 
time." — New  York  Evangelist's  Report  of  New  York  Exhibition.     Nov.  27,  1879. 


FROM  THE  PRESS.  5 

'  Seems  to  discount  any  of  the  instruments  invented  by  Edison  to  aid  the  hearing." — 
J^ew  Orleans  Times.     Nov.  27,  1879. 

"  The  invention  will  have  practical  value."— iV(?M/  y'or/i  Herald. 

"  It  is  all  the  inventor  claims  it  to  be."     Evansville  {/nti.)  Journal.     Nov.  30,  1879. 

"  The  Trial  was  an  eminent  success." — Boston  Traveler.     Dec.  2,  1879. 

"  It  has  been  tested  with  remlrk.^ble  results  in  the  Indiana  Institute  for  the  Deaf." — 
Dr.  Footers  Health  Monthly.     December,  1879. 

"The  Audiphone,  for  the  deaf,  is  likely  to  supersede  the  ear  trumpet  altogether ;  is 
not  at  all  objectionable  to  carry  or  to  use,  and'enables  thousands  who  never  heard  a  sound 
in  their  lives  to  c'istinguish  letters,  woids  and  music  for  the  first  time." — Church  Union. 
November  29,  1879. 

"  Immense  value  for  the  deaf." — The  Faderneslandet.     Sept.,  1879. 

■'  The  deaf,  who  had  only  heard  conversation  by  its  being  shouted  in  a  very  loud  tone 
or  by  the  use  of  the  ear  trumpet,  found  that  they  coidd  hear  conversation  in  the  ordinary 
tone  wiih  considerable  ease." — Providence  i^R.  I .)  "jfournal  Report  0/  Experiments  in 
Providencey  R.  I. 

"  Has  proved  a  signal  success." — Albany  {N.  V.)  Press. 

"  Would  be  easily  mistaken  for  a  fan." — Democrat  and  Chronicle. 

"  In  many  cases  of  deafness,  where  the  auditory  nerve  is»impaired,  the  Audiphone  can 
be  of  no  avail  ;  but  where,  as  is  often  the  case,  the  defect  is  only  in  those  parts  of  the  ear 
by  which  vibrations  are  conveyed  to  the  nerve  from  without,  this  invention  will  prove  a 
great  boon." — Washington  {D   C.)  Post.     Oct.  27,  1879. 

'■  Will  practically  restore  to  speech  and  hearing  a  large  class  of  afflicted  persons." — 
Toronto  (Canada)  Mail.     Dec.  5,  1879. 

"  Great  benefit  to  those  partially  deaf." — Providence  [R.  /.)  Journal.     Nov  6,  1879. 

"  Earlier  reports  are  fully  borne  out  by  later  experiments." — Denver  Times.  Decem- 
ber 6,  1879. 

"  Mr  Rhodes  was  warmly  congratulated  by  the  company,  and  Mr.  Peter  Cooper  spoke 
of  his  invention  as  a  blessing  and  a  godsend  to  the  afflicted." — Correspondent^ s  Report  0/ 
New  York  Exhibition,  in  Chicago  Inter-Ocean.     Nov.  29. 

"  A  new  and  ingenious  device  by  which  the  deaf  are  enabled  to  hear  through  the 
medium  of  the  teeth." — New  York  Graphic.     Nov.  21.  1879. 

"  One  of  the  wonders  of  this  day  of  telephones,  phonographs  and  the  like,  is  the 
Audiphone,  invented  by  Richard  !^.  Rhodes,  of  Chicago,  which  enables  deaf  people  to 
hear  with  their  teeth.  People  who  have  once  heard,  but  have  grown  deaf,  and  thus  know 
the  meaning  of  sounds  and  can  talk  themselves,  piactirally  have  perfect  hearing  restored 
by  the  use  of  the  Audiphone." — Springjield  Republican. 

"  Had  it  in  our  possession  not  more  than  two  minutes  before  we  were  satisfied  that  it 
was  at  least  all  that  we  anticipated,  buc  have  since  found  it  to  be  much  superior  to  antici- 
pations. Besides,  we  find  it  to  improve  by  use, also  to  improve  our  natural  hearing,  which 
is  remarkable." — Editor  Geriiiantoivn  Telegraph,  Philadelphia.,  Nov.  26,  1879. 

"  With  a  little  practice  the  sounds  thus  received  are  interpreted  the  same  as  if  they 
reached  the  nerves  of  hearing  through  the  ear.' — Scieyitific  American. 


The  Audiphone  is  Patented  throughout  the  civilized  world. 


Conversational,  plain $10 

'     Conversational,  ornamental $15,  $25  and  $50 

(According  to  Decoration.) 
Double  Audiphone  (for  Deaf  Mutes-,  enabling  them  to  hear  their  own  voice)  $15 

The  Audiphone  will  be  sent  to  any  address,  on  receipt  of  price,  by 

RHODES    &    McCLURE, 

Agents  for  the  World, 

Methodist  Church  Block,  -         -         CHICAGO,  ILL. 

(Andiphoue    Parlors,  Adjacent   to   the   Office.) 


NEW  AND   POPULAR   BOOKS 


PUBLISHED     BT 


RHODES    &   McCLURE, 

f.l.Mc^ciufE.f  Methodist  Church  Block,  Chicago. 


EDISON    AlfD    HIS   INVElfTIOlfS.      Svo.,  17S   pages, 

IDuitrated.     Edited  by  J.  B.  McClure. 

This  book  contains  the  many  interesiing  incidents,  and  all  the  essential  facts,  connected 
with  the  life  of  the  great  inventor,  together  with  a  full  explanation  of  his  principal  inven- 
tions, including  the  phonograph,  telephone,  and  electric  light,  which  are  explained  by 
the  aid  of  diagrams. — Preface. 

A  very  readable  book. —  TAe  Siatidard. 

Full  of  valuable  instruction. —  The  Inter-Ocean, 

Authentic  informaiion  that  relates  to  the  man  and  his  work. — Chicago  Evening 
yournal. 

Price,  in  Cloth,  fine,  75  cents.      Paper  Covers,  35  cents. 


LI:N€0I^X'S    stories.     Svo.,  192  pages.     Illustrated.     Edited 
by  J.  B.  McClure. 

J.  B.  McClure,  who  has  become  the  most  successful  compiler  of  idle  hour  books  in  this 
country,  has  made  another  hit  with  a  large  collection  of  "  Lincoln's  Stories."  Mr. 
McClure  sells  his  books  by  the  ten  thousand.  His  compilations  have  decided  merit. 
They  are  always  of  a  pure,  moral,  and  religious  tone,  and  they  hit  the  popular  fancy. — 
TAe  Interior. 

Price  in  Cloth,  fine,  75  cents.    Paper  Covers,  35  cents. 


MISTAKES  OF  IXGERSOIil.  (No.  i),  as  shown  by  Prof. 
Swing,  VV.  H.  Ryder,  D.D.,  Brooke  Herford,  D.D.,  J.  Monro  Gibson, 
D.D.,  Rabbi  Wise,  and  Others  ;  including  also  Mr.  IngersoU's  Lecture, 
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trated.     Edited  by  J.  B.  McClure. 

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MISTAKES  OF  INGERSOI.I,  (No.  2;,  as  shown  by  Rev. 
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Robert  Collyer,  D.D.,  Fred.  Perry  Powers,  and  Others  ;  including  also 
Mr.  IngersoU's  Lecture,  entitled  "  SKULLS,"  and  his  Replies  to 
Prof.  Swing,  Dr.  Ryder,  Dr.  Herford,  Dr.  Thomas,  Dr.  Collyer,  and 
other  Critics;  IngersoU's  Funeral  Oration  at  his  brother's  grave,  together 
with  Henry  Ward  Beecher's  and  Hon.  Isaac  N.  Arnold's  comments  on- 
the  same.    Svo.,  150  pages.     Illustrated.     Edited  by  J.  B-.  McClurk. 

Sound  in-  Paper  Covers,  35  cents. 


MISTAKES  OF  I^OERSOLI.  and  INGERSOLt'S 
AIVSWERS.  8vo.,  278  pages.  Illustrated.  Edited  by  J.  B. 
McClure.  (This  volume  includes  the  full  contents  of  Nos.  i  and  2 — 
two  volumes  in  one.) 

The  collection  is  timely  and  creditable,  and  its  fairness  in  presenting  both  the  text 
and  comments  is  commendable. — Chicago  Evening  'Journal. 

An  interesting  book  ;  it  is  not  often  that  a  public  character  like  this  famous  lecturer  is 
subjected  to  criticism,  which  is  at  once  so  fair  and  so  acute,  so  civil  in  manner,  and  yet  so 
just,  as  in  these  instances.— 7yia'z'awir^. 

Thrice,  in  Cloth,  fine,  $1.00, 


ENTEBTAIXING  ANECDOTES.  8vo.,  256  pages.  Illus- 
trated.  Edited  by  J.  B.  McClure.  This  volume  includes  Anecdotes 
of  Noted  Persons,  Amusing  Stories,  Animal  Stories,  Love  Stories, 
Falling  Leaves,  etc.,  from  every  available  source. 

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MOODY'S  CHIIiD  STORIES  ;  or,  STORIES  OF 
CHIIiDRElV.  8vo.,  150  pages.  Handsomely  Illustrated.  Edited 
by  J.  B.  McClure. 

Price,  in  Cloth,  fine,  75  cents.    Paper  Covers,  35  cents. 


MOODY'S  A:srECDOTES  AXD  IIiL.USTRATIOXS. 

8vo.,  200  pages.  Illustrated.  Comprising  all  of  Mr.  Moody's  Anecdotes 
and  Illustrations  used  by  him  in  his  revival  work  in  Europe  and 
America,  including  his  recent  work  in  Boston  ;  also,  Engravings  of 
Messrs.  Moody,  Sankey,  Whittle,  and  Bliss,  Moody's  Church,  Chicago 
Tabernacle,  Farwell  Hall,  etc. 

A  handsome  and  handy  volume  which  many  will  prize. — JVew  York  Evangelist. 

It  is  a  good  insight  into  the  workings  and  teachings  of  the  great  Evangelist. — Ne'u, 
Orleans  Daily  Democrat. 

A  book  of  Anecdotes  which  have  thrilled  hundreds  of  thousands. — Presbyterian 
Banner. 

Excellent  reading. — Standard. 

An  attractive  volume. — Cliicago  Evening  Journal. 

Contains  the  pith  of  Moody's  theology,  methods,  and  eloquence. — Interior. 

The  book  has  been  compiled  by  Rev.  J.  B.  McClure,  whose  scholarship  and  journalistic 
experience  perfectly  fit  him  to  do  the  work  discriminatingly  and  well. — N.  W,  Christian 
Advocate  (Methodist). 

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STORIES    AXD    SKETCHES   OF   GEN.   GRANT, 

At  Home  and  Abroad,-in  Peace  and  in  War,  including  his  trip  around  the  world, 
and  all  the  interesting  anecdotes,  incidents  and  events  of  his  life.  8vo.,  216  pages. 
Handsomely  illustrated.     Edited  by  J.  B.  McClure. 

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&  McCLORE'S 


GUIDE  to  the  STARRY  HEAVENS 


For  tlie  lirst  time  iu  the  histoiy  of  Astronomy,  we  have,  in  tliis  new 
"Star  Guide,"  a  simple,  easy  and  correct  method  of  familiarizing  our- 
selves with  the  stars.  We  pronounce  it,  as  all  find  it,  "  the  best  ihiug  in 
the  world  for  studying  the  heavens."  The  map,  or  dial  of  the  heavens, 
(of  all  the  stars  seen  with  the  naked  eye)  is  made  to  revolve  by  means  ot 
a  knob  at  the  back,  the  North  Star  (P  in  the  cut)  being  the  center  of  motion. 

An  exact  map  of  the  heavens  is  easily  made  for  any  moment  of  time, 
and  any  constellation  or  particular  star  is  easily  found.  No  previous 
knowledge  of  Astronomy  is  required.  A  child  can  use  it  and  acquire  a 
knowledge  of  the  heavens.  Adapted  to  all  parts  of  the  United  States 
and  same  latitudes  throughout  the  world.  All  ordinary  "Globe  prob- 
lems "  are  easily  solved.  The  reverse  side  contains  a  complete  summary 
of  Astronomy.    Edited  by  J.  B.  McClure.    Price,  |2.00 

FOR  SAL,E  BT 

RHODES  &  3ICCLUBE, 

Methodist  Church  Block,         -  -  Chicago,  111. 

Sent  by  Mail,  on  Receipt  of  Price. 

(The  Star  Guide  is  16  inches  in  diameter,  finished  with  metal  trimmings,  and  Is 
ornamental,  useful  and  durable.)  39 


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